Love, Lies & Loneliness

A/N Hell here\'s another chapter just because I\'m feeling generous.

Chapter 10
(School Policy)

“So is there need for me to ask who did this or do I already know the answer?” Harry winced away from Snape’s hand as the professor gently dabbed the cut above his eye with the same orange potion he’d used after Uncle Vernon had attacked him. Harry looked at Snape silently the unspoken words the only answer the professor needed. Harry put his glasses back on as Snape stood up from where he’d sat down next to the boy on the couch. Re-stopping the bottle of potion Snape returned it to its rightful place among his private collection before washing his hands and returning to the plump armchair in the lounge. “I can do nothing directly in this situation Mr Potter.” Harry shifted uncomfortably on Snape’s couch as the potions professor summoned a house elf with a tray of herbal tea for them. When the house elf had disappeared again Snape proceeded to pour both himself and Harry a cup of the steaming liquid. Harry was reluctant to take the offered cup, not for any other reason but he dreaded to think what Snape would say should he spill any on the crimson velour sofa he now sat upon. When he had first entered Snape’s chambers Harry had not really taken noticed of the color scheme of the room, but now found it fascinating that Snape would choose blood red, black and cream. Somehow Harry had always pictured Snape as a green and black person, not that he’d pondered that quandary often.

“Yeah I kind of figured as much.” Sensibly Harry moved to the edge of the couch and clutched his cup of tea tightly in both his hands as not to spill any as he sipped from it. The tea tasted strange, kind of like aniseed but Harry liked its tang and the soothing effect it had on his body.

“I will of course ensure that the headmaster suitably punish Draco but I will have to distance myself from it and play ignorant to your attack. I can’t be seen to be taking action against my own house.” Harry nodded in understanding. Snape hadn’t exactly been the fairest ‘head of house’ since Harry’s arrival at Hogwarts. In fact the professor had gone out of his way to favor Slytherin over all the other houses, turning a blind eye to the disobedience in his own house while taking points freely from others. Harry supposed that playing ignorant to Draco’s latest incident would come fairly easy to Snape who’d had five years of practice already. Harry held his tongue on the subject despite the ripple of anger that swept through his body having remember all the points he’d lost during first year potions class alone. Deciding against perusing that topic further Harry turned to the question he’d been dying to ask since Malfoy had spat it at him in the bathroom earlier.

“I didn’t know you were Draco’s godfather?” The question seemed to catch Snape off guard and the professor paused in swilling his tea in his cup to glance cautiously up at the boy sitting on his couch.

“I don’t consider that information is any of your business Mr Potter.” Snape returned to his cup of tea, and Harry watched as the man drained what was left in the cup and put it back on the tray floating in mid air between them.

“Sorry. Malfoy mentioned it.” Harry apologized despite his lingering interest in the subject. Considering his own godfather Sirius was his guardian, Harry wondered what being Draco’s godfather entailed. It was obvious by Snape’s response that the professor had no intention of discussing it, not that Harry was surprised. Until a week ago he had barely shared two words together with his potions professor that could be classed as civil. The silence between Harry and Snape stretched and Harry wondered why he hadn’t been sent back to the dorm already. Snape didn’t seem the type of person who needed company especially that of a student. Finishing his tea Harry replaced his cup on the tray and watched as Snape waved his hand over the tray making it instantly disappear without flinching. Wandless magic was something that had intrigued Harry since reading about it in first year. Wandless magic was difficult and required strength and power. Most wizards and witches could only ever do the simplest of spells without their wands if at all but there had been a few powerful wizards who had perfected the art, and survived solely upon it.

The only person Harry had ever seen use wandless magic with some gravity was Dumbledore but the headmaster was hardly a normal wizard by anyones standards. Harry wondered having seen Snape just perform wandless magic if the professor was just as proficient in the art as Dumbledore, yet he didn’t have the guts to ask. If he thought about it, Snape seemed to use his wand for everything where as Dumbledore’s wand was never seen. Closing his eyes Harry probed his memories for anytime at all when he had seen Dumbledore use his wand but with every memory Harry found no image of the headmasters wand. It was only as he thought about the past week that a startling image wedged itself into his mind. When he’d gone to attack Malfoy on his first day back at Hogwarts in the great hall, Dumbledore had had his wand then as had Snape both wizards wands pointed squarely at Harry.

“Sir?” Unable to decipher the image Harry broke the silence between them as he cautiously addressed Snape.

“Potter?” Snape didn’t turn his gaze from the fire as he acknowledged the boy on his couch. Harry didn’t know how to ask about the wands especially to Snape. The professor had only ever been an unapproachable figure in Harry’s life yet Harry felt compelled to ask.

“Why did Dumbledore aim his wand at me in the hall on Monday when I turned on Malfoy?” Harry’s question trailed off as he watched Snape’s head snap around to stare at him. Snape continued to stare at Harry in silence and uncomfortable with the stare Harry twisted his fingers awkwardly in his lap as he stuttered in an attempt at explaining himself. “It’s just I’ve never seen him use his wand before when I’ve been doing other stuff? Why did he go to use it then?” Harry dropped his gaze to his lap unsure of what Snape’s reaction was going to be. Snape seemed to hesitate for a moment before replying and Harry thought he caught a glimpse of unease in Snape’s expression before the familiar impassive scowl returned.

