Questions of Science

Disclaimer: I do not own HP stuff.

A/N: The chapter title comes from the song “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman” by Bryan Adams


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Chapter 10: Lying Helpless in Her Arms

The air whipped through Draco’s blond locks as he lay in the soft grass of Jannah, his paradise. There was an eerie calm around him…

The wind picked up. It was strong but not cold; like a warm breeze. The grass seemed softer than usual. The statue of Adrasteia looked down upon Draco, protecting him from the harsh realities of his life.

The calm was broken by the sound of footsteps on the grass. The soft thuds of those footsteps made Draco stand up slowly, cautiously.

The sight before him made his breath hitch. Not in the good way.

“Well, well…if it isn’t the apple of my eye,” Lucius Malfoy drawled, strolling in and looking at his son.

Draco’s thought processes were off the chart. What the hell was he doing here? He should be dead.

“Oh, I am dead,” Lucius said, as if reading Draco’s mind.

“What are you doing here?” Draco managed to find voice. It sounded foreign to him.

“You should be asking yourself that,” Lucius said with the oh-so-famous Malfoy smirk. “This is your subconscious.”

“My subconscious? As in my dreams?” Draco asked.

“Ten points to you,” Lucius sneered. “Yes, this is your dream.”

“Nightmare is more precise,” Draco countered. “You would never be in a dream of mine.”

“Oh yes, that space would be reserved for your weak mother or that mudblood.” Lucius said as he circled the fountain, his hands behind his back as if he were taking a casual stroll.

“I have no idea what you are speaking of," Draco said.

“Oh don’t be dumb, boy. I’m in your subconscious, so I pretty much know everything inside that infantile mind of yours. I’m not real, so don’t wet yourself.”

“I was never afraid of you.”

“Is that right? You could have fooled me,” Lucius remarked.

“What are you doing in my subconscious anyway? Come to make my adulthood as horrible as my childhood?” Draco asked, watching his father stroll around the fountain.

Lucius chuckled sinisterly. “Oh come now, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Coming from the man with non-existent empathy,” Draco replied. “How the hell do I get rid of you?”

“Easy. Just wake up,” Lucius said with a knowing smile.

Draco stood confused for a second. “Easier said than done.”

“Of course. You’re not going to wake up until I’m through here.”

“And what exactly are you not through with?” Draco asked.

“You and that mudblood. It’s wrong Draco, and you know it,” Lucius said with a manic glint in his eye.

“Blood doesn’t matter to me anymore, it might have at one point, and I admit to it, but right now, I don’t care.”

“Oh my dear, stupid son. It’s not blood I’m talking about. Let’s pretend that I’m invading your dream…nightmare, excuse me…as let’s say, your conscience.”

“You? My conscience? That is the funniest thing you have ever uttered.”

“Well I’m glad you find me humorous. I am here to warn you,” Lucius said slowly. “You don’t love the mudblood. As your conscience, I believe it is my right to try and persuade you from destroying your life…and her life.”

“I don’t understand.” Draco said with his flaxen eyebrows furrowed.

“All within a week, you miraculously fall in love with a girl who you’ve detested since you were 11. This isn’t some sort of fairy tale, this is real life, and the fact that you two fell in love so fast is hardly believable.”

“What would you know about love? You tortured and drove your own wife to insanity. You can’t preach something you know nothing of,” Draco spat.

Lucius just laughed. “I can preach whatever I damn well please. You are just trying to cover the fact that you doubt this little love story just as much as I do.”

“I do not doubt anything. I love her.”

“How sweet. The pauper and the pureblood idiot. You do make such a lovely couple.”

“Ok, I think I’m going to wake up now,” Draco said, hoping that that was the key to leaving this stupid nightmare.

“Tut, tut, Draco. I already told you that you can’t wake up until I’m finished. And I’m not finished.”

“Well then hurry the bloody hell up,” Draco said impatiently.

“Listen to me carefully boy; end whatever you and the mudblood have together because it is based on false notions. You think you love her, but you really don’t. You love the idea of her and not the actual girl in question. You’ve been alone for so long that the first opportunity that comes along, you seize it.”

