Afraid to Live, Afraid to Die
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
17
Views:
16,536
Reviews:
33
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
17
Views:
16,536
Reviews:
33
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter Ten: Untouchable Memories
**Please do not comment on how I write. It's simple. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. If there are mistakes however, you are more than welcome to point those out. This is Harry/Snape and will get dirty at some point, so please be patient.**
Italics - Harry's writing
Bold - Mental speaking
So there won't be a preview for Chapter Eleven, because I haven't even written it yet...so it may or may not be up next weekend, seeing as how I am also sick right now.
CHAPTER TEN: UNTOUCHABLE MEMORIES
Lately I’ve been walking,
Walking in circles
Watching,
Waiting for something
In the Shadows ~ The Rasmus
Harry woke groggy. The room was dark, but he couldn’t rely on light to tell him what time it was down in the dungeons. Reaching for his wand on the nightstand, he lit up the room with a silent ‘Lumos’. Upon realizing that he was alone, he rolled out of bed, padding silently to the door. Looking down the hallway, Harry saw that only a few fires were lit, meaning it was probably the middle of the night. Walking down the hallway he saw light from under the lab door glimmering across the floor. Raising a hand, Harry hesitantly knocked quietly.
“Come in.”
Harry opened the door and stepped through. After watching the teacher for a long moment, he went to sit in the unoccupied stool. Unable to identify the ingredients still laid out on the long table, Harry deduced that he didn’t know what kind of potion Snape was making.
“What time is it?” Harry asked.
“Late, you slept an entire day. I had you excuse from all your classes. The teachers sent along your work in response,” Snape said, his eyes never leaving the potion.
“What are you making?” Harry asked, genuinely interested.
This time Snape did look up. “The Wolvesbane Potion for Lupin.”
Harry nodded. They both continued in silence for a good hour, until Snape bottled the potion and cleaned the cauldron.
“Is there some reason you’re still here, Potter?” Snape asked, gathering more ingredients.
Harry shrugged. “Just didn’t want to be alone, I guess.”
A snort came from the older man. “You really must learn to make up your mind.”
Confusion filled green eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Either you want to be alone, or you don’t, choose one,” Snape said, using his knife to extract juice from an Arnica root.
Harry watched for a minute. “That’s a technique you wrote in your sixth year potion’s book.”
Snape looked up surprised, but quickly masked it with a frown. “I’m surprised your even remember that.”
“There were a lot of helpful hints in there. I guess I just have a good memory when I don’t have someone breathing down my neck at every turn,” Harry smirked.
“Are you implying that I’m not a good teacher, Potter?” Snape’s voice growled dangerously.
Harry shivered, very aware of what that sound did to his body. “No, just that you’re very intimidating and harshly critical. I suppose that’s to be expected though; it is your field of expertise after all.”
Snape noticed the shiver and summoned a blanket from the corner of the room, dropping it in Harry’s lap. “What else did you find useful in the book?”
“A few spells, although you shouldn’t really leave the one for enemies just lying about. I really hurt Draco with that one.”
Harry was all too aware of the dark eyes glaring at him. “I can’t believe you would listen to what a book would tell you after the incident second year.”
“I’d been using the book for all of my potions that year, and I did try some of the less harmful spells first. I didn’t think it was a physically harmful spell like that, just another prank one,” Harry looked away embarrassed.
“You should be more careful with things like that,” Snape’s voice was harsh.
“Don’t worry, I am.” With that the silence took over for several more hours.
When Harry started drifting off, he felt his professor nudge him, bringing him back to his senses.
“Go back to bed, you can still get a couple of hours of sleep,” Snape’s thoughts insisted.
Harry hauled himself to his feet and shuffled back to his room, falling asleep instantly.
When Harry was on his way to breakfast, he noticed a commotion; everyone was rushing towards the main entrance, excitement ringing through the air. The boy thought about what day it was and smiled to himself. It was the day Professor Trelawney was fired by Umbridge. Too hungry to watch, Harry continued on to the Great Hall. Only a handful of students were there, most were watching the confrontation.
That morning he sent out an owl to his godfather, asking to see him the next night. He received a reply by nightfall, and Harry could tell that the man was eager to get out and do something. For once he was stoic in Umbridge’s class, letting her thing that maybe her earlier ‘display’ had shaken him. Of course it hadn’t, but Harry had to let her think that, let her think that his public outbursts were over, yet maybe he was doing it quietly.