“Tonight in the bathroom what were you thinking about when you broke the mirrors and the tiles?” Harry looked up sharply his face flushing with guilt as Snape raised an eyebrow in knowing question. It went without saying that Snape had deliberately avoided answering Harry’s pervious question by replying with one of his own.

“How did you …” Harry stumbled over his words but then shook his head, trying to be as dismissive as Snape had been with his own question. “Nothing.”

“Nothing? I doubt that very much Mr Potter but if you wish to be difficult so be it, I have not the time to be bothered with you.” Snape rose from his seat and strode confidently over the entrance into his private room, the door automatically opened as Snape approached it. “Now if you’ll excuse me it’s against school policy to allow students in a professors private rooms.” Snape cocked his head a little to the side as he stared back at Harry, waiting for the boy to move from the couch and leave. Harry stood slowly from the couch, and looked between Snape and the doorway he stood next to. Harry felt lost all of a sudden. Having hated the professor for so long Harry really didn’t want to tell Snape anything personal and yet at present Snape seemed the only person who would be able to help him understand what was going on in his life. Harry didn’t trust Snape but considering the circumstances he had little choice. With a sigh Harry turned away from Snape and moved over to stand in front of the fire, his back to the professor who was still by the open door waiting for him to leave.

“I was just looking at myself to see what damage ‘fuck face’ had done to me.” Harry paused and folded his arms defensively across his chest as he remembered the anger that had swept swiftly through him in the bathroom.

“Language Mr Potter.” Glancing over his shoulder Harry watched as Snape returned to his armchair having closed the door to his rooms.

“I was angry that I hadn’t been able to stop him, just like I couldn’t stop Uncle Vernon. What good is being a wizard if you can’t use magic to protect yourself.” Harry unfolded his arms and ran his middle finger along the marble fire surround collecting a layer of dust on the tip.

“So you were angry that you couldn’t protect yourself?” Harry shrugged his shoulders at Snape’s query, and wiped the dust from his fingertip down his sleep pants.

“No, just angry that I know I can protected myself but I couldn’t because I couldn’t use magic.” Harry moved away from the fire surround and over to Snape’s bookshelf. Standing in front of it Harry began scanning the titles. There were a few books Harry recognized, such as the potions textbooks they used in class but most Harry had never heard of. “I don’t really know what happened then, but I know I started to think of all those people who had caused it.”

“Who were the people you got angry at?” Harry glanced back at Snape and shrugged his shoulders again, unsure whether it was a good idea to be telling his professor so much.

“Myself first but then at the Dursley’s and Dudley.” Harry paused and shuffled awkwardly on his feet, his hand idly straightening one of the unfamiliar objects that sat in the empty spaces on the bookshelf. “I shouldn’t really have been angry at any of the people I thought of though, cause it’s Voldomort who’s the cause of it all in the end isn’t he?” Harry turned back from the bookshelf to face Snape who had settled his head back against the rest of the chair.

“Was it Voldomort you were thinking of when you broke the mirrors?” It was a simple question and Harry nodded in silence. The scowl across Snape’s forehead deepened and Harry was startled as Snape stood up from the chair and strode from the room into an adjoining one. Snape returned a moment later with two blankets and a pillow in his arms. “I think it’s best if you remain here tonight Mr. Potter.” Harry was stunned speechless as Snape flicked his wand at the couch, doubling its size enough for Harry to be comfortably settled on it for the night.

“But I thought you said it was school policy that students weren’t allowed….”

“I’m sure headmaster Dumbledore will allow one nights grace.” Snape pushed the two blankets and pillow into Harry’s arms and gestured to the couch. Harry caught sight of a small round object Snape took from one of his bookshelves before he’d stowed it from sight in the folds of his robe. “I have to go and see the headmaster.” Harry put the blankets and pillow on the couch and turned to watch as Snape strode over to the entrance into his private chambers and pause mid way through it. “It is likely I shall be sometime, so get some rest.” Snape nodded sternly at Harry over his shoulder but no sooner had he disappeared from the doorway his head came back into view, his menacing glare firmly narrowed at Harry. “Oh and Mr. Potter Do not touch anything.” It was a warning Harry was not going to take lightly and nodded obediently. The evening he’d looked into Snape’s pensieve was still fresh in his mind and Harry did not wish a repeat of the fury directed at him from his professor.

Spreading out the blankets and pillow on the couch Harry blew out a few of the candles around the room. If he was in bed with poor lighting he considered that there would be less temptation to snoop, than if he stayed awake to survey Snape’s rooms at his leisure. Having visited the bathroom and touched nothing but what he had to, Harry returned to the couch and curled up under the thick woolen blankets. The couch was surprisingly comfortable and so with his glasses perched on the coffee table beside him Harry lay back and began to replay the entire weeks events, in every weird detail. Why his life was always so complicated was beyond him to comprehend and in the end Harry fell fitfully asleep his mind awash with questions and concerns.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>