Repeat as Needed

Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling et al. I make no money from the writing of this story, nor is copyright infringement intended, merely an exercise in writing.

A/N: Inspired by the ‘100 ways to kill a Dark Lord’ challenge. I just can’t seem to leave this alone. There are so many ways JK could have gone with it if they had really been thinking and if Dumbledore hadn’t been so damn secretive.

10/02/2009: A/N-- Just wanted to say thank you to all of you that reviewed! I do check back from time to time, and the comment are much appreciated. VR.

*****

The Order of the Phoenix was assembled around the expanded table in the kitchen of Grimmuald Place. Also in attendance were some who perhaps shouldn’t have been, due to age or suspicious affiliations. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and the entire Weasley family, Tonks, Lupin, Severus Snape, Mundungus Fletcher and more were seated with various drinks provided by Harry’s elf, Kreacher.

Albus Dumbledore was seated at the head of the table and listening to the expressions of outrage and disgust from the rest of the party. He had just finished explaining Voldemort’s personal history and the creation of his Horcruxes--including the accidental one contained in Harry Potter.

The outrage and disgust, however, had been generated by the announcement of Snape and Granger’s engagement.

The noise came to an abrupt halt when a meaty-sounding ‘THWACK” resounded from one end of the table. Ron was on the floor, eyes crossed and blood dripping from a broken nose. Hermione sat back down, gingerly shaking her aching right hand.

“If anyone else has any comment to make about my choice of fiancé, please do so immediately.” She said in a dangerously calm voice. “We will make arrangements to ‘discuss’ it in a more private venue; such as at dawn, wands drawn at twenty paces.”

There were no takers. As fast as she was with her fists, Hermione was deadly with her wand and had a wicked sense of humor--there was no telling what she’d do in a duel. Even Fred and George blanched at that prospect. A small pouch of galleons passed from Bill Weasley to Remus Lupin. “I told you she’d take Ron out,” Lupin murmured.

Severus looked under the table at the stunned red head with a small smile. He’d wanted to do that but was too far away. He reached for her hand and healed it with a tap from his wand. “Nicely done, my dear.” he smirked and kissed her knuckles.

Albus cleared his throat. “If someone will revive Ronald, we will continue. Our problem is that we do not know where most of the Horcruxes have been hidden, with exception of a few. They must be found and destroyed in order to stop Voldemort once and for all, according to the terms of the Prophecy.”

Molly Weasley applied an ‘Ennervate’ and a couple of healing charms to her youngest son’s nose before resuming her seat. Ron’s long nose now oddly resembled Snape’s own aquiline profile. She glared at Hermione but didn’t say anything. Ron switched places with Harry, safely out of arm’s reach from Hermione.

The discussion resumed, focusing on places and objects that Voldemort would have considered significant enough to house the sundered portions of his soul. Speculation ran wild, from his mother’s former home to Hogwarts castle itself.

It was Ron, the chess-playing strategist, who finally came up with an alternative to a time-consuming search and destroy mission. “Why find the Horcruxes at all?” He said pensively. He was frowning in thought, his fingers drumming absently on the tabletop.

‘Because if we don’t, Harry can’t kill him, you twit.” George snorted. Fred rolled his eyes.

“I get that,” Ron scowled, “Hear me out, will you? The Horcruxes are Voldemort’s safety net, in case he gets killed in this body, right?”

“Correct, Mr. Weasley.” Albus nodded. “What do you have in mind?”

“Okay. Just go with this.” Ron said, thinking hard “If he’s killed, but the body is intact, the bit of soul first in line would come and reanimate his body, right? Not like last time, when his soul was alright but he had to create a whole new body.”

“That is the theory, at least.” Severus said. “And it’s why the Horcruxes are so well hidden. He wants to be certain that he will have his immortality. The Dark Lord is terrified of death; his own, at least.”

“If I’d done half the things he has, I’d be afraid of what was waiting for me, too.” Harry said grimly.

