Divided

Authors Note: As always my two beta\'s worked their magic on this chapter. Thanks Alicia & Alexandra. I\'ve got a few more things up my sleeve coming up, and a couple of requests that I\'ve started working on too...so based on my progress so far there will be like 4 new stories started next week. lol



Chapter 10 Name Calling



When I woke up, I was disoriented, but a sudden rush of images played through my mind; tangled legs, clawing fingernails, arched backs and brilliant emerald eyes boring into mine. Had that all really happened or was it just another delicious dream?



I tentatively stretched out an arm, afraid I would find the bed empty and that the events of the previous night would all have been just my vivid imagination.



My arm only moved a couple inches however before my hand grazed warm flesh. A slow smile spread across my face, and a low chuckle sounded beside me. I opened my eyes to see Harry, his arm leisurely propping up his head, looking down on me.



Still tracing lazy circles on his tight abdomen as I spoke. “How long have you been watching me sleep?” I asked, my voice still thick and raspy. I had apparently screamed a lot the night before.



Harry chuckled again and sidled up closer to me, wrapping his free arm across my chest. I melted against him. “Not too long. You slept like the dead,” he replied, pressing his lips to my forehead.



I grinned. “Not usually, I think you just wore me out. In fact I haven’t been sleeping very soundly as of late.”



“I know,” he replied with another chuckle. “You talk in your sleep.”



Smacking him lightly against the arm, I pouted. “I do not… do I really?”



Yawning he held up his finger as if telling me to hold that thought. Then he smiled and nodded. “Yes, you do. You talk quite a bit actually.”



“What do I say?” I asked, slightly panicked.



“You mostly talk about me and your parents,” he replied.



“Really? Well, I’m not surprised I talk about you, I have always had a thing for professors,” I said, smiling cheekily.



Harry laughed. “There was not a single attractive professor here when we went to school and you know it.”



“I guess the students are lucky to have us then, hmm?” I responded with a shrug.



He nodded, pressing his cheek against mine. I pushed him away lightly. “Ugh. Shave much?” I asked playfully.



Harry rubbed his hands over his chin and frowned. “Sorry.”



Rolling my eyes I gave him another playful shove. “Go on then, the bathroom is through there.” I pointed it out even though his room had the exact same layout.



I watched his naked arse as he padded into the adjacent room. Harry had such a nice body. After a few minutes, he peered back into the room, a toothbrush in his hand and his mouth slightly foamy. “It’s not my fault you can’t grow facial hair and your face is still the same as it was at twelve,” he said smirking.



Laughing, I climbed out of bed and walked over to where he was standing. “Have you been trying to think up a clever retort the whole time you’ve been in there?”



A wide grin spread across his face and he nodded adorably.



I rolled my eyes again and kissed him on his cleanly shaven cheek. “Shower?” I asked, wiggling an eyebrow.



With several quick movements he finished brushing his teeth and joined me under the hot spray.



“Harry?” I asked when he was fully lathered and looking better than any shampoo model had ever looked.



“Yes, love?” he responded, and my heart skipped a beat. It seemed I had been right. It wouldn’t take long for us to fall back into our old rhythm. Only this time we wouldn’t have to keep it a secret… or at least I hoped not. I was about to find out.



“You know I love you right?” I asked, giving him my best innocent expression.



Unfortunately, he knew my expressions all too well, and didn’t fall for it. “What is it?” he asked, eyes narrowed.



“Well I was wondering if maybe… you might think about… dropping this whole James Evans act?” He didn’t respond at first so I thought I had maybe rushed my words and he didn’t understand me, but then he laughed. I didn’t quite know what to make of it, so I stayed quiet.



After a few moments his smile faltered and he looked at me seriously. “Are you serious?” he asked.



I nodded, not seeing what was so amusing.



Sighing, he quickly rinsed off and stepped out of the shower. I cringed slightly at his abrupt and silent departure, but didn’t try to rush to catch up to him. I thought that maybe he just needed some time to think.



When I finished, I stepped back out into the bedroom and found Harry, fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. I mentally slapped myself for ruining things so quickly. That conversation could have waited, but I wanted to be honest with him about how I felt before getting too involved.



