A Light of Meaning

“Neville?”

Neville looked up a bit blankly. Harry was walking down the hall toward him from the lobby. “Hey,” Neville said dully.

Harry sat down next to Neville and eyed him nervously. “Uh…why are you out here?”

“The Healers got done asking me questions, and said I should wait out here while they run some test spells,” Neville answered blankly. “I used the cover story,” he added quickly and quietly, “about finding the spell in an old book in our attic, and deciding to cast it…and how the book burned up when the spell was finished.”

“Good,” Harry said, sitting down next to Neville. “Er…how’s your gran?”

Neville went a bit white. “B-better now; one of the Healers gave her some Calming Draught – they were worried her heart might… but she’s gonna be okay.”

“Good, that’s…that’s good,” Harry said lamely, and lapsed into silence. “And…” Harry swallowed. “And your parents…?” A little strangled sound came from Neville’s throat, and he covered his face with his hands. “Neville?” Harry said, alarmed. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Neville mumbled thickly. “Nothing. They’re f-fine.”

Harry let out a huge breath. “Thank Merlin,” he whispered. “I thought that maybe-”

Neville stood up abruptly, startling Harry; he grabbed the front of Harry’s robes and dragged him across the hall, where he opened the door to a broom closet; ignoring Harry’s protests, Neville shoved Harry inside and followed him in, closing the door behind them. “Lumos,” Harry heard, and the light from Neville’s wand illuminated the other boy’s face; streaked with tears, and with looks of joy and uncertainty battling. Neville raised his wand again; “Silencus,” he said, and the closet was briefly surrounded with a fine mist.

“Neville, you did the Silencing Charm! You’ve never made it work before!”

“Yeah,” Neville said vaguely. “Harry, I- I’m worried. I’m really, really scared, and the Aurors didn’t listen to me! You have to help!”

“What, Neville?” Harry asked, his own nerves rattled by the expression of fear Neville wore. “Whatever it is, you know I’ll help…”

“My parents are in danger,” Neville stated. “They were well-known, well-respected Aurors…I know the Prophet’s already getting a story ready. The Healers are keeping everyone away because my parents are still…fragile,” he said, glaring defiantly at Harry as if he expected Harry to belittle his parents. “But everyone’s going to know about this in no time, and there’s someone who won’t be happy they’re back!”

“Bellatrix Lestrange,” Harry stated, finally seeing what Neville was getting at.

“Bellatrix Lestrange,” Neville agreed, practically growling the name. “Harry, she’s insane, she’ll probably see this as a failure on her part that she didn’t finish off my parents in the first place! She might even beg Voldemort to let her come back and finish them off!”

“Neville, calm down!” Harry shouted; Neville’s voice was rising as he grew more and more agitated, and he was shaking all over. “Just tell the Aurors- right, they didn’t believe you,” he said shortly, biting his lip.

“I’m not just being overprotective, like the Aurors said,” Neville insisted.

“I know you’re not, I agree with you,” Harry told the other boy. “Neville, I swear I’ll do everything I can. I’m going to contact Tonks and fill her in; maybe she can exert a little influence on the Aurors’ decisions. And I’ll contact the Order and tell them our concern – they might not be able to do much, but it’s worth a try.”

Neville fell back against the door with his eyes closed. “Thanks, Harry,” he whispered. “It’s- I know that, well, it might not be probable, but…”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Harry said dryly. “You aren’t wrong – Bellatrix really is crazy, and I can just imagine her twisted logic bringing her here. But we’re going to make sure that if she does, she fails. Neville, if it comes to it I’ll have the D.A. stake out your parents’ room, if that’s what it takes.”

Neville finally managed to stop shaking. “I really…haven’t figured out how to react yet,” he admitted. “I mean…they’re my parents, right? And I l-love them, and I want to protect them, but even so…they don’t know me, and I don’t know them. How am I supposed to behave around them?”

