Snape In A Thong
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
11,288
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
11,288
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
We own nothing of Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.
Snape In A Thong
As part of our neverending quest to bring you the best fiction we can, we set ourselves random challenges. The latest was using the following prompt:
Ron knows FOR A FACT that Snape wears forest green thongs under his clothes. How did he find out? What happens when Harry goes to check?
And, to add to the challenge, we didn't spend a long time agonising, just took the prompt and ran our own ways with it. So, without further ado, we give you....the responses!
First, Queen's version:
Snape In A Thong
“How can you possibly know that?!” Harry asked, after he had finished retching.
Hermione was nowhere to be seen. She was studying in the library, revising for their end of year exams. Although she’d tried, neither Ron nor Harry saw any great need to join her. After all, the exams were still three days off. That meant they were free to mess about without her disapproving tutting and eye rolling.
They both loved Hermione, honestly they did, but sometimes she was just a bit much to take.
“You know last week, when you were in the hospital wing, again, cos of You-Know-Who?” Ron began, before Harry cut in tiredly.
“Voldemort, Ron. Say his name.”
“Yeah, him,” Ron went on, ignoring Harry’s interjection, “well, Snape and Dumbledore were sitting by your bedside one night. They must have thought I’d gone by that point, but actually I’d nipped to the loo, those stupid so-called sweets that Fred and George left behind had been upsetting me all day. I swear, one day I’m going to get my revenge on those two…”
“Ron…” Harry said patiently, “Snape?”
“Oh, right. Well, I crept back really quietly, as I knew I should really have gone to bed by that point. But I figured that I could keep an eye on you, in case You-Know-Who tried anything else, and, also, if those sweets were really dangerous, I was already in the right place to get help! Did you know at one point it was coming out of both ends? Purple at one, green at the other? What do they put in those things?”
“RON!” Harry snapped, feeling disgusted, “Snape?”
“Oh, yeah. So, I’m creeping back really quietly. On tip-toe, like this…”
Here Ron felt the urge to demonstrate, drawing some intrigued looks from the other Gryffindors sitting in the common room. He moved in an exaggerated fashion, putting his fingers to his lips and tip-toeing around the table they sat at.
“I’m really quiet,” he whispered, “and I can just hear them talking…” he put one hand behind an ear to show listening.
Harry fought down the urge to beat Ron to death.
“When Dumbledore says, really casually, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, ‘I believe the post owl brought you your latest consignment of underwear today?’ Who talks about underwear to other people?! And why would you even consider discussing underpants with Snape?!”
“Ron….” Harry said warningly.
Still standing, Ron held his hands up before he went on. “Ok, ok. So Dumbledore goes on: ‘Are there any of those delightful edible thongs left? Or has Minerva already bought them all?’ Ewwww! McGonagall and edible thongs! What an idea! Do you think she wears them and gets someone to eat them off her, or does she put them on someone else and nibbles them off? Either way, it’s utterly gross!”
Harry rolled his eyes. “Ron…. Snape?”
“Sure, mate. Snape answers, in that way he does, you know what I mean, don’t you? All low and menacing and downright disturbing…” At this point the red-head twisted his face into a reasonable imitation of Snape’s sneer, hunching himself over like some weird gargoyle before he cleared his throat.
“RON!” Harry said in sheer exasperation, “Get on with it before I stuff forest green thongs down your throat!”
“All right! Snape says: ‘Alas, Albus, Minerva was herself too late for that particular item. Filius had already reserved those for his use. I do, however, still have a number of the elfin-made silk thongs in a variety of colours available. Not green, sadly.’ And Dumbledore asks, ‘Still wearing those yourself then, Severus?’ And Snape answers, bold as anything, ‘Yes!’ How I didn’t choke and give myself away I don’t know!”
Harry sat still for a few moments, absorbing Ron’s tale. He frowned, ignoring his friend’s expectant face. Several things had made themselves clear to him during Ron’s recital. And several more things had already begun growing in his mind as various scenarios played out.
