Only through the pain

“Only Through the Pain”

A Harry Potter Fanfiction

By

Murray the Leprechaun


Disclaimer: Unfortunately, almost all characters belong to the wonderful authoress J.K. Rowling and the WB and most music and lyrics belong to the band Trapt, whose album ‘only through the pain’ helped inspire this fanfic. Any others will be duly cited as I do not wish to bring the wrath of the music industry upon my head. I would say that the characters you don’t recognize from her series belong to me, but again, unfortunately, this is also not true. It’s more like I belong to them since I sold their head honcho my soul for a piece of pie back in 1999….don’t look at me like that….it was really good pie.

Warning: This story is rated (or at least it will be once I’m done building up some damn plot) NC-17. There will be drugs, sex, abuse, bad language and a small tiny bit of non-con. It is also of the homosexual boys love variety, so if you don’t like reading stories about guys ramming hard cylindrical body parts repeatedly into one another’s sphincters for pleasure….then why the hell did you sign up for a Harry/Draco slash site in the first place moron?! Everyone else, you are warned, there will be some rather angsty and not at all pretty parts to this story, but it will end happily….I think….I haven’t finished it yet.

A/N: HEY! Alright, so….ermm…well, it’s been forever since I’ve written any fanfiction because I’ve been focusing mainly on my original work for the last two years or so, but the other day after listening to the new Trapt CD (on repeat until words lost all meaning) I was suddenly inspired to write lovely Harry/Draco smut again. Something about the lyrics reminded me of this slightly angsty (but with a happy ending) slash story I had been writing several years ago but stopped due to lack of muses. While the fact that my muses enjoy such emotional punk music so much slightly scares me, I have accepted it and decided to write again. Also, I started disliking the books after I read the 6th one because Draco having to kill Dumbledore not only removes the fun character of that damned headmaster from the writing spectrum, but it also makes it a lot harder to get Draco and Harry to take off their clothes and shag each other silly. Therefore, this story becomes (technically) a little AU because I only use factual Potter-verse info up to book 5. So here it is, a Harry/Draco angsty smutty fanfiction based loosely around the lyrics from songs on the new Trapt album (and a few others) and only using spoilers for the first 5 books because after that I really couldn’t give a damn what JK thinks. I hope you enjoy it!


Chapter 1- Wasteland (Draco)

“The-boy-who-lived, the soon to be Savior of the Wizarding World, the Chosen One, the Golden Boy of Gryffindor, just wanted to be left alone. You would think it would be clear to anyone with functioning neural pathways that one Harry James Potter wished for nothing more then peace and quiet while he rode the Hogwarts Express back to school. Think about it for half a second and I’m sure you’d come to the same conclusion. He’s been having nothing but nightmares and terrible visions for the last year which meant he was only getting a small amount of sleep every night, he’d fallen straight into Voldemort’s trap and subsequently been the cause behind his friends injuries and his godfather’s death, and he’d fought against said dreaded dark lord for only a few moments but had only barely been strong enough to throw moldy face from his brain. Now, maybe, if you weren’t already aware of all of these variables, you might think it would be ok to approach him in his compartment and start blathering on about homework and whatnot. If he weren’t positively radiating black swirls of ‘fuck-off’ energies that is. So…it was either that both Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley are the densest people on the planet or….well…no….that’s the only thing I can think of actually.” I thought as I passed by the so called golden trio’s compartment again and took another peak through the tiny window.

“Hell,” I thought as I walked back into my own empty compartment which was the next one over, “even I’m wouldn’t be willing to screw with Potter right now. Don’t they know how stupid it is to poke an angry animal with a stick?” As I silently laughed to myself over the mental image of the damned weasel poking and then being eaten by an angry tiger in a zoo, the noise level in the next compartment rose. My interest was suitably peaked so I crossed to the shared wall and pressed my ear against it. Who knew? Maybe I’d hear something I could use as blackmail later.

“God! When will you fucking people just leave me alone!?” I heard Harry shout. “I don’t want to hear anymore about the god damned war or my god damned role in it! I’m fucking sick and tired of the whole fucking thing! I don’t want to kill or be killed and I don’t want to be the savior of the world! I’m not Jesus Fucking Christ people! I wasn’t given any fucking choice in the matter and I’m fucking sick of hearing about the fucking plan all the fucking time! I don’t want any fucking part in it! So fuck off!”

