Second Chances

TITLE: Second Chances

AUTHOR: Lady Sirius

PAIRING: SB/RL

RATING: NC17

FEEDBACK: darklove_zorg@yahoo.com

DISCLAIMER: Of course all rights to Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling

- I would claim Sirius if I could (but alas this is not meant to be!)


DEDICATION: To my glorious, talented, wondrous and everlastingly sexy
inspiration - Gary Oldman. And it is also dedicated to my good friend
Kitty - she is the Remus to my Sirius in our rpgs, and has inspired me
to write about their love.

Chapter 10 -

And the Pain Goes On


Severus Snape loathed children - loathed them with every fiber of his being. Obnoxious little twits, all of them. Leechers of lifeforce, shrill demanding eating machines that tried to devour everything and everyone in their path. He was always grateful when classes were ended for the day, and even more so for the hiatus of the weekends.

Today he patrolled the hallways, his black robes billowing about him as he stalked, glaring at those students foolish enough to meet his eye with his fiercest black look. So intent was he on his glaring that he almost didn\'t notice the distraught werewolf when he saw him, heading in the direction of Dumbledore\'s office. Even from a distance, Snape could see that he was unhappy - his very posture proclaimed it. And even though his head was bent, the potions master could see that the eyes were red and swollen. That told him all he needed to know. Lupin was here, and Black was there - undoubtedly in the same unhappy and miserable condition - and greatly in need of comfort. Snape smiled to himself in quite a nasty manner as he immediately changed his plans for the weekend. And headed for his office to retrieve the new potion he had been working on. It should come in quite handy for what he had in mind.

After Remus\' abrupt departure, Sirius had laid on the bed for a long time, curled up, moaning softly, rocking back and forth, filled with a great pain that refused to go away. It was that pain more than anything which drove him at last to get up, to get dressed and to actually leave the bedroom. But only for the basement, to find all the liquor he could find, and drink it. Starting with the brandy, which he didn\'t like all that much, but he welcomed the burning sensation as it went down his throat, trying to find surcease from sorrow. He sat in the living room, slouched on the couch, the bottle fastened to his lips, not bothering to find a glass, not caring either.

After a while he got tired of sitting, and began to pace about the room, his mind refusing to think of anything but Remus - replaying the scene over and over in his mind until it was etched there - seeing again the hurt stricken look in Remus\' eyes, and the way he had stormed out of their bedroom - out of his life? Everytime Sirius thought this, his heart lurched in his chest and felt like it was going to stop, and he sought relief in the bottle once more.

The quiet of the house was getting to him, too, but when he tried to play one of his old records, on Remus\' phonograph, and he heard the first tones of Jim Morrison\'s voice proclaiming, \'Touch me,\' his strength gave way, and he had to shut it off or go mad. Too many memories had flooded his mind and his heart all at once. After that the silence was infinitely more bearable.

The more he drank, the unhappier Sirius became, and he began to take his unhappiness out on the inanimate objects which he came across. He kicked at the furniture, threw the knickknacks off the shelves, and then stepped on them where they lay, leaving a path of destruction wherever he went. Including the tapestry containing the Black family lineage, which was unceremoniously dumped into the fireplace (but in his drunken condition he neglected to light the blaze, so it merely sat there).

He finished off the brandy, found some aged scotch and started in on that. He continued to wander about the house, hitting and kicking anything and everything in his path. When he came to the basement again, he stumbled half way down the stairs, and ended up rolling the rest of the way, landing in a sodden heap at the bottom. \"Bloody hell,\" he mumbled to himself, getting to his feet and swaying a moment before regaining his balance, disregarding the cut over his eye, which began to seep blood into his face. He waved his hand impatiently at it, swept it into his hair, forming a sticky conglomeration.

He began to pull things off shelves, tossing them here there and everywhere with wild abandon. At one point he found Kreacher standing nearby, watching him with an almost gleeful look in his maniacal eyes, until Sirius snarled at him to get the fuck away from him before he killed him. The miserable house elf obeyed, naturally, but he mumbled to himself in a clearly audible voice, \"No more nasty werewolfs, glad we are he\'s gone, yes, no more goings on in the mistress\' house!\" and he was tempted to chase after him and kick his ass. Until he literally stumbled onto a box, which fell over, strewing its contents on the basement floor. It was a collection of photographs which Sirius had forgotten he had hidden here - most of them of him and Remus, and when he looked at the pictures of his wolf, his heart broke all over again.

