Happy Fucking Christmas

12/30/06 sorry for updating without real updates but I was just told about a silly error I've been making when posting which makes it difficult for the readers.


A/N Thanks for the reviews, I thought about doing a makeup chapter but....

Anywho I wrote this cause I was making lots and lots of christmas cookies, 400 to be exact. And in a fit of irritation wrote this.

No there will not be a new chapter. I originally intended just the first and added the second as
a request but there won't be a third

And no I meant puppet. T'is what me Pa used to call me Gran. Poppet is too Jack Saparow. :odd:

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“Harry,” Draco whined, “why do we have to do this the Muggle way?”

“Well, what would be the fun in using magic, Draco?”

“Faster, less messy.”

Harry rolled his eyes. All he wanted to do was make Christmas cookies with his boyfriend, then decorate them with their friends. Why did Draco have to turn everything into such a production?

“Draco, darling, you agreed to help me and last night you were even excited about this.” Harry glared at his companion. They were at the checkout of a Muggle shop in London. It was their last stop, having gathered all the other things they would need for the gingerbread cookies. Draco had been complaining non-stop since the second stop and Harry was getting a headache.

“That was last night, before I realised that your project would involve me actually doing work.” Draco bemoaned. “I’m tired Harry. I want to go home. My feet hurt. These bags are getting heavy. I’m cold. I have a headache. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty and I think I broke a nail.” finishing his tirade, Draco stomped his foot and looked pathetically at Harry.

“Look Draco, this is the last stop, then we can go home and… and… I’ll make you some hot chocolate.” Harry said quickly, hoping to appease the other young man.

“Will you make me some lunch too?” Draco asked pathetically.

Harry turned and looked at Draco, “If you promise to not complain again, I will.”

Draco grinned foolishly, motioning with his free hand that he would button his lips. Harry sighed audibly, thanking the Gods for small favours. Harry paid the shop girl in Muggle money and the two left, headed for the Leaky Cauldron. Draco kept his promise and did not utter another audible objection. Though Harry was fairly certain Draco’s brain was silently working overtime in that department.

~A Little While Later~

Harry had the cookbook open, carefully reading the directions. He had everything he and Draco needed out on the counter. Flour, sugar, eggs, butter and spices, measuring cups, mixer and bowls, he grinned thinking they were ready to start. Draco was leaning against the counter beside him.

“What are you smirking about?” he drawled.

“I think we’re ready to begin, Draco.” Harry smiled broadly, “This will be fun, you’ll see.” he said, rubbing his hands together.

“Oh goodie.” Draco quipped, though he found Harry’s enthusiasm endearing, he really would rather be snuggled up in front of the fire with the other boy.

Harry decided to ignore that remark. He leaned the cookbook against the backsplash, pushing his glasses up further on his nose, reading carefully.

“Now, let’s see we need to sift the dry ingredients together, except the sugar. Hand me that measuring cup, will you?” he asked.

Draco sighed, like he was being very put upon. “Which one? And why exactly do we need four of these? And why different sizes?” Draco whined, picking up the measures.

Harry rolled his eyes, “Just hand me the largest one.” Draco picked up the cup and handed it to Harry, a disgusted look on his face.

Harry glared at him. “You are going to help,” he snapped, handing Draco back the cup, “here measure out two of these into this sifter.” he ordered, placing a wire sieve over one of the mixing bowls. Harry began measuring the spices out, glancing at the book every so often to be sure he had everything correct.

“You know Draco this is a bit like potions,” hoping to peak Draco’s interest, “you have to follow the directions carefully or the entire thing is ruined.”

Draco quirked an eyebrow, “Really?” he asked, finally paying attention.

“Yes,” Harry nodded, placing the spices in the sifter. “Two cups Draco.” Harry reminded Draco, pointing at the flour.

Draco looked at the measuring cup then the container of flour. He scooped out a cup full and dumped it on top of the spices Harry had meticulously measured out.

“DRACO!”

“What?”

“I said you have to measure everything carefully. You didn’t level that off. That’s way more then a cup full.”

“So, you said we needed two of these any way.”

Harry narrowed his eyes, “How do you intend to be sure that you have two even cup fulls?”

“Um, well – hmmm”

“Indeed, hmmm,” Harry snarled. “Now this is ruined. We have to start over.”

Harry picked up the sifter to dump the flour.

“Now Harry, surely we don’t need to do that?” he said reaching for the sifter in Harry’s hand.

“Yes we do.” Harry said, moving the sifter away from Draco.

“No, really Harry.” Draco said grabbing Harry’s hand.

“Draco let go.”

“No we can salvage this.”

“No we can’t.”

Draco took hold of the basket end of the sifter while Harry pulled at the handle. “Let go Draco.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“NO!”

“YES!”

“FINE!” Draco declared letting go of the basket as Harry tugged hard at the handle. The force of Harry’s pull and the sudden release of Draco sent the flour flying all over Harry.

“Damn it, Draco” Harry coughed. Draco stared for a moment; Harry’s entire upper body was covered in a fine white powder. At first Draco thought to apologize, he really did, but then his mirth took over… Draco smirked, his mouth quirked and then he burst into peels of high pitched laughter.

Harry fumed. “Stop laughing, you great git!” he spat. “Look at the mess you’ve made.”

“Me?” Draco snickered. “I didn’t do this.” he said waving his hands over the mess.

“Just shut it Draco.”

Harry took off his glasses, wiping them clean. He shook the flour from his hair, brushing off his clothes. Harry slammed the sifter back over the bowl. He picked up the cup and shoved it into Draco’s hand.

