Torment *Completed*

A/N: Still not beta edited and running only on Grammarly so...

A week after the Ball and Severus was ready to jump out of his skin. He couldn’t even say what ticked him off more. The fact that his Muggle doctor and Hermione hit off like two peas in the pod, joined in their idea to rub salt on wounds, keeping them open, poking around his brain and his soul.

Maybe the fact that Hermione was so snappy and rude toward all Malfoys. It kept him puzzled and not a small amount curious to what exactly transpired in Lucius’s private library. He tried to warn her about such behaviour and she nearly bit his head off, ready to duel before backing down.

The matter was settled, at least partially, by Narcissa who almost forced Hermione to have a tea with her in her private quarters. They spend an afternoon behind closed doors, after which, Hermione changed her attitude towards Narcissa. She also came down on Draco like an angry Hippogriff, running him to the bone with chores. So much so that even Misty complained how Draco is doing her work.

It lasted for four days until Draco dragged Hermione out of the room after a long chat with Potter. Even through the closed door, he could hear Draco apologising.

His own head joined in on that carousel ride. He hoped that Draco would follow his footsteps and ask for an apprenticeship, even with cure, he won’t be at his prime, the damage already partially done to his hands. They weren’t as steady as they once were. But if he is to work as a Potion Master, he would need an apprentice, he would need help.

Granger couldn't be his first choice, but of all his students, alive ones at least in the present time, she was the most competent one. She may never be an inventor, but she could reach high and be famous for her skills if he hones them. And she would prove to be an ample assistant.

Of course, if he could persuade her to get married and remove the threat of hope - his hope.

With his Occlumency still not restored, and with his emotions raw and unbottled, he had a hard time keeping his feelings in check. His own callus and defensive nature kept others from suspecting anything. But he couldn’t escape his own mind or heart as he suspected- The girl invaded them quite thoroughly and without effort.

Soft lips left a wet trail down his neck. A nip of sharp teeth on his collarbone. Warm hands scratching the inner sides of his thighs. Lips travelled lower and lower. He could feel a warm breath over his groins before her hand curled around his cock, pulling the foreskin down. One deliberate lick over the exposed glans caused a hurricane of feelings, making him grunt and buck…

Severus sat in bed, covered with sweat, sporting an erection that threatened to break free quite forcefully from its coffins.

“Oh, bloody hell.” he groaned.

Soft breathing to his right turned into a crackling of the springs.

“Severus?” Hermione’ soft whisper, husky from sleep went straight to his cock, adding to his misery.

“Just a bad dream, go back to sleep.” He grumbled.

She nodded and flopped back to the pillow. He waited for a few moments until her breathing sounded soft and equal again before pulling himself out of the covers and heading towards the bathroom. He’ll be damned if he succumbs to his most basic instincts.

Divesting he angrily turned the water on, ignoring his bouncing prick. Lukewarm water prickled against his heated skin. It wasn’t exactly a cold shower but it will do. With an angry growl, he banged his fist against the wall. With Hermione’s return his Dream Lady returned to haunt his dreams, except now she had a face- very disturbing one.

First time this happened he tried to soak up in a tub, but that proved to be a very dangerous decision, considering that he dozed off and dreamt about her bathing him and giving him a hand job.

Now he opted for a shower, hoping that running water and the fact that he is standing won’t allow him to doze off again. It didn’t help. He didn’t doze off, but apparently, he needn't to. In front of his eyes and image, resembling an echo of memory more than a mirage or a dream, appeared- Hermione, dishevelled and withering, moaning while her face spill in the bliss of orgasm.

There was no help now, water could be ice cold and he would still have to… with a grunt, he curled the fist around his cock and started pumping. Her face still lingered in the air glowing in the post-pleasure bliss. He couldn’t contain his groans, hating every moment of it. Memories assaulted him, memories he would sell the rest of his soul to forget, not because they were unpleasant, but opposite no matter the circumstances.

