Almost like Magic

“Damn and blast.” Snape muttered as the potion he was laboring over turned a putrid green. “Quirkle Quills…definite no…” he scratched down on a ratty piece of parchment that was already littered with similar notes. The potion belched, and the man himself turned a similar shade of green at the smell before underlining his previous statement. “DEFINITE no,” he repeated under his breath, wrinkling his rather ungainly nose in reaction to the noxious fumes. He stepped away and sighed; he felt a headache coming on.

It was the weekend, and here he was, a mere 38 years old, in the prime of his life, working on a potion in the dank underbelly of Hogwarts. Most weekends, he wouldn’t have it any other way, but every once and awhile, even the notorious potion’s master needed a break from brewing and meddling in student affairs. With a scowl, he cast a stasis spell on the happily burbling mess of a potion and climbed up the stairs to his private chambers.

Swiftly, he crossed his quarters and tossed some floo powder into the fire place. “Minerva’s Office!” he called out before sticking his head in and shuddering. While it didn’t hurt (rather ticklish, if anything) he still didn’t fancy the thought of sticking his head into roaring flames. Call it a survival instinct.

“Minerva,” he barked, “Still got that old scotch?”

Two hours later found the potion’s master and transfiguration professor in quite the inebriated state. Snape was, God forbid, slouching in a rather old, stuffy and thoroughly comfortable arm chair in front of a fire.

“…and Merlin, that Marcus Flint, worse than a bag of rocks. I would bet my decidedly tragic salary on him repeating again this year. A troll would be less asinine and a better student.” Severus followed his statement with a hearty swig of scotch, smacking his lips in an uncharacteristically uncouth moment.

Minerva nodded fervently, cheeks cherry red from too much drink. “I say, Severus, trash talking one of your own students?” She peered blearily at him. “Maybe you have had too much to drink.” She tried to don a stern expression, but it came out as more of a lopsided squint that quickly lost itself to giggles.

“Of course I have, you old cat, you keep filling my glass!” Severus scoffed, adjusting his position in the chair. “So…” he eyed her. “What’s the latest news on your vapid students? Lord knows they always have something dramatic happening.”

Minerva leered at him. “Are you trying to get me to…gossip about my own house, Mister Snape?” she giggled at the formality.

Severus looked affronted. “I don’t gossip, woman, I merely stay informed. And quit that, that revolting little laugh. You are old. It’s undignified.” He glowered at her before taking another sip of his drink.

Minerva rolled her eyes, causing her to slosh her drink a bit as the world spun. “Well,” she leaned forward, before whispering. “The golden trio has finally hit puberty.” Then she guffawed, like it was the funniest thing she had ever said.

Snape made a face. “Digusting. Besides the fact that they are nearly 17, and they technically hit it years ago.” He frowned. “Well, go on!”

Minerva sighed at his lack of humor and leaned back. “Weasley has been courting one of the Parvarti twins, lord knows I can’t remember which one, and Potter is involved with that Chang girl. Brains enough for the both of them, that one…Harry is finally growing up.”

Severus made a sound of annoyance and rebuttal. “Hardly. The miscreant still misbehaves at every opportunity. Why, the other day I caught him threatening one of my students.”

Minerva gave him a look. “And what was your student doing that prompted Mister Potter’s reaction?”

Severus gave a half hearted shrug. “Something about slugs. I didn’t care to ask details.”

“Severus!” Minerva admonished, sloshing her drink towards him when she pointed. “You never try to see his good side.”

“What good side? He is two dimensional at best, Minerva. A troublemaker on one side and an arrogant beast just like his father on the other. There is no other side to see. You are fools to simper over him as you do. He is not brilliant like his mother, nor does he possess extraordinary magical talent.” Snape huffed, irritated at the turn of conversation.

“As you say, Severus” Minerva sighed, before eyeing him. “What about your love life?”

The poor man choked and sputtered, glaring when Minerva charmed a pillow to thump him enthusiastically on the back.

“Stop that, enough, ENOUGH!” he shouted, fending off the determined pillow that kept whacking at his arm in an attempt to reach his abused back.

Minerva chuckled before ending the spell. “So sorry, lad, it was all in the name of being helpful, of course.”

“You are batty. Shouldn’t you be retiring soon? The insane shouldn’t be allowed to teach.”

Minerva brushed off his insults with another chuckle and a long sip. “Sev--”

“Don’t call me that”

“—erus. If you had let me finish” she ignored his snort,” you are avoiding the topic at hand.”

“Oh, you know me, bedding dashing foreigners on school nights, running off across the pond on weekends to meet some strapping young lad for a game of slap ‘n tickle…it’s a wonder I have any time to grade.” He sunk lower in his chair, cheeks turning slightly redder. “Non-existent, Minerva. I am not a catch. What do you expect?” he ended bitterly, staring into the fire with a pained expression.

“Nonsense!” Minerva suddenly roared, making the potion’s master jump and stare in shock. “You sell yourself short. Why, if I were any younger and in possession of a gender transfiguration spell…well.”

Snape’s mouth fell open in shock. “Don’t—Don’t say such things. I have enough nightmares to last two lifetimes, I don’t need more.”

“Oh, I like that!” the older professor brandished her wand and the pillow enthusiastically came back for a second assault, happily bouncing off the cowering man. She stopped suddenly, relaxing back into the chair with a sly grin. “Besides, Dumbledore would be quite willing to share I’m sure…”

A wordless noise of indignation escaped Severus before he slammed his glass down and stood on unsteady feet. “I am never drinking with you again, you debauchee libertine!” He stumbled over to the fire and threw an impressively large fistful of powder into the flames before turning back to his drunk companion.

“Same time next week?”

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Chapter 1 complete! Huzzah. I love reviews, and am rather inspired by reading them so yea, feel free to review. Mmmyep.  Not really sure where I am going with this one, but that's part of the fun!