The Labyrinth

Warnings: Angst,AU/AR,Crossover,H/C,Language,M/M (slash in later chapters), OOC-ness only to the extent that it fits the movie and plot

Author's note--The titles of the movie scenes that correspond with this chapter are "Chilly Down" and "The Bog of Eternal Stench". A couple of quick notes on the first part of this chapter, with the Wild Gang.

I KNOW that for most of the characters in this chapter, what they are doing is completely Out Of Character, but please bear with me. It's from the movie, and just remember that the labyrinth doesn't have to make sense; and they don't always hold true to the character that we think they are...

In the movie, it's all a song, but there are some speaking lines in it as well. Obviously there are no song lyrics, but I tried to follow the movement of the Fireys (from the movie) and describe what they are doing, in the same order as is happening during the song in the movie. I watched the video of the song several times to make sure of the correspondence.

I know the song lasted a little bit too long for my taste (it got quite annoying) but I hope that this chapter isn't...hopefully. That being said, I hope you can still hear the tone of the song while you're reading.

Also, if you're a returning reader, you might be confused when you get down to the part about St. Mungo's. Just bear with me and keep reading; I explain in the author's note at the end of the chapter.

Lastly, sorry in advance for the potential cliff-hanger at the end (fair warning). Also, I'm currently in Dublin, in a hotel because I leave Ireland tomorrow for the summer! I will be back in the US shortly! WOO! I fly into NY, and I have to spend one night there before I fly home to Oklahoma. So that's why the updates have been sporadic this weekend; I'm in transit. I will be situated by Wednesday morning, though (just to let you know) Enjoy and chilly down! :)

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The Labyrinth

Chilly Down with the Wild Gang and St. Mungo’s Bog of Eternal Stench

Harry was getting really worried about his new friend now. He had been searching and calling for Ron, but there was never any answer. He briefly considered leaving Ron to continue going through the labyrinth, but just as Harry’s conscience drove him back to the bathroom to make sure Draco was okay, neither would it let him leave without knowing what happened to Ron. He was getting very tired, however, of wandering around this crazy forest, being slapped by branches and looking over his shoulder in apprehension, when there came a very audible crack from nearby.

“Ron?” Harry ventured, his stomach dropping. Suddenly he was accosted by a group of redheads who seemed to melt out of the trees. They surrounded him, patting him on the back, touching his face, messing up his hair, examining his glasses, and just messing around with him and each other in general. There were two that appeared to be in charge, but they were being just as crazy as the rest. “What’s going on? What do you want?” Harry was trying not to be frightened. So far, they weren’t trying to hurt him; they just seemed curious and extremely playful.

Molly and Arthur Weasley heard a newcomer in the forest, and their eyes lit up with delight. They summoned Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, and Ginny, and they all waited until the new boy was within reach, and then they pounced. They weren’t evil or malicious; they didn’t have any problems, and they just liked to have a good time.

Harry turned in a circle, trying to keep up with all of the redheaded people who were bouncing everywhere around him. They began chattering to each other; Harry didn’t catch much of it, but he heard the words “Wild Gang” and “Burrow” and “Weasleys” and then the phrase “chilly down”. He supposed that the group was called the Weasleys or the “Wild Gang”, and he surmised that the Burrow was a place—probably their home—and he had no idea what “chilly down” meant. He smiled politely, noticing that one of the leaders was female; he decided that she was probably the mother, and there was one daughter. She was the one who would touch his chest and his face the most often. The father immediately began building a bonfire, since that was the custom when they had a visitor.

They all looked similar, but after a few minutes, Harry found he could tell them apart relatively easily. One of the boys who was hanging from a tree had spectacles, while the one with longish red hair and an earring was busy roughhousing with his freckle-covered brother. He realized that the two most outrageous ones were twins. For now, they were just messing with each other, poking and slapping, ignoring Harry while the girl would tickle his chest or sides, jump away, and then dance back to do it again.

The fire was started and roared up at first, then settled into a comfortably modest campfire. He backed away slightly, hoping that none of them would accidentally fall into it in their frenzied…dancing. He also didn’t want to be knocked into it either. Harry’s eyes grew wide as Percy jumped down from the tree, sauntered over to the fire, pulled his wand and charmed his HAND TO COME OFF! Harry’s jaw dropped when Percy flung his hand into the fire, a ghastly grin on his face. Harry turned away, sickened, and the girl ran her hands over his chest as if to soothe him, and then she turned his face back towards her brother and the fire. Percy held his hand up; it was only slightly singed but otherwise unharmed, with elongated fingers.

