Jaded

For Summery, warnings, spoilers and disclaimers see chapter one.


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Chapter Ten: Friends will be friends (or will they…)

(Title by ‘Queen’- most of it anyway…)

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Remus walked into the library with an air of a desperate man. It’s been a long afternoon, which he spent wondering around the castle in search of his lover. As soon as Madame Pomfrey finally let him out of the infirmary (which was actually closer to dinner time than lunch) he was on the move. His muscles protested hugely for the over activeness so shortly after the full moon but his mind would not relent. He had to find Jaime and apologize, he’d even beg if that’s what it would take, he’ll do anything to get the other boy to forgive him and if he’s lucky, have him back.

But Jaime wasn’t in the common room when he went there, and none of the others knew where he went so Remus started looking for him in all the likely and unlikely places he could think of. After the Quidditch pitch and the lake, came several unused classrooms and even the Room of Requirements, but they all proved empty. And now the library.

Remus looked around him for signs of Jaime and his heart did a little summersault when he finally spotted the dark haired boy. Remus took a moment to study him without Jaime knowing, and felt his heart clench with pain at the happy and carefree expression on Jaime’s face. He was talking to the new Slytherin boy, what was his name again… Alex, and apparently they were getting along just fine. Remus tried to quench the bitterness that was clawing in his chest, dimly recognising the feeling as jealousy. How can Jaime say he loved Remus one day and be all chummy and flirty with Alex the next? Remus bit his lip to stop the wolf from getting the better of him, the first day after transformation was always a very emotional one. The reason Madame Pomfrey kept him in the infirmary for as long as she could was not because she felt he was weak, but because she wanted him to spend as much time as possible in a sterile environment so that his feelings would calm down and not be as volatile.

When he saw Jaime sitting there with the tawny haired boy the only word that Remus’ confused brain could come up with was ‘Replacement’ and that did nothing to calm the wolf. He watched the two like a hawk, getting more and more frustrated by the second. When Draco finally got up to get a book Remus saw his opportunity. He approached the table as calmly as he could, Jaime’s head was bent over a parchment writing something with a little smile spread on his face,

“Studying for Herbology?” Remus grunted out, Harry lifted his head in surprise, his expression hardening as soon as he saw who he was talking to,

“No, this is actually a project for DADA, entitled ‘Why are werewolves such pricks’!” He hissed at Remus. The evident anger caused Remus to deflate once more, remembering that Harry had every right to be angry and it was Remus’ duty to explain himself.

“Can we talk, please?”

“Oh I think you made yourself perfectly clear last night!” Harry’s head was bent over the parchment again to indicate the conversation was over when a small dainty cough was heard, and he snapped his head up, “WHAT?”

The entire posture of Madame Pince, the librarian seemed to swell up with anger, her face reddening and she pointed a shaky finger at the door, yelling in a shrill voice,

“OUT!!!”

Harry grunted and shoved his things into his bag before he hoist it over his shoulder and stomped out of the library without a glance back. It took Remus a couple of seconds to catch up with the abrupt departure before he turned around and ran to catch up with Harry.

“Jaime, wait, please…” He panted as he forced his tired muscles into action, trying to catch up with his surprisingly fast lover. Harry sighed and stopped, as much as he didn’t want to talk to Remus he preferred to have it over and done with as soon as possible so he would not have to go through another night like the one he had.

“What do you want?” He snapped and turned, causing Remus to nearly walk into him, “Do you want me to take it back? Because it’s not going to happen so you have two choices- either you suck it up and deal with it or you go back to your bloody tricks and leave me the hell alone!” He yelled and turned to leave when Remus caught his arm,

“Jaime, look, you have to understand, it wasn’t… last night, I wasn’t really myself, and I’m…” He pleaded desperately but Harry cut through his bumbling,

“Not everything is about the wolf, Remus!” He said lowly and wrenched his arm free,

“Yes, it is! Don’t you get it? Everything I am, everything that I do is about the wolf, I can’t escape it!” Remus objected loudly and Harry sighed, he was not going to win this argument.