“Then we don’t need to find the Horcruxes.” Ron said. His face was distant with concentration, the same expression he would have worn while working a difficult chess problem or Quidditch strategy.

“What?!” You’re crazy!” The general conversation was a confused babble once more.

Albus shushed the group. “Please explain, Ronald. It sounds as if you have an idea.” The older wizard was fascinated to hear Ron’s theory. Logic was a rare trait among wizards and he was extremely curious.

“We don’t need to find the Horcruxes.” Ron said again. “We need to force him to use them up. Voldemort needs to be killed, over and over, until he stays dead for good.”

“Brilliantly logical, Mr. Weasley,” Severus said. “But there is one small problem: Voldemort is not going to just die because we wish it. He is in a secret-kept safe house, protected by his elite Death Eaters. Just how do you propose we get in and repeatedly murder him without interference? They will protect him with their lives.”

“We have to get him out of there, obviously.” Ron said. He stood and began pacing. “We get him to another location where we can keep him confined. Someplace nobody is going to interfere.”

“How do we do that?” Harry said. “He’s not going to just go for a walk on a whim and we grab him or something.”

“A portkey,” Hermione suggested. “We send him a portkey that activates to his touch only. It sends him to a place where we will be waiting to stun him and lock him up so we can get this damn war over with.”

“I can pass him the portkey at the next meeting,” Severus said thoughtfully. “But it would have to be something valuable enough for him to touch personally. When someone gives him a tribute, he has Peter Pettigrew take it, for that very reason. He is very paranoid.”

“Something valuable; how about a rare book of some kind?” Hermione suggested.

“Nah, he’d never go for that.” Ron shook his head. “It’d have to be something really special, like something from Salazar Slytherin himself. Did Slytherin ever keep a diary? He’d go for that.”

“A diary? That’s ironic,” Ginny said. Her experience with Riddle and diaries made the idea appealing to her.

“The locket,” Harry breathed and looked at Albus. “His mother’s locket or one that looked just like it. It was a family relic, and he spent years looking for it; it’s probably a Horcrux, too. If we gave him that, he couldn’t help but take it himself.”

“What did it look like?” Remus asked. “There are a couple of antique lockets in the study upstairs, would one of them work?” Since Sirius’ death, Harry had invited Remus to live at Gimmauld Place for company and the werewolf was familiar with the dark objects in most of the rooms.

“Big, heavy gold thing with an “S” on an onyx background,” Harry said, remembering the memories Albus had shown him not long before. “His mum hocked it for money when her husband abandoned her.”

“I saw one like that when we were cleaning,” Molly chipped in. “I’ll go get it.” She made to leave the kitchen but Mundungus Fletcher stopped her.

“Oi, no need,” he said uncomfortably. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a heavy locket attached to an ornate chain. “I, er, thought it might be worth a bit of coin, so I thought I’d have it valued for you, Harry.”

“Yeah, right. Hand it over, Dung.” Harry growled. He took the locket and passed it to Albus. “I want a wizard oath from you that you will never again steal from me, Fletcher, or you’ll never set foot in this house again, so help me Merlin!”

Reluctantly, the grubby wizard complied, magic swirling around his head. Arthur Weasley smacked him upside the head, ignoring the glare he received in return.

Albus set the locket on the table and muttered a few spells over it. The locket glowed red. “It’s a Horcrux, possibly one of the first he made.” He looked at Severus. “If you were to give him this he would never let it out of his sight. This plan might actually work.”

“I’ll tell him I got it from an antiques dealer while looking for rare books,” Severus said. “He’ll believe that.” He looked at Hermione and smiled. His hopeful expression was a new one she had never seen before, but she liked it very much.

“All right then, we have the how, now we have to decide on the ‘where’.” Arthur said. “It will have to be a secure location; remote, unplottable, and someplace the Death Eaters won’t think to look for their master.”

“Not here,” Harry said, “I don’t want that bastard anywhere near my house; we just got the Dark artifacts cleaned up. Who knows what he’d leave behind him.”

“Besides a corpse,” Severus muttered.