Charlie saw Harry’s discomfort and threw an arm around his shoulders, telling him to “chilly down”; that everything would be alright. The twins came over, dancing circles around Harry and taking obvious pleasure from his shock. They laughed and cackled, pushing Charlie away.

“Like your man said—” Fred leaned over Harry’s shoulder from the back.

“—don’t lose your head,” George finished the sentence, standing in front of Harry and pretending to strangle himself. Fred broke into fits of laughter, and Harry got himself out of the twin sandwich, only to run into Ginny’s touchy hands again.

“Hey, I know I’m a wild child!” Bill exclaimed, holding one finger up. He didn’t quite know what to make of it all; the Wild Gang was overwhelming. Molly pulled her wand and hit Arthur with a Stretching Jinx.

“Woo! Walk tall!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up as he stared down at Harry with glee. Fred and George both tried to knock over their briefly stretchy father, but Bill intervened, sticking his tongue out at the twins. Percy jinxed Bill’s tongue with the same spell, and Bill began playing with his elongated tongue, making flubbering noises.

He was watching Fred and George wrestle around with each other until one of them smacked the other in the back of the head, and the twin’s eyeballs fell out! Harry lost his smile and looked on in horror as the twin felt around until he found them.

“Yeah!” Arthur cried as Molly shook her head, knowing what was coming.

“Roll ‘em!” Charlie crowed. George shook his eyeballs in his hand like a pair of dice and cast them on the ground.

“Snake eyes!” was Fred’s response as George picked them up. Harry’s stomach lurched when the blind twin tossed his own eyeballs up in the air, caught them in his mouth, and then swallowed. Harry felt Ginny’s hands wrap around his waist, and he cringed away from her brothers into her. The twin brought his head down and opened his eyes; they were back to normal. Harry didn’t know what to think.

Everything that just happened seemed tame compared to what happened next. Bill cried out to Harry, getting his attention, and then turned his wand on himself, REMOVED HIS HEAD, and batted it like a volleyball! Harry jumped out of the way, and Charlie dove for it, popping it in the air from Weasley to Weasley. Percy let it bounce on the ground in front of him and began dribbling it like a basketball until Bill latched his teeth onto Percy’s arm. Arthur spelled his own head off, bopping Bill’s head to someone else, but the older Weasley’s head just flew straight up and landed back onto his shoulders. It landed at Molly’s feet, and she used her leg as a golf club, crying “Fore!” and putted Bill’s head back to his shoulders.

Harry was turning every which way, trying to keep his eye on the dismembered head. He didn’t even think to question how they could be doing this, but if he would’ve thought about it, he would’ve realized that they were all using spells to make it possible. Every time he turned around, Ginny’s hands would be on his shoulder blades or his collarbone. George was dragging Fred by one leg, and then Charlie glided by, rolling his own head under his feet as if he were running on top of a spinning barrel or a unicycle. They were dancing around, hanging upside down from the tree branches, and surrounding Harry one minute, and then completely ignoring him the next.

When Percy’s leg fell off because he was stomping it too much, Harry decided it was time to go. He tried to slink away, but the daughter wouldn’t let him. Harry yelped and struggled a bit harder, walking backwards and bumping into Bill. The daughter suddenly reached her hands up to his jaw and pulled…upward. Frowning, she tried again. She looked up at her oldest brother in confusion.

“Hey!” She yelled. “His head don’t come off!” Harry suddenly batted her hands away.

“Of course it doesn’t!” He hollered. Charlie came up behind him and clamped his meaty hands over Harry’s ears and nearly lifted Harry off the ground.

“She’s right,” he said in a deep voice. “It’s stuck on.” Harry decided it was more than past time to go, and he stopped caring whether he seemed rude or not. He wrenched away from the older brother, fighting off the rest as they alternately tried to catch him themselves. He stopped in horror as Ginny spelled her own head off! Her flying head came over to him.

“Where do you think you’re going with a head like that?” She shrilled. He began fighting more frantically as they all chimed in at once, and Harry stopped paying attention to who was yelling what.

