Draco's Cracked Mask
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
2,667
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
2,667
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The crack in the mask
*WARNING* This section is dark and angry. It does not include any sex or fluff or porn; it’s mainly angst. Right now, I’m angry at my most recent ex, so I transferred that anger to Draco, trying to express how he feels.
As for where this fits into the HP story…I have no idea. I have not read the books, so put this where you see fit. In my mind, it goes along with the HPB story (maybe?) but I would say it is before Draco kills Dumbledore. He and Harry were together, but their destinies have ripped them apart. Draco, as a Malfoy, is expected to serve the Dark Lord and take the Mark—although in this soliloquy, he has only agreed to take it, but he hasn’t ACTUALLY yet. Maybe I can make something hopeful come of that. Anyway, Harry has to fulfill his destiny of killing Voldemort, which brings their relationship to an end. I would say enjoy, except for how dark and angry it is, so I guess I’d rather say: I hope it seems realistic and relatable.
**********
Anger is better. Anger is better than the alternative. Fuck you, Harry Potter. Fuck you and your irresistible green eyes. Fuck you for ruining my life.
No, that’s not fair. My life was ruined before you showed up, and it was my own fault. At least you made my life bearable, if only for a short time. I feel angry a lot. It’s better than being depressed or worse, crying. When you cry, people feel sorry for you. People see your weakness. At least with anger, they still respect you out of fear of what you might do to them. I’m breaking right in front of everyone, but I’m breaking on the inside, and no one knows. That’s the way I want it. No one saw my pain, and no one knew. No one but you. You saw me at my weakest, and you gave me my strength back. You helped me be able to stand on my own, and now that I can, I don’t need you anymore. Except that I do need you. I need you more than I can say, and that’s the worst. Now I’m dying inside. But this time, you can’t heal me because you’re the one who broke me. I have to heal myself; am I strong enough?
I can stand calm and collected in the face of pure evil. I can take whatever abuse and criticism from my father. But it is you, the face of pure goodness, the face of love, that broke me. That’s why I need anger. It holds me together because thinking of you rips me apart.
There is no use in wishing for things to be different…and yet I do. I wish that you weren’t the Chosen One, and I wish I hadn’t agreed to take the Mark. I have tasted heaven; it tastes like you. That makes it all the harder to go back to the depths of hell that have become my life…my life after you. I wish I were dead inside. If I were dead, I couldn’t feel. Fuck you, Harry Potter, because I love you. Having to watch you every day and knowing what we had, knowing that we don’t have it anymore, makes me long for Snape’s condescension, for my father’s abuse, for Voldemort’s torture. All of the evil in the world cannot compare to the pain of love.
I have to put the mask back on. No one wants to see my pain; no one wants to believe that I can hurt. I have to go about fulfilling my duty as my father’s son…when all I want to be is the one who loves you, the one who puts a smile on your face, the one you run to for comfort, for protection, and for love. It gets harder to put on each time, this mask I wear. It gets heavier, but I do it because I have to. Sometimes I want to scream at everyone, “DON’T YOU SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME??? WHY DOES NO ONE NOTICE?” The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. If you hated me, at least I still evoke a reaction from you. It is being ignored; it is your indifference that scares me most. Because if you stop caring, then I know I am truly alone.
I put the mask back on now. It’s cracked. Fuck. I expected that. Now I can say this, even with my mask on. Harry, I love you…and you’re killing me.
**********
Author’s note: Like I said before, I hope this was realistic and relatable. I don’t really care if you review it; if you feel so inclined, of course I’d like to know what you think. I don’t do the whole “review if you want more” game…too passive-aggressive for my taste. I know, I’m an ass.
As for where this fits into the HP story…I have no idea. I have not read the books, so put this where you see fit. In my mind, it goes along with the HPB story (maybe?) but I would say it is before Draco kills Dumbledore. He and Harry were together, but their destinies have ripped them apart. Draco, as a Malfoy, is expected to serve the Dark Lord and take the Mark—although in this soliloquy, he has only agreed to take it, but he hasn’t ACTUALLY yet. Maybe I can make something hopeful come of that. Anyway, Harry has to fulfill his destiny of killing Voldemort, which brings their relationship to an end. I would say enjoy, except for how dark and angry it is, so I guess I’d rather say: I hope it seems realistic and relatable.
**********
Anger is better. Anger is better than the alternative. Fuck you, Harry Potter. Fuck you and your irresistible green eyes. Fuck you for ruining my life.
No, that’s not fair. My life was ruined before you showed up, and it was my own fault. At least you made my life bearable, if only for a short time. I feel angry a lot. It’s better than being depressed or worse, crying. When you cry, people feel sorry for you. People see your weakness. At least with anger, they still respect you out of fear of what you might do to them. I’m breaking right in front of everyone, but I’m breaking on the inside, and no one knows. That’s the way I want it. No one saw my pain, and no one knew. No one but you. You saw me at my weakest, and you gave me my strength back. You helped me be able to stand on my own, and now that I can, I don’t need you anymore. Except that I do need you. I need you more than I can say, and that’s the worst. Now I’m dying inside. But this time, you can’t heal me because you’re the one who broke me. I have to heal myself; am I strong enough?
I can stand calm and collected in the face of pure evil. I can take whatever abuse and criticism from my father. But it is you, the face of pure goodness, the face of love, that broke me. That’s why I need anger. It holds me together because thinking of you rips me apart.
There is no use in wishing for things to be different…and yet I do. I wish that you weren’t the Chosen One, and I wish I hadn’t agreed to take the Mark. I have tasted heaven; it tastes like you. That makes it all the harder to go back to the depths of hell that have become my life…my life after you. I wish I were dead inside. If I were dead, I couldn’t feel. Fuck you, Harry Potter, because I love you. Having to watch you every day and knowing what we had, knowing that we don’t have it anymore, makes me long for Snape’s condescension, for my father’s abuse, for Voldemort’s torture. All of the evil in the world cannot compare to the pain of love.
I have to put the mask back on. No one wants to see my pain; no one wants to believe that I can hurt. I have to go about fulfilling my duty as my father’s son…when all I want to be is the one who loves you, the one who puts a smile on your face, the one you run to for comfort, for protection, and for love. It gets harder to put on each time, this mask I wear. It gets heavier, but I do it because I have to. Sometimes I want to scream at everyone, “DON’T YOU SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME??? WHY DOES NO ONE NOTICE?” The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. If you hated me, at least I still evoke a reaction from you. It is being ignored; it is your indifference that scares me most. Because if you stop caring, then I know I am truly alone.
I put the mask back on now. It’s cracked. Fuck. I expected that. Now I can say this, even with my mask on. Harry, I love you…and you’re killing me.
**********
Author’s note: Like I said before, I hope this was realistic and relatable. I don’t really care if you review it; if you feel so inclined, of course I’d like to know what you think. I don’t do the whole “review if you want more” game…too passive-aggressive for my taste. I know, I’m an ass.