His muscles tensed, he bit the yelp when almost painfully he ejected his seed, coating the wall. Leaning his forehead on the wall above the mess he made, gulping for air.

“Moronic, idiotic sodding wanker.” he grunted.

Moving slowly he stepped back allowing the water clear out the evidence before turning it off. What is going on with me? He knew, of course, he did, but he expected at least a modicum of self-control. The girl has to go; she is dangerous. Her proximity is.

Drawing himself he glanced at the mirror. His muscles returned, he was still thin but not sickly so as he was before. A scar here and there stood out, silverish against parchment coloured skin. His eyes directed to the face, black eyes and beaked nose visible through wet black strands.

“Not a sight to be seen, eh?” he sneered at his expression, using his wand to dry fully and cover his body with a nightshirt. “Tosser.” he hissed.

He was putting his covers on when she spoke again. “I’m sorry, I keep forgetting to warn you.”

“Warn me about what?” he groaned. Marvellous, she’s awake.  

“About the ghost in the bathroom.” she slurred, it sounded like she is sleep-talking.

“There are no ghosts in Malfoy Manor.” he said, annoyed.

“So they say… There is one in the bathroom… And he is skilful and amorous… But it comes to you only once, too bad…” her voice sounded distorted and soft. “I’m glad… Sounded, like you had fun…”

He took the air to argue, realising that it is pointless to argue with a sleep-talker. Embarrassment singed his forehead.  

Suits you right if you don’t have the presence of mind to control yourself, sounding as if you are Erumpent in heat. His only salvation was in fact that Hermione was still sleeping. What a load of hippogriff dung, there are anti-ghost charms placed all over the Malfoy Manor.

Still, he witnessed the occurrence. And he couldn’t just let it go as he did the last time. Last time he might have had a lucid dream, but now he was quite awake. His brain sifted through the knowledge he gathered over the years, until his thoughts slipped in memories, his memories from the time he thought of as the happiest in his life. He might have been unresponsive to the world around, but he was happy there in his little bubble, with a faceless shadow of perfection.

Oh, bollocks.

Could his life get any more complicated? Wasn’t he deserving of at least a fragment of peace?

Now he watched her pack, barking orders at Draco. He wished that she could hurry, get out and get going. Heaviness in his chest enveloped him like a dark cloud, making it hard to breathe. Draco finally escaped her claws and the room, it appeared that she was determined to make Draco regret he was ever born.

“Did Draco refused to give you the name of that boy’s family?” he asked, if Draco knew maybe he could arrange for her to meet a boy, unofficially and hope that magic would do the rest.

“No, I told you he doesn’t know.” she hissed.

“Then I see no reason for such treatment of Draco.” he said, she was hiding something.

“He is a vile little ferret, and he deserves far worse.” she bit out bitterly.

“And, while we are on the subject,” he decided to give his idea another go, her presence rising panic inside him. “Are you sure you will not give the chance to meet your perfect match?”  

She turned to him, glaring, but beneath anger, he could see the glimpse of despair. She shook her head and her curls flew around her like dust, charged with pent up static of magic.

“We had this conversation enough times, I’m tired of it. Let it go, Severus. I am grateful for your advice but…”  she sighed, it was obvious that she tried to control her temper.

“But you fancy someone else.” he nodded with a feeling of dread filling him. “And I told you, the choice is yours, but do give yourself a chance. You…”

“I do not fancy.” she hissed, eyes narrowing. “I am in love. And even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be up for that. But now, in these circumstances…” she stopped and sighed. “Look, I know I have no chance with- him. Don’t ask me how I simply know. And this is not about him, it’s about me. I can’t stand there and do, be who I was in that tent. I can’t, no! I won’t lie. And I won’t give myself to someone who may just say yes out of the obligation. I won’t say yes to obligation. To stupid archaic custom.”