“I know what we can do!”

“Take off his head!”

“Yeah, let’s take him apart!” Harry was really freaked out now, and even though he tried to run, the Wild Gang followed him. Some of their heads were flapping around him as their bodies staggered behind. In a surge of desperation, Harry grabbed the nearest floating head and tossed it into the brush.

“Hey, man, that’s his head!”

“Hey, that’s my head!” Harry grabbed more heads and just began flinging them every which way. He even grabbed the father’s head, still attached to his body, and tossed it away. The severed heads were still talking, and even though Harry tried to run again, their voices followed him.

“What are you doing?”

“Whoa, that’s against the rules to throw other people’s heads!”

“Yeah, you’re only allowed to throw your OWN head!”

“That’s right!”

“Where’s the referee?” The Weasley family’s severed heads and bodies suddenly realized that their new friend wasn’t coming back. They could still hear him crashing through the bushes, and they took off in hot pursuit.

“Now we take YOUR head off!”

“Stop him, somebody!”

“Come back, young man!”

“Play the game!”

“Who gets to throw your head?”

“Hey, you can’t quit!”

“The game’s not over!” A whistle blew, but Harry didn’t stop trying to get away.

“Leave me alone!” He yelled, close to tears as pieces of the Wild Gang caught up with him. He was backed up against the wall with the redheads closing in.

“We get a free throw!”

“Don’t you want us to take your head off?” Suddenly a rope dropped down beside Harry, and he looked up to the top of the wall to see Hermione peering over the edge.

“Hermione!” He exclaimed with relief.

“You can look like us!”

“Grab it!” Hermione called to him, amidst the jeering of the Wild Weasleys. Harry did, and he began walking up the wall, pulling himself up hand over hand, as Hermione pulled back on the rope, trying to help him as much as possible. The Weasleys’ flying heads fluttered around Harry as he climbed.

“Take off your head!”

“Get a saw!”

“Let us take off your arm!”

“An ear! Take off your ear!”

“You don’t need two ears!”

“The game’s almost over!” Harry reached the top, and as he was hauling himself over the edge, Hermione was leaning over, batting at the annoying heads.

“Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here! Go away!”

Once Harry got his balance, he turned to Hermione. He was so happy to see her, he threw his arms around her and tried to kiss her cheek.

“No!” She shrieked, twisting in his arms and trying to get away, without success. “Don’t kiss me! Don’t kiss me!” The stone they were standing on gave way, and they both screamed as they dropped down a long slide. Harry managed to grab onto the side of the doorway at the end of the slide, but Hermione kept going, managing to grab a rusty piece of metal that was poking out. Harry quickly regained his balance and crouched, offering his hand to Hermione to help her up when the smell hit him.

“Hermione! Hold on! Grab my—OH MY GOD!” He fought the urge to cover his nose as he grabbed Hermione and hauled her up to his precarious post. Their combined weight was too much, and the stones tumbled. They both screamed, but it was cut short as they landed on Ron, who was seated miserably with the heels of his hands on his cheeks. The tree branch he had grabbed in the Forbidden Forest had been a trap: a Portkey straight to St. Mungo’s.

“Ron!” Harry exclaimed, hugging the redheaded boy. He was glad that he found his friend, but the bad smell was quickly overpowering everything, especially happiness. Hermione pulled her wand and pointed it at the stranger, but Harry stepped in front.

“Oh no, it’s okay! This is Ron; he’s a friend too!” At Harry’s insistence, Hermione put her wand away, gasping due to the lack of breathable air.

“What is this place?” Harry finally gave in to the urge to cover his nose. Too little, too late, though, and he stumbled to the bushes and retched. When he came back, Hermione—who was also pinching her nose shut, but she had smelled it before, as had Ron, so they weren’t QUITE as affected as first-timer Harry—gestured around.

“This is St. Mungo’s Bog of Eternal Stench,” she said. “If you think it smells bad, just wait until you spend any time here! You will start to go crazy very quickly! What did you have to go and do a thing like that for?”

“Do what?” Harry was confused, and he had no idea what he had done to the girl to make her mad.

“You kissed me!” She accused. Harry was about to respond when they all got hit with another wave of foul odor. “Oh my god!” The trio helped each other, and they began walking, searching for a way out.