Harry didn’t look up when I sat down next to him. “Listen, Harry… just forget about it for right now okay?”



Silence.



“I mean, it’s important to me, if we’re going to be together that we’re doing it right this time. I don’t want to hide anymore. I’m in love with you, Harry, and I want everyone to know it.” I knew I was babbling but I couldn’t stop myself.



Silence.



“I just wanted to be upfront and honest about my feelings, and I know at some point I’ll accidentally slip and call you Harry instead of James, and I don’t want to call you James. You’re not James to me, you’re my Harry, and I don’t want you to be angry at me over it, but-“



Harry cut me off with a hand over my mouth. I caught several emotions flicker through his eyes. He hesitated, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Are you aware of what it would mean for me if I were to do this?”



“Well, sure.” I nodded, making my face match the seriousness of his. “I know you’re not a fan of the Prophet, and things would be crazy for awhile when they found out you were still alive but-“



He cut me off again, this time with a sharp look. “This runs much deeper than my disdain for the press, Draco.” He sighed and pressed his fingers to his temples, no longer meeting my eyes.



“Think for a minute the backlash that would come from the public finding out that Harry Potter has been using a false name for the past ten years. For starters, I’m not even sure my Auror training would be considered valid, which means I don’t have the qualifications to teach defense, and that’s the only thing I had to start with.”



“Harry, that’s nonsense. You and I both know that Minerva would never sack you over something so trivial,” I huffed.



His glare made me blanch. “You of all people should know that I don’t seek preferential treatment. What if she doesn’t get a choice in the matter? The Ministry could step in and have me removed from the post, and replace me with one of their own people. I will never let another Ministry minion work at this school as long as I’m alive,” he hissed.



Cringing, I nodded, fully remembering what Umbridge did to Hogwarts, what I helped her do to my beloved school.



“Aside from that, think of the school and the upheaval it would cause if the staff and the students were all informed that it had been Harry Potter living amongst them all this time. I would lose all of the respect I have built for myself here, and Minerva and Hermione would suffer too, since they knew all along,” he sighed.



“Then there’s the rest of them,” he continued, his face looking more and more grim. “The rest of the people outside this castle. All my old friends think I’m dead. They would feel so betrayed to find out that I’ve been here and fine all this time.”



Standing, he began to pace my bedroom. “The last thing on my mind is the media circus, which alone is cringe worthy, but everything else is worse. I love being a teacher here, this life works for me… if I gave it all up… and then you left me…” his voice trailed off when he struck upon the real issue.



He was afraid I would leave him, or betray him and cause him to leave me… again. I slumped my shoulders and let myself fall back onto the bed. “So that’s it.”



Harry sighed, leaning against the doorjamb, looking like he was preparing an escape route. “We’ve just started this thing back up again, Draco. Maybe when…”



The words ‘I can trust you again’ hung in the room between us like a suffocating blanket. I couldn’t fault him for the thought. For all the world it appeared as though I betrayed him once, so why wouldn’t I do it again. I let it go. If I was going to keep Harry in any form it seemed as though I would have to.



“I understand,” I said at last, and he relaxed a little. I was still sullen that he didn’t trust me, but as he said, we had only just started things again. “Can I ask though, is it something you’ll ever consider? If I prove my loyalty to you…”



Harry grimaced at my words. “Probably not,” he whispered.



I nodded. It would never be worth it to him to risk the change; I would never be worth it. “Well, I guess I have to learn how to love James Evans then,” I sighed.



“It’s still me,” he replied, trying to smile, but not quite achieving it.



I shook my head. “It’s not the same to me.” I sat up and looked at him, standing tall and confident by the door. No glasses, no scar and all his soft boyish good looks had transformed into a rugged handsomeness; no, this was not Harry Potter.



“I need some time, Har- James, I’ll see you at breakfast,” I mumbled.



Harry winced and hesitated in the doorway, apparently waiting for me to change my mind. When I didn’t, he turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my muddled thoughts.



--



I sat at the head table, waiting for Draco to arrive. Breakfast was halfway over when he finally did, and as soon as he walked through the doors I could feel the difference in him.



He walked briskly to his place setting and pulled out his chair. “Evans,” he said with a curt nod in my direction, his eyes aimed down at his plate.



