The shade of light

The shade oght ght


~*~

Chapter 10: Hopeless

~*~

Hermione was sitting next to the window, watching the sun slowly move towards the earth. Until finally the sun touched the earth and became red.

Lucius had sat behind his desk the entire day. Working on something. Something Hermione didn’t even want to know about. They were in his room. A pretty room decorated in black and dark red. Although there were a few gruesome objects in the room, but apart from that it was classic and stylish.

She desperately wanted to be saved by anyone... As long as she could get away from here. From all the nasty and dark things. People who deceived each other for their own good. Nothing in this darkness was to be trusted. Nothing and no one.

How much Hermione longed to wake up and realise she dreamt this. All the bad thing that had happened and still were happening. These people didn’t know how to love. These people didn’t even know the meaning of the word.

All along Hermione had hoped for the Light Side to some and save all the people, all the time. Now she’d lost hope. She’d lost hope, because everything around her was so cold and dark. She didn’t want to loose hope, but she could feel it slip away. She could feel her heart slowly turn into ice. Not long from now she wouldn’t care anymore. Every sprang of hope would be vanished into the darkness that was forming in her heart. She needed warmth, Draco’s warmth, but it was gone.

She didn’t know if it was the fact that she realised how the dark side worked, or that she’d now lost her only hope of survival, Draco. Probably the last one.

*

Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In their separate skin
I make myself translucent
T o let you in, for I am wanting
And I am needing you here
Inside the absence of fear

*

She knew that she had to fight, but she couldn’t find the energy to. At least not now. She wanted to find it with all her heart, but for now her strength was gone together with her hope. It wasn’t like her to be like this, but she simply couldn’t take it anymore. The darkness was so overwhelming and it was sucking her hope away from her. She never knew that darkness could be so tempting, until now.

And Ron, poor Ron, it was all her fault that he was tortured like that. All because her love for Draco. She felt so guilty about that. He was going to die because of her... All because of her. All she did was finally find love and look where it had brought her... Into trouble.

Lucius hadn’t spoken a word since they entered his room. The silence was slowly making Hermione nervous and anxious. Apparently Lucius was fine with making plans to make his son miserable. Or his fear for the Dark Lord was as big as Draco’s... Another thing Hermione failed to understand. The Dark Lord was powerful, yes there was no doubt about that. But he was powerful because there were so many people that feared him. So many Death Eaters that joined once, and couldn’t go back. That were stuck in this pool of darkness, because of their fear.

Hermione believed that in their hearts they didn’t want to be in this war, but no one dared to admit it. In fear for their lives and the lives of their family and friends. So they continued to co-operate. Continued to be a part of this endless circle. If only one stepped out of it and broke the circle. The Dark Lord’s power would be shattered. But just like with Hitler in the second world muggle war, no one dared to. And they were sucked into the darkness as well. Just like her.

That was Hermione’s theory, because she didn’t believe that people could be so uncaring. It couldn’t be the way it seemed to be. Or hope would really be gone.

-

Suddenly a stab of pain hit her heart when she realised what Draco and Pansy were most probably doing right now. She forced herself not to think about it, but her mind kept drifting towards it. Images filled her head. Images of Draco and her, but mostly images of Draco and Pansy. She buried her face into her hands. Desperate to get the bad mental images out of her head. She couldn’t handle this right now. She needed Draco. She needed Draco to be her only hope. She ... She loved him!

*

Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In their separate skin
I make myself translucent
T o let you in, for I am wanting
And I am needing you here
Inside the absence of fear

*

What if Draco realised that Pansy was a better match for him? What if everything Draco did to her was a game?

She needed Draco to be there. To tell her that everything was going to be alright. That her fears were untrue. That he loved her too.

*

There is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
And it knows that you\'re no stranger
You\'re my gravity

*

She thought about all the things they did together. The conversations they had. Only now she realised how much she needed Draco. How much she adored his bluish grey eyes. His enchanted smile. She hungered for the sweet kisses she received from him not long ago. Her love for Draco blessed and cursed her. It was impossible, their love. But it gave her hope.

*

My hands will adore you thr all all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name
For I am wanting you
And I am needing you here
I need you near
Inside the absence of fear

*

Finally something snapped inside her and she began to cry. Tears formed by a heart ache.

She gasped when she felt a soft touch on her shoulder and looked up. Facing Lucius she gasped again, flushing slightly. Ashamed because he saw her cry. She had forgotten all about him.

“You should eat,” Lucius said, offering her a bowl of soup and some bread. His face was emotionless, but somehow Hermione wondered why he was bringing her soup.