“Harry?” Ron asked after a while. “Are you ok? You’re not still a bit … injured from You-Know-Who are you?”
“I’m fine,” Harry answered slowly, “I was just thinking about what you said.”
“Who wants to think about Dumbledore wanting to buy edible underwear? Or McGonagall using edible underwear? Or Flitwick using edible underwear?! It’s too gross for words! But, Snape wearing forest green thongs under that black robe? That’s just…horrifying!”
Harry agreed hastily with Ron, his mind still revolving around other things. All he had to do now was wait until that night, use the cloak, and go and visit Snape.
***
Standing outside Snape’s office, Harry felt all his brilliant plans were going to go hopelessly wrong. It had all seemed so simple and amazing back in the tower. Now his schemes seemed more likely to get him expelled or hexed, or maybe even both. He was just turning to leave when the door opened abruptly.
“Whoever you are, stop dithering and get in.” A familiar voice snapped.
Harry obeyed.
In the years to come, Harry wondered why he did so. After all, he had taken quite perverse glee in normally not obeying that voice during his school career. Why now did he break the habit of a lifetime and willingly do as commanded by Severus Snape?
Snape saw the door move, but no-one appeared. He sighed and flicked his wand at the door. It shut with a satisfying thud.
“Potter,” he said sighing, “what is it now? What ridiculous idea is passing through that small muscle you laughingly refer to as a brain? What hopeless notion have you wandering lonely through the great expanse of your so-called mind?”
“Do you just sit here and think up ways to insult me?” Harry asked as he removed the cloak.
Snape snorted. “Indeed. My life is so empty that my every waking moment is obsessed with finding new and exciting ways to torment you.”
Harry shook his head and sighed. He wanted to delay asking Snape his question, but, at the same time, wanted to get on with what he had come here for. “So, sir, you’re running a side-line in naughty underwear…”
The look of utter shock on Snape’s face was worth any amount of trouble, Harry decided, as he had the joy of watching the other man be completely lost for words.
When, after nearly a minute, still no response was forthcoming from the teacher, Harry continued, “Now would be a good time to say something.”
“Well, yes, I imagine that is how it might be perceived to the casual observer,” Snape began a little unsurely. His voice grew in confidence as the words flowed from him, “However, I prefer to think of it as providing alternate articles of clothing for a discreet and discerning customer.”
“You sell naughty underwear,” Harry said, cutting through the bullshit.
“I sell naughty underwear,” Snape agreed, wincing at the words.
“Good, cos I want to buy some.”
“Absolutely not!” Snape exploded. “The items are for adults who can be relied upon to remain silent, and whose underwear is not examined by external groups!”
Harry asked, “Who inspects my underwear?” He glanced about him as though expecting some official to come swooping in then and there. When nobody did he sat down on a chair, wriggling to try and get comfortable on the hard wooden seat.
“You’d be surprised,” Snape answered darkly, frowning at Harry’s assumption in sitting down, “so, no, Potter. Go away.” He moved over to the boy’s chair and helpfully tipped it forward, trying to slide the pupil off.
“No.” Harry said gripping the side of the chair he was tilting on. “I know you can help. Probably you’re the only one who can. I’m after a dark green thong for my boy – for a friend.”
Snape raised an eyebrow at the slip, a smile quirking his lips. “Indeed,” he drawled, letting go of the furniture in lieu of chasing down the tasty bit of information Harry had let slip, “and why would this friend wish that particular shade? I rather thought you Gryffindors stayed within your own House for dating opportunities.”
Harry shrugged before answering, “I look elsewhere. And I found someone who’d like a green thong, so, can you help me or not?”
Severus paced across the room to the large cupboard that stood in the corner of his office. It was magically and mundanely locked. Now he opened it and let Harry see the contents.