Remus Lupin was weary - weary and heartsore and emotionally drained - and his whole body ached, while his numb mind refused to work in any way which pleased him. Worst of all was the pain in his heart which wouldn\'t stop, and wouldn\'t give him a break - it whispered Sirius\' name over and over and over, as if wishing would make it so. When he first left the house at Grimmauld Place, he had had no clear idea of where he would go, what he would do. But it didn\'t take long for him to realize that he really only had one place to go, so he headed there as quickly as he could. Normally Sirius was his haven in troubled times, the one he turned to when he was upset or unhappy. But that wasn\'t going to work this time, so he did the next best thing - he returned to Hogwarts, scene of many of their happier moments. And where he would be able to talk to Albus Dumbledore.

He went to the headmaster\'s office immediately upon his arrival, oblivious to the student population which swirled about him. And unmindful of the fact that he had been noticed by one Severus Snape. If he had seen the look in Snape\'s eyes, knowing what he knew about him and his attraction for Sirius, he might have been moved to do something. But he did not see, and he quickly found Albus\' door and knocked at it.

\"Come in, Remus,\" the kindly voice called to him.

Remus walked in to the office, his mind in a whirl. He was not surprised that Dumbledore knew it was him. He had an uncanny way of knowing many things. Albus came around from behind his desk and surprised the wolf by giving him a warm hug, then making him sit in one of his comfortable chairs. The next thing Remus knew there was tea and chocolate being offered to him, and when he would refuse these things, the headmaster insisted, and he was grateful for the warmth of the tea along his throat, the sweet taste of the chocolate.

\"Albus,\" Remus began, trying to find the words for what he wanted to say, \"I wanted to know if you could give me some sort of extra work for the Order, something to do outside of London. I know there is a lot to be done, and I\'d like to....\" He didn\'t meet the headmaster\'s eyes as he spoke, trying to say what he wanted to say without choking on the words too much.

It was almost as if Dumbledore had not heard him. Or did not intend to answer him. And suddenly the image of the headmaster began to waver and blur, and Remus realized that there had been something in the tea, a sleeping draught of some sort, as his eyelids grew heavy and insisted on trying to close. He could hear a gentle voice in his ear, a soothing voice, \"Sleep, Remus, sleep, and we shall talk in the morning.\" And then welcome oblivion claimed him, and he knew nothing else.


Severus Snape\'s dark eyes shown with unaccustomed glee as he entered the silent house at #12 Grimmauld Place, much sooner than he had anticipated returning. And he hadn\'t expected to be coming back for this reason. The seduction of Sirius Black. Which made his return all the more exciting. He pushed open the door to the house, listening. Not a thing could he hear. And the atmosphere was decidedly different this time - more sullen, and sorrowful. Snape almost smiled.

The potion he had brought with him had been brewed for just such an opportunity, nestled carefully within his voluminous robes. It was a sort of love potion, containing frozen Ashwinder eggs. He had added an ingredient to make the effect temporary, rather than permanent - he didn\'t want a lifetime commitment, just a few hours of pleasure with the delectable Mr. Black. After that, the wolf could have him back again.

He wasn\'t sure just what he was going to find when he got there. Judging by Lupin\'s appearance, he expected at the least to find Black upset, unhappy, angry - but he certainly wasn\'t prepared for what he did find - a weeping wizard ensconced in the middle of the living room floor surrounded by photos of himself and Remus. And surrounded by various bottles of liquor in different degrees of emptiness. Apparently he was drinking a little of each on a sort of rotational basis. Sirius raised his head at Snape\'s entrance. He had the same red swollen eyes as his lover. Despite himself, Snape was touched, and found himself feeling somewhat sorry for them both. He resolutely pushed that feeling aside.

\"Hello, Black,\" he greeted him calmly enough.

\"What are you doing here? Don\'t tell me there\'s another bloody Order meeting?\" In his hand was a photo obviously taken at James\' and Lily\'s wedding - a dancing younger version of himself and Remus - laughing and kissing. Snape tried to ignore it.

\"No, there isn\'t,\" Snape assured him. \"Don\'t worry, nobody else from the Order should be showing up. Not that I know of anyway.\"

\"Then what are you doing here?\" Sirius asked, picking up a nearby bottle (creme de menthe it was, and nasty at that) and taking a drink.

\"I don\'t believe that is meant to be drunk straight,\" Snape interjected, watching his actions, before he answered the question. \"I came because.... well, because I thought you might need something. I thought you might be....in need of something to help you sleep.\"

Sirius tried to focus his eyes on the potion master, even as his words made little sense to him. \"Wh...what makes you think that?\" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

\"You don\'t have to cover up, Black, I know he\'s gone. I thought you might be a bit upset, and since potions are what I do, I brought you one,\" Snape said smoothly.

Sirius turned pale at the other wizard\'s words. \"What do you know of Remus? Have you seen him?\" His dark blue eyes bored into Snape\'s face intently.

\"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I have.......\" Snape hesitated, as if to afraid to impart too much information.