The next night the Golden Trio met the Animagus in the Shack, the man almost looked torn. Disappointed that Harry hadn’t asked him to do whatever Remus was doing, and yet happy that Harry wanted to see him. None-the-less, Sirius still gave the teen a big hug, followed by ruffling his hair.
“I know you want to know why Remus and not you. First, it’s because Remus is not a ‘wanted criminal’ by the Ministry and he’s good at teaching Defensive Spells. Second, he can’t teach us about becoming Animagus’. You’re better suited for the job anyway.” Harry wrote, holding up his hand, when Sirius had been about to question him on the subject.
“So that’s what you wanted. Now I feel better about you choosing Moony over me,” Sirius grinned at them.
The four of them kept meeting until the Christmas holidays, where the night before they left, they made sure Remus got out safely. For Harry, the Christmas holidays went by in a blur, and he smiled politely at the gifts he already knew he was getting. Everyone was happy, until Hermione pointed out that the presents probably weren’t a surprise for Harry.
They continued their training, even some of the other members were helpful with several spells. Finally Christmas was over and they returned to school. Harry kept a watchful eye out for signs of Umbridge’s next move. It finally came, students would go into her office and stay there for an hour or so, and there were rumors of an investigation. Harry sent Remus away, not wanting him to get caught up in the mess about to occur, he took over the group. Once most of them had gotten down non-verbal spells it came; the loud booming sound.
Students fled, running from Umbridge’s student brigade, most of them making it away safely. Brought before Dumbledore and the Minister, Harry denied putting the group together. It all happened like it had before, Dumbledore left, now on the run from the Ministry, Umbridge took over as Headmistress. Time seemed to run together for Harry, flashes of old conversations blended with new ones. Before he knew it, he was suddenly standing before a Ministry worker, who was asking about his Patronus Charm.
Harry searched hard for a happy memory, before finally settling on the one that he would make happen. The entire room was impressed with not only his full-bodied Patronus, but also his non-verbal skills. His questioner said something about him making a fine Auror and Harry frowned.
That night Harry asked the twins for a favor, one that would probably get them expelled. They readily agreed and started planning. The next day the plan was put into action, the twins started their diversion, while Harry and his friends made their way up to the now restricted Room of Requirement. Thinking about what he wanted, the door opened to reveal the room of lost things.
Ron, Hermione and Harry made quick work of the room, searching for the diadem of Ravenclaw. Once found they exited the room, to find a very angry Umbridge. Now they were all gathered in her office, the steps they had planned over Christmas break could finally begin. Just like before, Umbridge fell for Hermione’s trick and wandered into the forest. Once the centaurs had her, they made their way back to the school. From there the children went into the Ministry alone, letting Voldemort think that he had them all fooled. Like déjà vu, things were repeated for Harry, except that he did not let Sirius get hit by Bellatrix’s curse, as he had magically pushed the man out of the way from across the room.
Harry still had the Prophecy intact when he chased after Bellatrix. When he felt the familiar burn of Voldemort’s anger, the boy smirked. This is just what he wanted, to see the cold-blooded snake face-to-face. To show the evil creature that he wasn’t afraid of him, and that he never would be.
“Give me the Prophecy, Harry. I can see the darkness in your heart, join me and together we will be invincible,” The low hiss of Voldemort’s voice only made Harry angrier.
Harry threw his head back to laugh, disappointed when he couldn’t.
“You wish it was that easy, Voldie. You’re the one who put it there, you killed people I care about. There’s no way in hell I’d ever join you,” Harry got the satisfaction of seeing Voldemort’s shocked expression before the bastard smiled.
“So you’ve learned how to connect through the bond left upon you,” Voldemort was still smiling, his sharp teeth showing.
“Yep. You’d better watch out, Tom. I’m in your head now, I can see what you can see. I know all of your weaknesses, you half-blooded bastard.”
“Give me the Prophecy, Potter!” Voldemort was angry.
“Never!” With that he smashed it beneath his shoe.
It was at that point that Dumbledore showed up to fight Voldemort, and the Ministry began to appear just as the snake-like man and Bellatrix Disapparated. It had the Ministry, as a whole, in a panic.
Word was spread that You-Know-Who had returned and that Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore had been telling the truth all along.
Before it was all over and he had to get on the train bound for the Dursley’s, Harry pulled Snape aside. There was silence for a long while, both waiting for the other to speak.
“I’ve checked your things for alcohol. You’ve done better all year, I would hate for all of my hard work to go to waste in the next two months,” Snape said.