“Then what do you want from me? I’m not going to have you in my bed one day only to know that you would be shagging…. Fabian Prewitt the next!” He shouted and turned to continue his way down the hall towards the painting of the fat lady. After muttering the password he made his way upstairs to their dorm room, knowing that Remus would follow.

Only when the door closed behind Remus’ back did Harry turned to face him, in the short walk to here he had made up his mind about things and as much pain as it was costing him, he had to have his answer now.

“I’m going to respect any decision you make,” He said quietly, “I’m not going to make any embarrassing scenes or chase you if you decide to leave, but I want you to… I’m asking you to choose, because I don’t want to continue this if you’re going to ignore my feelings. And they are not going to change- even if you can’t love yourself I can love you and I do.” He looked Remus square in the eye and tried to smile, “Just say that you don’t want me and I’ll be out of your way.” He whispered,

Remus looked at the boy in front of him, this was insane, everything he’s ever dreamed of, what he wanted most- all these yearning feelings he kept under lock and key all these years were finally returned, and he was mere inches from losing it all because of his own stupidity.

“I can’t,” He shook his head, “I can say something like that. Because it’s not true.” Harry bit his lip to keep the sobs in, and walked towards Remus. He pushed Remus against the post of his bed and kissed him.

True, this wasn’t the optimal answer he was hoping for but it was a big step towards it and at the moment it was enough for him. Neither boy heard the door opening but a moment later Harry was yanked back forcibly and his shoulder cracked painfully against the post of the nearest bed. He clasped his aching shoulder and gaped in shock at James who had his wand trained on Remus’ throat,

“Stay away from him Moony, I’m warning you.” James tossed half a glance behind him, to see if Harry was alright, “Sorry, Jay, he tends to be a little volatile right after the full moon, I’m sure he didn’t mean to strangle you.” Harry rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the bedpost,

“He wasn’t strangling me you crazy idiot!” He yelled at his father, who looked shocked and deeply hurt that his heroic save somehow turned around to bit him in the arse. “He was kissing me!”

James dropped his wand in astonishment, his gaze flickering between Harry and Remus, kissing? Remus rubbed his sore throat where James’ wand dug in his skin and said gruffly,

“Yes, kissing, bloody hell Prongs, can’t a bloke kiss his boyfriend without you coming in and threatening to slit his throat?” Harry blinked several times at Remus’ words, a warm feeling spreading through him,

“Do you really mean it?” He said softly, ignoring James’ still shell-shocked face and approaching Remus, who smiled and shrugged,

“Yes, I do. But you’re going to have to help me, I have no idea what I’m doing.” Harry let out a small relieved giggle and wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck. Remus pulled his closer against him and crushed their lips together.

James, forgotten and ignored looked at the snogging couple before him and smiled,

“Well, don’t mind me…” He said with his arms crossed and his wand tapping against his upper arm, but got no answer, “Oh for the love of Merlin, get a room!” He snapped, Remus’ mouth left Harry’s lips as he watched the irritated James,

“This is our room.” He breathed and returned to his boyfriend’s lips, both forgetting all about James once more,

“Oh, right.” The teen stag said uneasily, it was lovely that Moony had finally found himself a decent bloke and all that and they were obviously passionate about each other, but oh, good gods that was not right! He shouldn’t be seeing things like these… “Hmm, I’ll be… Oh mother of Zeus!” He cried when he saw the shirt falling from Harry’s shoulders and Remus’ hand slipping under the waistband of his trousers to cup his arse. James quickly turned to his heel and left the room before he was forced to witness first hand the mating rituals of gay people.

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The morning light came streaming through the curtains around the bed and Remus tried to block them by borrowing his face deeper into the nape of his lover. A slow smile spread on his sleeping face and he tightened his hold on the body in front of him. As far as he was concerned nothing bad could happen today.

