Torn - Repost

TITLE: Torn
AUTHOR: Ravenkiss
STATUS/PART: 10/?
EMAIL: Ravenkiss2000@yahoo.com
RATING: NC17
PAIRING: SS/RL, SS/RH
SPOILERS: OOP
WARNINGS: AU, M/M Slash, Rape, Violence
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no money made.
SUMMARY: Severus tries to get his life back to normal.
AUTHOR\'S NOTES: This story will now be moving more towards a love triangle.
Beta: The Goblet, Tall Oaks and Sylvadin

Part - 10


Severus\' eyes snapped open. He instinctively bit down on his hand to hold back a cry. Even after so many years, his body still obeyed that self-preservation reflex developed in his youth. He trembled slightly, reacting to a nameless, faceless fear until he realized that he had been awakened not by an intruder, or the angry fist of his father, but by a loud snore. He blinked in surprise and relief as the ghost of a smile played on his lips. Remus Lupin was sprawled in the recliner by his bed, head thrown back, with a bit of moisture on his chin.


\"Lupin,\" he said, when he was certain his face was arranged in his best deadpan expression, \"you are drooling.\"

\"What?\" Remus sat up and self-consciously wiped his chin. \"Sorry Severus, I must have dozed off.\"


\"You chose to sit in a chair most of the night so that you could have the scintillating experience of watching me sleep. Of course you dozed off,\" Severus said, and managed to give him a bit of a glare. \"Unfortunately, while that chair may recline, it is not intended for sleeping and I am sure that your back will not thank you for it.\"

\"It is not all that bad, really,\" said Remus with a shrug that turned into a wince as the truth of Snape\'s words sank in, along with a sharp pain in his back. \"Then again...\"

\"Sorry,\" Severus looked at the other man with a bit of embarrassment. \"While I appreciate your sacrifice on my account, would you mind terribly allowing me to dress in private?\"

\"Can you stand on your own?\" asked Remus solicitously, as he stood slowly and rubbed his lower back.


With his lips in a tight line of determination, Snape gingerly placed his feet on the very cold floor and made a valiant attempt at being vertical.


He failed.


Ignoring the pain in his back Lupin moved quckly, caught him and set him back down on the bed. \"Where are your clothes? I will get them out for you.\"


\"No,\" was the automatic reply. \"I am not a child, I can dress myself.\"


\"Severus, this is not a personal insult to you and I certainly do not think you are a child. However, you have been injured. Your leg will not hold your weight. No one, least of all me, will think any less of you if you need a little help.\"

Before he could answer, they heard a knock at Snape\'s door.


\"Must be either Dumbledore or Madame Pomfrey come to make sure I eat breakfast,\" Snape sighed.


\"And to chastise you for leaving the infirmary, alone and without permission, no doubt. Not to worry. I will let your visitor know that you will be up in the Great Hall in a few minutes. The fact that someone is here should placate him or her,\" Remus said as he walked towards the sitting room.

Snape quickly looked around for his cane. He wanted to be dressed by the time Lupin returned.


Unfortunately the cane must have been left in the sitting room.


\'Damn.\'


---

Remus opened the door to the smiling face of Rubeus Hagrid. He felt an extreme annoyance building in his chest at the sight of the man. The half-giant\'s smile faded slightly at the sight of the other Gryffindor in Snape\'s room.


\"Whatcha\' doin\' here Remus?\" asked Hagrid. He was not angry, but not exactly thrilled at the discovery. He had hoped to be able to talk to Severus alone.


\"I found out that Severus left the infirmary without Poppy\'s permission. I saw him struggling in the corridor and thought it might be best if someone were here, to be sure that he did not have any problems during the night.\"


Remus kept his voice even, though he felt a little put out at having to explain his presence. He was not happy to see Hagrid, though he should have expected it. After all, there was a fifty-fifty chance that the child Severus carried belonged to the half-giant.


Of course, he would want to stake his claim.


\"So, what brings you here so early in the morning?\" Lupin made a concerted attempt to remain civil. But he felt a ball of tension forming deep in his gut, at the sight of the only man who might interfere with his courting Severus.


But, surely, he asked himself, Hagrid couldn\'t have any interest in Severus other than because of the baby, could he? Remus had never heard of the groundskeeper linked romantically with anyone but Madame Maxine. He was completely straight.


Right?

\"Came ter visit Sev\'rus this mornin. Poppy\'s a bit put out about \'im leavin\'. Thought some\'un out ter look in on \'im. Make sure \'e ate summat \'fore she came after \'im.\"

\"My thoughts exactly Hagrid. I promise that just as soon as he is dressed and ready I will help him to the Great Hall for breakfast,\" Remus reassured, and placed himself between his rival and the door to the bedroom.

