Troublesome

INTERMISSION: AKA THE LONG ASS AUTHOR'S NOTE

DISCLAIMER: This never happened, not now, not ever. Some names have been changed to protect said persons.

A brown haired young woman sighed in despair and utter depression. The fact that she had a million things to do today would not leave her mind, despite the fact that a man was plowing her from behind. Now, normally, this girl would be saying things like, "Oh yeah, mmmm, oh my god, that feels so awesome," and "I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THE BACKDOOR! I FRIGGIN' HATE ANAL!", but all she could do now was sigh. The man pulled out of her promptly.

"What's wrong, Mariann?" He asked, though he sounded rather annoyed than compassionate and understanding, which is how he should have sounded.

"Well, Professor, it's a lot of things," Mariann sighed again for dramatic effect, though Professor Snape was immune to that sort of of thing. "I've got no money for one. My sister is a a huge bitch and thinks she's so much better than me, and she gets pissy when I tell her she's not and that she should go eat a dick and if she had just stopped at a blowjob, she wouldn't be pregnant and miserable. But mostly it's because I'm procrastinating."

Professor Snape grunted in response. Mariann flipped over on her back and spread her legs, allowing the Potion's master entry once more. Professor Snape smiled greedily and dove into her. Mariann rocked her legs back and forth and pinched his nipples because her real life boyfriend likes that, but it was only half heartedly.

"I'm supposed to be writing a chapter for my story, Troublesome, but I'm writing this piece of pointless smut instead," Mariann said as Professor Snape bit down on her neck. She squirmed around a bit and demanded that the Professor roll over so she could ride him or else she'd never get off.

"Well you could just post a chapter that you've already written," Severus said, grabbing her hips, forcing her up and down because Marianne was too lazy to do so herself.

"Yeah, well, there hasn't been a lot of smut lately, so I thought I'd at least include some. What people don't seem to realize is that I suck with sex scenes. I get too horny when I write them and then I have to go masturbate and after I've gotten off, my heart's just not in it," Mariann said.

"You seem to be doing okay with this one," Professor Snape said. He grabbed a hand full of her hair and yanked it hard, causing Marianne to moan because she's into the whole hair pulling thing. This prompted her to start doing some of the work, so she began to pump down harder on him. Her knees began to hurt, however, so she stopped and let the Professor do most of the work again.

"Well it's because I've already gotten myself off like four times before I started writing this. You know, I decided to give up sex and masturbation for Lent, but last night I broke that promise like three different times."

"You're a horrible Catholic," Severus said, closing his eyes. His breathing became quite labored, so Mariann drove into him at full force.

"I'm not Catholic. I'm not anything close to religious. It's been four years since I've been to a church service. Oh and you better not cum inside me, I lied about the birth control thing."

Severus' eyes shot wide open and he pushed her off of him. He began to work furiously at his dick, and cum shot out of the tip. He sighed with relief and picked up Mariann's discarded shirt and cleaned himself off. Mariann frowned deeply.

"Do you know what my sister told me? She goes, 'I just don't think you'll be able to enjoy pregnancy, Mariann.' What in the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Well," The Professor started, "The last time you thought you might be pregnant, you tried to start a fight with some one on purpose just so they would punch you in the stomach over and over."

"You're not being very canon right now. In fact, you're starting to sound a lot like my real life boyfriend, Frank."

"I'm screwing you aren't I? That as non-canon as it gets."

"You WERE screwing me, Professor. And, you're not finished, I still haven't gotten off," Mariann said, haughtily. The Professor groaned. They'd been going at it for nearly an hour and Mariann kept losing her momentum. She kept thinking about what she was supposed to be doing other than writing this pointless author's note and horrible flashbacks from her childhood kept popping up. Professor Snape was getting tired and grumpy.


"Fine," he groaned miserably. "Can we at least take a break?"

"Whatever floats your boat, Professor. Now say it."

"Do I have to?"

Mariann shot him a pointed glared. Severus rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he sighed. "Detention Potter, because I hate you and such."

Mariann clapped her hands and squealed, her small breast bouncing. Severus reached out to grab one, but Mariann slapped his hand away.

"Besides, she's one to talk," Mariann continued though the Professor didn't much care about her problems with her sister. "She's only held one real job in her life and that was for like, a week, before she decided that the smell of food made her sick."

"That's totally irrelevant. Honestly, you call yourself a writer?"

"You're no Alan Rickman, yourself, Mister, so shut the fuck up."

"It's not MY fault that everyone thinks I should be as handsome as him. It's not my fault they cast him to portray me in the movies."

Mariann leaned over him, her breast smooshed up against his cock. His cock rose in response, though Mariann didn't seem to notice as she was groping around for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lit one up and puffed on the cancer stick gratefully.

"I don't know, I don't like the movies, so it doesn't matter to me."

"Then why did you bring it up?"

"Cause I tell Frank he's no Snape when he makes smart ass comments like that."

"Is Alan Rickman really better looking than me?"

"Well, yeah. He's an actor. It's his job to send the fan girls squealing with his catch phrases."

This did not make Severus very happy at all. He rather began to pout in a non-canon way. Mariann tilted her head sympathetically and patted his arm.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I happen to think that balding men with greasy hair, bad teeth and big noses are very sexy," she cooed at him,and then nuzzled his face with her over large, pointy nose.

"You're dating a Sasquatch, so that says nothing," The Professor spat.

"Hey, Frank happens to be a loving, caring man whom I adore and would not give up in a million years. Looks aren't everything, Professy-poo."

Snape scrunched his nose up in disgust at being called "Professy-poo". He chose to ignore this rather than curse Mariann to hell and back.

"Why are you fucking me then?"

Mariann shrugged and said, "Cause you aren't real and Frank knows I'd never cheat on him with any one who actually exists. He let's me have my fantasies, just as long as I don't mess up and call him Severus in bed. He might not like that."

Mariann rolled over on top of the Professor, straddling him, with a playful grin on her face. The Professor sighed and hoped that she'd be able to get off this time. He positioned himself at her opening, which is what happens in every fanfiction, and Mariann impaled herself on him and began to ride him wildly, even throwing in a "YEEHAW!" which Severus found annoying but arousing at the same time as she was speaking her native tongue, Texan. After about forty five seconds of sex, Mariann FINALLY managed to orgasm. She fell off of him, gasping for breath.

"Say, Professor, you want to watch a bootleg episode of the Simpsons online with me? The corporation that broadcast that show are nazi's and they won't be online for long, so might as well catch them while we can."

"You're procrastinating again."

"But," Mariann whined, "The episode that I actually wanted to watch is actually working, and if I wait too long it will be gone!"

"Just go post another chapter. I want to know if I'm going to get married or not."

"You've read Troublesome?"

"Yes," Severus said,looking quite grouchy. "And I'll have you know that I'd NEVER have sex with a student or with anyone for that matter."

"Besides Lily right?"

The Professor sputtered and turned red.

"She's dead, I can't have sex with her."

"But if she were alive, you'd tap that right?"

The Professor didn't respond. He pulled his wand out (not the good one.) and pointed it at Mariann who giggled and clapped gleefully.

"Say another word about her and you'll regret it," he snarled. Mariann said nothing, but wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him sloppily on the mouth.

"I can be your Lily," she said.

"JUST GO POST ANOTHER CHAPTER BEFORE I KILL YOU AND THEN YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR STUPID SISTER OR PROCRASTINATING AGAIN!"

"K," Mariann replied.