All That You Leave Behind

Happy New Year to you! Actually, as it happens, neither myself (Q) nor Angst particularly like New Years\' Eve so we chatted and wrote this instead. Hope you like it! If you do, or if you don\'t please let us know. We\'d love to hear your ideas for what you think might happen next!



Chapter Nine



Harry reached the bottom of the stairs and sighed. His shoulders relaxed suddenly, and his arms fell loose. He couldn\'t believe how tense and awkward he had felt around Snape. He had known the man for over six years, and yet, had never, really, in all that time, actually spoken to him; come to know the real man. And now he was stuck here, looking after the other because of some stupid notion he had that he owed it to Severus. He frowned at himself. He DID owe it to Severus. The whole damned wizarding world owed it to Severus, and by Merlin, Harry was going to make sure the other got the recognition he deserved.



Feeling drained, he made his way slowly to the cramped kitchen. His feet felt almost too heavy to lift from the floor. What was wrong with him? Why was he feeling like this?



He hadn\'t realised what he was letting himself in for; the care that Snape would require. He wasn\'t sure he was up to it. No wonder Hermione had looked so tired and worn out! Not only had she had to put up with Snape\'s inherent grimness, but just the level of care she had to give him! Harry still felt a bit guilty at the manipulating he\'d done to get her to go, but at the same time, he was also relieved she was gone, and would get a break. He sighed heavily. Still, the task before him was daunting, but.....He made up his mind firmly....if Hermione could do it, HE could do it. After all, he did owe Snape that much.



Whether the man wanted to admit it or not.



With that in mind, Harry called, "Kreacher?" and watched the ancient elf appear out of thin air.



"What can Kreacher do for Master Harry?" the elf wheezed.



"Kreacher, I need you to tell me exactly what all is involved with caring for Professor Snape. All of it." Harry said determinedly.



As Kreacher’s voice began, detailing item after item that Snape required, and explaining how to give it to the man, Harry felt a wave of panic crush him. He struggled violently inside. The elf’s voice was fading as he fought for breath, his heart pounding against his ribs, his eyes glazed with the terror of the responsibility he had so thoughtlessly undertaken. This was utterly beyond him. Utterly, totally, completely.



What the hell had he been thinking?? He couldn\'t do this! He was no mediwizard, or a healer!!



Neither is Hermione a voice said in his head.



Yeah, but she\'s brilliant, and I\'m just....Harry he thought. He was a boy who hadn\'t even finished school. WHAT was he doing? What was he trying to prove by being here?



That this man saved your life countless times, and this is the least you can do, no matter how difficult the task the voice said. You certainly can\'t just go off and leave him now. He needs you, no matter how much he says he doesn\'t. You knew this wouldn\'t be easy. And you knew he wouldn\'t be exactly pleased to be brought back. How could he be? His life was an unending cycle of pain and death. Because of you. YOU need to fix that The voice in his head added, in a tone suspiciously like Hermione\'s And whining about it won\'t make it any easier! Why not try being a man.



Harry squared his shoulders. Yes, be a man, he thought, after all, you\'re 17 now, that\'s what you\'re supposed to be. Show him you\'ve grown up and aren\'t the whinging little brat he sees you as. And you\'re NOT your father, out to torture him as he did!



"Be a man," Harry said aloud to himself.



"Master Harry?" Kreacher asked, bringing Harry out of his reverie.



"Nothing, Kreacher," Harry said, feeling more determined. "Show me again what each potion does and when he has to take it, will you? And when does he eat? And what food does he like? And how to change his bandages...."



After long minutes, he made his way back up the stairs, determined to start helping. Kreacher followed, wheezing. The elf pushed the door open and saw the used bed pan. He stretched out a knarled hand to take it, but Harry stopped him quietly but resolutely. "It\'s fine, Kreacher, I\'ll deal with it." He picked up the container, not glancing down at the contents and turned to leave the room.



Behind him Severus\' voice croaked out, "Stop!" Harry turned and saw the irritation on the older man\'s face. Snape, obviously annoyed and embarrassed rasped out, "You need....to analyse...a sample....check I\'m...making progress" At Harry\'s look of rude surprise, he sneered, "Don\'t you know...the f-first thing...about medical care?"



Harry\'s face flamed. How could he be expected to pick up everything straight away? He felt anger rise in him and swallowed it down. He gulped, "Right ... I\'ll do that."



"Are you....sure...you can....handle that....P-Potter?" The man on the bed, said evilly, "After all....you....weren\'t the....best student.....were you?" He had pushed himself off the pillows to taunt the boy, now he fell back, a small satisfied smile on his face.



Harry gritted his teeth. he WOULD NOT let the other annoy him! Still, he couldn\'t let the other walk all over him ... "Are you supposed to be talking so much, SIR? Isn\'t that bad for your throat?"



The man scowled mightily and Harry smiled to himself gleefully



In the bathroom, as Harry gingerly bottled a sample, he chastised himself for his temporary lapse in goading the other. "Be the bigger man, Harry," he encouraged. "You can do it. Just don\'t let him push your buttons. He knows where it hurts, but you\'re above all that now. School is over. He\'s just someone who needs your help."



He glanced up. His reflection looked back at him, one eyebrow trying to quirk. He again turned his attention to the sample. What was he meant to do with it? What was he looking for? He knew what he would have to do, and sighed.



He returned to the bedroom, feeling sure Snape\'s eyes would gleam evilly once he admitted his ignorance, but this gave him a chance to show Severus he was at least TRYING.



"Erm.....Severus....you have to tell me what test to run," he said gritting his teeth against the bite of inevitable sarcasm.



As if on cue, the man\'s eyes lit up, the eyebrow shot skyward, and Harry told himself You will NOT react!



Severus opened his mouth to speak, but then to Harry\'s surprise, he shut it again, rolled his eyes, and beckoned him over. He pulled a spare bit of parchment towards him, picked up a quill in slightly trembling hands, and in spiky, spider-like script, wrote out instructions for the test.



“S-see if...you can....f-follow these....simple instructions....Potter" the man croaked tiredly, letting the quill fall onto the bedside table. "If...it doesn\'t....explode.....you\'re succeeding.” He closed his eyes, looking grey.



Harry took the piece of parchment, thinking he\'d gotten off lightly, and looked at the instructions. He\'d seen this writing probably millions of times, mostly in sarcastic comments on his potions essays, but this wasn\'t quite as bold and damning. Suddenly his heart ached with longing for Hogwarts, and the familiar comfort of the commons room with it\'s squashy chairs and roaring fire. Fred and George trying out their latest wheezes, and knowing its beloved corridors were safe from harm with Snape patrolling and Dumbledore pacing about his office.



But there was no more "Gred and Forge", no more Dumbledore, and Snape was this ghost of his former self. Harry was annoyed to feel a tightness at the back of his throat. He wouldn\'t cry. He wouldn\'t.



That was all an illusion the voice inside prodded him, you were safe, but at what cost?



What cost indeed, Harry thought grimly. The lives ruined. The lives lost. Teddy Lupin without parents. Anger welled up inside him. And Snape. Snape was paying a far higher price than Harry. Than any of them. For the first time Harry wondered if Hermione had been right in bringing the man back. She\'d done it for Harry, and wasn\'t Harry always the root of this man\'s suffering?



Harry became aware that he was clenching the parchment in his fist, and looked at the man on the bed, biting back his grief and tears. Snape appeared to have fallen asleep, so Harry turned to go, saying quietly, "I\'ll do my best, Sir."