I pulled my head away from the wall for a moment, blinking in surprise at all of the obscenities I’d just eavesdropped on. It didn’t really shock me that Potter was pissed about the role he was being forced into; I knew a bit about unwanted responsibilities myself. I just hadn’t been aware the Gryffindorks knew any curse words beyond ‘bloody’ or ‘sodding’. Then the shouting started again and my ear was once more placed the wall eagerly. This was much better then listening to Crabbe and Goyle laugh at each other’s farts.

“No Hermione! I don’t have a fucking choice! God Damnit! How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to talk about this!? I’ll fight your stupid fucking war and I’ll kill that stupid fucking ass Voldemort, because I don’t have any other fucking options! So crucify me on your fucking cross when the time comes!” Potter was yelling again, obviously in response to something the mudblood had said.

“But Harry,” she started to which there was a loud indistinguishable and therefore un-writable shout. It was possibly something along the lines of, ‘GRSGSDF!!!’ or probably, ‘GRESDGFTSE!!!’ but I was fairly sure it wasn’t a real word. “Harry! Where are you going!?”

“Somewhere where I won’t have to talk about this fucking ‘cross I have to bear’ for just few fucking minutes!” Harry screamed and, judging by the loud stomping of heavy boots and the subsequent slamming of a flimsy door, walked out. I pulled my ear away from the wall in enough time to see Harry storm past my own compartment after looking in to see if it was empty. A few moments later he was going back the other way, again looking into the compartment. I raised an eyebrow on the third pass, and on the fourth I gave what I thought was a cheerful wave (though its friendliness must have been a bit marred by the patented Malfoy smirk). Potter stopped for a moment when Iwaved but then turned and continued walking the length of the train.

I sighed and shook my head, knowing damn well that mine was the only compartment not full to the brim with gossiping students catching up with each other after a few months away from school. I had commandeered it from the other Slytherins that had been sitting there by pulling the “I’m a prefect so nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah,” card and I was enjoying my bit of private time away from all those death-eater fanatic children quite a bit.
Since Potter had successfully sent my father to Azkaban over the whole ‘department of mysteries’ debacle, myself and my mother Narcissa had been able to stop having to pretend that we were adamant dark wizards. Sure, we believed that magic should be kept within the magical community, but that was because it was safer for everyone that way. Muggles had a tendency to overreact violently to things they did not understand and almost all muggle-born witches and wizards were no where near as powerful as purebloods and would move back into the Muggle world when they graduated, creating a higher risk for exposure. This belief did not mean that we wanted to kill all the muggles and mudbloods, and if divorce weren’t so taboo in the Wizarding World, Narcissa would have dumped Lucius’ ass in the gutter years ago for being such a psychotic abusive bastard. But so long as my father remained behind Dementor bars, I would not have to get that positively disgusting mark on my arm or kiss the filthy hems of that decomposing megalomaniac, and I would not have to fear repercussions for not acting like a bastard to the golden trio…well, maybe I still would be to the weasel, but that was just because it was fun to watch his face match his hideous red hair. So, while rolling my eyes at Potter’s 6th pass of the hall, I decided to take advantage of this last bonus and crossed to the door, sticking my head out just as Potter was about to pace by again.

“For the love of Merlin, Potter, it should be obvious by now that the only remotely empty cabin besides the one which you have just vacated is the one I am sitting in.” I drawled. “So stop that bloody pacing and come in already. I won’t talk to you if you don’t talk to me and we can both have some peace and quiet for the next few hours.” I quite enjoyed the flabbergasted expression on the Gryffindor’s face. It was almost as good as the faces the Slytherin students made when I publicly told that little slut Pansy that she was a moron for following a reanimated corpse and that I wanted nothing to with her now that I was no longer obligated to. “I promise I won’t hex you into oblivion Potter, it’s just distracting watching you pace back and forth like that. It’s throwing my concentration.” I added, motioning to the pile of parchment behind me that I had been scribbling homework on when Harry still refused to move. I slid the door open the rest of the way and gestured inside, “See? There is plenty of room for us both to ignore each other.” Potter glared at me briefly, suspiciously, and then stormed past me into the compartment and onto the empty seats across from my things, eyes darting around to make sure there was not trick waiting for him.