Draco could hear his own heavy breathing. What his nightmare-father-conscience was telling him made sense, but was frightening to think about.

Lucius smiled as he saw the uncertainties and doubts cross through Draco’s eyes.

“It seems I am, as usual, correct. Pity that you don’t love her. She seems quite in love with you.”

Draco stared at the water pouring out of Adrasteia’s goblet. He had to wake up…he had to get away from this nightmare and reorganize his thoughts and just not be near the crazy nightmare-father-conscience anymore.

“Nice seeing you again, Draco. If you decide to not heed my wisdom, then I shall return until you see the truth. Don’t look at me like that, boy. You know the truth as much as I do. You. Don’t. Love. Her,” Lucius articulated. “You can wake up…

NOW!”

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Draco’s eyes flew open as his heartbeat raced to the beat of a broken metronome. It had all been a dream. A stupid, nonsensical, nightmarish dream.

The sun was streaming through the half-open drapes and casting a long strip of light over the bed. Draco watched the strip of light slowly inch its way across the bed as the sun rose.

He didn’t want any thoughts to assault his mind at the moment. He just needed to have his head cleared before diving into a major reflection period.

Draco usually woke up at this hour and he knew he would have to go check on his mother soon, since she had been asleep for nearly 14 hours, due to the potion Hermione had administered.

This thought brought him back to the matter at hand: Hermione.

Was the dream trying to tell him something? Was it relaying the doubts and qualms that Draco had about this whole ‘love’ thing?

Dreams are funny sometimes. They can stick with a person for an entire day, harassing their attention and infiltrating the barriers of their consciousness. At some points during the day, the dreamer will see something reminiscent of the dream and they’ll start thinking about it incessantly.

This was one of those dreams.

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Hermione pulled her hair back in a clip and finished washing her face. She had woken up to a wonderful feeling in her stomach. The previous night had been beyond expectations. She felt that in just that one night alone, she had grown closer to Draco than in any of the previous nights.

He had let her in to a part of his world that he had kept private from everyone else. He trusted her to accept something he held close to him, and that was a sign that it was truly love.

She finished with the bathroom fundamentals and got dressed for the day in black business slacks and a light green cashmere sweater.

Her hair was pulled back into a lazy twist and she left her room to check Narcissa’s vitals before Narcissa would have to go down to the garden.

She knocked on the double doors that led to Narcissa’s wing and the door was opened by the man who had kept her mind occupied all night.

He looked tired, but still impeccably dressed in a white polo and navy pants.

Draco forced a smile and held the door open for her to walk in.

“Good morning,” she said considerately. “Is she awake?”

“Yes, but she’s disoriented,” he said stoically as he shut the doors behind her and walked towards Narcissa’s bedchambers with Hermione.

Narcissa was sitting up in bed looking at her fingers. She looked like a sad porcelain doll.

“Good morning, Narcissa,” Hermione greeted, walking up next to her.

“Morning,” Narcissa replied.

“Draco tells me you’re feeling a bit off. Care to tell me exactly what’s bothering you?” Hermione asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Narcissa.

Narcissa shrugged a bit. “I don’t really remember much of anything. I feel like I’ve been sleeping for ages.”

“Yes, I had to give you a neuroleptic potion to decrease the effects of the visual hallucination you were having. It had a strong sedative in it that lasts for about 12 to 13 hours.”

“Visual hallucination? You mean I saw things that didn’t exist?” Narcissa asked slowly.

“That’s correct.”

“What caused this hallucination? Was it the talk we had in the garden?”

Hermione nodded her head. “Draco relayed his perspective of the first Death Eater meeting he attended and while you were handling it very well, after you took a nap, you woke up hallucinating. It was caused by the mental stresses of the memories.”

Narcissa frowned. “Well, that’s humiliating. I don’t like not being in control of my actions and words.”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about. You did nothing that isn’t normal for a hallucination.”

“What did I say?” Narcissa asked curiously.