“You’re asking the wrong person, Neville,” Harry said dully. “Just be happy you’ve got the chance to know your parents. I guess the rest’ll come later.”

Neville opened his eyes and stared at Harry with the strangest expression. Then, without warning, he lunged forward and threw his arms around Harry’s shoulders. “Thank you, H-Harry,” he cried, sobbing into Harry’s robe.

“It- you’re welcome,” Harry muttered, patting Neville’s back tentatively.

“I w-wish-” Neville drew in a huge breath. “I wish I could give you your parents back too-!”

The comment caught Harry completely by surprise, and he stood stunned as Neville continued to weep happy tears. He finally extracted himself, and suggested with false happiness that Neville might want to go back and be with his parents again.

When Ginny found Harry some time later, the tired smile slid off her face when she saw his expression. “What’s wrong?”

Harry was sitting by the window in an unused patient’s room. His green eyes were unusually bright. “I’m a horrible bloody person, Ginny,” he said softly.

“What?” Ginny stared in shock for a moment, and then stepped inside and shut the door. “Harry, after what you did today…how can you say that about yourself?”

Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times before he managed to answer. “I…I wondered countless times, when I first entered the magical world, whether there was some way to bring my parents back, to regain the life I’d always wanted. I even looked – a lot – but I always found the same answer; nothing can bring back the dead.”

He turned back to the window and watched a pigeon blankly. “Is this fair? Is it right? Neville’s a good enough bloke, and he’s definitely missed out on a lot of what I did. I can’t resent him for what he’s gained here, but…” Harry swallowed and looked down at his hands. “No. That’s a lie. I do resent Neville. I envy him so much it’s like Godric’s sword twisting in my heart. I really think that if- that if I knew by sacrificing Neville’s regained happiness I could bring back my parents…I’d do it. And I wouldn’t hesitate.

“And I keep telling myself, ‘I have Ginny. I have Ron and Hermione, and all the Weasleys. I have a family.’ But having a family and growing up with a family aren’t the same thing. I didn’t even have a crazy but well-meaning old grandmother to raise me; just the Dursleys. Part of me wants to blame them, too, because even without my parents I still should have been able to be happy.

“I really want to be happy for Neville; I was, for a bit, until he said he wished he c-could give me back my parents, too. Now all I want is to do is go back and hex Neville into a slug for being such a clueless, insensitive bastard, and then- and then find a way to sacrifice his parents to bring mine back.” Harry rubbed a bit frantically at his eyes. “Ginny, what kind of person wishes they could take away the b-best thing that’s ever happened to their f-friend, just to gain something for themselves?”

Ginny had remained silent throughout Harry’s empty discourse. Now she went and kneeled in front of him; she didn’t touch him but he turned his eyes to her. “It makes you human, Harry,” she said in answer. “You’re hardly the first to commit murder in your head. You should have seen some of the things I did to the Dursleys up here,” she said, tapping her temple, and Harry couldn’t help but smile. “The atrocities I performed on my own mother were even worse. Thinking dark thoughts doesn’t make you evil, Harry. Performing dark acts does.”

“Yeah…yeah, I know,” Harry muttered.

Ginny reached up and took Harry’s face in her hands. She sadly gazed up into his eyes. “You know that even if I was willing to try, I’d never replace your parents. It’s something that no one can do, and a life that no one can give you back. You have to decide for yourself whether the life you have now is worth all the pain it can bring.”

Harry stared in shock. “Of course it is!”

Instantly Ginny scowled, and smacked Harry’s arm hard. “Then what are you moping for, you bloody berk? You’re in here moaning about what a wretched person you are when you gave Neville the greatest gift of his life! You’ve got great friends and a real family, and a brilliant, sexy witch for a wife – you don’t have any right to complain, so stop griping or I’ll stuff you into my thong knickers!”

Harry’s jaw had hit the floor, but he managed to muster a slight grin. “You have thong knickers? How come I’ve never seen them?”

