Snape's Real Worst Memory

To all of you fine HP geeks, I'm sure the first 5-6 paragraphs of this are going to look incredibly familiar to you. I decided, since this story is supposed to be a re-working of "Snape's Worse Memory", I would pull the beginning of my story directly from that chapter, with a few small additions. The rest is the result of the inner workings of my own mind. Frightening.

This first chapter is kind of fluff-tastic, but I feel the best angst emerges from the aftermath of the fluff attack. To the extent of my knowledge, there will only be two chapters, and I hope you like them both equally (because if you don't then one chapter will lord it over the other that it's preferred...a big mess...)

NEW: I edited this chapter because upon re-reading I realized that I hadn't achieved the effect I was going for with Harry in this story - the feelings of coming to terms with same sex attraction. I swear I will be posting the next chapter soon!

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Chapter One: Through the Looking Glass

Harry turned around. The light was coming from the Pensieve sitting on Snape’s desk. The silver-white contents were ebbing and swirling within. Snape’s thoughts…things he did not want Harry to see if he broke through Snape’s defenses accidentally….

Harry gazed at the Pensieve; curiosity welling inside him….What was it that Snape was so keen to hide from Harry?

The silvery lights shivered on the wall….Harry took two steps toward the desk, thinking hard. Could it possibly be information about the Department of Mysteries that Snape was determined to keep from him?

Harry looked over his shoulder, his heart now pumping harder and faster than ever. How long would it take Snape to release Montague from the toilet? Would he come straight back to his office afterward, or accompany Montague to the hospital wing? Surely the latter…Montague was Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team; Snape would want to make sure he was all right…

Harry walked the remaining few feet to the Pensieve and stood over it, gazing into its depths. He hesitated, listening, then pulled out his wand again. The office and the corridor beyond were completely silent. He gave the contents of the Pensieve a small prod with the end of his wand.

The silvery stuff within began to swirl very fast. Harry leaned forward over it and saw that it had become transparent. He was, once again, looking down into a room as though through a circular window in the ceiling….It appeared to be a bedchamber lit only by a single candle, with a figure laying on a bed in the center…the rippling surface of the Pensieve made it impossible to make out any distinct details….

His breath was actually fogging the surface of Snape’s thoughts….His brain seemed to be in limbo….It would be insane to do the thing that he was so strongly tempted to do….He was trembling….Snape could be back at any moment…but Harry thought of Cho’s anger, of Malfoy’s jeering face, and a reckless daring seized him.

He took a great gulp of breath and plunged his face into the surface of Snape’s thoughts. At once, the floor of the office lurched, tipping Harry headfirst into the Pensieve….

He was falling through cold blackness, spinning furiously as he went, and then---

Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed he had seen only a moment before through the top of the Pensieve. He was facing a smooth, dark mahogany wall which flickered in the soft candlelight from behind him. He looked over his shoulder at the figure he knew would also be on the bed. He leapt to his feet in shock- it was Snape.

Of course, it shouldn’t have surprised him; this was Snape’s memory after all. But it wasn’t Snape as Harry knew him. In fact, had it not been for the familiar hooked nose, Harry may not have recognized him at all. This Snape couldn’t have been more than twenty-five years old, probably younger. His jet black hair, devoid of its normal greasy appearance, was pulled back into a loose ponytail. Without the usual curtains of hair hanging in the way, Harry was able to fully see the features of this Snape’s face; which, though still thin and angular, appeared much softer and less lined than that of his older self. Snape’s arms were folded across his bare stomach. His skin was still starkly pale in contrast to his black slacks, but it lacked the sallow tone it had in the future.

One of Snape’s bare feet tapped to an unheard rhythm as he lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling, apparently lost in thought. In the dim candlelight, Harry could see irritation etched in his features, but Harry found himself thinking that he actually looked somewhat…pleasant; so different from the sneering, sarcastic man he had grown accustom to.

A soft knock on the door opposite Harry snapped him out of his own thoughts. For a moment, panic filled him and his eyes began darting around the room searching for a suitable place to hide. Almost as quickly as the panic had come it faded away as he remembered that this new person entering the memory would not be able to see him anymore than Young Snape had.