“You referred to Draco and me as Lia and Noah; do you know anyone by those names?” Hermione asked.

Narcissa smiled. “No…but it’s strange.”

“What’s strange?”

“Those are the names I had picked out for Draco before he was born. I read them in a novel once and I just loved them.”

“Did Lucius not approve of those names?” Hermione asked.

“I never told him the names. You see, Andromeda had picked out the name Draco for her own child, but when she had a girl, she obviously didn’t use it. Somehow, Bellatrix heard the name and told Lucius about it, and he decided that that would be our son’s name.”

“So you didn’t like the name Draco?” Draco asked from his place standing at the foot of the bed.

“Oh no, I loved it!” Narcissa exclaimed. “What made it even better was the fact that Lucius didn’t know that Andromeda came up with it. A bit of an inside joke. So in truth, your aunt Andromeda was the one who named you.”

Hermione smiled. “Well, Narcissa, I’m going to leave you with Draco while I get started on some notes and research. I won’t be questioning you today, but hopefully by Friday, we can get another round in.”

Narcissa nodded and smiled as Hermione left the room.

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Draco helped his mother out of bed and left the room to wait for her down in the garden. As he sat down in the garden chair he caught a glimpse of the hedge maze and his dream from last night popped back into his head.

‘It was just a stupid dream. It meant nothing. The stupid bastard didn’t fuck me up enough during his lifetime, so now he’s working overtime beyond the grave,’ Draco thought. ‘I’ll just forget the whole stupid thing. Since when have I ever taken dreams seriously? Shit, I’m turning into Trelawney. Ok, that’s it. Dream forgotten as of now. It really is so ridiculous. I do love her. Stupid dream.’

Narcissa interrupted his thoughts as she sat down beside him.

“How was your day yesterday?” she asked as she stirred honey into her tea.

“Eventful,” Draco replied, remembering that so much had happened since before his mother’s hallucination.

He wasn’t sure though that he wanted to tell her just yet. Maybe he wanted Hermione to be there with him, or maybe he didn’t want to jinx the budding relationship.

“Did you finish your financial work for Hogwarts?” she asked.

“Yes. I sent it last night and I should get the next batch of papers by Friday.”

“Hmm,” Narcissa nodded.

“I spoke to Healer Granger last night,” he said.

“About me?” she asked.

“She said she wants to take you to a wedding this Saturday. Said it would be helpful for you.”

“Oh. Well, that sounds fun I guess. Who is getting married?”

“Her friend, Weasley,” Draco replied.

“To whom?”

“Uh, I forgot. Someone who works with him, I think.”

“You’re going to be all by yourself here?” Narcissa asked.

Draco smiled. “I’m sure the house-elves can find a way to keep me occupied.”

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Hermione copied down the side effects of the atypical antipsychotic potion that she wanted to start using for Narcissa. She dipped her quill in the ink well and almost spilled it when a knock at the door startled her.

“Come in!”

A few seconds later, Draco walked into her office and strode over to her desk, leaning against it instead of taking a seat.

“Finished breakfast?” Hermione asked, continuing to write down the notes she was previously working on.

“Yeah. I told my mum about you taking her to the wedding,” he said, picking up a piece of parchment and skimming the words.

“Good. I think she’ll enjoy it and Tonks will be there, so she’ll have family to be around.”

“I didn’t tell her about us,” he said quietly.

She looked up at him and smiled. “That’s not a problem. We don’t want to overload her with too many things.”

“So you’re ok with that? Keeping it from her?”

“Well, we haven’t really done much to keep from her…except profess our love for one another,” she said with a small grin.

The word ‘love’ brought Draco back to the stupid dream from last night.

“Hermione, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” she said and put her quill down.

“Have you been having doubts about…us?” he asked, not looking her in the eye.

“Well in the short time that I’ve known about our mutual feelings, I guess I have been thinking about whether we’re really genuine about them. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am and that even though it’s all a bit rushed, that maybe we were really meant to be together.”