After much discussion, Bill Weasley suggested the dungeon of a ruined castle north of Hogwarts. He’d been there years before on a curse-breaking assignment for Gringotts. Only he and the Goblins even knew it existed and they wouldn’t interfere.

A few more details were worked out over breakfast the next day, and then everything was in place. The locket was spelled with a delayed portkey, undetectable until activated by a codeword from Severus. All they needed was for Voldemort to summon Severus for a meeting and the plan would be set in motion.

A tense week followed. Nerves ran high and Ron couldn’t keep from making snide comments about Hermione’s relationship with Severus. After the third time he found himself naked, hexed blue and dropped in Piccadilly Square, Harry managed to persuade him to keep quiet. Everyone was carrying a portkey of their own, charmed to take them to the ruins when Severus was summoned.

For Harry it was a difficult time. While he knew the plan was excellent, he was also aware that they were plotting cold-blooded murder. Not just once, but at least six times over. Every time he thought of it, it made him nauseous, no matter how necessary it was. “Neither can live while the other survives.” He was going to have to become a killer.

What truly surprised him was that everyone around him seemed to be fine with this. Not even Hermione evidenced the slightest bit of reluctance. Of course, this might be in part of her having to send her parents away for their own safety, but still--Harry would have thought she’d be at least a little worried about killing someone.

Then it happened. One afternoon during tea Severus hissed and dropped his cup, clutching at his forearm in pain. “It’s time,” he gasped. A quick ‘Accio’ brought his Death Eater robes and mask from his room. The locket was already in a velvet-lined box stored in one of the robe’s pockets. “Alert the others. I’ll send him on as soon as I have a chance.” He kissed Hermione and vanished with a loud crack.

Harry and Hermione sent their patronus to the rest of the Order, and then activated their portkeys. One way or another, the war would end tonight.

*****

Severus appeared in the ballroom of Malfoy Manor. Immediately he turned to the ornate chair where the Dark Lord sat enthroned near the fireplace and dropped to one knee, his head bowed in a gesture of respect. “My Lord, how may I serve?” He said.

“Welcome, Snape,” Voldemort said in his high-pitched voice. “You are the last to arrive. I trust Dumbledore has no idea of your whereabouts?”

“None, my Lord,” Severus answered respectfully. “I told him I was going to London to acquire ingredients for the school potions stores. I am not expected to return for many hours.”

“Good, good. What have our friends in the Order been up to recently? Have you been able to find out?” The red eyes narrowed slightly.

Severus took a deep breath. His answer could gain him rewards or a Crucio, depending on Voldemort’s mood tonight. “They are attempting to find ways of protecting the families of muggleborn students, my lord. I do not think they will have much success. For the present, they are trying to create charmed objects that will carry non-magical persons to safe locations if attacked, but have failed miserably.”

“As long as it keeps them busy and out of our way, let them fail,” Lucius Malfoy shrugged. His wife smiled gently and Severus wondered if she was drunk or drugged into that icy calm. It would explain much, really.

“As you say, Lucius,” Voldemort laughed. “Is there anything else to report, Snape?”

Crunch time, a small voice in the back of his skull said. “One thing, my Lord,” Severus said calmly. “I found something that I thought might please you, and hoped you would accept a gift from me. Something that only you would truly appreciate.”

“A gift? What might this thing be?” Voldemort gave a half smile and gestured Pettigrew forward from the shadows to take it.

Severus produced the box from the depths of his robes. “I was in an antique store, My Lord, looking for certain texts, when I found this locket.” He opened the box and displayed the ornate piece of jewelry.

Voldemort hissed in surprise. Obviously he recognized the thing and was not pleased that his Horcrux had been found.

Severus continued as if he hadn’t noticed. “The shopkeeper gave me some folderol about it belonging to an ancient and powerful wizard; the usual drivel one gives a customer to drive up the price. Imagine my surprise when I did a simple historia spell and it revealed that the locket had once belonged to Slytherin himself!”