“And how do you know the one for whom you are refusing all this is deserving?” he raised an eyebrow still trying to discern what part of her tirade was about the potential suitor and what belonged to her mysterious love.

“I know, I just know.” she said, picking up her bag and placing it next to the fireplace.

“In your age, you may think you know everything, nevertheless, I have to strongly disagree with that. So, I’ll ask again, how do you know he is all that worth?” 

“I just do. How did you know Lily was?” she glared at him, her words aimed to hurt. Except, they didn’t, not anymore.

“It is my pleasure to inform you, Hermione, that your inane theory did have some merits. So, I can safely say, what I told you is from my own experience.”

“Meaning?” she asked.

“Meaning, that I didn’t know I chose to believe, much like you are right now.” he raised an eyebrow, challenging her to take his bait.

“Well, there is where we are different. You see, I didn’t choose this, no one in his right mind would.” she sighed.

“What?”

“To be in love in the person most inaccessible to them. I-I don’t know even how it happened, it just did. I’m not some girl full of hope, I know that there is no hope at all. I still do not wish to be dishonest to that family or to myself.” one tear rolled down her cheek, she suddenly looked small and defeated.

“Hermione…”  he started, but she shook her head.

“You know, I’m a coward.” she whispered, and he blinked. She stood up and shoved her bag in the fireplace taking the handful of powder. “Goodbye, Severus.” she mumbled turning to walk into the fireplace.

Half way through she stopped, she was holding something in her hand. Hermione turned and sent the letter to in his direction. “If you really wanted to know.” she said and entered the fireplace, calling for Leaky Cauldron before letter even floated to him.

Merlin, save me from weeping teenagers in love. What is so dreadful that she had to write about it? Write the letter.

He opened the letter, angry and relieved at the same time. Severus rolled his eyes, it wasn’t a too long letter, but it reminded him of every time she handed her essay. Running eyes over the nice round letters, easy to read, not too big but not small either, he forgot how to breathe. Something heavy and icy rolled through his chest and dropped into his stomach.

“Severus,

I am a coward; I know. You insisted so many times this week… Don’t you know when to quit?

Well, if the truth is what you really want to know, I’ll tell you, but… But not before I say- Whatever you read in this letter, in no way means that I have any expectations- from anyone. You included.

This is my mess and I’ll deal with the consequences.

Not with a happy heart, though, I hoped that you will take me as your apprentice, after this- well, I won’t keep my hopes up. I do, however, hope you will continue your treatment and enjoy your freedom to the full extent.

So here…

Oh, yes, one more thing. Draco, he insulted me, so I had a need to repay in kind. He said some hurtful things, implicating his family, and yes I reacted harshly. It is so easy to believe the worst about all of them.

Narcissa, she has an agenda, she always does, and she never does things without the reason, but I know that whatever Draco said- it wasn’t true. Her guilt lays in the other direction, one I can freely forgive.

And about what Draco said- if you want to know- ask him. Yes, still a payback. If you do ask, I wish I’m there to see it (somehow).

And no, I won’t give up on my ludicrous idea of not giving in, no matter how insane or impossible my feeling is. I know there is no chance whatsoever for them to be returned, nor do I expect that.

Now, that being said, I refuse to enter the union of convenience.

Seers and fortuneteller's - parlour tricks we alone give too much credit. Their predictions would be empty and hollow as they are if we do not give them substance, a meet to feed on. If you think I’m rambling just remember Voldemort.

If he didn’t believe in the prophecy- how much things would be different?

Same way I refuse to fall on my knees in front of prophecies of any kind, I refuse to bow to the ancient laws that put magic above the heart. After all- LOVE is the most powerful magic of all.

It is proven. If you are in any doubt, just ask Harry.

I’m rambling now, right?

More like stalling.

Well, here it goes.

The name of my-my big love. The one I know it is unreachable same way I know it is fully deserving is…

…

…

…

You.

Still reading?