Harry’s laughter filtered from across the bond.
“Of course you would.”
“I’ll be coming by on the last day of June, to give you your potion. I’d hate for the Muggles to interfere with your healing process.”
“Otherwise all of your hard work will be wasted, and we’ll be back at the start,” Harry mimicked.
Dark eyes glared at the boy. “The bond should go into the second stage this summer as well. Don’t be too surprised if something changes.”
“I won’t.”
“Is there anything else?”
Harry shifted uncomfortably. “Draco’s initiation is going to happen next year. It’s his task to get Death Eaters into Hogwarts and to kill Dumbledore. Mrs. Malfoy is going to get you to take an Unbreakable Vow, to do it, if he can’t.”
“I see. I shall tell Dumbledore about this,” Snape said.
“Also tell him not to put on the ring. It won’t do him any good.” Harry said, only concerning himself about evening the score.
A black eyebrow rose curiously.
“He’ll understand. Tell him we’re even, then.” With that Harry left to board the train, ready for a hellish summer with the Dursleys’.
______________________
So that's it, I know that you might feel like the chapter was rushed, but since you're reading Harry Potter fanfiction I'll assume that most of you know how the book went.
REVIEWS:
Inugrl2004: Thanks for being the first person to review, I hope that this story hasn't disappointed you.
DTDY: Thanks for all the reviews you've sent me.
Tina109: Thanks for reviewing and liking my story so much.
Aunjel18: I'm glad you like it.
jljaina: Thanks for reviewing, and editing, I know that this will be a long, hard process.
Elfwyn: I hope it hasn't gotten too angsty for you, and I promise that from now on, most of the angst will be kept to a minimum.
kawaiiyashie: I would love to e-mail you when I update, for those of you who would like an e-mail update, but don't want your address known, please feel free to e-mail me at deadlyfatedangel@hotmail.com.
DarklessVasion: I hope you enjoy the rest of the 15 chapters as well.
NannyS: I only really don't want bad reviews, after all, I write the way I do, and nothing is going to change it. I'm glad that you're enjoying my story, and hope you continue to do so.
ruleroftravels: Well, what could be better to be hooked on? Nothing. Harry/Snape is hot, and I do enjoy lots of other male/male couples, but this is my project for the moment.
Well thanks to everyone who reviewed, it really makes me happy to know that there are people who are enjoying my story. Look forward to the next intallment: Chapter Eleven: Fate Has Sealed My Destiny.
Italics - Harry's writing
Bold - Mental speaking
So there won't be a preview for Chapter Eleven, because I haven't even written it yet...so it may or may not be up next weekend, seeing as how I am also sick right now.
CHAPTER TEN: UNTOUCHABLE MEMORIES
Lately I’ve been walking,
Walking in circles
Watching,
Waiting for something
In the Shadows ~ The Rasmus
Harry woke groggy. The room was dark, but he couldn’t rely on light to tell him what time it was down in the dungeons. Reaching for his wand on the nightstand, he lit up the room with a silent ‘Lumos’. Upon realizing that he was alone, he rolled out of bed, padding silently to the door. Looking down the hallway, Harry saw that only a few fires were lit, meaning it was probably the middle of the night. Walking down the hallway he saw light from under the lab door glimmering across the floor. Raising a hand, Harry hesitantly knocked quietly.
“Come in.”
Harry opened the door and stepped through. After watching the teacher for a long moment, he went to sit in the unoccupied stool. Unable to identify the ingredients still laid out on the long table, Harry deduced that he didn’t know what kind of potion Snape was making.
“What time is it?” Harry asked.
“Late, you slept an entire day. I had you excuse from all your classes. The teachers sent along your work in response,” Snape said, his eyes never leaving the potion.
“What are you making?” Harry asked, genuinely interested.
This time Snape did look up. “The Wolvesbane Potion for Lupin.”
Harry nodded. They both continued in silence for a good hour, until Snape bottled the potion and cleaned the cauldron.
“Is there some reason you’re still here, Potter?” Snape asked, gathering more ingredients.
Harry shrugged. “Just didn’t want to be alone, I guess.”
A snort came from the older man. “You really must learn to make up your mind.”
Confusion filled green eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Either you want to be alone, or you don’t, choose one,” Snape said, using his knife to extract juice from an Arnica root.
Harry watched for a minute. “That’s a technique you wrote in your sixth year potion’s book.”
Snape looked up surprised, but quickly masked it with a frown. “I’m surprised your even remember that.”