Draco smiled at her…how could he have let that stupid dream get to him? He did love her. Stupid dream-Lucius.

“You can’t drug my mother again can you? So we can be uninterrupted for the day?” he asked with a sneaky grin.

“Draco! What a horribly bizarre thing to say!” Hermione said with a scandalized tone.

“What?” he asked with feigned innocence.

“You are such a prat,” she said with a shake of the head and a small smile.

“Yeah, but you love this prat,” he said cheekily and took her hand in his, pulling her out of her chair. “Now give me a kiss.”

She leaned in to kiss him and moved her head at the last moment, kissing his cheek.

“You little tease,” he said in her ear, causing her to involuntarily shiver. Whispers made her nervous, they were too erotic.

She stood between his legs as he leaned against the desk and held her close to him. His lips were still near her ear and she almost lost consciousness when she felt her earlobe between those two lips of his.

She brought her hands up to his shoulders to prevent herself from falling into a huge puddle of left-brain goo.

“What if your mother needs me?” Hermione breathed, surprised that her mind could function enough to string words together in a coherent sentence.

“She’s taking a nap.”

“How convenient.”

“Oh yes. Good for us that she’s a dainty aristocrat used to taking beauty rests,” he whispered.

“When will she be up?” Hermione ventured.

“Not for another hour or two,” he replied, her earlobe still between his teeth.

“Come on,” she said, leaning away from him and grabbing his hand.

“Where are we going?” he asked with a hint of a smile.

“Somewhere more comfortable,” she said, surprised at her own brazenness.

Draco raised an eyebrow at her, but continued following her to what appeared to be her bedroom.

Their relationship was a strange one…what was the appropriate time to wait for sex? They had had a first ‘date’ and they had declared their love for one another...but was there something else that should happen before they became physical lovers?

Hermione laced her fingers through Draco’s and turned to face him. He was gorgeous in every sense. She knew that he was the one she wanted to be her first…maybe her only. She quickly wondered if she was rushing things, but rushing things seemed to be a prominent theme in their relationship so far.

She slowly walked backwards towards the bed, not breaking eye contact with the grey-eyed man. She noticed that an odd combination of curiosity and worry were evident in his gaze. She kissed him softly.

The back of her shins hit the bed and she took a breath before lying down and dragging him down with her by the collar of his shirt.

There was an unspoken conversation between them. They were about to cross that irreversible line into the dangerous yet enthralling territory of sex. Hermione’s thoughts were completely jumbled and unable to keep from running into each other in pure chaos.

Draco knew this was all going horribly fast, but yet it felt right. Regardless of the doubt-forming dream he had had that morning, he knew that being with Hermione in the most intimate of ways would only reinforce his feelings for her.

He leaned down to kiss her pouty lips, licking her lower lip which was the more kissable of the two…if that was even possible. She opened her lips to him, inviting him to devour her mouth in a hungry kiss.

He needed this. She needed this. There was so much unresolved emotional baggage balancing on their shoulders that they just needed to escape from reality for awhile and lose themselves in physical bliss.

Somehow, Hermione had maneuvered them to a more comfortable position, laying her head on her pillows and him raised on his elbows on top of her, kissing her softly, then roughly, then softly, in a panty-wetting pattern.

Draco was everything she could have wanted for the man to finally see her at her most uninhibited, to see her with her guard down and completely at his mercy. It’s funny…she would have never thought that Draco Malfoy would be the one person she fell in love with, let alone claim her virginity.

Her thoughts came to a skidding halt when she left his lips travel down her chin, towards her neck. Who would have thought that the neck could be such a sensational area?

As Hermione’s breathing became more rapid and her thoughts more irrational, Draco was taking his time in kissing her soft neck. He could feel her tense and squirm all at once under his ministrations. He smiled against her neck, stretching his tongue out to taste her sweet skin.

Hermione couldn’t stop the moan from escaping her lips as his warm tongue licked a place near her jaw line. Her hands found a comfortable place around his neck, bringing him closer to her. The need to feel that closeness overwhelmed their minds.