“I’m not that hungry,” Hermione said, her voice cracking. She took the bowl out of his hands anyway. She didn’t know why she took the bowl. Normally she woulde sle slammed the bowl out of his hands or turn her head away and say nothing. It was kind of kind from him to give her soup, right? Or was it just to keep her alive?

He nodded and turned around. He walked to the bookshelves in the corner of the room and pulled out a few books. He put them on his desk and sat down in one of the black leather couched next to the fire, so he would see her.

Hermione slowly ate her soup and drenched the bread with soup, before eating it. She watched Lucius’ every move. Even though he wasn’t hostile or evil towards her, she didn’t trust him for one bit. She felt so weak sitting there with traces of tears on her cheeks.

Suddenly Lucius stood up and poked the fire, putting some extra wood on top of the blackened burned wood that was already there. He turned back to her and raised his eyebrow.

“Finished?” he asked her.

Hermione nodded and handed him the bowl, but before she could it vanished into air.

Lucius pulled out his wand and pointed it towards her, which made her gasp sharply.

“Go to the bed,” he ordered her.

Hermione’s eyes widened and her lips began to tremble softly.

“Oh, you foolish girl. It’s only to prevent you from looking all over the place,” Lucius snapped, as he realised her concerns. He grabbed her arm not too hard and pushed her softly towards the blacur-pur-poster in the corner of the room. She sat on the edge of the bed in silence as she watched Lucius grab the books he picked out a few minutes ago.

“Here’s something to read. This might take a while,” he said, giving her the books. After that he cast a spell, making bars appear around the bed. Lucius turned around and walked out of the door, his cloak billowing behind him.

Hermione looked at the door, a bit startled. She wondered where he was going. She was angry at him for putting her behind bars like this. Draco would never have done something like this to her. Never! Lucius was treating her like some animal. She kicked on of the books away in her anger, but her curiosity for books made her look into them.

~*~

“Love isn’t what you read in fairytales and love at first side doesn’t exists either. Not in real life. Just face it, hun, Love is just a game.” Pansy told Draco.

They were up in “their” room. After Draco successfully managed to avoid Pansy for almost the entire day.

That is until she began to yell his name in the middle of the Great Hall and Voldemort returning that precise moment. He had to ran towards her and hug her to keep up his appearances. She almost jumped on top of him and pressed her mouth against his. He kissed her back in utter disgust. Man she was a bad kisser. Her mouth and tongue were moving like a washing machine.

The avoiding was over and the dreaded moment came closer and closer. Dangerously close now.

When Pansy was finished kissing him in front of all the Death Eaters, he felt a cold hand on his shoulder and a cold shadow next to his shoulder.

“Make me proud,” Voldemort hissed in his ear. Sending shivers over his spine.

Pansy was looking at him with an arrogant look on her face. Draco raised his eyebrow at her. Signing her that he wasn’t scared of her. Pansy sniffed and turned around exiting the Great Hall. Dragging him behind her as she held his hand in a deadly tight grasp.

“You can’t hide from me any longer. I will take you,” Pansy sneered, when they were far enough from the Great Hall to have a private conversation.

“You can’t take me Pansy. I’m already taken,” Draco answered, smirking at her.

She clenched her jaw en continued walking.

“You know what Pansy?” Draco said. “One day your jealously will kill you and you’ll have earned every piece of it. Your heart is as black as the darkness that somehow absorbed you. You care about no one but yourself.”

Pansy turned around and looked at him with a deadly glare. “It’s the only way to survive, Draco. Look where caring for someone has brought you!” She spat angrily. “Your caring disgusts me. I can’t believe the Dark Lord hasn’t finished you off yet. Somehow he’s convinced of the fact that you will turn to him again with the loyalty you had for him before this madness started,”

Draco rolled his eyes. “You’re just jealous it isn’t you I care for,” Draco said softly.

Pansy slapped him in the face. “What happened to you, Draco?” she asked. “That bitch has hexed you. I’m sure of it. The Draco I know would never care for a mudblood like her. I can’t believe you’re choosing her instead of me, but you’ll be sorry for that. She’ll break you heart,”

Draco raised his eyebrow. “Why would she break my heart?”

“Because she’s not to be trusted. She only cares about herself. Once you’re gone she’ll go and take somebody else,” Pansy said seriously.

“That sounds more like you, Pansy.” Draco spat, while they arrived at their door.

“You are wrong. I would love you if you let me. That mudblood is just a slut.” Pansy yelled back.

“You aren’t capable of loving Pansy. You don’t even know what loving means. At least I’ve loved and felt love. Something you will never have,” Draco yelled.

“Love isn’t what you read in fairytales and love at first side doesn’t exists either. Not in real life. Just face it, hun, Love is just a game.” Pansy said, smirking evilly.

“Just shut up!” Draco yelled.

