The Firewhisky In The Punch

A/N: This icon: http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s129/Moonshadow_xXx/Funny%20Icons/ththlackofpants.jpg I received from my sister and while Darth Vader has no relevance to Harry Potter (unless like myself, you see connections everywhere), the quote certainly begs for a crack!fic. Enjoy!

Quote: I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Story: Finding

Stupid bloody party. Stupid Gryffindors. Draco had had enough. He was all for the house unity and the healing the general public was aiming for. Really. If he wasn't, it would mean he wanted things back to the way they were and it was only through the new forgiving and changing attitudes that he'd been freed from an Azkaban sentence and allowed back to school.

Only, did he have to pretend to be so, so, happy?

Not to mention, he'd rather not watch Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs make out and be shy and insecure about themselves. If the Gryffindors were supposed to be the brave lot, where was that bravery when it came to dating?

Take, for instance, Harry Potter.

With the new atmosphere going on, Draco decided to take a chance and lay himself bare before the git. Not literally, of course, but he did tell Harry that he wanted to fuck the other boy and maybe try a few dates. There was nothing serious about it; just to see if the sexual tension could lead to some fun and companionship. He had made a point to say that he wanted nothing serious. Just some fun. And then he'd left, telling Harry he'd be ready to hear an answer as soon as Harry had one.

That had been three weeks ago. Draco had wanted to be polite and show he was serious about things changing between them, but he figured that it would be within at least a week and a half he'd have an answer.

Honestly, the git could finish off Voldemort, but couldn't face his former nemesis.

Draco threw back the rest of his Firewhisky and shoved off the wall. He wasn't sorted into Slytherin for nothing.

Harry had been watching him, at the very least, for the last three weeks and sort of stalking him. Not like he had been in their sixth year, but he did make sure to follow Draco with his eyes when they were in the same room and Draco was going to use this fact to his advantage. He locked eyes with Harry, making sure to convey every ounce of lust he felt for that body and licked his lips.

Harry eyes turned dark and his body tensed, like he would be ready pounce on Draco if Draco only asked. Draco smirked and turned to go to the men's room. If he was right about Harry, then he only had a few seconds before he would be followed. He quickly said a spell to make his pants disappear. He'd have gone completely naked but he didn't want to scare Harry.

Sure enough, as soon as he had leaned back against the wall, the door opened and Harry walked through, eyes wide as saucers, but pupils still dilated.

"I, um...I find your lack of pants disturbing," Harry said.

Draco shrugged. "It happens."

Harry raised an eyebrow of his own. "I think you've drunk too much, Draco."

Draco sighed and walked over to Harry. "Look, I've tried being patient and, yes, I've probably had too much to drink, but please, Harry. Don't make me wait any longer."

"Are you that desperate for a fuck?" Harry countered and challenged.

"No," Draco said. "I'm desperate for a fuck from you."

Harry shook his head. "That didn't even make sense."

"I think you've had too much to drink," Draco said. He knew he had; otherwise this plan would not have been, well, planned and he certainly wouldn't have started jacking off at this moment.

Harry looked down and then back up. "That makes two of us then." He shoved Draco back up against the wall and kissed his nemesis thoroughly. "A couple of fucks and dates?"

Draco smiled happily. "Of course. Besides, they'll all explode with sheer happiness since it'll be house unity."

"Oh, it'll be house unity all right," Harry countered "Just wait until I'm inside your arse. That'll be house unity."