The Awakening

Authors Notes: This started out with just Harry and Ginny or at least that was the plan, but a few other characters joined the party. This story started out as a planned short story, not the Novelette that it turned out to be. There is a part of the story that was taken from a challenge in a creative writing group but it worked out so perfectly here too. In addition, there is a tribute to Manicmalfoy within the story for she was the one who really encouraged me to start writing and to keep writing. Thanks for all your help.
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The stars above sparkled like diamonds in the moonless sky, while a soft gentle breeze danced with the trees. Below him, a small home stood there alone and seemed to calling to him, but he knew that he couldn’t return with all that he had done. Long time ago he called that house home, but now it is was a place that held things that were more precious to him than all the money in Gringotts. He would gladly give up everything he owned if things could be different, if only he knew that he would be welcomed back in that house. Yet, when the truth comes out about what he had done, there would no longer be that little hope of returning to a loving home.

His heart ached for the love of that family, which was the only family that he had ever known, but he knew that it really wasn’t his family. He wanted to see everyone there, but he knew that once they learned the truth that they would forever ban him from their lives. There had to have been another way to stop all that happened but even now, he still hadn’t been able to figure what he could have done differently, not that it could change anything now.

Harry was so focused on the home down below, wishing for things that he could never have again, that he never heard the footsteps. He lowered his head slightly towards his shoulder as he pulled out his wand for he needed to leave now before he was seen, when he heard “Where are you going?”

He knew who just spoke to him by the sound of her voice. It was the voice of an angel, which had been haunting his every waking moments. It was his beloved Ginny. “I was just going to leave.” He said barely above a whisper. He didn’t turn to look at her for he wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing the accusations, anger and hatred that he would see in her angelic face. There were some things that he knew would just devastate him and seeing her hate him more than she already did was one of those things.

“Why?” she asked softly. Harry looked up at the inky black sky, “Because it was wrong of me to come here in the first place.”

She took a deep breath that she released slowly, “Why haven’t you come home sooner?”

Harry wasn’t sure how to answer that question honestly. He didn’t want to lie to her but he couldn’t tell her the truth either. He turned to look at her and his breath was taken with the beauty of her standing there with her fiery red hair framing her face. Those soft brown eyes glistened as if they had been crying yet they held so many questions that were going unasked and unanswered. “I just couldn’t.” he said simply.

“Why Harry?” she asked again, this time with a little more force to her voice.

He shrugged his shoulders, “I just couldn’t. I don’t, didn’t, want to hurt you.” He said with a low voice for he knew that he had been a coward, but he wasn’t strong enough to handle the rejection not yet anyway. Maybe someday he would be strong enough but not now.

Her face seemed to be completely void of any emotions as she said, “I’ve been hurting since I was sixteen years old.”

“Ginny,” he spoke softly as he took a step towards her, “please understand I that I couldn’t risk the pain of loosing you.” Even as he said those words, they sounded phony even to him; after all, he lost her anyway. “I wouldn’t have been able to go on knowing that you were hurt or kill just because of me.”

“Has it been worth it?” she asked.

Harry shook his head no, for he was hurting just as bad if not worse. The knowledge of being her being within an arms reach yet a world apart, was killing him. The only thing that he was happy about was that she was alive unlike so many other friends who had been killed in the bloody war. He had hoped that would have been enough for him, but after seeing her now, he knew that he would always hurt because she would never be his, but he wouldn’t regret his decision.

She took a step towards him, “They want to see you.” She said flatly as she looked towards the house. “They have been waiting for you for over two months.”

Harry looked back down at house then back at her, “What about you?” was all he could ask. She was the most important person and if she wanted him to leave to never return then he would.

“Don’t ask.” She said softly. “Please don’t’ ask.” It was then that he saw a tear silently fall onto her cheek.

Harry reached out to touch her angelic face but lowered his hand before he did anything foolish, “I need to know what you want.” She only looked at him and it was then that he realized that she was hurting and it was all because of him. “Tell them that I love them please.” He turned to leave for he couldn’t go on hurting her like this anymore. She deserved to have a life full of love, family and friends, all the things that he would never have because he pushed her away too many times over the years.

He didn’t see her behind him, reaching out for him or the look of despair when he turned from her that had filled her face. She was moving her mouth as if trying to ask him something when she finally asked softly, “Did he suffer?”