---

With some difficulty, Severus had managed to pull himself up on one of the bedposts and tried to grasp for the nightstand. If he could reach it, he should be able to make it to his wardrobe and his clothes.


Unfortunately, he stumbled as he stretched for the nightstand, slipped and found himself sprawled on the bed. The first reaction was anger, intense, unreasonable anger directed solely at himself for his damnable weakness.


But as he tried to push himself up on the bed, he felt an overwhelming sense of panic. Severus\' mind and body realized at that instant that he was in the same place, the same position he had been beaten and raped.


Suddenly, he could feel again coarse ropes burn his wrists. Bile rose in his throat as his mind relived the horror of the cloth being forced into his mouth, making it hard to breath, choking him on his own saliva. He twisted and jerked, flinching away from each phantom blow of the thick leather belt striking his back. \"Bitch, whore, slut!\" Black\'s voice roared in his ears, the vile words again punctuating each burning lash. The Slytherin violently trembled. His attacker\'s breath rasped hot and moist against his neck. A whimper escaped Severus\' throat at the remembered touch of a rough tongue on his shoulder.


Severus could smell the acrid scent of sweat and blood, could feel the bruising grip of cruel calloused hands on his hips. A sob racked his chest. The weight of that heavy body crushed him against the bed. He could not see, could not breath...


\"NO!\"


Somehow the single, strangled word escaped as he scrambled backwards with a sharp cry of pain and fear, then curled up with a broken sob.


\"Sev\'rus!\" Hagrid gasped as he and Remus rushed to the fallen man as the Slytherin\'s hands tore at his own hair sobbing hysterically. \"Stop, yeh\'re hurtin\' yerself!\"


Severus trembled as another wave of panic washed over him. Everything was dark. There would be more pain! He could almost feel the hands gripping his hair. Sirius Black was laughing at him. \"You\'re my bitch,\" he hissed in Severus\' ear. \"Nothing but a whore!\"

\"Calm down, you are safe Severus,\" assured Remus. He dropped to his knees beside the huddled figure and tried as gently as he could to catch Snape\'s flailing arms.


\"No, no, no!\" Severus cried, still struggling vainly. \"Please, don\'t,\" he whimpered as strong hands attmpted to hold his shoulders.


The Slytherin had the strength born of desperation on his side. He screamed incoherently as he threw Remus off, shoved him bodily into the wall. But he had no chance to fight or flee as Hagrid\'s brawny arms went round his waist. Severus could not hold back a sob of fear. He was trapped, terrified of the huge hands that held him.


But even in the grip of the fear, slowly he perceived that something was different. A new scent began to enter his perception. Hints of hay and earth began to filter through the phantom reek of blood and sex.

He mind began to try to function again.


\'I know this place,\" he told himself. \'I know where I am.\' Severus was in his bedroom, the one place he should have felt safe.


Nervously, he stiffened and stared up at the bearded face of a very concerned Rubeus Hagrid. He had been bundled into the groundskeeper\'s lap and now, he had his fingers wrapped around the thick matterial of Hagrid\'s old brown shirt, he buried his face in the large man\'s chest and wept like a frightened child.


Even as he became aware of the hot tears on his cheek, the Slytherin also became aware of pain. Remus\' was kneeling on the floor beside Hagrid, his strong hands were still holding Snape\'s wrists tightly, so that he would not claw at himself. The Potions Master turned his tearstained face to the werewolf who gave him a reassuring smile.


\"It is alright Severus. No one is going to harm you,\" the brown haired wizard said softly.


There was no way to hide the shame in Severus Snape\'s deep black eyes as he looked from one concerned face to the other. Finally he said with as much dignity as he could muster, \"I am recovered. You may release me.\"


\"Sure Sev\'rus,\" Hagrid gently eased him off of his lap and, being careful of his injured leg, set him down on the floor.


Remus let go of his arms, and looked with concern when he saw that he had left bruises on the pale skin. \"Sorry.\"


Severus was grateful that both men gave him some room after that disgraceful performance. \"It is both of you that should forgive me for acting in such a ridiculous manner,\" he whispered. He had his eyes closed, his arms crossed over his chest defensively and he curled his legs beneath him dispite the discomfort. All this accomplished was to put him in a slightly awkward kneeling position, which sent a stab of pain through his thigh.


His guardians each looked at him, fairly radiating compassion and concern. At least he did not see pity. \"I momentarily allowed myself to be overcome by memories.\"

If he had been able to stand, he would have tried to run.