Lucius gasped. “Severus, this is a magnificent gift. Are you certain?” His envy was almost palpable; if only he’d found the locket, his status would have improved since his failure in the Department of Mysteries.

“Completely; I have no doubts,” Severus said. “The shopkeeper said it was in a box of random items he acquired from an estate sale some time ago, the fool had no idea whose it was.” The last was to keep Voldemort from ordering a mass killing of antique store owners in London. “No one but you, the last heir of Slytherin, should be in possession of such a thing, My Lord. I present it to you, so that it may once again be in the hands of its’ rightful owner.” He offered the opened box with a bow.

Voldemort waved Pettigrew back to his corner and rose, coming forward to take the box from Severus’ hands himself. He smiled; a sight to make strong men shudder. “This locket once indeed belonged to my family, Snape. I am surprised and grateful for it’s’ return. You have done well.”

Severus stepped back and watched as the Dark Lord examined the locket carefully. He heard him mutter “It seems to be intact, thank Merlin” before taking it from the case and putting it around his skinny neck.

That was what Severus had been waiting for. Under his breath he whispered “Snake-faced Bastard.” and the locket, as well as his own mask, glowed bright blue for an instant. Then both he and Voldemort vanished in a whirl of magic.

*****

The would-be dictator of Wizarding Britain appeared in an underground chamber lit by torches. He barely had time to regain his balance before voices cried out “Stupefy” and at least eight red streaks of light hit him from all directions. He dropped like a sack of house elves, his wand falling by his side.

Severus, who had appeared outside the ring of witches and wizards laying in wait, pulled off his mask. “As they say: “Sweet”! Can we do it again?” He walked up and stamped on the yew-and-phoenix wand, snapping it.

“Maybe some other time,” Albus said. The elderly wizard kept his wand on their captive as Arthur and Bill dragged him to a block of stone in the center of the chamber and dumped him on top. “We have more important things to do right now.”

Hermione gave Severus a hug before she walked up and applied a permanent sticking charm, literally gluing Voldemort to the stone. “There, now he can’t move to use magic, even wandlessly.” she said smugly. “It’s the same charm used on Mrs. Black’s portrait.”

Dumbledore removed the locket by cutting the chain with his wand. He conjured a table nearby and placed it and a heavy, ugly ring on it, as well as the remains of Tom Riddle’s muggle diary, destroyed by Harry a few years previously.

The others looked at him curiously. “These are the known Horcruxes,” Albus explained. “Tom Riddle’s teen-aged diary: It became a Horcrux when he killed his paternal grand-parents and his father, then framed his maternal uncle for their murders. Harry destroyed this one when he killed the basilisk. The second is the Peverell family ring, once in the possession of Marvolo Gaunt. We do not know the victim that made this into a receptacle for part of Voldemort’s soul, but I suspect it was the same time as the diary. And the Slytherin Locket: Created when he murdered Hepzibah Smith and framed her house-elf for the deed.”

The group remained silent, looking from the Horcruxes to the unconscious murderer on the stone. Dumbledore continued with the litany of crimes committed by their prisoner.

“We know that he also acquired Hufflepuff’s cup when he murdered Miss Smith, but we do not know where it is.” Albus said. “Possibly, like the diary, he gave it to one of his followers for safekeeping. His obsession with the Founders makes it likely that he used another object as well, perhaps the Ravenclaw diadem as another, but it is still missing after many centuries. The sword of Gryffindor is clean, I checked it myself, and it is the only known relic of that founder still in existence.”

He looked over at Potter. “Harry is the ‘accidental’ Horcrux, the last one he did not intend to make. There is one other, and I suspect it to be Nagini, his familiar. He certainly keeps her well protected enough to make that plausible.”

Severus grunted. He hated that damned snake. “Get on with it, old man. We all know this.” He wanted his freedom so he and Hermione could get on with their lives.