“Don’t pretend to be so hard,” Harry chided the girl as they walked. “I know that you came back to help me, and I know that you’re my friend.” He touched her back gently, and she shuddered, pushing him away.

“Did not! Am not! I just came to get my property back!” Suddenly Hermione remembered her other purpose. “Oh, and to give you—” she faltered.

“Give me what?” Harry asked curiously, but Ron interrupted.

“This smells really bad!”

“There’s a bridge! Come on!” Harry looked around and pointed. He led the way over to a rickety-looking, decrepit, narrow rope-and-cement bridge.

“Watch out,” Hermione warned sagely. “If you step in it, you’ll stink forever.” It was an echo of her previous warning, and Harry made sure to give the edge of the bog wide berth. They got close to the bridge, and Harry was sure they were about to make it out of St. Mungo’s when they were suddenly accosted.
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Author's note--HEHEHEHEHE So...what did you think? Aren't the Weasleys PERFECT??? haha In the movie, the Fireys are pink, which made me think of redheads, which means: Weasleys. Ron wasn't there because he walked into the trap from the last chapter that landed him into St. Mungo's.

And for those who were confused, I made a small edit. In the movie, Ludo disappears beneath the ground, like quicksand. That's what I did to Ron at first, but then I got the flash of inspiration for a jinxed tree branch (off the path) that was spelled to be a Portkey to St. Mungo's. So I've gone back and edited the other chapter to reflect that, which is why it's different here. Apologies, apologies, but this was one way to Potter-ize it some more. hehe

I'm sorry for the Weasleys being OOC (except Fred and George, who I could actually picture acting crazy like that) but I kind of needed them. See, there are five Fireys in the movie, but obviously there are more Weasleys, so I couldn't leave anyone out. Plus, I really enjoyed the parts where Ginny is touching Harry (never inappropriately, mind you...think of a really touchy-feely, clingy girl, and that's kind of how Ginny is being, but her touches are limited to above-the-waist) because it makes him uncomfortable.

Okay, so the order of the lines in the Bog of Stench part is slightly off. In my opinion, it works better this way for these characters. All of the important lines are still there, just slightly rearranged.

And I'm also sorry about the cliff-hanger...it wasn't really meant to be one, but I guess it is one just the same. If you've seen the movie, you know who is accosting them, even if you don't know "who" it is yet. Any guesses? LMAO *wink wink*

Yami Bakura--Thank you, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I think you're going to. haha Who do you guess? You obviously know WHO is coming, so hopefully this isn't quite as much of a cliffie to you, even if you don't know *who* it is. hehehe

I'm sorry about the lack of updating...I have limited internet while in transition of moving from Europe to the US. But I'll be back soon, I promise! *shudder* Voldie sexing Draco up is just wrong! And it makes me want to barf when you put it like that...not to mention go back and rewrite it and tell Voldie not to lay a hand on my Draco! But I will not...Harry'll just have to solve the labyrinth quickly! Thanks for reviewing!

WeasleyWench--HA! I saw that review from your story. After I read your review (to this story), I went back through YOUR stories and reviews, looking for the one that you referenced. DAMN! *shrug* I think you're a good writer. No, scratch that. I think you're a GREAT writer; have I told you lately how much I LOVE "The Personal Ad"? *wink* I'm sorely tempted to email that reviewer and request that he/she read my stories...now I'm deadly curious as to what they would think of ME! Does that make me masochistic? LMAO Thank you for your review!

Maizeysugah--I know! But there was no way to keep Hermione true to her character (for now) WHILE she's playing Hoggle's part. But don't worry...it'll all work out, and she'll end up showing her Gryffindor side before it's all said and done. Thanks for reviewing twice! Yeah..."work out"...in quotes...if you know what I mean...damn bastard of a Dark Lord, thinking he has the RIGHT to touch my Draco!

thrnbrooke--HAHA YOU GUESSED IT!!!!!! WAY TO GO!!! What did you think??? Only...not JUST the twins! *BIG GRIN* Thank you, my faithful reviewer!

Here is the link for the "Chilly Down" song, if you're interested http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU_6l1kwu7Y

This chapter is in the sixth segment of the movie on youtube. Here's the link (again) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeNfKW9vxQs