Well, if you do-

As I said, this is my problem, not yours. And, I will fully understand if you do not wish to see me, like ever again.

If I don’t hear from you until the end of the term, I’ll take it as a sign that you do not wish to see me. I won’t bother you or look for you. You will be free of me.

This is your chance, right?

Before I end, I wish to apologise, once more for all the sorrows and all the bad things I put you through (you know what they are). And thank you, for helping me, for teaching me, for letting me see the glimpse of a person you are.

Goodbye,

Hermione

P.S.: Do give Draco a bit more of a hard time but not too much. I think he is far more tolerable under your influence than under his father’s.”

He stared at the parchment, letters dancing in front of his eyes. Of all the stupid, idiotic things… it had to be his luck, what else? His rotten luck. And no, he won’t fail this time, he won’t vilify himself. Not again…

He crumpled the letter, shoving it in his pocket, wondering why he doesn’t burn it? Right now.

He fought for air, a pervasive sense of impending doom stopping his lungs. In his case, that only lead to death and destruction, his and others. He won’t be weak this time. No! Never again.

Bile rose, and he rushed to the toilet, retching.

He kept on sitting there, on the floor next to a toilet, long after he had nothing to expel. Acid burning his throat.

“Bloody idiot.” He rasped.

Draco showed up on the door, pale and concerned. “Severus, should I call for medi…”

“No need. I’ll be fine.” he croaked and shuffled to rise to his feet, he felt weak.

“You don’t look so good, I should…” Draco sounded insecure, worry clear on his face.

“I had this before, and you know it. Wild magic can do that to a wizard.” he waved his hand dismissively.

“Right.” Draco nodded, still doubtful.

“I won’t need you, but before you go-  what did you do with Miss Granger during your visit to Lucius’s library?” he asked, walking to the counter.

Draco palled. “Nothing.”

“A lie is good as much as it is it is believable. Now, Draco- talk.” he hissed and let the water running, it rinsed at least a bit of foul taste but not as much as he hoped for.

Giving up, he walked to the room, followed by Draco who changed colours to a paler shade with each passing moment. Stuttering incoherently.

“Speak, Draco. The truth. And use words attached to some semblance of meaning.” he barked sitting at the table that still lingered in the corner.

“She told you?!” Draco exclaimed.

“Now, why would I ask you if she told me?” he asked.

“To-to- Did she told you?” Draco tilted his head, insecure and confused.

“Tell a lie and we’ll both know if she did tell me or not. Now talk.” he barked and Draco straightened his back.  

“I might have implied that my family know who is the behind that alleged compatibility…” finally Draco squeezed the words. “I also might have implied that we accepted her in the Manor because of it and that we had no other reason for having a-a-a... “

“Spit. It., Out.” he ordered.

“A Mudblood in our home.” Draco finished gulping.

“And do you?” he asked suddenly calm, an idea forming in his head.

“What?”

“Do you know?” he narrowed his eyes.

“No, of course not, I was just joking with her, and then she started to attacking me so I- retaliated.” Draco gulped, backing a step.

Lie. It didn’t matter. If Malfoy’s knew he knew which tree to shake to get information, and just how to shake it. “And how that worked for you?” he asked.

Draco blinked at him, he let the boy stew. No matter how much he cared for the boy, Draco had to learn the lesson. Yes, he could find out the truth, push her in the right direction. After all, it was only stupid teenage infatuation- he dealt with that before. She will come to her senses.

He could still have her as an assistant. He could live with the knowledge that he did the right thing and that she is happy. He already watched the woman he loved married to another. He didn’t handle that well, not then, but he could now.

Draco finally came to words. “Not well.” he sighed.

“Let that be your lesson.”  he smirked at the boy. “Leave, now.”

“Severus are you sure? I should call a mediwitch or at least stay with you.” Draco said.

“Leave. Now.” he hissed.

Draco had enough brain to leave him, he grabbed the quill and parchment. Wondering if he’d finally gone completely mad.