W.I.B

“Is there no other way? It seems like such a waste.”


“I’m afraid not. It’s policy, you understand.”


Zed and Dumbledore stood in the Black family tree tapestry room, quietly talking while Hermione and Ron paced anxiously awaiting the return of their friend, who would hopefully be in one piece.


“But what of you, K, and J? You three should be honored just as much as…”



“We’re a rumor, recognizable only as déjà vu and dismissed just as quickly. We don't exist; we were never even born. Anonymity is our name. Silence our native tongue. I’m sorry. It’s just the way it has to be.” Zed answered, using an abbreviated version of his MIB orientation speech.



“If that’s the way it must be, then that is how it must be I suppose. And here all this time I thought we wizards held the monopoly on secrecy.”



“That’s why we’re relying on you to help make it work.”


“Of course. It’s the least I can do.”

A series of beeps and chirps sounded from inside Zed’ suit jacket. He pulled a small, blinking device from out of his pocket and looked at it, not surprised in the least at its readout.


“It appears the mission is successful.” Zed matter of factly stated as he pocketed the device.


“I knew they would be triumphant! Thank you, Zed, thank you!” Dumbledore gushed while pumping Zed’s hand. “Accio Champagne!”


A few moments after champagne bottles in buckets of ice flew out of various hiding places, the team apparated inside 12 Grimmauld Place. With a quick flick of his wand, confetti and streamers rained down in a multicolored blizzard as everyone, save K, J, and Snape began to shout in victory once again. Almost faint with relief, Hermione and Ron elbowed their way to their friend.


“Cor Harry, you’re not dead!”




“RONALD!” Hermione hissed.




“Well he’s not!” Ron shrugged.


“Thanks, Ron. Would you two excuse me a moment?” Harry asked then made a beeline over to Dumbledore who was busy hugging everyone in the room.




“Sir, I’d like to talk to you about Voldemort. Why didn’t you tell me he was a …”



“Harry my boy! I’m so proud of you!” Dumbledore exclaimed, pulling Harry into a bear hug.



“I didn’t do much of anything really but I want to know why you never told me about…” Harry persisted.



“Later Harry, later.” Dumbledore evaded as he scruffed Harry’s already messy hair.



“But sir!”



Corks began to pop and Sirius called to his godson. “Come and have some champagne, Harry!”



“But Sirius, I can’t have alcohol yet.”



“Oh sod it, Harry! Who gives a monkey’s at a time like this! Mooney, shall we? ONE!” Sirius laughed while vigorously shaking a thumb covered champagne bottle.




“TWO!” Remus continued also shaking a bottle.




“THREE!” both men cried in unison as they sprayed Harry head to toe in champagne as the entire room cheered and laughed.




After nodding to Zed, K, and J, Snape began inconspicuously making his way out of the room while Zed quietly began gathering the weapons. Before Snape could exit the room, Harry scurried over, blocking his progress and dripped libations on the impassive man’s shoes.


“Potter.”




“Sir, I would like to thank you for…well, for getting rid of Voldemort and everything.”


Snape stared down his nose at the champagne soaked Boy-Who-Had-Been-A-Royal-Pain-In-His-Arse-For-One-Too-Many-Years and sneered.




“I would like to say that my association with you has been pleasant, Potter, but I can’t…so I won’t.” he drawled as he pushed past Harry and continued out of the room.




Before Harry could retort, he was lifted up and crowd surfed throughout the room. Music began to play as somebody managed to get a Muggle CD player working. In the corner where he stood with K, J began bobbing his head in approval to the popular Muggle Hip-Hop tune ‘Get Jiggy With It.’




“Tight.”



“Come and have some champagne with us, J! Celebrate!” Remus shouted from across the room, waving a bottle of expensive Dom Perignon.



“Dom? Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!” J nodded and grabbed a glass and held it out to the nearest Order member with a bottle.



“Kid.” K said, tapping his watch to remind his partner.



“Now c’mon, K, look at how happy they are! Let ‘em have some fun before we…”



“J! Come up here and dance we me!” Tonks jumped up on a table and motioned for J to join her. “You too, Sir!”




Cheers and a bit of good natured laughter erupted in the room as J hopped up on the full length dining table while Dumbledore was gently lifted up to join them. J positioned himself between Tonks and the Old Man, drained his glass in one swallow and tossed the flute into the crowd.




“Now pay attention, I’m going to school you both. Just follow me and do what I do. Ready? Just bounce it with me, just bounce it with me…” he began, bending his knees and bobbing up and down to the beat. Tonks and Dumbledore followed along as the room cheered them on.




“Now just slide with me, just slide with me…” he said, sliding one foot to the left and then the other to the right while he moved his forearms up and down.