“There were a lot of helpful hints in there. I guess I just have a good memory when I don’t have someone breathing down my neck at every turn,” Harry smirked.
“Are you implying that I’m not a good teacher, Potter?” Snape’s voice growled dangerously.
Harry shivered, very aware of what that sound did to his body. “No, just that you’re very intimidating and harshly critical. I suppose that’s to be expected though; it is your field of expertise after all.”
Snape noticed the shiver and summoned a blanket from the corner of the room, dropping it in Harry’s lap. “What else did you find useful in the book?”
“A few spells, although you shouldn’t really leave the one for enemies just lying about. I really hurt Draco with that one.”
Harry was all too aware of the dark eyes glaring at him. “I can’t believe you would listen to what a book would tell you after the incident second year.”
“I’d been using the book for all of my potions that year, and I did try some of the less harmful spells first. I didn’t think it was a physically harmful spell like that, just another prank one,” Harry looked away embarrassed.
“You should be more careful with things like that,” Snape’s voice was harsh.
“Don’t worry, I am.” With that the silence took over for several more hours.
When Harry started drifting off, he felt his professor nudge him, bringing him back to his senses.
“Go back to bed, you can still get a couple of hours of sleep,” Snape’s thoughts insisted.
Harry hauled himself to his feet and shuffled back to his room, falling asleep instantly.
When Harry was on his way to breakfast, he noticed a commotion; everyone was rushing towards the main entrance, excitement ringing through the air. The boy thought about what day it was and smiled to himself. It was the day Professor Trelawney was fired by Umbridge. Too hungry to watch, Harry continued on to the Great Hall. Only a handful of students were there, most were watching the confrontation.
That morning he sent out an owl to his godfather, asking to see him the next night. He received a reply by nightfall, and Harry could tell that the man was eager to get out and do something. For once he was stoic in Umbridge’s class, letting her thing that maybe her earlier ‘display’ had shaken him. Of course it hadn’t, but Harry had to let her think that, let her think that his public outbursts were over, yet maybe he was doing it quietly.
The next night the Golden Trio met the Animagus in the Shack, the man almost looked torn. Disappointed that Harry hadn’t asked him to do whatever Remus was doing, and yet happy that Harry wanted to see him. None-the-less, Sirius still gave the teen a big hug, followed by ruffling his hair.
“I know you want to know why Remus and not you. First, it’s because Remus is not a ‘wanted criminal’ by the Ministry and he’s good at teaching Defensive Spells. Second, he can’t teach us about becoming Animagus’. You’re better suited for the job anyway.” Harry wrote, holding up his hand, when Sirius had been about to question him on the subject.
“So that’s what you wanted. Now I feel better about you choosing Moony over me,” Sirius grinned at them.
The four of them kept meeting until the Christmas holidays, where the night before they left, they made sure Remus got out safely. For Harry, the Christmas holidays went by in a blur, and he smiled politely at the gifts he already knew he was getting. Everyone was happy, until Hermione pointed out that the presents probably weren’t a surprise for Harry.
They continued their training, even some of the other members were helpful with several spells. Finally Christmas was over and they returned to school. Harry kept a watchful eye out for signs of Umbridge’s next move. It finally came, students would go into her office and stay there for an hour or so, and there were rumors of an investigation. Harry sent Remus away, not wanting him to get caught up in the mess about to occur, he took over the group. Once most of them had gotten down non-verbal spells it came; the loud booming sound.
Students fled, running from Umbridge’s student brigade, most of them making it away safely. Brought before Dumbledore and the Minister, Harry denied putting the group together. It all happened like it had before, Dumbledore left, now on the run from the Ministry, Umbridge took over as Headmistress. Time seemed to run together for Harry, flashes of old conversations blended with new ones. Before he knew it, he was suddenly standing before a Ministry worker, who was asking about his Patronus Charm.
Harry searched hard for a happy memory, before finally settling on the one that he would make happen. The entire room was impressed with not only his full-bodied Patronus, but also his non-verbal skills. His questioner said something about him making a fine Auror and Harry frowned.
That night Harry asked the twins for a favor, one that would probably get them expelled. They readily agreed and started planning. The next day the plan was put into action, the twins started their diversion, while Harry and his friends made their way up to the now restricted Room of Requirement. Thinking about what he wanted, the door opened to reveal the room of lost things.
