The Strongest Signal of All

Pansy slept easily that night. The Dreamless Sleep helped to calm her nerves. Ron wanted to talk to Neville alone about how he could help Pansy, so he showed up at St. Mungo’s the next afternoon.



“Thanks for seeing me Neville.” He entered the healers office and took a seat.



“How was she last night?”



“She was calm the rest of the evening and went to sleep without any problems. She took the potion so there were no incidents. I think admitting she was afraid helped.”



“Knowing you were still a safe haven also made her feel more secure.” Neville told him.



“I told her continuously from the moment we met up with her at Azkaban. I made sure she knew I would help her.”



“And being with her at the hospital helped, not touching her when she tells you helped, making sure she has what she needs helped, making sure no reporters have access to the house helped, and shifting around your schedule helped. She sees all this Ron, it will take time for her to get back to normal. This is what Azkaban does to its inmates.”



Ron nodded and rubbed his eyes. “She wasn’t there for long though.”



“But she was already in a weakened state when she went in and she was depressed. The shock and depression were already there and the dementors work quickly. Look at Hagrid in second year. He wasn’t there that long and he’s still affected sometimes.”



Ron was silent for the longest time. “I want to marry her again Neville.”



Neville wasn’t surprised. “We’ve all known that for a long time. I think Pansy knows it too but don’t ask it of her yet.”



“Why not, maybe seeing how I’ll take care of her will help.”



“Letting her know you’ll help her is good, but asking her to remarry won’t. It’s not the right time. She feels unworthy Ron. She thinks that leaving you and saying the things she did was something she was punished for. She feels she deserved what happened to her and if you ask her to marry you now she’ll only tell you she doesn’t deserve it.”



Ron was stuck for what to do. “So how do I help her?”



“Let her know you will always be there for her. Let her know she is always welcome and you are glad for her presence. Let her know that you don’t blame her and you understand what happened. She needs understanding more then anything else. That’s what you can do. Let her heal herself, before you heal your relationship. Let her know how you feel, but don’t ask her outright. That would add too much pressure and she doesn’t need that.”



Ron conceded to Neville’s judgment. He spoke with authority and knew his field. He left the office a little more aware of Pansy’s situation. The dementors had done big job on her and it would take time for her to get over it.



Maybe he should take her to Hogwarts and let her speak to Hagrid. He knows what the prisons guards do to a soul, maybe Pansy will respond to him.



Neville was right however. Pansy was still uneasy around him physically. Mentioning a desire to remarry would make her panic. She might even want to leave his home, and he didn’t want that. No, he would take Neville’s advice on this like he did her healing. He’d have to wait to ask her. He’d make sure she knew his feeling, but he would not ask her.





Neville showed up again a week later. He had examined her and declared she was back to normal physically and healed completely from her attack. Now he could focus on healing her emotionally.



“Have you been sleeping easier?” He asked settling in the parlor chair.



“Yes.” She admitted.



“Did you take the potion every night?” He asked her.



“I took it the first day you gave it to me, but then I took it every other night since then.”



“And you slept well?”



“Yes.” She seemed optimistic.



“I think it was only partly because of the potion.”



“I was thinking the same thing.” Ron said from the other chair. Neville nodded in agreement.



“Admitting you were afraid and having trouble sleeping helped.”



She nodded and dropped her head. She cowered slightly in her chair, but it was enough for Neville to notice. He was watching her body language. “I suppose it did help.” She muttered in a quiet voice.



“Pansy, the dementors can take a heavy toll on anyone, and you were worse then normal going in. They bring out fears, so talking about them helps. I do want to talk about something else today though.”



“What?” She asked.



“The intimacy you had with Ron the other day. He wasn’t saying anything and you weren’t sleeping when it happened. It was the closeness that brought about the flashback. It as the contact. Have you been practicing contact since the last time we spoke?”



“Yes, in the evening when we talk or read we sit together.” She told him.



“Anything else?” He looked over at Ron.



“Yes, she can take hugs now, although I let her be the one to ask for them.”



“During what times?”



“Before she goes to bed, when we sit together in the evenings, and random times throughout the day, for no reason.”



“That’s good. Pansy let me ask you something, is intimacy something you wish to get back?” She nodded. “Intimacy with Ron?” She looked over at her ex husband and back at Neville. She didn’t answer, but both men saw her eyes well up slightly.



“I’m afraid.” She whispered.



“Of what? Ron would never hurt you, you know that, he’s taking care of you and he wants to help you heal.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “What fear do you have Pansy, lets talk about it. Maybe we can put it to rest right here.”



“I shouldn’t be here.” She said letting more tears fall. Ron leaned forward in his seat but Neville held out a hand to stop him.



“Why do you feel you shouldn’t be here?”