“I’m going to warn you right now Malfoy that if this is some kind of stupid trap then you better believe I am not going to hesitate to kill you and whoever else is in on this.” Potter threatened darkly.

“Oh I believe it,” I shrugged, “I heard you snap at your friends next door and I am in no rush to have my nose bitten off as well. As I said, it was distracting me from my homework watching you storm back and forth like that and as I seem to have the only empty compartment on this whole train and you seem to need silence, it seemed necessary for me to allow you to share it. Gods help us all if I hadn’t.” I restrained my desire to bust into laughter at Potter’s incredulous expression, instead opting to clear my throat. “Now, if you don’t mind, I still have a few more assignments to finish.”

Harry, still thrown by my sudden personality transplant, simply nodded. He still waited a few more moments to make absolutely sure no one was going to jump out of the overhead bin before pulling out a small device and putting two odd things in his ears. “Thank you Malfoy,” he added quietly after a moment, calmer then he had been all morning.

“No problem Potter.” I replied with my head bent over an overdue Charms essay. I looked up again a few minutes later when I heard Potter saying something softly. “I’m sorry, what was that?” I asked, but Potter had his eyes closed and the two little things sticking out of his ears. Whatever they were, they seemed to be doing something that had calmed the Gryffindor down to the point of a trance state because he didn’t even seem to realize he was speaking. “Except he’s not speaking,” I realized, leaning closer to hear what Potter was saying and hearing faint music coming from the little ear buds, “he’s singing…”

“You don’t ever ask me why,
You don’t read the signs,
Give me way too many reasons for me to want to get high,
Standing tall between my four walls and I’m about to fall,
So look into my eyes and I say it all.
I am lost, I am lost
So crucify me on your cross
What’ the cost, what’s the cost
To erase what I’ve been taught?
Get off my back, don’t attack,
So what if I fell off the track?
Your master plan don’t understand
That I’d rather live in my own wasteland.
I’m already gone, I’m already gone
My own wasteland
I don’t belong, I don’t belong,
My own wasteland.
Scream at me until I shut down
I don’t hear a sound,
I can only take so many cheap shots
Down on the ground.
I gotta go my own way this time,
Leave you behind,
Said it all but not enough for
Your simple mind.
I am lost, I am lost
So crucify me on your cross,
what’s the cost, what’s the cost
To erase what I’ve been taught?
Get off my back, don’t attack,
So what if I feel off the tracks?
Your master plan don’t understand
I’d rather live in my own wasteland.
I’m already gone, I’m already gone,
My own wasteland,
I don’t belong I don’t belong,
My own wasteland.
You tell me what you want from me
You never ask me what I need,
Just let me go just set me free,
And turn these nightmares into dreams.
I am lost, I am lost
So crucify me on your cross,
What’s the cost, what’s the cost
To erase what I’ve been taught?
Get off my back, don’t attack,
So what if I feel off the tracks?
Your master plan don’t understand,
I’d rather live in my own wasteland.
I’m already gone, I’m already gone,
My own wasteland,
I don’t belong I don’t belong,
My own wasteland.
And I won’t waste another day
It doesn’t matter what we say,
You’ll never change your wicked ways.
I’d rather stay in my own wasteland.
I’m already gone, I’m already gone,
I don’t belong, I don’t belong.
My own wasteland.”

I listened silently to the song Harry sang and smirked at the lyrics, recognizing a few key words that the boy had shouted at the bushy-haired mudblood earlier. “So that’s where he got that whole ‘crucify me’ bit,” I mused, “from a muggle song. I wonder if he agrees with the getting high bit too, though….” With a bit of a naughty grin I decided that there was only one way to find out. If Potter got offended then he’d probably just leave, which wouldn’t really bother me any and if he wasn’t…well, then I would definitely be much closer to being on good terms with Potter. “Either way,” I thought as I pulled out a baggie full of joints I’d rolled before I left the manor and lit one, “the rest of this damned train ride will go a lot faster.”



A/N: And that is the end of today’s special, tune again tomorrow for the next installment of Only Through the Pain. And remember, if you liked today’s program, be sure to write in and let us know! This is Murray the Leprechaun, signing off here at HDSF, all Harry/Draco slash, all the time with little to no commercial interruptions! **jingle theme song** Farewell and Fun thoughts!