\"There is nothing for you to be ashamed of Severus. I was afraid that something like this would happen last night, which is part of the reason I stayed with you. I guess you were too exhausted,\" said Remus gently.


\"I should not react this way. I have been beaten many times, and I passed out before Potter, before, he... he... he...\" Tears fell again and Severus felt his throat tighten so that words could no longer escape.


\"Let it out Sev\'rus. Yeh got lots of pain in yeh. Harry hurt yeh bad. No one \'spects yeh ter forget.\" Hagrid ran a hand down his back.


Remus moved slowly to sit before Severus. He took the trembling Slytherin\'s face in his hands. \"Severus, you must try to calm yourself. Do you want to go back to the infirmary?\"


\"NO!\" Snape gasped in horror.


Remus and Hagrid looked at one another with concern, but both men decided to let it drop for now. \"Ok, no infirmary. You should rest. We can delay going to the Great Hall until tomorrow.\"


They saw the Slytherin\'s entire body stiffen. \"No, I can be around people. I am not insane.\"


\"Severus, no one believes you have any sort of mental impairment. You have been injured. Even someone as stubborn as you needs time to recover. We just want to keep you safe.\"


\"Safe? I do not need protecting.\"


\"Everyone needs protectin\' sometimes,\" said Hagrid gently. \"Yer kinda vulnerable right now cause o\' the little one.\"

\"I am a grown wizard, not a simpering child.\" Severus felt sick at the concern on their faces. Concern seemed much too close to pity for his liking.


\"A fully grown wizard who has a badly injured leg, that will not be completely healed for another week or so,\" noted Remus. \"Everyone is very concerned about you. I will have you know that even the non-Slytherin students have been asking when you will be feeling better.\"


\"The students are worried about me? Why? Are they afraid that Albus will find someone even worse to take my place?\" the Potions Master inquired.


Both Gryffindors laughed despite themselves. \"Well, I would not go that far,\" Remus chuckled.


\"Yeh had started ter give points an\' not just detentions.\" Hagrid reminded him.

\"Albus is teaching your classes right now, and I think the more advance students are tired of making candies and simple non-threatening potions. You absence has reminded them how much they enjoy a challenge.\"


While Lupin would have preferred that the other Gryffindor leave, he could not really think of a polite way to say it. He would simply make sure that he was the one to help Severus back to his room afterward.


\"Hagrid, would you help Severus to the chair? I will get him some clothes.\"


\"Sure.\" Hagrid was happy to be of use. He carefully lifted Snape to his feet, and then, he put out one muscular arm and allowed Severus to lean on it. A few halting steps and Severus was seated in the plush brown reclining chair.


Remus had opened the doors to the large black wardrobe and looked through the selection of garments before him. Nothing but those heavy wool suits. He noted with a shake of his head. He cannot wear one of these. Remus was still not sure how the injured man managed to get on the one yesterday.


After some more searching, he turned to the Slytherin. \"Severus, do you own something besides these black suits?\"


\"Always thought \'e looked real nice in black,\" announced Hagrid.


\"No argument there,\" Remus admitted. \"But I do not see anything casual in here. Severus, you will not be teaching today, and you do not want to wear anything that is difficult to get on and off over your leg. I have several sweat suits, they are not exactly your usual style, I know...\"


\"I have a robe Professor Dumbledore gave me several years ago. It is at the far left. He thought I must get hot in wool during the summer.\"


Remus searched in that area and found the robe, which had been well hidden in the corner.

It was dark green silk, and cut in a style similar to the way that the Headmaster wore his own robes. It closed in front with a thick black sash that even if wrapped twice would hang almost to the floor. The lightweight fabric would cover everything from head to toe so that he could wear some loose trousers, underwear or what ever he wanted; or he could even wear nothing at all.


Remus would have loved to suggest that last option, but he was certain that Severus would opt for underwear at the very least. After what had happened, the Slytherin would not want to feel that vulnerable.


\"This is perfect,\" he said as he handed the garment to Snape. \"You should probably consider getting several more of these robes, at least for the rest of the week. I bet Albus would be happy to tell you where he got it.\"


The Slytherin looked at the robe for a moment as if unsure what to do with it. \"I would prefer not to have an audience,\" Severus said, looking at the two men that hovered over him.


\"Sorry,\" both men chimed, blushing in embarrassment, and headed towards the door.


\"Call when you are ready, I will bring your cane,\" Remus said.


---

Fifteen minutes later the three men walked slowly into the Great Hall. Not surprisingly, Hagrid had insisted on walking with them.


Severus felt a stab of resentment build, when he noticed that both men had to slow down quite a bit for him to keep up. \"I feel like a cripple,\" he grumbled.