A loud coughing sound was heard above him but he still refused to acknowledge the presence next to his bed. He felt his lover stirring in his arms coming to slowly, and sighed, there was nothing for it, he thought and opened his groggy eyes looking up. Standing in a row in front of his bed were James, Sirius and Peter arms crossed and expressions grim. He nudged Harry softly, but the raven haired boy simply turned and burrowed deeper into Remus’ arms. Remus allowed a little smile to grace his face at the gesture but shook Harry again,

“What?” Harry said sleepily, rubbing his eyes with his fist like a child, Remus gestured towards the boys and Harry turned his head. When his sleep-addled brain register who was standing there he squeaked in fear and pulled the blankets over his and Remus’ heads, “What are they doing here?” He whispered to Remus, who was having a difficult time suppressing his laughter,

“It’s their room too, you know.” Harry buried his face in the pillow and Remus could hear the muffled curses.

“You two have five minutes to get yourselves ready. We are waiting in the common room.” Sirius’ voice was heard, hard and commanding and Remus peeked above the edge of the blanket and nodded slowly. He watched the three make their way to the door, backs straight and heads held high in a righteous manner. He rolled his eyes, brilliant!

“I’m sorry…” Harry mumbled and Remus returned to his hiding boyfriend under the blankets,

“Sorry, what ever for?”

“For not going to back to my bed last night… now they all know…” Remus brushed the stray locks away from Harry’s eyes, before he leaned in and kissed the unblemished forehead,

“You do remember that we practically shagged in front of James, don’t you? I mean, I know that he left at some point but I’m not quite sure which…” Remus said cheerfully and laughed when Harry groaned and placed the pillow over his head,

“Oh, crap!” Remus nuzzled Harry’s arm and the latter pulled his head from under the pillow, giving Remus a sheepish smile. “Can we just pretend they weren’t here and then slip past them on our way out of the tower?” For a full three seconds Remus was sorely tempted to accept the offer and run, but eventually his better judgment took over and he shook his head sadly,

“It’s an interesting idea… But we can’t,” Harry sighed and pouted, not that he doubted that they would have to face the rest but he was hoping that they could run off, just for a bit. At least until the mortification of the fact that his own father caught him and Remus rubbing against each other like bloody horny rabbits will wear off… “Besides, they already know I’m gay, so they’re not going to give us a hard time.” Remus added confidently and Harry nodded from a lack of better protest. He rose to his knees, pulling the blankets down from his head and looked around the room for his clothes.

When the two of them made their way downstairs they found the common room deserted save for their friends. It was actually rather early on a Sunday morning so most of the other students were either in their beds or in the Great Hall having breakfast. The three marauders and Lily were sitting on a large sofa near the fireplace waiting for the pair to arrive.

Remus sighed in registration and sat on the big armchair across from the sofa, pulling Harry to his lap. After a short scuffle they both settled comfortably, squashed together on the big armchair. Harry kept his eyes lowered, not daring to catch anyone’s eye, feeling his face turning redder by the second. Sirius got to his feet and started pacing in front of the hearth.

“Well, don’t you two think we deserve an explanation?” He finally barked at them, and Harry backed a little opening his mouth several times but Remus beat him to it,

“No, I don’t think you do,” He answered calmly, “But as you’re so eager for one, I’ll just say that we are together and you have two choices, either suck it up and deal with it, or… suck it up and deal with it.” Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head in amusement, when he heard his own words hurled at someone else. He caught Lily’s eye and she gave him the thumbs up and the most brilliant smile, which made him duck his head again blushing.

“What do you mean you’re together?” Peter asked suspiciously, “Are you two going to become all gooey like James and Lily?” James and Lily both gave Peter an incredulous looks which made the others chuckle.