Snape continued to lie on the bed as he bade the person enter. The door creaked open slowly to reveal a tall man with platinum blonde hair and pale grey eyes: Lucius Malfoy. Though he had never appeared quite as worn as Snape, he still looked significantly younger than when Harry had seen him last. His face bore an expression Harry couldn’t place.

Snape finally sat up and leaned on his elbows, a small smile playing on his face.

“Why do you bother knocking?”

Again, Harry found himself surprised. Both Snape’s smile and his voice contained no hint of his normal malice or animosity. This Snape seemed to be an entirely different man.

Lucius returned Snape’s smile as he pulled off his traveling cloak and folded it over the back of the armchair in the corner.

“I knock because I’m polite.”

Both Harry and Snape laughed at this remark.

“Oh yes Lucius, tales of your decorum are told far and wide. I’ve heard bards in distant lands sing of your courtesy.”

Malfoy rounded the bed and sat on the spot Harry had occupied not two minutes earlier. Then he did something that made it quite clear what the odd expression on his face had been when he entered. Lucius leaned across the bed, one hand lacing around Snape’s waist as he pressed his mouth against the other man’s. Snape shifted his weight onto one of his lean arms and grabbed the back of Malfoy’s neck with his free hand, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Lucius’ thin, pale hand began to slide over Snape’s hip toward the button at the top of his slacks before Snape pulled away from the embrace.

“Stop.”

Malfoy looked as though he’d been slapped; a look that keenly expressed how Harry felt in that moment. What was he seeing? This was Snape and Malfoy’s father! Not only was it two of the men that he hated most in the world, but they were doing things that...it was just wrong. Harry began to regret his decision to enter the Pensieve. He clenched his eyes closed and focused on leaving the memory, on zooming up out of the Pensieve…but he had never left a Pensieve memory on his own, and he had no idea how to do it…and he wasn’t in the best mindset to really concentrate on learning how. Harry walked into the darkest corner of the room and faced the wall, hoping he could block out what was going on long enough to figure out how to get the hell out of this memory. But he was suddenly roped into the events around him again when he heard Snape continue to speak.

“You made me wait.” It was a simple phrase, only four words long, but it had sounded…sad…concerned? Harry turned around again and looked into Snape’s eyes and found himself stricken by the hurt that lay within them. This was yet another facet of the Potions master that Harry had never been introduced to. In all of his dealings with Snape over the past four years, he had never witnessed him express any emotions aside from anger, hatred, loathing, and all the other pleasant little moods that went along those lines.

“Two and a half hours, Lucius.”

“Sev, it couldn’t be helped.” Malfoy reached out to brush Snape’s cheek, only to have him jerk his face away at the last second. Lucius pulled his hand back and looked down at the bedspread. “I’m sorry.”

“Where were you?”

Lucius sighed and ran a hand through his sleek blonde hair. “Business. I had some business that ran later than I had expected.”

“Business; which is code for you’re not going to tell me.” Snape’s face took on a look that for once seemed a little like his future self. There was a familiar determined smugness there, but rather than being accompanied by anger and furrowed brows, it was partnered with a look of mischievousness. His mood seemed to suddenly lighten considerably. Was this odd mood shift just another aspect of this Snape that Harry couldn’t quite grasp yet? Maybe an odd psychosis that manifested in his later years to make him a snarky git?

Apparently Malfoy had sensed the shift as well, because he regained his former smirk.

“Jealous, Sev?”

“No; concerned. With the current climate- the Order of the Phoenix lurking about, Bartemius Crouch’s raids, Aurors with the freedom to kill now and ask questions later, I’ve been a bit worried as of late. And when you don’t show up for more than two hours…But I’m just relieved that you’re all right.”

Malfoy leaned over again and kissed Snape softly on the lips.

“You’re so sweet sometimes, who would ever have guessed?”

“Who indeed?” Snape ran a hand up Lucius’ chest and began undoing the buttons on his shirt. Harry looked on, a nervous pit forming in his stomach. He wanted to look away, he really did…didn’t he? He kept watching as Snape’s fingers caressed down Malfoy’s shirt front- pale white and spidery fingers against dark green silk. He slid the buttons easily through their holes until the shirt lay open, revealing Malfoy’s nearly hairless chest. With a few shrugs of his shoulders, the shirt slid off his arms and onto the floor.