Sirius threw down the now empty bottle of creme de menthe, his attention centered on the potions master. \"Where did you see him? What was he doing? How did he look?\" he barraged him with questions.

Snape\'s eyes ran over the handsome wizard\'s face, and his lust won out over his conscience.. \"Yes, I saw him at the Three Broomsticks actually,\" he lied smoothly, removing some pieces of broken bric a brac with a wave of his wand so that he could sit down on a chair near Sirius.

\"What was he doing there?\" Sirius asked, confused. That was the last place he would have expected Remus to be. Maybe at the castle, yes, but surely not in Hogsmeade.

\"Mind if I share some of that?\" Snape asked, pointing to a bottle of bourbon next to Sirius, as if he was trying not to answer the question.

SIrius handed him the bottle of 1843 reflexively, taking a drink himself first. \"And ....?\"

\"And what...?\" Snape asked, feigning ignorance. \"You wouldn\'t happen to have a glass down there too, would you? No, well never mind,\" and he raised the bottle to his lips, where Sirius\' own lips had just touched it.

\"And what was he doing there? Was he alone? Details, I want details, Snape,\" he cried out in pain.

Snape looked into his eyes, pretended to hesitate. \"Maybe I was mistaken, maybe it wasn\'t Remus,\" he said, hesitantly. \"Yes, that must be it. After all, what would he be doing with...\" and he shut up abruptly, as if he had given too much information.

Sirius turned even paler. \"W.with... who?\" he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Snape looked uncomfortable, not meeting Sirius\' eyes. \"With Lucius Malfoy,\" was the reluctant answer.

Sirius looked stricken at his words. He looked down at his hands in confusion, looked at the happy wedding picture. Remus and Lucius? That made no sense, even to his drink-befuddled brain. \"He was ....with... Lucius?\"

\"I don\'t mean that they were together, of course.\" But his tone of voice indicated otherwise.

Sirius grabbed at a bottle of voda, and throwing back his head guzzled it, while Snape drank the bourbon. Both men were silent.

\"So you didn\'t talk to him?\"

\"No, I didn\'t talk to him.\" Another drink.

\"You know, of course, that he and I.........\"

\"Yes, of course I know that........\" Another drink. \"That is why I thought you might need something... to help you....relax....\"

\"That was thoughtful of you.\"

\"Think nothing of it.\" Another drink.

\"Look at this.\" Sirius pushed the photo in his hand toward Snape, who felt obligated to take it, although he could see it perfectly well from where he sat. He looked at Sirius instead, noticed the dried blood for the first time, handing the photo back. \"What happened to your head?\" he asked.

\"\'Snothing,\" Sirius dismissed the question with a wave of his hand. \"Fell. No big deal.\"

\"You should let me look at that,\" Snape said.

\"No, it\'s fine. Remus will.....\" and he bit back his words, swallowing hard at the knowledge that Remus wasn\'t there to look after him, nor was he sure he ever would be again.

\"Then don\'t argue with me,\" Snape said, reaching out and drawing Sirius\' head close to him, feeling the dark curls soft beneath his fingertips, except where they were matted with dried blood. He muttered a small healing spell, watched as the cut softened, the raggedy edges smoothing until there was nothing left but Sirius\' own pale skin once more. Then a quick scourgify to bring the hair back to its natural state. Sirius too drunk to notice or care what he did. He barely realized that it was Snape he was talking to, even.

\"I just want Remus back,\" he mumbled thickly, \"s\'all I want. Nothing else.\" He looked up helplessly at Snape, tears glistening in his beautiful eyes, his lower lip trembling. Snape felt himself being mesmerized by those eyes, enchanted by them, lost in them. He moved his face closer and closer to Sirius\', his lips trembling softly........

\"I need Remy,\" Sirius said simply, and Snape paused, immobile, unable to do what he had intended and kiss those incredibly sensual lips. How wrong that idea suddenly seemed, in the face of so much genuine grief. And as he sat there, frozen, not moving forward or back, Sirius gave a soft sigh and passed out on the floor, still clutching the photo of Remus, landing on top of the other photos and the bottles of liquor in their various states of fullness.

Severus watched him for a moment, before reaching down and rolling the sleeping wizard off of the uncomfortable objects beneath him. Sirius mumbled in his sleep, his dark brows drawing together in a frown, something that sounded like, \'don\'t touch me,\' but Snape wasn\'t sure. Deciding not to move him from where he was, since he appeared to be content there, he accio\'d down a blanket and pillows, which he settled Sirius onto, before laying down on the couch with another set, so he could keep an eye on the other man, in case he needed something. It seemed silly to turn around and go back to Hogwarts so quickly, he may as well sleep here as anywhere else, after all.

And soon the only sound that could be heard were the sounds of Snape\'s even measured breathing, interspersed with Sirius\' occasional cries of \"Remy!\"