\"Only for a few more days,\" countered Remus. \"And it would probably heal faster if you did not insist on using it so much.\"


\"I will not sit around like some useless lump, I have done that for too long already,\" Severus informed him.


\"\'Course not, Sev\'rus,\" Hagrid could not keep the grin off his face at the so very normal reaction of the always uncooperative Snape. \"But yeh shouldn\' be strainin\' it too much.\"

At this point the three men reached the staff door of the Great Hall. Hagrid immediately moved ahead to open the door. Remus stood just behind the injured man with the intent of following him into the room. Severus stood frozen.


They heard the normal subdued hum of many conversations being carried on simultaneously. The room was obviously packed with students.


Severus felt certain that a new wave of panic was threatening to overwhelm him. He should not be here. If his leg would have worked properly, he would have turned and run like a scared rabbit.


\'I am not a child,\' he told himself harshly. \'I will not allow my fears to control me.\' But in his mind he could see the students and staff all staring at him for what happened to Potter. They would blame him for the loss of their Savior.


\"Severus, there you are. We have all been anxious to see you,\" Albus Dumbledore\'s calm, steady voice broke through his turmoil. \"Come sit here, by me.\"


Almost in a trance the Potions Master moved towards the reassuring presence. He limped past Hagrid and saw the beaming smile of the Headmaster. He made his slow unsteady way to the staff table. Remus managed to get ahead of him and pulled his chair out for him.


As he sat, carefully, in the large chair, a house-elf appeared with a footstool. \"Is needed for Professor Snape?\" it asked.


\"Yes Bitsy,\" said Dumbledore. With a nod the little creature positioned the stool beneath the table in front of Snape\'s chair.


Severus could almost feel the sympathy oozing from those who watched him, no anger, no hatred, only compassion. His pride stung, he realized that if he did not get himself situated quickly the entire staff would rush to help him.


It was painful to get his leg up on the low stool. The house elf looked pleased before it disappeared with a pop.


Remus sat in the chair beside his. Hagrid plopped down in the seat to Lupin\'s right. Both men waited for Severus to begin eating.


To his annoyance Severus realized that the hall had gone silent, and that every person in it waited for him to do something. He felt horribly self-conscious and wanted to run, but Severus Snape would not act like a coward.


He took a deep breath then turned to Dumbledore. \"Please pass the coffee.\" He almost expected the staff and students to break into applause.

\"Of course, my boy, we picked up some decaff for you,\" the Headmaster already had the carafe at hand.


Decaff? Snape hissed mentally at the older man. He never understood the point of coffee without caffeine. But he did remember one of Poppy\'s lectures on the care and feeding of a pregnant wizard. Rule number one was that caffeine was bad for a developing foetus.

It was going to be a long nine months...

Then to make things worse, Dumbledore did not simply pass the ersatz coffee but, instead, poured it for him. Though when his hand shook as he lifted the cup, he realized that, as usual, Albus knew best. He would not have been able to pour his own.

This seemed to be a signal that the show was at an end. Slowly those in the hall began to go back to their own conversation with only a few surreptitious glances at the Potion Master.


\"I see you are finally wearing the robe I gave you, what was it, six years ago?\" asked the Headmaster beaming at him, as the rest of the hall went slowly back to normal.


\"It is only because of my leg,\" Snape said with a frown.


\"It is obviously not from Madame Malkin\'s. Where did you get it Albus?\" asked Remus. Severus sighed but he did not growl at him for it.


\"Alexander\'s at Totter\'s Lane. He does a wonderful job with traditional robes. If this style is better for your leg, I can order you a few more.\"


\"Yes, you should,\" Remus began. He realized his behavior was somewhat forward, and added, \"Sorry, Severus, that is your decision.\"


\"I suppose I could use something similar for the next few days,\" Severus admitted. \"Do they make them in black?\"


\"As a matter of fact, I do believe he does. But would you consider letting him do one in midnight blue, or perhaps hunter green?\"


\"You know, Severus,\" Minerva McGonagall ventured, \"Alexander also makes maternity robes.\"


The entire table went quiet.


Very slowly Snape turned to his fellow Head of House. There was utter silence at the table as everyone waited for the explosion.


\"I do not believe that I need to worry about that for a few months yet,\" he said in a soft, if very tight voice.


Minerva let the subject drop. But like the elephant in the corner that no one spoke of, it was still there. And it would become harder to ignore as the next nine months went on.


After a long silence, Dumbledore cleared his throat and spoke as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. \"Severus, Hagrid tells me that the frogs have begun laying their eggs in the reeds of the lake. You should be almost out of the harvest from last season...\"


tbc