“Yeah, because I certainly don’t need another display like last night…” James scolded but without malice and Harry buried his face in his hands, gods this was worse than he thought. Lily, on the other hand was having a difficult time suppressing her mirth, boy this was worth missing breakfast over…

“Don’t worry, guys, I promise you we won’t turn the dorm room into a gay fest extravaganza. But you will have to stomach the fact that sometimes, probably most nights we will be sharing a bed. However we would try and keep the sex to another location.” Remus said reasonably and Harry smiled a little, damn but Remus was good in this whole diplomacy thing.

“You two are a couple…” Sirius muttered to himself, still pacing. He was the only one so far who didn’t seem to be at least somewhat happy for them and Harry wondered why that was.

“Sirius, do you have a problem with us being together?” He asked quietly, and Sirius stopped and turned to glare at him,

“You two are just so selfish, all of you in fact!” He said with a wide hand motion to cover them all, “Everyone being paired off and I’m the only one left alone.” He complained loudly.

“It would help if you managed to actually stay with a girl more than two days in a row.” Lily snarled at Sirius. It was notoriously known in the Gryffindor tower that Sirius Black was the ‘Ladies man’. Or as James so accurately put it ‘The birds tamer’.

“They’re just so… boring!” Sirius complained, “Maybe I should turn gay. You guys seemed to have figured it out. All sex and no complications!” He smiled and both Harry and Remus turned their faces away from each other. But Sirius was far too absorbed in his little epiphany he didn’t notice, “I could be gay, I mean, how hard can it be, a hole is a hole, right?” He looked around to catch five disgusted faces and shrugged.

“Sirius, you couldn’t be gay if your life depended on it!” Remus said amusedly, “Name one guy you fancy.”

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times; clearly at lose for an answer. Harry looked around to see the others shaking their heads,

“David Bowie!” Sirius finally cried, and looked triumphantly at Remus, who didn’t look in the least bit impressed.

“Oh, really? And if David Bowie was right here, right now would you have the guts to drop on your knees and suck him off?” Harry covered his mouth with his hands, giggling like mad, and from the corner of his eye he saw that most of the others had a similar reaction. Sirius, faced with the jabs of his friends, pulled himself up to his full height and gave them all a haughty look,

“I’m a Gryffindor,” He sneered, “Of course I’ll have the guts!”

“How about you put your money where your mouth is?” Remus challenged him, “How about some practice?” He made to get up but Harry grabbed his arm with an indignant cry,

“Oi! He can find his own twink to practice on!” James, Lily and Peter were rolling on the sofa laughing at that point and Sirius looked whiter than a sheet at the prospect of sucking off his best friend. Remus simply grinned and leaned back, pulling Harry to him and kissing the side of his face.

“You couldn’t do it even if it was David Bowie here!” Remus intoned with a wide smirk. Harry snuggled to him possessively, sending glares Sirius’ direction.

“I think I’ll leave the cock sucking to you homos…” Sirius gulped and tried to smile. By then James and Lily collapsed against each other gasping for air, and Peter slid to the floor wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Why thank you good sir.” Remus said graciously with a small bow of his head and Sirius stuck his tongue out on him.

“Well, I’m off to breakfast, all this gay talk made me hungry.” He declared loudly and the rest decided to join him, slowly descending from their height of laughter. Harry and Remus stayed behind, snuggled together on the armchair.

“Would you have really gone through with that?” Harry asked in a small voice, as much as he enjoyed the downfall of Sirius, a little voice in the back of his mind was still doubting whether Remus would actually let Sirius near his cock or not.

“Nah, but I knew Sirius would cave first. I know him too well.” Remus said with a satisfied smile. He turned and nuzzled Harry’s neck, which made Harry squirm a little and chuckle.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said and lodged himself out of the armchair, pulling Remus after him.


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A/N: Ok, the bit where Harry asks Remus to say that he doesn’t want him is actually inspired by the Scottish series ‘Tinsel Town’ (my friend brought it to me… I had to watch, two cute gay guys… what is a fangirl to do?).