The boy blushed as he took in what were very clearly sexual items. Some of them he had no idea what they were for, and hurriedly decided he didn’t want to know. On the top shelf, hanging from a mini rail on padded coat hangers, was an array of thongs so diverse in colour and style that Harry was quite dazzled. Rainbow ones; one made of feathers; another made, bizarrely, from what looked like small bones; still another composed wholly of string. The boy swallowed and dashed to the cupboard to explore the treasures within.
“You know,” he said at last, on his knees with his head buried deep inside, taking in every strange article, “you could make a fortune selling these to the kids here.”
Severus smiled, “Dumbledore is aware of my activity, and has no problem with it providing it remains purely for the adults. I doubt he would be so forgiving should pupils be able to purchase items from me.”
“Ok,” Harry answered, sitting back on his heels and looking up at the teacher, “so they don’t buy them from you, they buy them from me.” He let that sink in before adding persuasively, “we could make a fortune…”
As Snape looked about to say something Harry cut in, “And I don’t see any dark green thongs.”
***
Ten years later, sitting in the comfort of his home, sitting beside his life partner, Snape asked, “Who did you want that green thong for anyway?”
Harry smiled and considered pretending he didn’t know what Severus was referring to, but thought it was time the truth came out, especially considering how successful their “side-line” had been at Hogwarts.
“You, of course. I knew you’d be intrigued by my ‘slip-up’ of me having a boyfriend, and it was obvious that you wanted to get inside my trousers, even back then, so I decided to give you some encouragement.”
“Encouragement? You made me think you were already seeing someone?”
“Oh, come on! A Slytherin, obviously, from the colour.” Harry grinned broadly, “You thought I was shagging Draco, didn’t you? And it made you jealous?”
Severus attempted a dignified sniff. “Jealous? I? Never.”
Harry walked into their bedroom laughing. “You going to show me how ‘not jealous’ you are?”
***
A satisfying time later, Harry looked at Snape’s naked form – and very determinedly not at the clothing strewn around the room - before saying softly, “And I still don’t see any green thongs…”
*******************************
Please review! Angst's version is the second chapter.
Ron knows FOR A FACT that Snape wears forest green thongs under his clothes. How did he find out? What happens when Harry goes to check?
And, to add to the challenge, we didn't spend a long time agonising, just took the prompt and ran our own ways with it. So, without further ado, we give you....the responses!
First, Queen's version:
Snape In A Thong
“How can you possibly know that?!” Harry asked, after he had finished retching.
Hermione was nowhere to be seen. She was studying in the library, revising for their end of year exams. Although she’d tried, neither Ron nor Harry saw any great need to join her. After all, the exams were still three days off. That meant they were free to mess about without her disapproving tutting and eye rolling.
They both loved Hermione, honestly they did, but sometimes she was just a bit much to take.
“You know last week, when you were in the hospital wing, again, cos of You-Know-Who?” Ron began, before Harry cut in tiredly.
“Voldemort, Ron. Say his name.”
“Yeah, him,” Ron went on, ignoring Harry’s interjection, “well, Snape and Dumbledore were sitting by your bedside one night. They must have thought I’d gone by that point, but actually I’d nipped to the loo, those stupid so-called sweets that Fred and George left behind had been upsetting me all day. I swear, one day I’m going to get my revenge on those two…”
“Ron…” Harry said patiently, “Snape?”
“Oh, right. Well, I crept back really quietly, as I knew I should really have gone to bed by that point. But I figured that I could keep an eye on you, in case You-Know-Who tried anything else, and, also, if those sweets were really dangerous, I was already in the right place to get help! Did you know at one point it was coming out of both ends? Purple at one, green at the other? What do they put in those things?”
“RON!” Harry snapped, feeling disgusted, “Snape?”
“Oh, yeah. So, I’m creeping back really quietly. On tip-toe, like this…”
Here Ron felt the urge to demonstrate, drawing some intrigued looks from the other Gryffindors sitting in the common room. He moved in an exaggerated fashion, putting his fingers to his lips and tip-toeing around the table they sat at.