“You’re just pissed off, because you know that I’m right.” Pansy continued. “Love isn’t going to bring you anywhere. Not in the world you’re living in,”

“At least I know what it is. And if I have to die today, it would be the only thing I would be thankful for. You’ll never feel your stomach flutter. Feel like you would fly around if gravity wasn’t holding you down.” Draco said, shaking his head. “I truly feel sorry for you. That you’ll have to miss feeling love in your live.”

This silenced Pansy for a moment. “I don’t care. I’ve got you in my power and that’s all I want. Since you dumped me after the Yuke Ball. I’ll get what I want,”

“So that’s what this is all about?” Draco asked, sitting down on the couch.

“Not all of it.” Pansy smirked. “Now... let the fun begin. I’m going to make you wish you were more kind to me then. After the Dark Lord and I are trough with you. There will be nothing left of this you,” Pansy told him, before she dragged him towards the bed.

~*~

Draco had his eyes closed all the time, thinking about Hermione. And the fact that one day they would be together. One day this would be all over.

But did Hermione love him the way he loved her? Or was it just to screw her way out of here. She didn’t know he was on the light side. For all he knew it was just of hef her clever plans.

Maybe Pansy was right? What if love didn’t bring you anywhere but in a lot of trouble. Was his love really going to give him a heart ache, because he didn’t think he could handle that.

If Hermione was gone, there was nothing here to stay for. If Hermione didn’t love him... There was nothing for him to live for. His life was so messed up and she was the only part that made it worth living. The only hope he had in this darkness that was slowly eating him away.

*

I may get along,
when love is gone
Still you made your mark,
here in my heart
One day I\'ll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more can your love do for me?
When will love be through with me?
I followed the night
Can\'t stand the light
When will I begin
My life again
One day I\'ll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more can your love do for me?
When will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day that dreaming ends
One day I\'ll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more can your love do for me?
When will love be through with me?
*

~*~

Hermione snapped her eyes open as she heart Lucius return to the room. She noticed it was morning at last. She didn’t sleep at all that night. She couldn’t, because she kept thinking of Draco. Finally at five in the morning she fell asleep.

Thes dis disappeared and she quickly stepped out of the bed. Longing for a warm shower.

“You will be returning to Draco’s room and do exactly as we tell you. Or your friend will be dead,” Lucius said slowly, finishing with a soft sigh.

Hermione nodded slowly, biting her lip as she thought about Ron. “I want to see Ron first!” she said.

Lucius raised his eyebrow. “You aren’t in the position to demand something, young girl. As I was saying, you will do exactly as I tell you.”

Hermione glared at him and clenched her jaw.

“You will enter his room and say nothing to him. No hello’s nothing. When he asks you anything, you don’t answer and act casual. If he asks you where you were you will tell him only that you were in my rooms. Nothing else. If he asks anything else, you will say that it’s none of his business. Pansy will be there all the time, so if you do let something slip. Even a tear... You’re little red-haired friend will be joining Pottepareparents. Understand?” Lucius asked her, while pointing his wand at her.

She nodded, not looking at him.

Two Death Eaters entered the room and walked towards her.

Hermione took a deep breath and began to talk calmly. “I can’t believe you would do this to your son. Can’t you see that this will break him? Maybe lead him even more away from the Dark Side and you know what Voldemort will do to him if he does. Do you really want to see your own son dead?”

“Take her away,” Lucius snapped, turning around to face the wall.

The two men grabbed her tightly and began to drag her away.“If “If he dies or is as unhappy as you are. You know who’s fault it is!” Hermione yelled, before the Death Eaters closed the door behind them. Leaving Lucius in the room.

On the way towards Draco’s room, Hermione kept trying to think up ways to show him that she was forced to say these things.

~*~

Draco had slept the night on the couch, not wanting to share a bed with Pansy. She got what she wanted. Well not all of it, he hadn’t forgot to take the potion Severus Snape had given him.

He even got a little message from Dumbledore and Potter wishing him luck, that morning. It had filled his heart with hope... and it still did when he thought about it.

He had showered and when he walked back into the room, dressed in black, he saw that Hermione was sitting next to Pansy. Combing her hair. His heart skipped a beat as their eyes met.

“Hello,” he said, walking to his desk.

When Hermione didn’t say anything back he looked at her and saw that Pansy had a nasty smile upon her face. Hermione kept her eyes upon him and never looked away.

Draco gave her a questioning look, but she didn’t answer it. Pansy turned around and whispered something in Hermione’s ear, making Hermione’s eyes widen. There was definitely something going on. He had to speak with Hermione in private.

-

The entire day, Hermione avoided him and Pansy didn’t leave them alone for one second. Hermione had cleaned the whole room, on Pansy’s command.