They all turned to look at the semi-human face of the unconscious wizard. Harry was pale. “I don’t know if I can do this, not while he’s helpless,” the young man said. “In a fight, that’s one thing. But not giving him a chance to defend himself…”

“If he could, Potter, you would be dead.” Severus said disdainfully. “He is not a man, and his crimes are legion. He has murdered hundreds; Muggles, Wizards, sentient beings by the score. None of them were given any consideration whatsoever. Your parents among them, if I need remind you. This is not murder, no matter how coldly we go about it: this is justice, this is vengeance for those he has harmed, killed and abused.”

“Avada Kedavra!” the jet of green light streamed from one side and struck the supine form. Voldemort twitched and went limp and Ginny Weasley lowered her wand. “I owed him that for him stealing my mind and my life force. You only have to do the last one, Harry. We can do the others.”

There were slow nods from the rest of the Order. As they drew their wands, a tiny light rose from the ring on the table and flew across the room to the corpse. It bobbled a few times, and then slowly entered the open mouth.

Voldemort gasped, his lungs expanding violently as he inhaled the life back into his body.

Harry Potter screamed as his scar throbbed with pain like his skull had shattered. He dropped to his knees and groaned, clutching his head.

“For my friend, Lily,” Severus said “And my Hermione.” He stepped to the block and smiled harshly down at the pinned wizard blinking in shock. “Avada Kedavra!” And he meant it with everything he had in him.

Voldemort died again, and Harry’s pain went away. It came back a moment later as another tiny, weak light rose from the locket this time and again entered the body.

Remus Lupin went next, murmuring “For James and Sirius,” before he cast the curse. This time it took longer for the light to arrive, since it obviously had to come from a farther distance; where exactly, they didn’t know. Unknown to any present, deep in a vault in Gringotts Bank, a golden cup with two handles shuddered and a small bead of light leapt from it and flew north at the speed of a shooting star.

Harry was able to bear the returning pain better since now he knew what to expect, but it still hurt like hell every time the sod revived. He was fast losing all sympathy for their prisoner, especially since each time he revived they had to use a tongue-tied charm to keep him from speaking some very dark curses.

Arthur Weasley was the next to step forward. “For Frank and Alice Longbottom,” he said as he raised his wand. In the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts an ugly tarnished tiara fell off the bust of a wizard. That bead of light had a bit of trouble getting out of the magical room, but finally sank through the floor and flew to its’ destination.

This time when Voldemort resurrected, he didn’t bother trying any curses. His red eyes glared balefully at them all in turn, as if he would kill them all given an instant’s mercy. It was hideous to stand in the same room as the monster who had earned so terrible a fate as to be killed over and over again.

Hermione stepped forward in her turn. “Harry, would you please summon Kreacher?” she asked. When the elf arrived she went to one knee. “Kreacher, remember when your master, Regulus, tried to stop the bad wizard that you told us about? This is him, and we are going to stop him. You are a good and faithful servant, and I wanted you to see it.” she told the wizened elf.

Calling Kreacher a good servant was stretching things to the breaking point, but the change that came over the elf justified it. He stared at Hermione, and then looked at Voldemort with a vicious glee in his eyes. In one bound he leapt to the block of stone and clawed fingers raked over the unprotected face, leaving bloody furrows in their wake. “For Master Regulus! For the Noble House of Black!” the elf shrieked savagely.

Harry’s yell of “Kreacher, enough!” brought him instantly back to their side. Hermione nodded and raised her wand to cast the curse. “For my parents who are lost to me, and for Regulus Black, who tried to stop you.” The green light again hit its’ target.

When the body was again still the elf bowed to Hermione. “I thanks the miss,” he said politely. He’d never been polite to her. “You has given me a chance to see my master avenged. Maybe to be muggleborn is not to be filth, after all.” and he vanished.

In Malfoy Manor Nagini was going into convulsions in her master’s guest room. She seized once more, then bit Peter Pettigrew, wrapped him in her coils and ate him. The light drifted out an open window and headed north.