Snape continued in a soft, seductive tone as he brushed a thumb over one of Lucius’ nipples, pulling a small gasp from the blonde.

“Besides, I have no reason to be jealous.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I’m the best fuck you’ve ever had or ever will have.”

“Truer words were never spoken…”

Malfoy rose onto his knees on the mattress, a predatory look burning in his eyes. Snape lay back, his arms falling to his sides, his legs spread slightly apart, with one knee raised. He looked up at Malfoy, his body a perfect picture of seduction.

Harry watched with his mouth agape. He felt a familiar lurch in his stomach, followed by an equally familiar twitch in the front of his pants. He didn’t fully understand what was happening…he was getting turned on by a man, but not just any man, Snape. But this was a different Snape, he told himself consolingly…a much different…younger…less heinous and evil…but still completely male…Snape. What the hell was wrong with him?

Lucius moved so that he was kneeling between Snape’s legs and leaned forward, one hand next to Snape’s head, one beside his waist. Snape lay perfectly still as Malfoy’s eyes roved over him.

Very slowly, Lucius lowered himself down so that his body was pressed fully against the man beneath him. He pressed his mouth against Snape’s slim throat and began rocking his hips forward. Snape groaned lightly as he closed his dark eyes. He began raising his hips as best he could against the weight of his lover’s body. The room soon filled with the sounds of their heavier breathing combined with the occasional moan, groan or sigh. Lucius began thrusting a bit more forcefully, pressing the slighter man into the mattress which creaked in response.

Malfoy pulled his face away from Snape’s neck, where he had left a few deep red calling cards. He pressed his mouth against Snape’s again, both men moaning into the kiss as they continued to grind against each other.

Lucius pulled back from the kiss and began staring intently at his lover’s face, which now bore an expression that had become all too familiar to Harry over these past few months. For a moment, Harry was able to push away his arousal, which had been serving to block any logical thought from entering his mind. That was why Snape had changed his attitude so quickly; he had wanted to get Lucius’ guard down. That poor bastard. Harry wondered if he knew what was coming…

Apparently he did not, because he had not changed his actions in the slightest before he stopped moving altogether, his eyes taking on a glazed-over appearance. So that’s what someone looked like when they were under the throes of Legilimency, Harry thought to himself. He was surprised that Lucius didn’t collapse onto Snape; his eyes looked so void of any thought. Harry found himself oddly disappointed by the end of what they had been doing prior; but if nothing else, it was nice not to be on the receiving end of one of Snape’s mind-reading attacks.

Lucius blinked a few times and shook his head. He looked down at the man beneath him only to find that he no longer looked quite as pleased as he had moments before.

“So, how is Narcissa these days?”

“Well, you certainly have become quite a powerful Legilimens, Sev.” Though his voice resounded predominantly with irritation, there was a tone of admiration that lay beneath it. “You didn’t even need to use your wand that time.”

“Thank you for the compliment, but you didn’t answer my question, which ought to be simple enough for you since you saw her only twenty minutes ago.”

Lucius rolled off to his side and lay in a similar position to the one in which Harry had first found Snape.

“You know what I’ve said; I don’t want to talk about her when I’m with you.”

“Why not, she is your wife, after all.”

“She’s not my wife, Sev.”

Snape sat upright and looked over at Lucius.

“Alright then, fiancé, which means future wife.”

Malfoy looked up into Snape’s penetrating eyes.

“Why does it bother you? You know it’s just for appearances.”

Snape responded in a quiet, matter of fact voice. “Because she’s going to take you away from me, Lucius.”

Malfoy sat up at this as well. He spoke in a similarly hushed tone as he began running a hand gently along Snape’s shoulder.

“Severus, you know she means nothing to me.”

“You’ll have to be seen together, won’t you? You’ll have your own home together, and you’ll attend charity events together. You two will be invited to gatherings at the houses of other wizards while I go alone and wait for you in some abandoned bedroom.”

“You’re not going to fade from my life-look at me, Sev.” He took hold of Snape’s chin and gently turned his face back towards him. “I’m not going to forget about you, and I’m not going to just see you in the abandoned bedroom of some old git’s house. Besides which, I won’t be spending every waking moment with her. I won’t be spending much time with her at all if it can be helped.”