“I know what people say. I read the prophet. They say I’m a killer, a cold hearted murderer. I see pictures of Ron being followed by reporters.” The tears were flowing like a water fall now. “He has no peace now because of me. His whole life has been turned around and it’s my fault.”



“That’s not true!” Ron said nearly rising from his seat. Neville leaned forward and out a hand on Ron’s arm.



“Pansy, it was Ron’s idea to bring you hear to heal, it was Ron’s decision to move to administration to be with you. He is helping you and he wants you to stay here with him. The media is the media and since Hermione hasn’t allowed any information to get out, the press is just speculating. Don’t worry about them, take all the time you need to heal. This is about you, not reporters and editors.”



She let tears fall again. “What else Pansy, there’s more isn’t there.”



“I said horrible things.” She said through her crying unable to hold it back.



“When?” Neville asked. Ron had settled but was breathing hard as he watched her.



“When we split.” She admitted. Ron nearly jumped out of his chair.



“Ron please, control yourself, and let her talk.” Ron eased into his chair but kept his eyes on his crying ex wife. “Now Pansy what do you mean?”



“When we split, I told him he didn’t love me, I accused him of putting his career ahead of me. I wanted what I wanted and I made him feel horrible. I left because I wasn’t getting what I wanted and I didn’t care about him. I was horrible. I threw a tantrum and left and I got what I deserved.” She was having trouble forming words because she was crying so hard. “I got everything I deserved.”



Ron heart was breaking as he watched her. “I walked out without caring about him and I paid for it. I hurt him so much.” Her body was heaving by now.



“Pansy that’s not true. That wasn’t punishment, that was his sick and twisted character.” Ron said leaning forward.



“Pansy listen to him. He doesn’t feel the same way. He wants you here, he doesn’t blame you and he doesn’t think you deserved what happened.”



“I don’t deserve to have my husband back.” She wept out loud, her body was shaking and she didn’t bother to wipe her tears away. Ron leaned forward, his heart pounding, not sure he heard what he thought he did.



“Is that what you want, to get back with Ron?” Neville asked remaining calm.



“I can’t. I can’t.” She sobbed.



“Pansy look at me.” She forced herself to look at Neville. “Is that what you want, maybe in the future?” She looked at Ron and back at Neville. Her eyes were overflowing, and she looked like a frightened little girl.



“I don’t deserve that.” She said, not looking at Ron.



“But do you want it.” Neville pushed. After a few moments she gave a small nod. Ron leaned forward and looked at her.



“You see, Ron wants you here too. Maybe in the future you can try again. Isn’t that right Ron?”



“Yes, yes we can Pansy.” He wanted to go over and take her in his arms but he didn’t. She was watching him, a sad expression on her face, but not a scared expression. She wasn’t afraid anymore. At least he hoped she wasn’t. Neville was right, it would take time to get over her fears.



“There is something you can do about your feelings concerning Ron’s situation though.” Neville said.



“What’s that?” Ron had asked.



“Give an interview.”



“What?” Pansy was confused.



“You said the main concern you had was that Ron was being hounded and chased by reporters, so give an interview. Talk to Hermione and let her set something up, she knows how to manipulate the media, and with Luna Lovegood running the Quibbler now, you know she’ll be sympathetic and not dramatize anything you say.”



“That’s a good idea Pansy.” She looked over at Ron.



“How?” She thought telling what happened would make the press pester him even more for more information.



“Think about what it,” Ron said leaning forward, “Hermione knows what the media wants, she uses them daily and knows how to use them. You have denied telling anyone what happened and all anyone knows is that you were cleared and didn’t go to trial. If you give them one interview out of the blue, then everyone will read your story. In time it will fade away.”



“What if they don’t believe it?” She said.



“Does it matter?” Neville asked.



“Whether they believe you or not, isn’t the case. Right now all people want to know is what happened and why. Give them that.”



“Then if there are questions you can give Luna a second interview if you want. That way you have a chance to respond to what people say.” Neville added.



Pansy nodded and thought about it. Luna was a good friend now. When she married Ron she had fast become accustomed to his circle of extended family. Luna would make sure her story was told as accurately as possible.



She would also make sure that no nonsense was out in. People like Rita Skeeter would search for theories and distort her words even use body language to reveal so called feelings she was having. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want some reporter saying that she had killed him to get Ron back. That wasn’t that case.



“Alright, I guess I can talk to someone.





Ron owled Hermione the next morning, and asked her to make the necessary arrangements. Since Pansy still hadn’t left the house, she asked Luna to go to Ron’s house. She also asked Luna not to bring any photographers and to have plenty of topics to discuss in case an area was too much for Pansy to handle.



Luna sent an owl with the time and date of when she would arrive. She also assured Pansy that she would be able to read the finished article before she printed it.



Pansy felt better knowing she would have the final say and as a result she was calm and prepared when Luna arrived that Saturday morning.