For some reason, the whole concept of having sex dawned on Hermione at that moment and she couldn’t help but tremble.

Draco noticed her slight shaking and stopped in his kisses. He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes.

“Why are you shaking, love?” he asked worriedly.

“Nothing…I’m just, uh cold.” She said.

She knew he didn’t buy that because he kept staring at her, waiting for her to tell him the real reason she was trembling.

“I’m a bit nervous.” She quietly admitted.

“Are we going too fast?” he asked, raising himself onto his elbows again.

“No, it’s just; well…it’s my first time.” She said in a whisper.

Those few words made the stupid, horrible dream come back at full speed to Draco’s mind.

‘You think you love her, but you really don’t …You. Don’t. Love. Her…’ His father’s words attacked his thoughts and for a second he forgot Hermione was even there.

“Draco?” she asked timidly as she saw his eyes glaze over in thought.

He shook his head to clear it and looked at her. Her lips were swollen from their kisses, making her pout more prominent and she just looked like a disheveled angel.

“I, I…I have to go.” He said and almost ran out the room, leaving Hermione lying on the bed, wondering what she had done wrong.

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Draco reached his own wing in less than five seconds. His heart was hammering an odd tempo in his chest and his breathing was erratic. His thoughts were flinging themselves across his two brain hemispheres. His emotions were yelling at him to go back and pleasure the woman who held his heart while his rationality told him to stay put and sort out his feelings before taking away the one thing that the woman held for the man she would love.

It was strange…he didn’t know why the dream came at him when she told that it was her first time. It was a scary thought. She had waited all this time, and deep down, he couldn’t understand why she wanted him to be the one to take that one sacred thing from her.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. It could only be her and with him leaning against the door, the knock was muffled. She would know he was there.

He couldn’t avoid her, that was the coward’s way out and he obviously would have to talk to her at some point. He opened the door and faced her. She had a worried look on her face, mixed with a hint of rejection.

“Are you ok?” she asked softly, inviting herself into his wing.

They stood in front of each other, not really looking at each other, mostly at the floor and the wall.

“Yeah. I just remembered something I had to do,” he said, ruffling his hair a bit.

“Draco, I’m not an idiot. If you didn’t want to do anything with me, you could have just said so.”

He looked at her, surprised at her conclusion. “That’s not it at all.”

“Well, then why’d you run off?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “Look, I just need some time to think. I told you before that I have a lot of mental hassles and I think I just need to sort them out right now.”

Hermione dropped her gaze to the ground. She nodded her head slowly. “I told you that I wanted to help you.”

“You can’t help me. No one can.” He said dismally.

“So you expect me to just hang back and wait for you to finally snap out of your mental anxiety?” She asked, gaining some of her true vigor. “I told you I loved you and that means that I want to put up with all the shit you throw my way, whether it’s a mood swing or some serious problem. I don’t like being left in the dark and waiting for something to happen.”

Draco looked at her, watching her eyes take on a fiery glint. “I’m sorry. I can’t…I just, please, just give me some time. A few days, that’s all I ask. I need to do this alone; I need to make sure that I haven’t completely lost my mind.”

Hermione’s gaze took on a softer glow. “Ok. I’ll give you what you ask for. But I expect to know what’s going on when you’re through with whatever you need to sort out. I won’t let this pass.”

Draco gave a curt nod. Maybe a break from all of this would help them. If not, well that would be something they could deal with when he was ready to face her again.

She gave him one last look and left his wing.

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Hermione had decided to stay at the Manor Friday night instead of going to her flat. The next day, she would take Narcissa to Ron’s wedding and she thought it would be easier to just stay there instead of making too many unnecessary trips.

It had been five days since she and Draco had almost had sex. Five days with only seeing each other in Narcissa’s presence and acting civil, as if nothing had ever happened between them.

