Pillars

A/N~ Let me preface this story with a few notes.  I don't know where this story will go.  It really is not based fully on cannon, since two important people are dead in it that are not dead in the book.  This is a therapy piece for me.  Meaning I am using it to help me through a bit of a rough patch.  Someone close to me lost thier child this past week, so there are emotions I have no other way to convey, so I write.  That is what I do when I can't seem to talk.  So welcome to my therapy.  There is going to be more.  I will update the ratings as I can in each chapter where warrented.  Like I said, I don't know where this is going, but it helps.  That said  Here ya go. Not sure if I'll post to the other stories this weekend, I might.  My stories all help, usually.

updated A/N - So it's been a while and I have processed and done much in my time away, but my therapy is still writing.  I have edited this first part only a bit.  

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ONE

Tears are a sign of weakness.  That is what he was taught every day of his life.  The strong do not cry, they push things so deep inside that they are not allowed to surface.

So when he saw the hero, kneeling over the body of a Weasley, he did not understand.  How could Harry Potter, a strong wizard, be crying?

His own loss was an ache he did not address, his wife and son were casualties in a war that had been pointless.  His own life would soon be forfeit and then all emotion would never threaten to carry him away.  He stood close to their cold bodies, arranged gracefully on a cold stone floor. With all the cracks and chinks armor could have, his stood firm.

A set of green eyes filled with tears, met his silver gaze.  Something there played out, yet in his own wisdom he could not name the emotions in them.  He was ignorant of the softer emotions, they were weakness.  So he was rightfully anxious as to why the savior of the wizarding world regarded him with such eyes.  

It had not been long moments, as he supposed, mere short lapses in time.  Harry Potter, wiped his eyes, and stood up on his feet.  Those feet were encased in worn trainers, ash and debris tattooed onto the flesh of them.  They moved one step in front of another until they were close to his black shoes, dull with the dust of war.

His hallow mind comprehended nothing, his heart was numb and cold, he only had his strength of will to lean on. Until, a small warm hand grasped his own, green eyes darted to the two pale bodies on the ground, then back to his eyes.

"I'm sorry" the boy whispered.

Then like a tidal wave, everything swamped him.  Sheer terror, utter grief, total loss, and broken love.  Everything shattered, his heart and his soul. Parts of himself long buried deep resurfaced and he found himself kneeling before the boy, burying his face into a warm stomach.  His mouth was open, in what felt to him, silent screams of agony, but the boy shook as though his voice could be heard.

His son, the boy who was to follow after him, the sun in his day, and the light in the night... was gone.  Slipped from life like a whispered word.  Too soon, too bloody soon.  His mind screamed for him to give up the hold on life, he should be there on the cold floor.  His son should be basking in the warmth of day, seeing the green of the fields.  His son should wake from the fateful slumber, smile and hold his hand just like the child that used to be.  His son should be the one complaining about grades, girls or boys... anything but silent and gone. His son, his baby... So small with cries so loud, flailing for the comfort of arms. His arms.  His blasted no good arms.  Where was his strength now?  Now that his baby boy lay lifeless.  His boy... The smile gone, the shining eyes extinguished, the laughter silenced.  Only a shell remains.

If his mind was a puzzle, the pieces would be falling apart right now.  One by one they would fall, into a stream of tears that flowed from his eyes.  His only refuge was the pillar of strength that stood in front of him. He looked up, his anguish filled him completely, and in those green eyes, he saw his pain mirrored within.

~TBC  - Rate if you can, Review if you want.