He noticed that Hermione tried to make eye contact with him, but avoided to be near him. It was obvious that she was trying to tell him something, but was able to tell it. Probably because of Pansy being near all the time.

“Hermione could you bring me a cup of tea and some light reading?” Draco asked, wanting to be close to Hermione. If he could only touch her hand when she handed him his cup.

Hermioneked ked at him with a blank expression on her face, before she poured a cup of tea from him. She walked towards him, with the cup trembling in her hands. Not saying anything, there was a pleading look in her eyes. Draco could tell by the look on her face that she was close to crying.

When she handed him his cup, he touched her hand and slipped a little note in her hand. Pansy was looking at them from the couch and walked towards him. Luckily Hermione turned around and hit the note in her hand.

Pansy looked at Draco suspiciously, before kissing him on his mouth.

Draco jerked backwards and shot her a glare. “Stay away,” he warned her.

-

Hermione walked towards the bookshelves and pulled out a book that seemed somewhat interesting. She turned around and saw that Draco was giving Pansy a glare.

She sighed in relieve. The whole day she’d been trying to tell Draco that she loved him, but she couldn’t. He didn’t understand, he just kept looking at her with this affectionate look in his eyes. Which made her want to ran towards him and kiss him, but she loved Ron too much.

Pansy kept looking at her all the time. Her eyes never left Hermione, and it was driving Hermione crazy.

But now Draco had found out another way to communicate.

She walked back to Draco and Pansy with the note in her hand and handed Draco the book, but Pansy took it from her and gave it to Draco.

“Thank you,” Draco said to her instead of Pansy, making Pansy glare at him.

Hermione turned around and walked to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and quickly opened the note with her trembling hands.

‘What is it that you are trying to tell me? What is going on? D.’

The note said.

Hermione felt like crying in relieve. Draco suspected something. How she loved the fact that he wasn’t only cute, but smart too.

“Allohamora,” She heard behind her as Pansy stormed into the bathroom.

She turned around trying to hide the note, but she was too late. Pansy grabbed the note out of her hands and read it quickly.“I k“I knew it,” Pansy whispered, while Draco appeared in the doorway. “My Lord will hear about this... You will pay,”

“Pansy, what is going on here?” Draco asked, putting his hands on his hips.

“Nothing, hun.” Pansy answered. “I’ll have to ask you not to communicate with our slave, hun. Or I’ll get really jealous and you know what’s going to happen if I do.”

Draco turned around and walked back inside the room.

“Do you want Weasel dead?” Pansy whispered again.

Hermione shook her head, trying to keep herself from crying.

“If I ever find out you’re communicating with Draco... He’ll die. I think it wasn’t smart of us to put you two together in a room. You’ll be working for Lucius from now on. We’ll make sure Draco hears what we want him to hear. I don’t want you screwing up the plan. Now come with me,” Pansy said, pointing her wand at Hermione.

Hermione bit his lip and followed her out of the bathroom. It had failed. If she only had waited a bit longer. Now the only hope for communication was gone.

~*~

Later that day Hermione was forced to take a walk with Lucius over the grounds of Hogwarts. She didn’t mind at all, but it was the fact that she knew Draco was watching that worried her immensely.

Lucius was silent throughout the whole walk. Hermione had expected him to punish her for yelling at him that morning, but he never did such a thing.

Suddenly Lucius stopped in his tracks and turned to her.

“I would never want to hurt my son, but I promised to the Dark Lord that I would put him first. Draco has been foolish,” Lucius said, not looking at her.

Hermione looked to the ground in utter shock. “Why?”

“He knows that I cannot help him in this one. I don’t know what is wrong with him. He knows he should please the Dark Lord in every way. Or it will be his death and yet he finds the nerve to fall in love with a mudblood,” Lucius spat.

Hermione clenched her jaw at the word ‘mudblood’, but didn’t say anything about it. “This will only make him unhappy.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Lucius asked, sighing.

“But you can help him!” Hermione said, when she found the courage to.

“No, Mrs Granger. In this world I can’t,” Lucius said, putting his arm around her shoulder.

Hermione sighed, wishing she could push away Lucius’ arm. She knew that what she was doing was going to eat Draco away from the inside. Just like the marriage had done with her.

But she had found a bit of hope in Lucius, maybe he wasn’t so bad at all...

~*~

Songs in this chapter where from Jewel, ‘Absence of fear’ and Moulin Rouge/Randy Crawford, ‘One day I’ll fly away’

Thanks for all the reviews I received from you all! And thanks for sticking to this story even though I never update. Please try to understand that I really do try to update, but work always interferes.

Please Review!

Much Love,

Cherish