“I’m really quiet,” he whispered, “and I can just hear them talking…” he put one hand behind an ear to show listening.
Harry fought down the urge to beat Ron to death.
“When Dumbledore says, really casually, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, ‘I believe the post owl brought you your latest consignment of underwear today?’ Who talks about underwear to other people?! And why would you even consider discussing underpants with Snape?!”
“Ron….” Harry said warningly.
Still standing, Ron held his hands up before he went on. “Ok, ok. So Dumbledore goes on: ‘Are there any of those delightful edible thongs left? Or has Minerva already bought them all?’ Ewwww! McGonagall and edible thongs! What an idea! Do you think she wears them and gets someone to eat them off her, or does she put them on someone else and nibbles them off? Either way, it’s utterly gross!”
Harry rolled his eyes. “Ron…. Snape?”
“Sure, mate. Snape answers, in that way he does, you know what I mean, don’t you? All low and menacing and downright disturbing…” At this point the red-head twisted his face into a reasonable imitation of Snape’s sneer, hunching himself over like some weird gargoyle before he cleared his throat.
“RON!” Harry said in sheer exasperation, “Get on with it before I stuff forest green thongs down your throat!”
“All right! Snape says: ‘Alas, Albus, Minerva was herself too late for that particular item. Filius had already reserved those for his use. I do, however, still have a number of the elfin-made silk thongs in a variety of colours available. Not green, sadly.’ And Dumbledore asks, ‘Still wearing those yourself then, Severus?’ And Snape answers, bold as anything, ‘Yes!’ How I didn’t choke and give myself away I don’t know!”
Harry sat still for a few moments, absorbing Ron’s tale. He frowned, ignoring his friend’s expectant face. Several things had made themselves clear to him during Ron’s recital. And several more things had already begun growing in his mind as various scenarios played out.
“Harry?” Ron asked after a while. “Are you ok? You’re not still a bit … injured from You-Know-Who are you?”
“I’m fine,” Harry answered slowly, “I was just thinking about what you said.”
“Who wants to think about Dumbledore wanting to buy edible underwear? Or McGonagall using edible underwear? Or Flitwick using edible underwear?! It’s too gross for words! But, Snape wearing forest green thongs under that black robe? That’s just…horrifying!”
Harry agreed hastily with Ron, his mind still revolving around other things. All he had to do now was wait until that night, use the cloak, and go and visit Snape.
***
Standing outside Snape’s office, Harry felt all his brilliant plans were going to go hopelessly wrong. It had all seemed so simple and amazing back in the tower. Now his schemes seemed more likely to get him expelled or hexed, or maybe even both. He was just turning to leave when the door opened abruptly.
“Whoever you are, stop dithering and get in.” A familiar voice snapped.
Harry obeyed.
In the years to come, Harry wondered why he did so. After all, he had taken quite perverse glee in normally not obeying that voice during his school career. Why now did he break the habit of a lifetime and willingly do as commanded by Severus Snape?
Snape saw the door move, but no-one appeared. He sighed and flicked his wand at the door. It shut with a satisfying thud.
“Potter,” he said sighing, “what is it now? What ridiculous idea is passing through that small muscle you laughingly refer to as a brain? What hopeless notion have you wandering lonely through the great expanse of your so-called mind?”
“Do you just sit here and think up ways to insult me?” Harry asked as he removed the cloak.
Snape snorted. “Indeed. My life is so empty that my every waking moment is obsessed with finding new and exciting ways to torment you.”
Harry shook his head and sighed. He wanted to delay asking Snape his question, but, at the same time, wanted to get on with what he had come here for. “So, sir, you’re running a side-line in naughty underwear…”
The look of utter shock on Snape’s face was worth any amount of trouble, Harry decided, as he had the joy of watching the other man be completely lost for words.