Snape shook his head. “You’re a public figure, Lucius. What will people say when you’re never seen with your wife? They’ll suspect you more than they already do.”

“You talk as though they don’t suspect you”, Lucius responded with a faint chuckle.

“Well, they don’t suspect me nearly as much as they do you, love. You’re far more obvious than I. I just wish that didn’t matter so much to you.”

“It has to matter, Sev. It’s a necessary evil.”

“No it isn’t. In case you’ve forgotten, I too was betrothed to one of the Black daughters, but I refused to go through with it. It has raised suspicion, and Bellatrix hates me now with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. But I’m wife-free and happy…or should I say gay?” He laughed lightly (which proved to be another surprising sound to Harry).

“Well, as you pointed out a moment ago, I’m a great deal more obvious than you. You being single reads as shrewd bachelor. However, I would only come across as a big flaming poof.” He paused while Snape let out another small laugh, whose mirth still managed not to show in his eyes. “Someone in my position…appearances must be maintained.”

“Of course they do.”

Lucius wrapped his arms around Snape and pulled him against his chest.

“Do you remember back in school, how much effort it took for me to get you to let your guard down long enough that I could get close to you? Do you really think I’m going to waste all that time and trial?” He stopped and kissed Snape’s forehead. “I’m yours, you’re mine, and no ridiculous arranged marriage can change that. You’re not going to lose me, Sev. You believe me, don’t you?”

Snape nodded against Malfoy’s shoulder, though he seemed unable to say yes. His eyes showed no confidence in Lucius’ declaration.

Both men sat still for a moment, their arms still wrapped around one another. Harry noticed the Dark Mark on each of their left forearms. It seemed so odd to him that two people bearing said tattoo could be so affectionate and emotional, especially these two people.

Snape turned Lucius’ face towards his and brushed his lips against the other man’s. He began sucking gently on Malfoy’s bottom lip, causing him to moan deeply. Lucius placed a hand on the back of Snape’s head and leaned him down on the pillows. He lay down next to Snape, but soon leaned over his chest. He began nipping at Snape’s earlobe as he slid the hair-tie from his ponytail. “I love your hair; it’s one of your best features, you know that?” Malfoy twined his fingers into his dark hair and whispered inaudibly into his ear.

Snape closed his eyes and began caressing the back of his lover’s neck. “I love you too, Lucius.” Their mouths met again in a deep, slow kiss. The kiss became fiercer and soon deep moans began passing between the lips of the two men. Harry soon found himself staring with his mouth agape again, his cheeks burning with arousal, his mouth bone-dry. He shouldn’t be watching this…he really shouldn’t be watching this….

Lucius began kissing a trail down Snape’s body, moving from his mouth to his neck, then down the center of his chest. His hands slid over the slighter man’s torso, up his side, brushing over a nipple. Finally, both hands and mouth rested at the waistband of Snape’s trousers.

Malfoy looked up at Severus’ flushed face, an intense look in his eyes. Without ever losing eye contact, he deftly undid the button on his lover’s pants, and pulled down the zipper as well. The back of his hand pressed against the bulging material beneath it as he did. Snape’s head fell back on the pillow as a sigh escaped his throat.

“Lift your hips, love.” Snape complied and soon Malfoy had the man’s trouser pulled down and off. Harry received another shock as he realized that Snape was not wearing anything under his pants. He found himself wondering if this was a common occurrence or if it was only for…well…special occasions. Harry shook his head rapidly- it was bad enough that he was watching this, he didn’t want his mind diverting down any other unnecessary tracks. Besides which, the current situation was truly demanding his attention….

Snape lay completely naked on the bed, his breath was coming faster now, his face was deeply flushed, and he was fully hard. Lucius seemed most interested in the last of these features. He brought his hand up to his face and licked his palm, coating it in saliva. In the next moment the room filled with a loud gasp as Malfoy laced his fingers around Snape’s cock, and began moving his fist slowly up and down the length of it. His thumb brushed over the sensitive underside of the head with each upward stroke, causing the muscles in Snape’s abdomen and legs to twitch.