Ron, Hermione and Harry made quick work of the room, searching for the diadem of Ravenclaw. Once found they exited the room, to find a very angry Umbridge. Now they were all gathered in her office, the steps they had planned over Christmas break could finally begin. Just like before, Umbridge fell for Hermione’s trick and wandered into the forest. Once the centaurs had her, they made their way back to the school. From there the children went into the Ministry alone, letting Voldemort think that he had them all fooled. Like déjà vu, things were repeated for Harry, except that he did not let Sirius get hit by Bellatrix’s curse, as he had magically pushed the man out of the way from across the room.
Harry still had the Prophecy intact when he chased after Bellatrix. When he felt the familiar burn of Voldemort’s anger, the boy smirked. This is just what he wanted, to see the cold-blooded snake face-to-face. To show the evil creature that he wasn’t afraid of him, and that he never would be.
“Give me the Prophecy, Harry. I can see the darkness in your heart, join me and together we will be invincible,” The low hiss of Voldemort’s voice only made Harry angrier.
Harry threw his head back to laugh, disappointed when he couldn’t.
“You wish it was that easy, Voldie. You’re the one who put it there, you killed people I care about. There’s no way in hell I’d ever join you,” Harry got the satisfaction of seeing Voldemort’s shocked expression before the bastard smiled.
“So you’ve learned how to connect through the bond left upon you,” Voldemort was still smiling, his sharp teeth showing.
“Yep. You’d better watch out, Tom. I’m in your head now, I can see what you can see. I know all of your weaknesses, you half-blooded bastard.”
“Give me the Prophecy, Potter!” Voldemort was angry.
“Never!” With that he smashed it beneath his shoe.
It was at that point that Dumbledore showed up to fight Voldemort, and the Ministry began to appear just as the snake-like man and Bellatrix Disapparated. It had the Ministry, as a whole, in a panic.
Word was spread that You-Know-Who had returned and that Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore had been telling the truth all along.
Before it was all over and he had to get on the train bound for the Dursley’s, Harry pulled Snape aside. There was silence for a long while, both waiting for the other to speak.
“I’ve checked your things for alcohol. You’ve done better all year, I would hate for all of my hard work to go to waste in the next two months,” Snape said.
Harry’s laughter filtered from across the bond.
“Of course you would.”
“I’ll be coming by on the last day of June, to give you your potion. I’d hate for the Muggles to interfere with your healing process.”
“Otherwise all of your hard work will be wasted, and we’ll be back at the start,” Harry mimicked.
Dark eyes glared at the boy. “The bond should go into the second stage this summer as well. Don’t be too surprised if something changes.”
“I won’t.”
“Is there anything else?”
Harry shifted uncomfortably. “Draco’s initiation is going to happen next year. It’s his task to get Death Eaters into Hogwarts and to kill Dumbledore. Mrs. Malfoy is going to get you to take an Unbreakable Vow, to do it, if he can’t.”
“I see. I shall tell Dumbledore about this,” Snape said.
“Also tell him not to put on the ring. It won’t do him any good.” Harry said, only concerning himself about evening the score.
A black eyebrow rose curiously.
“He’ll understand. Tell him we’re even, then.” With that Harry left to board the train, ready for a hellish summer with the Dursleys’.
______________________
So that's it, I know that you might feel like the chapter was rushed, but since you're reading Harry Potter fanfiction I'll assume that most of you know how the book went.
REVIEWS:
Inugrl2004: Thanks for being the first person to review, I hope that this story hasn't disappointed you.
DTDY: Thanks for all the reviews you've sent me.
Tina109: Thanks for reviewing and liking my story so much.
Aunjel18: I'm glad you like it.
jljaina: Thanks for reviewing, and editing, I know that this will be a long, hard process.
Elfwyn: I hope it hasn't gotten too angsty for you, and I promise that from now on, most of the angst will be kept to a minimum.
kawaiiyashie: I would love to e-mail you when I update, for those of you who would like an e-mail update, but don't want your address known, please feel free to e-mail me at deadlyfatedangel@hotmail.com.
DarklessVasion: I hope you enjoy the rest of the 15 chapters as well.
NannyS: I only really don't want bad reviews, after all, I write the way I do, and nothing is going to change it. I'm glad that you're enjoying my story, and hope you continue to do so.
ruleroftravels: Well, what could be better to be hooked on? Nothing. Harry/Snape is hot, and I do enjoy lots of other male/male couples, but this is my project for the moment.
Well thanks to everyone who reviewed, it really makes me happy to know that there are people who are enjoying my story. Look forward to the next intallment: Chapter Eleven: Fate Has Sealed My Destiny.