“Because they’re bloody uncomfortable, that’s why,” Ginny said shortly, standing up. She turned away and headed slowly to the door; Harry noticed her slim hips were moving in a slightly exaggerated way. “However,” she added mildly, “I am wearing them now.”

It was truly amazing, Harry considered as he lunged at Ginny, how it really didn’t take much for her to completely reverse his mood. Harry’s arms went around his wife; one hand snared a breast, while the other went in search of the thong knickers. “I love it when you tell me off for being a prat,” he mumbled as his lips kissed and suckled Ginny’s freckled neck.

“You’ve been conditioned to it,” Ginny replied breathily, placing her hands over Harry’s, encouraging him to be less gentle with her breasts, guiding him into her robes. “I’ve had to say it so often…”

Harry all but threw Ginny onto the patient’s bed. She rolled onto her back, and placed a foot in the middle of Harry’s chest, stopping him. “What?” he asked hoarsely.

“Nothing,” Ginny answered with a smirk. “You’re just very fun to toy with.”

Harry snarled, slapped Ginny’s leg away and tackled her onto the bed. Her robes were hanging open, and Harry – after finally pinning Ginny’s arms over her head with one hand so she’d stop tickling him – finally found the purported knickers. “These are right sexy, Ginn,” he murmured into her ear as he lightly rubbed the cloth over her clit, making her squirm.

“Why do you think- I wore them?” Ginny gasped out, arching her hips against Harry’s hand.

“Fancied a shag this morning?” Harry pulled the knickers aside and brushed his thumb over her labia.

Ginny twisted her arms free and grabbed Harry’s head; she wrapped her legs around Harry and pulled his body close. “Fancy a shag right now!” she demanded.

Harry ripped aside his robes and pushed down his trousers and boxers. The moment his cock was free Ginny grabbed it and pulled, guiding Harry into her immediately; Harry braced his hands on either side of Ginny’s head and let out a harsh groan as her legs pulled them together, burying Harry inside her completely. “Dear Merlin…” he moaned as Ginny quivered around him.

“Don’t- talk-” Ginny whined, grinding her hips upward. “Don’t- be gentle- just- fuck me!”

Harry did as he was told. He hammered into Ginny immediately, not waiting for her to adjust, not holding back for fear of hurting her. The heels of Ginny’s feet pressed into his back, urging him on as much as her moans and obscenities did; both of them half-clothed, they pushed each other to the edge and in no time howled, screamed and collapsed in a sweaty, sticky heap.

Harry’s arms were shaking with the effort of holding himself up so as not to crush Ginny. “Ginn- let go, will you?” he said tightly. Ginny unwrapped her legs and Harry pulled out of her, making them both shiver. Harry fell to the side, facing up, and stared dazedly at the ceiling. “Wow,” he said.

Ginny turned on her side and peered at Harry closely. “Harry, if you need something to cheer you up you only have to ask,” she said with a wry twist of her lips. “You know I love telling you off.”

Harry chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Thanks, Ginny. I guess it makes sense that I’m going to get morbid sometimes.”

“Not just you,” Ginny pointed out with a scowl. “You’re not the only one whose life is on the line.”

“Yeah…you’re right. I’m sorry, Ginny; I shouldn’t rely on you to-”

“Yes you should,” Ginny interrupted fiercely. “That’s what we’re supposed to do for each other!” Her expression softened, and she reached out to push some of Harry’s sweaty hair off his forehead. “I just meant that sometimes, I’m going to need a boost, too.”

“And you’ll get it,” Harry promised with a smile. “So long as I don’t have to wear the thong knickers.”

Ginny put on a pout. “But Harry, you’d look brilliant in them!”

“It would take a hex as powerful as anything Voldemort could cast to get me into that thing,” Harry stated firmly. “And no,” he added at the speculative look on Ginny’s face, “that wasn’t a challenge!”