Severus placed his right hand around Malfoy’s fist, urging him to move faster as he bucked his hips up into his lover’s grip. Lucius placed his free hand against Snape’s hip and pressed him down to stop his thrusting movements.

“Lucius…faster…please…”

The blonde leaned close to Snape’s ear and hissed into it before sucking on his earlobe.

“You don’t want to be spent yet, do you?”

Snape began biting his lower lip in an attempt to control his urge to beg, as he brought his hand away from Malfoy’s fist. He brought his hand instead to the top of Lucius’ grey slacks and began undoing the belt there with shaking fingers.

“Stop Sev, it’s not time for that yet.”

“Well I…hardly think…oh…it’s fair…that I’m…uh…completely naked…and you’ve…oh God…you’ve still got…your trousers and shoes…on…” Snape’s eyes closed as Lucius began pumping him faster.

“Hush love; all in good time.”

With his hand still gripping Snape’s shaft, Lucius began shifting further down on the bed until he was kneeling between the slighter man’s thighs. Lucius’ hand ceased its movements suddenly, much to both Snape’s, and Harry’s, chagrin. Harry now found himself painfully hard, and was mustering all of his self control not to bring his hand to the front of his pants. The scene before him continued.

“Love…please…I need…”

“I know what you need, Sev.”

Malfoy leaned forward and pressed his lips against the head of Snape’s cock in a soft kiss. He began swirling his tongue over the tip, licking off the pre-come there. A deep groan bordering on a growl emerged from Severus’ throat as he clenched and unclenched his fists in the sheets beneath him. Harry could tell that he was resisting thrusting up against Malfoy’s mouth and the hand that still pinned down his hips.

Malfoy ran his tongue along the underside of Snape’s cock, eliciting another gasp from his lover. Lucius began bringing his mouth down to sheath Snape’s erection, sliding up and down slowly, his fist still gripping the base. Severus could no longer withstand the urge to buck his hips up, though he was still pinned down by Malfoy’s hand. Lucius’ cheeks appeared hollowed as he began sucking off the young Snape. He pulled away for a moment as his tongue swirled out around the head of Snape’s prick before he plunged his mouth back down. Lucius began working the fist that was still around his lover’s erection in tandem with the faster movements of his mouth. He let go of Snape’s hip and brought that hand to the front of his own trousers to stroke the twitching erection that lay underneath. Severus’ hips began bucking upwards, hard, into Lucius’ mouth.

“Oh…Lucius…so good…” Snape closed his eyes and gripped Malfoy’s shoulders with both of his hands.

Harry found that his hand was mimicking Lucius’ as it found its way to the front of his pants. He began rubbing the heel of his hand over his own erection, releasing a small groan at the stimulation. Harry rested his head against the wall behind him as his half-lidded eyes continued to stare at the bed in front of him.

Lucius paused in his ministrations for a moment as he inserted his first three fingers into his mouth. He withdrew the saliva and pre-come coated digits and brought his mouth back around Snape’s cock. Malfoy’s hand disappeared between Severus’ legs, and although Harry couldn’t see for sure, from the way Snape’s eyes flew open, he could guess what Malfoy’s fingers were doing. Two more times Snape’s eyelids fluttered as Lucius worked his fingers inside him and his mouth around him. Suddenly Malfoy changed the angle of his hand and in the next moment Snape bucked up hard as his back arched off the bed.

He cried out his lover’s name with a loud moan before his back came to rest again against the bed.

“Lucius!”

Malfoy’s blonde head continued to slowly bob up and down as the post-orgasm tremors passed through Severus’ body. He withdrew his mouth and let Snape’s softening cock slip out from between his lips. Lucius swallowed once and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he knelt up between Snape’s legs. He leaned forward and captured his lover’s panting mouth in a harsh kiss, brushing his hand over Snape’s flushed cheek. Malfoy pulled away and hopped over Snape’s leg and off the bed, where he kicked off his shoes and pulled off his slacks revealing his arousal. He pulled open the drawer of the nightstand and began sifting through its contents.

“I love tasting myself in your mouth” Snape sighed as he tried to regain his breath. Harry could hardly believe his ears. He could also still hardly believe how hot that had just sounded to him. His hand continued to caress over the bulge in his pants, his hips rising slightly from against the wall to meet his hand.