“Er… Draco,” I said, not playing along. He winced and finally met my eyes.



His were icy and indifferent as he stared at me, but behind his careful mask I could plainly see the sadness I had caused him. I would never have intentionally hurt him, but I had to be honest. I couldn’t predict where this relationship would go, so I couldn’t reasonably make him any promises.



Reaching out, I placed my hand on top of his and he jerked it away, his eyes flaring. I scowled and looked away, pushing the eggs around my plate. Minerva cleared her throat beside me, but I refused to look over at her. She would just lecture me over something, I was sure.



Draco’s movements beside me were similar to my own, not really eating, just pretending. When the first students started to file out of the hall, I pushed my plate away from me and left.



I could feel his cold gaze on the back of my neck as I walked away from him.



--



“I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” I huffed to Hermione at lunch. She watched the exchange at the table over breakfast and met me in my office, offering to take me to the Three Broomsticks for lunch.



So there we sat over butterbeers and fresh Ruben sandwiches. I had told her all about the events of the night before, in less detail, and the events of that morning, in more detail. She had been surprised to say the least.



She’d known I had plans to see him that night, but based on the incident she’d witnessed at breakfast, she’d assumed it had gone belly up from the onset.



“Harry, I don’t know what to tell you. You know I only want you to be happy, and you’re right, you and Malfoy just started dating again… if you can call it that,” she rolled her eyes. “And until you completely trust him again it’s perfectly reasonable not to throw your whole life out of whack, but-“



“I knew there would be a ‘but’,” I grumbled.



She smiled sweetly, and I knew I wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “But, you know how I feel about this whole James Evans rubbish. Draco’s right, you owe it to yourself, to him, and to everyone else to go back to being Harry Potter.”



I rolled my eyes. “I had never planned on reverting back, not ever.”



Nodding she took my hand. “I know, but it’s the right thing to do… and you know it.”



I sighed and nodded weakly. Hermione was right as usual, and as usual it infuriated me. “I’ll think about,” I committed, but in my head I already knew I would cave eventually. “I just need a little more time to figure things out.”



Hermione must have been pleased enough with my answer because she dropped the subject and started talking about the new Weasley Wizard Wheezes products her husband had invented, calling them things like ‘childish’ and ‘ridiculous’ but I could tell she was proud of Ron. I could see it in the way her eyes sparkled.



I hoped that one day I had that sparkle.



--



I decided not to wait and see if Draco was still in a funk at dinner, and went to his quarters right after classes ended. I knocked sharply on the door, but no one answered. I waited, not so patiently, tapping my foot, but no one ever opened the door.



I had turned to leave when I heard the decisive click of the lock, and looked back to find his sharp pale face peering at me through a small crack. “Evans,” he acknowledged with a curt nod. I was already getting sick of that gesture, and that name on his tongue sounded all wrong. “What brings you by my humble quarters this evening?”



Great, I thought, he was back to his old haughty ways already. “I want to talk,” I replied plainly. He raised a skeptical eyebrow but moved aside so that I could come in.



The room was barely lit with a couple of straggling candles. It seemed melancholy, but that apparently matched Draco’s mood. “Listen, Draco,” I started, but he cut me off.



“I’ll get over it, James,” he said, making a face as he said my name. It really did sound wrong when he said it; in fact, I think I would hate it if he called me that during sex.



“You don’t have to, what I came over to say is that… I’ll think about it,” I said. I looked into his eyes and he still looked skeptical. “I promise, Draco. When you and I have been dating for a couple months, and I have some time to prepare myself… I think I can do it. I’m open to the idea at least.”



Draco grinned. “That’s all I ever wanted, James,” he responded.



“Ugh,” I groaned, “Would you please stop calling me that, at least here in private?



He lifted and elegant blonde eyebrow in surprise. “Does it irritate you?” he asked politely, and I nodded. “Then why ever would I stop? James…” he finished with a smirk.



Rolling my eyes, I charged at him, deftly lifting him up and carrying him into the bedroom. It appeared we were going to miss dinner again.



Authors note: Okay..I won\'t threaten the faeries again... but please keep reviewing ;)