When, after nearly a minute, still no response was forthcoming from the teacher, Harry continued, “Now would be a good time to say something.”
“Well, yes, I imagine that is how it might be perceived to the casual observer,” Snape began a little unsurely. His voice grew in confidence as the words flowed from him, “However, I prefer to think of it as providing alternate articles of clothing for a discreet and discerning customer.”
“You sell naughty underwear,” Harry said, cutting through the bullshit.
“I sell naughty underwear,” Snape agreed, wincing at the words.
“Good, cos I want to buy some.”
“Absolutely not!” Snape exploded. “The items are for adults who can be relied upon to remain silent, and whose underwear is not examined by external groups!”
Harry asked, “Who inspects my underwear?” He glanced about him as though expecting some official to come swooping in then and there. When nobody did he sat down on a chair, wriggling to try and get comfortable on the hard wooden seat.
“You’d be surprised,” Snape answered darkly, frowning at Harry’s assumption in sitting down, “so, no, Potter. Go away.” He moved over to the boy’s chair and helpfully tipped it forward, trying to slide the pupil off.
“No.” Harry said gripping the side of the chair he was tilting on. “I know you can help. Probably you’re the only one who can. I’m after a dark green thong for my boy – for a friend.”
Snape raised an eyebrow at the slip, a smile quirking his lips. “Indeed,” he drawled, letting go of the furniture in lieu of chasing down the tasty bit of information Harry had let slip, “and why would this friend wish that particular shade? I rather thought you Gryffindors stayed within your own House for dating opportunities.”
Harry shrugged before answering, “I look elsewhere. And I found someone who’d like a green thong, so, can you help me or not?”
Severus paced across the room to the large cupboard that stood in the corner of his office. It was magically and mundanely locked. Now he opened it and let Harry see the contents.
The boy blushed as he took in what were very clearly sexual items. Some of them he had no idea what they were for, and hurriedly decided he didn’t want to know. On the top shelf, hanging from a mini rail on padded coat hangers, was an array of thongs so diverse in colour and style that Harry was quite dazzled. Rainbow ones; one made of feathers; another made, bizarrely, from what looked like small bones; still another composed wholly of string. The boy swallowed and dashed to the cupboard to explore the treasures within.
“You know,” he said at last, on his knees with his head buried deep inside, taking in every strange article, “you could make a fortune selling these to the kids here.”
Severus smiled, “Dumbledore is aware of my activity, and has no problem with it providing it remains purely for the adults. I doubt he would be so forgiving should pupils be able to purchase items from me.”
“Ok,” Harry answered, sitting back on his heels and looking up at the teacher, “so they don’t buy them from you, they buy them from me.” He let that sink in before adding persuasively, “we could make a fortune…”
As Snape looked about to say something Harry cut in, “And I don’t see any dark green thongs.”
***
Ten years later, sitting in the comfort of his home, sitting beside his life partner, Snape asked, “Who did you want that green thong for anyway?”
Harry smiled and considered pretending he didn’t know what Severus was referring to, but thought it was time the truth came out, especially considering how successful their “side-line” had been at Hogwarts.
“You, of course. I knew you’d be intrigued by my ‘slip-up’ of me having a boyfriend, and it was obvious that you wanted to get inside my trousers, even back then, so I decided to give you some encouragement.”
“Encouragement? You made me think you were already seeing someone?”
“Oh, come on! A Slytherin, obviously, from the colour.” Harry grinned broadly, “You thought I was shagging Draco, didn’t you? And it made you jealous?”
Severus attempted a dignified sniff. “Jealous? I? Never.”
Harry walked into their bedroom laughing. “You going to show me how ‘not jealous’ you are?”
***
A satisfying time later, Harry looked at Snape’s naked form – and very determinedly not at the clothing strewn around the room - before saying softly, “And I still don’t see any green thongs…”
*******************************
Please review! Angst's version is the second chapter.