“Now c’mon and let me see you talk a walk with me, just walk with me, take a walk with me…” he added throwing in foot-over-foot hopping steps, again to the right and then to the left.



“Honey, look! I could never do it before!” Tonks called to Remus, tickled that she, J, and Dumbledore were in perfect synch. The Old Man was beaming ear to ear, waving and hamming it up.



“You got some moves on you, Dumbles.” J said.




“Thank you, my boy. I try.”




“You got any Elvis, kid?” K asked Ron Weasley who was dancing next to him.



“Who?”



K sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Never mind.”



Zed quietly slipped back into the room and nodded to K indicating that the weapons were loaded in the trunk of the car waiting outside. “We’re good to go. I just checked with HQ. The capsules are ready for our transport whenever we are.”



“What on earth?” Snape asked upon his reappearance, frowning as J taught the laughing, dancing room ‘The Wave.’ Zed and K who were used to J’s tendency towards maverick behavior merely shrugged.



“Severus! Come and bust a move, G! Did I say that correctly, J?” Dumbledore called, attempting to encourage Snape to join in the festivities.




“My man.”



“Charming. How do you make him stop?” Snape deadpanned as he watched J lead the room in a dance move that consisted of placing one’s hands on slightly bent knees and bouncing one’s arse from side to side.



“Believe it or not, that kid’s a top notch agent.” Zed answered.



“Yes. He performed admirably when we engaged the Dark Lord, albeit with a fair amount of cheek.”




Zed laughed appreciatively. “I’ll grant you that!”



“Now throw your hands in the air!” J shouted as a room full of arms raised on command.




“HEY! HO!”



“And wave ‘em around like you don’t care!”



“HEY! HO!”



“And here I thought that I’d seen every horror imaginable whilst serving the Dark Lord.” Snape whistled under his breath. K snorted with amusement.



“Alright. Time to be the bad guy.” Zed said and weaved his way through the crowd to Dumbledore and whispered something in his ear. Dumbledore sighed regretfully but obliged Zed and with a flick of his wand, stopped the music.




Protests spread through the room as the Old Man motioned for silence.




“I apologize, my friends, but we must attend to a few pieces of business. First, a round of applause for our Muggle friends from across the pond! Thanks to you three for assisting us in ridding our world of the Dark Lord’s menace.”




Enthusiastic cheers and applause filled the room as more confetti and streamers materialized out of thin air and rained down on all present.




“Next, I’m sorry to say, our new friends shall be leaving us tonight to make their way back home.”



More protests, along with insistences to remain a few days for the various upcoming wizarding world celebrations, rang out. Zed held his hands up in apology.




“We’re sorry but we have to be getting back. Delegates from the Lucida Anseris system will be arriving in a few days and we have a few preparations to make. We hope you understand.”




“Yes, of course. Duty calls, what.” Mad Eye said.



“I suppose that’s it then.” Dumbledore sighed as he reached into a pocket.




“Wait. There’s one more piece of business to attend.” Snape interrupted. The entire room fell silent, wary as to what sort of unpleasantness Snape had in mind to sully their exuberation.




“Sir, would you say that with the demise of the Dark Lord, my duties to the Order are fulfilled?”




“Yes, I suppose they are.”



“And to the boy?”



“Harry too. You have performed a great service for us all.” Dumbledore confirmed.




“Good. I quit.”



In stunned silence, Snape’s now former boss and fellow Order members watched as he yanked off his outer robes with a flourish. Underneath he wore a black suit, white shirt, and black necktie identical to the ones worn by Zed, K and J.



“What? Quit? Severus, are you sure?” Dumbledore sputtered, completely stunned by this unexpected development.




“Quite sure. Albus.” he smirked, addressing the Old Man by his first name; something Snape had never done in all the years he had known him.



“But…but why?”




“It seems as though I’ve received a better offer.” he drawled as he slipped his wand into the inside pocket of his jacket.




“But…”




“It’s a mean universe out there, Mr. Dumbledore. We need all the good agents we can get and Agent S here has shown the most potential we’ve seen since a certain New York City police officer caught our attention a couple of years ago.” K said with a rare smile.




“Agent S?!” Sirius Black coughed, choking on a swallow of champagne as Remus patted him on the back.




“Yes, Agent S. And you, Black, can kiss my narrow…pale…arse.” Snape sneered as he slipped on a pair of Ray-Bans while Zed, K, and J nodded with their approval.



“After you. Boss.” Agent S gestured towards the front of the house with what was probably his first genuine smile in years.



“Thank you, Agent S. Make it quick, J.” Zed said as he exited.




“I think you’re going to like Manhattan.” K said as he walked with S. “I can’t wait until Jeebs gets a look at you.”