Harry stopped in his tracks for his heart stopped at that question. He knew that he was going to be asked by someone, someday and he promised himself that he wouldn’t lie about that night, but he couldn’t hurt her anymore and the truth would do just that. All he could think of was not hurting her even more so he merely said, “I’m sorry.” As he felt a tear fall onto his cheek. Before she could ask another question, he disappeared.

The tear that he had felt at the Burrow was no longer the only one for he felt as if he soul was being torn apart. There was nothing left for him any longer. The pain was too much for him that he started to scream at the heavens, cursing them for bringing him that much pain. He wanted answers but no one answered. He fell onto his hands and knees, sobbing as if his heart was breaking. He didn’t see anyone else and didn’t notice that he was no longer alone.

She watched him from a distance not certain how to approach him. She had never seen someone so lost and in so much pain. The scream that he let out at first was so primal and animal like that she was actually frightened by the sound of it. She didn’t know why she followed him, only that she knew that he couldn’t go off as he had all alone and hurting and that she was merely acting on instinct now.

It was those soul-racking sobs that made her move, for no one should have to go through that much pain by themselves. Everyone needed someone to turn to in times like this, but who did he have now. She slowly walked up to him and kneeled next to him as she placed a hand on his shoulder. He jumped slightly at her touch and when he looked at her, his eyes were dead and hollow looking. The tears still fresh, gave his face a sunken in look. She held out her arms wide for him and he clung to her as if she was a lifeline and he was drowning all the while repeating that he was sorry.

Ginny kept whispering that everything was going to be okay, but he knew differently. He was being selfish, tonight, clinging to her the way he was, but he just wasn’t strong enough to turn her away now. Her touch, her voice, her scent all helped soothed the ragged edges of his soul, but it was only temporary he knew that much.

After several long moments, he gathered his emotions together and sat up all while looking at his beautiful Ginny. He needed to send her away, it was for the best, but Merlin help him, he just couldn’t to send her away yet. He wanted to keep her here with him for all time, but once the truth is out, she would leave him all the while cursing him to a life of pain, which he deserved. She ran her thumb under his eye to remove a stray tear, and he captured her hand in is for he didn’t deserve her kindness.

As he looked at her, he saw the question in her eyes. The one question that he didn’t want to answer, the one question that would forever damn him to a life of loneliness. He squeezed her hand gently, “Please don’t ask me that question.” He begged her softly.

“Please Harry,” she spoke with a slight waiver to her voice as if she was about to cry herself, “I just need to know what happened that night.” Harry shook his head for no one should have to live in the hell that he has been living all because they knew the truth. “Please.” She begged him.

Harry got up and walked away from her. He needed to put distance between them for he couldn’t have her touching him and keep his resolve to not hurt her more than he already has. “Ginny,” he said as he looked at her hoping that she wouldn’t push it any further, “You really don’t want to know what happened. Hell,” he said as he raised his hands halfway, “I don’t want to even live with the details anymore.”

She looked up at him with tears glistening in her eyes, “I need to know what happened to him. To you.”

Harry turned around to look away from her when he heard her start to speak again. It was too much so he spun around and looked at her as this anger bubbled up inside of him unexpectedly, “You really want to know all of the gory details?” he sneered at her as he walked up to her and got down to her eye level on the ground. “Voldemort used him to get to me and then killed him slowly and painfully in front of me to break me. There Ron was screaming in pain for me to do something to help him and I couldn’t do jack shit. Damn it, it was killing me that I couldn’t do shit because that bloody bastard had Death Eaters surrounding the Burrow threatening to kill everyone last one of you if I even took a step towards Ron. The bastard made me choose between you and your brother. Your brother, the one that I had come to see as my own brother. The brother, that meant the world to me, but the thought of you being killed brought on more pain so I chose you. I chose you to live over your brother and he didn’t understand that. The intense pain that he was in made it to where he couldn’t hear what the damn bloody bastard was saying. So there I stood completely helpless in the middle of this field, watching Ron being tortured to death.” He took a deep breath to try to calm down for he saw the look of fright on her face, “In the end,” he said a bit softer, “he was being tortured and he was cursing me because I wouldn’t help him.” The sobs racked his body again, “I killed him. I killed Ron. Heaven help me I killed my best friend, my brother.”

Harry looked at her and saw the many emotions in her face, waiting for the hatred and bitterness that he was sure to come. He already felt those things towards himself, and wasn't sure if he was ready to see those same feelings in her soft brown eyes. “Please forgive me, my lovely Ginny, I just couldn’t let you be killed. You mean more to me than anything else in this world. I love you more than life, and I just couldn’t let you die so I killed your brother instead.” He begged her.

She moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. He held onto her needing the touch of another person, needing the touch of Ginny Weasley. He knew that he shouldn’t but right now the only thing that he needed more than anything was her understanding. He needed her to forgive him. “Please forgive me Ginny.” He begged softly against her shoulder.

Together they sat there in the middle of the field holding each other. They didn’t say anything to each other for each was lost in their own thoughts. Harry, waiting for the words that he expected to come from Ginny that would send him away forever. Ginny, praying to be given the strength that would be needed to help him heal and to understand that he saved an entire family, for she was not all that sure she could do it without help.

Harry pulled away from her, with a look of expectation and a little bit of fear. “If you can’t forgive me now I hope that someday that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Ginny’s hand went to his face to caress it gently. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked softly almost as if she was talking to a wild animal.

Harry looked at her for there was no anger in her voice. “I just couldn’t tell you that I killed your brother. I couldn’t stomach the idea of you hating me even more than you already do.”

She used a finger to cover his lips, “My brother died protecting his family, and he knows that now.” She said gently. “If he knew what choice you had he would have had gladly given his life for us. You saved more than just me, and you know that.” She waited for that to sink in though she doubted that he believed it yet, “And I never hated you and I could never hate you.”

“I should have been able to save him. How can you say anything else?” He asked her with wounded eyes. She could tell that he has been beating himself over this. Guilt filled her for she should have been there for him sooner, maybe then he wouldn’t be in so much pain.

“Because I know you and I know my brother. There is nothing to forgive Harry Potter, you saved a family and one person died.” She ran her hand down his chest until she rested her flat hand against his chest over his heart, “Listen to this and you will know that Ron would have been furious if you chose him over his family.”

Harry moved her hand for he wasn’t thinking straight with the touch of her hand over his heart. “I know that Ron would have done whatever it would have taken to save you, but he was in so much pain…” he stopped for he didn’t want to go on.

Ginny hugged him again, placing her head on his shoulder as she ran one hand over his chest, “Ron would be very proud of you.”

So many feelings, wants, needs and thoughts were racing through Harry as Ginny held him. He needed to send her home before he did something foolish that would make her truly hate him. “Ginny go home.” He said with as much force as he could muster.

She shook her head no, “Not without you.”

Harry heaved a deep sigh, “I can’t. I’m just not ready to face your family with the truth. I am not ready to lose them.” He looked deep in her eyes, “I’ve avoided going to the Burrow because at least until they know the truth I am welcomed there, but once they know then where will my home be?” He shook his head, “No I can’t lose the last little bit of hope that still remains in me.”

“Then I am staying here with you.” She said with determination in her voice. “I am not going to leave you alone.”

Harry took a deep breath trying to keep control of his body for he has needed her for far too long that she wasn’t safe with him. “Ginny tonight you need to go home. I’m not sure that you are safe with me tonight.” He said through clenched teeth.

Ginny looked up at him, “I am safe with you I have no doubt about that. What you need is love tonight. Love has seen you through so much in the past and it is love that is going to get you through this now.”

Ginny looked at him and saw the hunger in his eyes. She has felt that same hunger since she first saw the silhouette of him standing up on that hill at the Burrow. She wanted to rush to him then, but feared that her eyes were once again seeing things. “Gin, you don’t know what you are saying.” He said barely above a whisper.

“I know exactly what I am saying.” She said in a whisper, “I’m saying that I am going to stay here with you.”

“Gin you need to go home.” He said gently but with determination.

“I need to stay with you.” She said as she ran her hand through his hair. “Besides when was the last time you had a good night sleep?” She was fighting the need to have more with him right now, but had a feeling that she had to take it slow. Harry seemed so fragile right now that she was afraid that if they gave in to those urges tonight that he would never get beyond the guilt that was crushing him.

“Honestly, I don’t remember.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“There then you need to get a good night sleep before we go home.” She spoke softly but with meaning. She wasn’t going to go home without him this time. She wasn’t going to allow him to walk away from her again, not at least without one hell of a fight. “Here,” she said as she patted her lap, “lay your head down and rest. I will watch over you tonight.”

Slowly he lowered his head in her lap grateful that she was here now. Tomorrow he would deal with her walking away from him, since there were some things that couldn’t be forgiven, and what he had done was one of those things. He lay there relaxing for the first time in years under her loving touch, and felt himself drift off to sleep. Somewhere in the distance, he could have sworn that he heard her say, “I love you.” However, he couldn’t be sure for he had heard too many times in the past to be sure.