Lucius returned to the bed, a small corked bottle in his hand. Again, he crawled up between Snape’s widely spread legs. He reached up next to the dark haired man’s head and grabbed the extra pillow. He then proceeded to slide it underneath Snape’s thin hips.

Malfoy’s eyes roved over Snape’s body, all affection in them lost, replaced by sheer lust. He uncorked the bottle and poured out a thick shiny liquid into his hand. Kneeling back on his heels, he began to rub the liquid along the length of his cock, coating it with the glistening substance. He moaned quietly as his hand slid along his shaft. Snape stared down the bed at Malfoy, seemingly transfixed by the image of his lover pleasuring himself. When his erection was thoroughly coated, Lucius crawled up further between Snape’s legs. Much like he had when he had first arrived, he placed one hand next to Snape’s head and the other next to his waist and leaned forward onto all fours. Severus snaked both of his legs around his lover’s upper torso and gripped Malfoy’s lean upper arms with his hands.

Harry watched with a mix of arousal, shock, and even fear as Lucius angled the head of his cock towards Snape’s entrance. He wanted to see this man thrust inside Snape, as confused as that made him feel, he did, but he also worried that he’d hurt him. In that moment, oddly enough, Harry found himself more shocked at the latter of these thoughts. Since when did he care whether Snape got hurt or not?

In the next moment his fears were allayed as Lucius slid slowly inside of the man beneath him. Both men groaned, and Snape’s face took on a look of pleasure, not pain. When Lucius had finally thrust completely into his lover, he paused allowing them both to adjust to the sensation

“You always feel so good, Sev. Gods you’re so good…” Lucius’ voice came out in a harsh sigh. He stared down at his lover who lay perfectly still beneath him, waiting for him to move inside of him. Lucius pulled out almost completely before thrusting back in, quicker and harder this time. Snape gasped at the intrusion and raised his hips up to counter the thrust.

Each individual push soon melded to become one long series of thrusts that found a fast and steady rhythm as each man rocked their hips forward against the other. Soon the room was filled with moans, gasps, grunts and incoherent words as Lucius’ hand found Snape’s again hard cock. The lovers stared into each other’s eyes as they continued to move together. Malfoy’s head dropped down to his chest as his thrusts began picking up speed and strength. He was soon pounding into Snape’s willing body relentlessly, causing the dark-haired man to cry out in sporadic bursts of hoarse vocalization. Snape’s hips continued to rise up to counter Malfoy’s intrusions, their rocking motion taking on an almost effeminate fluidity.

This fierce love-making only lasted for a few minutes before both men were crying out as their climaxes pulsed through them; Snape spurting over Malfoy’s hand as the blonde came inside him. Lucius rode out the orgasm with a few weak thrusts before collapsing against Severus’ heaving chest. Harry’s hand continued to work at the front of his pants until he too was climaxing, a soft moan escaping his lips as pleasure washed over him and his legs threatened to give out beneath him. The surge of his release was soon replaced with a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. What had he just done?

Lucius pulled slowly out of Snape’s body with a small sigh, and proceeded to fling the pillow from beneath Snape’s hips back to the top of the bed. He crawled up the length of the bed and allowed his sweat dampened head to collapse against the replaced pillow.

“Hand me the handkerchief from my right trouser pocket, would you, Sev?” As Snape leaned over the edge of the bed, his hair fell down around his face, which served to, combined with the fatigued look on his visage, make him appear much more like the Snape Harry was used to.

He handed Lucius the handkerchief and the blonde proceeded to wipe Snape’s spilled seed from his hand and his stomach. He then ran the cloth over Severus’ stomach in soft gentle circles, wiping the semen from there as well. The handkerchief was unceremoniously flung over the other side of the bed, away from the two men’s clothing. Malfoy leaned across Snape and planted a soft kiss on his parted lips.

“You’re amazing, Sev. How could anyone ever replace you?” He kissed him deeply and then lay back, pulling the darker haired man into his arms. Snape lay his head down on Lucius’ chest. Harry found himself simply gazing upon this show of affection, not sure what to make of the situation.

“You know what, Lucius?”

“What love?”

“You really are a big flaming poof…”

Coming soon: "Chapter Two- Necessary Evils"