Hermione wasn’t going to lie to herself. It hurt. It hurt a lot. She had no idea what was going through his mind and that thought drove her mad. Being human, she couldn’t help but feel that she was the reason he was acting so strangely. Maybe he really didn’t love her. Maybe she wasn’t attractive enough…maybe, maybe it was because she was muggleborn…

For once, she wasn’t going to let the thoughts consume her. She was just going to remember the task at hand: to help Narcissa through her schizophrenia. So what if she cried a bit before she went to sleep? So what if she stared at the mirror for longer than necessary, pointing out her physical flaws? So what if her heart broke every time Draco smiled at his mother and not at her?

The day of the wedding came just at the perfect time. Hermione needed to escape the Manor and needed to talk to Isabelle. It was crucial.

Hermione adjusted the silver necklace around her neck. It had been a gift from Isabelle for making resident status at St. Mungo’s. It had a purple stone set in the middle of a silver tear-drop and rested nicely in her cleavage.

She stepped back and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her dress was the same color as the stone: dark purple. When she moved, the dress almost sparkled. It came down to her knees and tied at the back of her neck in a halter fashion.

She had left her hair down and it looked wonderful, framing her face in soft layers. Her make-up was subtly done, light pink blush and neutral-toned eye shadow.

Hermione left her wing and knocked on Narcissa’s door, ready to escort her to the wedding. Narcissa was magnificently dressed in deep blue dress robes. She always managed to make anyone feel inferior in her beauty. Her hair had been pulled back into a simple updo, leaving her fine bone structure to stand out. Her blue eyes shone against the deep blue fabric of the robes and Hermione felt horribly jealous.

“Narcissa, as always, you never cease to amaze me with how beautiful you are.” Hermione said politely.

Narcissa smiled softly. “Thank you Hermione. I must say though, that you look absolutely gorgeous. You will be coming back from that wedding with many admirers.”

Hermione bit back a frown and smiled instead. “Thank you. Are you ready to go then?”

“Yes, but we should say goodbye to Draco first.” Narcissa said, taking Hermione’s arm and walking gracefully towards the stairs.

Hermione bit back another frown and concentrated on not falling in her heels.

Narcissa knocked on Draco’s double doors once they reached the second floor. Draco opened the door and couldn’t stop himself from gaping at the beautiful girl attached to his mother’s arm.

“We’re leaving now Draco. Just came to say goodbye.” Narcissa said, noticing the obvious stare directed towards the beautiful Healer.

“Uh, yeah ok. Have fun.” He said softly, finally looking at his mother and kissing her goodbye on the cheek.

He almost grabbed Hermione and planted a fat kiss on those lightly tinted pouty lips of hers, but he had more control than that.

The two women left him and went on their way.

Draco slowly closed the door, walked back to his bed and resumed his previous position of staring at the ceiling.

Hermione had looked beyond gorgeous. But he thought that she was gorgeous before, regardless of what she wore, regardless of how she did her hair, regardless of her make-up use.

He had had a horrible past few days. He had dreamed of his father again, telling him that he didn’t really love Hermione. Telling him that his doubts were true.

Love is tricky. There is no set definition for why people love, how people love, or how quickly people love. For every person it is different. For Draco, it was confusing as hell and scary. How did he know if he wasn't making a mistake in pursuing this wonderful girl who had absolutely no problems, whereas he had more problems than the whole wizarding world put together?

Draco almost smiled when he realized in that instant something that was so simple. He had completely abandoned his right-side of the brain. He had turned into an analyzing, rational, freak-o.

If he had just trusted his instincts and his emotions as he had originally done, than he wouldn’t have been in this odd mess.

He actually did smile then. How could he have been so stupid? It was all so simple! He loved her and he loved her so much. Two weeks of being around her and he knew he loved her. Fuck his nightmares, fuck the rules of love, and just fuck anything that wasn’t the angelic Healer he so wished to hold again.

All he had to do was wait until she came back from the wedding and he could talk to her. Until then…he had a house-elf talent show to judge, and due to the heartwarming realization, it would be a lot more enjoyable knowing that he would see her in just a few short hours.


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A/N: thanks to all the fantabulistic reviewers!! i love you guys so much and greatly appreciate your reviews!!

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