Once again the room erupted into a cacophony of noise as they watched the wizard formerly known as Severus Snape leave to start his new life as a Man In Black. While Dumbledore tried to bring the room to order, J walked over to the old wizard, slipped on his Ray-Bans, and fished inside a pocket.



“Ready?”




The Old Man hurriedly pulled on the pair of Ray-Bans Zed had given him earlier.




“Yo! Can I have y’alls attention please?” J shouted over the din of the room.



The area fell silent as every face turned towards J who turned a dial on a cylindrical metal object and held it over his head. Only one person in the room recognized what the device was and what it was for.




“J! No, wait!” Remus shouted.




“Sorry.” J shrugged.



Flash



A dozen sets of eyes blinked. Even Mad Eye Moody’s prosthetic eye rolled around in its harness.




“Alright, listen up. Y’all did great. You busted up Voldemort’s game and flat out ruined his shit! And you did it by yourselves with those wand thingies of yours. There were no aliens. No weird guns of any sort. The only thing you saw was a bunch of surly sanitation workers coz y’all called ‘em ‘Muggles.’” Yeah, you need to cut that shit out coz it’s rude. ‘Kay? As far as your man Snape goes, he told y’all to go to hell coz he never got a vacation in all the time of working with your crazy asses. Next time, give a brother a little time off! Anyway, he quit to pursue his dream of herding Alpacas in Tibet. He don’t want none of y’all to come lookin’ for him. Oh, and Remus…marry that girl! She’s crazy ‘bout you. Alright? Alright. Stay cool y’all!”




J turned to Dumbledore and checked his watch. “You got about one more minute before they start coming around. Anything you want to add, you better do it now. See you around, Gandalf.”




At that, J was gone.


~~~~~~




The Order of the Phoenix assassination of the Dark Lord successful! Voldemort dead!


By Rita Skeeter


In a heroic feat of daring-do, the Order of the Phoenix, headed by Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and founder of the aforementioned Order, burst in on one of the late Voldemort’s Muggle-baiting revels and successfully executed an assassination plot upon the Dark Lord that had been months in the planning.

Speaking on behalf of the Order, tragically hit by an Obliviation spell thrown accidently by responding Aurors (also affected by the same Obliviation spell gone wrong), who unfortunately remember nothing of their miraculous feat, Dumbledore issued the following statement:

“The Wizarding world owes a debt to these brave soldiers of the Light who have fought these many years to secure a peaceful existence for every member of our society.”

The captured Muggles, also Obliviated, were returned to their respective homes and in good health. Furthermore, this reporter has learned that the Dark Lord's familiar, Nagini, has begun dictating her autobiography, "My life with the Queen" to a Parseltongue translator.


In a surprise development, former Hogwarts Potions Master and Order spy, Severus Snape, resigned not only from his position as Professor of Potions at Hogwarts, but from the Wizarding world as well. I am sure that this reporter not only speaks for herself but for all members of our society in wishing him well.


A parade honoring our heros will be held starting at noon tomorrow, the path of which will begin at Hogwarts and will proceed throughout the village of Hogsmeade, terminating at The Three Broomsticks. Let us all turn out to honor the saviors of the Wizarding world!


In yet another surprise development, Order member Remus Lupin announced his engagement to the Metamorphmagus and fellow Order member, Nymphadora Tonks. Details on page 5.



~Fin~

***Looky here! Illustration I made for W.I.B.! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v723/Forensicgirl3/WIB.jpg ***


A/N: Well here we are, at the end of a crazy Crossover adventure! I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Don’t be sad! We can all go to bed tonight safe in the knowledge that Agent S is keeping us safe from the constant threat of alien invasion!

Although I’m sure all of you anticipated correctly, Tambrathegreat called it when she predicted that the MIB would offer Snape a job.

Tambra, take a bow!

A few brief notes on the last chapter. Yes, it’s crazy and I admit I got a little silly with blurring the line between Will Smith, who sang ‘Get Jiggy With It’ (played during the celebration scene) as well as ‘Men In Black’ (the first MIB movie’s theme song) and Agent J, also played by Will Smith. You might say that I not only blurred the line, but I licked the pad of my thumb and blurred it beyond definition! ;)~

The dance J teaches Tonks and Dumbledore during the celebration scene was taken from the dance Will Smith performs in the video for ‘Men In Black.’ You can see the video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSRF3slguhI

The dance moves occur around 2:10.


I created the picture (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v723/Forensicgirl3/WIB.jpg) in Photoshop CS using the MIB movie poster and a picture of Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.

As much as I love Alan Rickman, whose voice never fails to melt me into a quivering mass of feminine swoon, I always envisioned Snape looking more like Trent. With Alan’s voice, of course! ;)~ Besides, Canon Snape is around Trent’s actual age, as opposed to Alan’s.




Anyone who wants can e-mail me at: forensicgirl3@yahoo.com