No one noticed, however, as the Death Eaters were busy casting locator spells to find where the traitor Snape had taken their leader. Bellatrix LeStrange had kicked Lucius’ new house elf halfway across the ballroom in frustration: her spell had given the location as the Guggenheim Museum in New York City, U.S.A. Lucius’ own attempt had fared no better, his indicated a snack bar at Eurodisney.

It took over an hour for the soul fragment to arrive this time. The Order members sat on conjured chairs and blocks of stone, chatting among themselves or exploring the castle ruins as they waited. Severus and Hermione were standing together in the door that led outside, watching the moon rise over the mountains and discussing their plans for the future. When the dot of light passed them they followed it back and watched it enter the scaly body. Again there was the gasping inhalation and the cry of pain from Harry as Voldemort yet again rose from the dead.

“There’s only one left,” Dumbledore said. He looked at Harry. “This may hurt you, my boy. Are you ready?” He raised his wand.

“Just get it over with, already.” Harry muttered, holding his head. The constant waves of pain at every resurrection were getting to him. It felt like there was a small earthquake behind his scar. “I can’t take much more of this crap.”

Dumbledore cast the curse. As the hex stream hit Voldemort, Harry stiffened, and then fell over backwards, thrashing violently on the chamber floor. The last soul fragment seemed to tear its way out of his scar and flew to the body.

Ron and Hermione jumped to his side and tried to hold his convulsing body down with little success. “Step aside!” Snape ordered them, then “Petrificus Totalus!” and the seizure halted. Harry’s eyes looked at him gratefully.

Snape gave it a few minutes, and then released the hex. “You would do us no good if you are too injured to cast the final curse, Potter.” he said as he helped the boy up.

Harry managed to stand on his own, and straightened, drawing some new source of energy to himself. “I’m not using the Avada on him,” he said. He glared at Voldemort.

“What? But Harry…’neither can live while the other survives’, remember?” Hermione said softly. “If he lives, you’ll never have a normal life. None of us will.”

“I have something else in mind,” Harry said. A moment later a sweet, ethereal singing filled the chamber and Fawkes arrived. He was carrying the Sword of Gryffindor. Harry took the sword and pulled it from the sheath. Gripping it firmly in his right hand he walked over to the evil wizard stuck to the stone block.

“This helped me kill your first Horcrux,” he said to Voldemort. “It is impregnated with Basilisk venom and is the sword that drove the first Slytherin from Hogwarts. I think it is only right that it be the thing that finishes the last Slytherin as well.”

“Tom Marvolo Riddle,” Harry said, his voice taking on an authority and formality they had never heard from him before. “Your crimes are uncountable. You are guilty of treason, Dark Magic, murders of both magic folk and Muggles, terrorism and Merlin only knows what else.”

Harry took a deep breath. “For these crimes and to protect the Wizarding world from the many more you would commit, I sentence you to death.”

The ruby-encrusted hilt flashed in the torchlight as the sword arced back, then down. The goblin-wrought steel edge bit through the neck of Tom Marvolo Riddle, severing his head and shearing partway into the granite beneath.

Blood gushed from the neck, pouring over the block to pool on the floor. It was a dark red, almost black, thick and stinking of anger and hatred. It was done. Finally it was done.

There was a brief moment as they waited to see if the bastard would revive yet again, then one and all gave a collective sigh of relief. They began to relax until Severus gave an agonized cry and dropped to the rubble-strewn floor clutching at his left forearm.

“Shite! What the hell?” he gasped and ripped his sleeve back to expose his Dark Mark. It was writhing; the inky stain was convulsing in its own death throes. As they watched it began to smoke, the marking burning away from the skin and leaving a shiny scar like an old scald.

Hermione wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly as he fought not to scream with the pain. “Dumbledore, do something!” she yelled at the wizard in frustration. “Help him, make it stop!”

“I can’t Hermione, this is something that must happen,” the old man said gravely.

Remus surprised everyone by moving to Severus’ other side and supporting his childhood opponent; keeping him from toppling over in shock. “Hang on, Severus,” he encouraged him, “It won’t take long, hang on!”

Severus had to wait it out, the feeling that his left arm was burning itself off continued mercilessly. He leaned into their supporting arms and prayed. Only his determination to survive and be with the little witch holding him up got him through the agony of the Dark Mark’s demise.

All over Wizarding England, Death Eaters known and unknown were shrieking in the self-same agony as the death of Voldemort made itself felt in a very literal sense.

In the Ministry of Magic, department heads and Aurors, clerks and beaurocrats writhed. Pius Thickeness, Voldemort’s political puppet, screamed and died when his heart gave out from shock. Sadly, Dolores Umbridge had never taken the mark, but was trampled when a stampede of captured Centaurs broke loose from their incapacitated guards and escaped.

Head Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt, of course, was unaffected. Quick to observe the reactions of the fallen, he gave all unaffected Aurors orders to round them up and took command of the stricken Ministry until the crisis was over.

At dawn the next morning the unaffected ministry workers arrived to find something new added to the Atrium: a granite block with the corpse of the Dark Lord stuck to it. The Magical Medical Examiner’s office issued a death certificate listing the cause as ‘cranial separation’. Dumbledore gave Interim Minister Shacklebolt a rather sketchy version of his last hours. Shacklebolt had the block removed to an undisclosed location and personally cast a fiendfyre spell at it until block, body and all were destroyed.

When confronted by Skeeter demanding an interview, Harry brushed her off with a terse “He’s dead; what more do we need to know?” He then offered to introduce her to muggle insecticide if she didn’t leave him alone. He joined the Aurors, married Ginevra Weasley and spent the rest of his very long life hunting Dark Wizards. He was very good at it.

In Malfoy Manor, the entire cadre of Elite killers had collapsed in screams of pain like no Crucio had ever wrung from them. Lucius went mad and was later confined to the Janus Thickey Ward for the remainder of his life. The others were captured and sent to Azkaban for life.

Bellatrix became catatonic; she is currently in the next bed over from Lucius, who likes to braid her hair every day. Alice Longbottom often leaves wads of used chewing gum stuck to whatever bit of Bellatrix she can reach. Her son, Neville, brings her a steady supply of Droobles best every week.

Nagini resides in the London Zoo as a popular exhibit; she is the only known reticulated python/puff adder hybrid. The zoologists believe she is the result of a research experiment gone awry. They are more correct than they will ever know. Potter comes and talks to her sometimes.

Ron Weasley joined the Chudley Cannons as Keeper and brought them to third from ninth in the league, enjoying his star status and chasing witches until his sister joined the team a year later as chaser and made him start behaving himself.

Fred and George continued with their joke shop, became the newest millionaires on Diagon Alley, and they later married the Patil twins, frequently causing confusion whenever seen in public.

Remus Lupin became an activist for lycanthrope rights. His wife, Nymphadora Tonks, became the DADA professor at Hogwarts for fifteen years. They have three children, two of whom are metamorphmagi and one is a naturalist with the Quibbler. None carry the werewolf curse.

Mundungus Fletcher did two years in Azkaban for selling dragon eggs to undercover Aurors. He disappeared after his release and his final fate is unknown. It is believed that he went to Australia to breed cane toads for potions ingredients. Severus Snape has said that cane toads have no use in potions.

Albus Dumbledore retired from Hogwarts, wrote his memoires, came out of the closet and began a passionate affair with Rufus Scrimegour. The newest ‘power couple’ of wizarding Britain enjoys ten pin bowling, chamber music and meddling in politics.

Rita Skeeter disappeared while covering Dumbledore’s retirement party at Hogwarts for the Daily Prophet. Rubeus Hagrid used a new pesticide charm on his pumpkin patch that Hermione had given him. Her body has never been found. The pumpkins did well, however.

Hermione and Severus were quietly married, their celebration lost amidst the round of parties for the final end of the wizard wars. He retired from teaching and the couple started a private research company. They had four children, two of whom went to Durmstrang and all of whom earned straight O’s on their NEWTs.

And they all lived happily ever after.