“Two even cups Draco.” he snarled.

Draco guiltily took up the cup, measuring two even amounts, as Harry requested, dumping each one in the sifter. Harry once again measured out the spices placing them on top of the flour. He gently picked up the sifter, shaking the basket until all the flour mixture fell into the bowl.

“Good,” he declared, “now, it says we cream together the butter and sugar.” Harry looked puzzlingly at Draco. “What do you suppose creaming is?” he asked.

“How the bloody hell would I know. This is your plan, Potter, not mine.” he snapped.

Harry frowned. He turned to look at Draco, his eyes sad and bottom lip protruding slightly. Draco hated that pout. He knew Harry knew that too. Which irritated him further, Draco wanted to look away, but couldn’t. ‘Damn Gryffindor’ he thought gruffly.

“I just wanted to bake Christmas cookies with you Draco.” he sighed. Harry looked down then glanced up through his long dark lashes, knowing full well Draco could not resist that look.

“Don’t you give me those eyes Potter.” Draco tried to keep his voice angry, but his will was already bending to Harry.

Harry’s eyes widened innocently. “I am not!”

“Are too.”

“Not.” Harry batted his eyes sweetly. “Can’t we just finish the cookies love?” he said softly, reaching out to touch Draco’s cheek.

Draco sighed defeated. “Perhaps it means adding cream?” he suggested, resigned to his fate of helping Harry.

“But cream isn’t on the ingredient list.”

“Well I don’t know, it says creaming, what else could it mean?”

Harry scrunched up his nose, “Perhaps there’s a miss print in the ingredient list.” he scratched his chin, thinking. “I dunno…” he wondered aloud. “Maybe just a little.”

Draco wandered over to the cold box, bringing Harry a pint of cream. “Maybe…”

Harry placed the butter and sugar in the metal bowl attached to the fancy Muggle mixer they had purchased earlier. He took the cream from Draco and poured a tiny bit in. Both Draco and Harry peered into the bowl.

“It doesn’t look any different.” Draco said.

“Um it says to cream the butter with the sugar until light and fluffy.” Harry added.

“More cream?”

“I dunno.” Harry added more cream as the two of them stared, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did.

Draco’s impatience got the better of him. He grabbed the cream and dumped in half the pint.

“DRACO!”

“What?”

Harry could think of nothing to say. This was surely wrong, but he had no clue what creaming was exactly…

“Maybe your directions are wrong, what’s it say to do next?” Draco asked, as he scratched his head, not looking at Harry.

“Um, add the egg and molasses and beat until smooth.” Harry answered.

“Well let’s try that.”

They poured the egg and molasses into the bowl.

“Um Draco, turn the blender on…”

Draco immediately flipped the switch to high….

“AHHHHHHHHHHH,” both boys were quickly splattered with, cream, egg, sugar, molasses and bits of butter.

“low speed…” Harry snapped shutting off the machine.

“Sorry…” Draco backed away from his angry boyfriend, backing up slowly.

“No, no, it’s fine.” Harry said through clenched teeth, “Fine, really.” He plunked the bowl off the stand and dumped the contents in the sink. “We’ll just start over.” He said as he slammed the bowl back in place.

They added more butter, sugar and cream, then the egg and molasses. This time Harry turned on the mixer. He gradually turned up the speed until the mixture looked somewhat smooth.

“Okay, now we gradually add the flour mixture…. On. Low. Speed.” Harry emphasized, “until a stiff batter forms.” Draco took up the bowl of flour and began pouring it into the mixer.

When all the flour was added, Draco looked sceptically at Harry. “This doesn’t look very stiff at all Harry.”

Harry shut the mixer off. He took a spoon and scooped at the batter. It ran off the end of the spoon. “Um… no, it doesn’t.” Harry looked at the cookbook again. “It says to refrigerate for one hour before rolling it out. Maybe it stiffens then?”

Draco raised his eyebrows, “Have you ever baked before Potter?”

“Yes.” Harry said vehemently, “I’ve made cakes, but… err… only from packages.” he mumbled, blushing.

“Right,” Draco took the mixture and put it in the cold cupboard, “one hour.”

“There.” Harry declared. “Now we can make the frosting to decorate them with.”

Draco groaned loudly. “Frosting… we’re making frosting?”

“Of course we are.” Harry smiled giddily. Flipping the pages of his cookbook, he began measuring ingredients.

Draco sighed. He really had had enough of baking. He was now sticky and dirty. The kitchen was a mess. Dobby was sure to pitch a fit when he returned from his day off. As Draco watched Harry though, he found couldn’t stay angry or upset with the other young man. Harry just seemed so happy to be doing this with Draco. He had started to hum Christmas carols, glancing over at Draco every now and then, smiling brightly. Resignation appeared to be Draco’s mood for the day.

On hour later, they had the frosting made, coloured in reds and greens and whites, ready to decorate. The cookie cutters were all arranged neatly waiting to be used. They pulled out the bowl of ‘dough,’ which was, although somewhat thicker, still not what one would consider stiff.

“Oh,” Harry said as he looked at the lumpy mess…

“Oh,” Draco snarled, “Oh! Harry this is wrong. There is no way we can roll this out and cut shapes.” He shouted. “This is all fucked up. That’s what this is.” Draco snarled an ugly, angry look on his face. “This is your fault! Bloody, fucking cookies” he hissed.

Harry sniffed; he had just wanted to make cookies with Draco. Why did he have to be so difficult? Why did nothing turn out the way Harry wanted? Their friends would be arriving shortly and they had no cookies to decorate and instead of being helpful, Draco was snapping at his heals. Harry was tired, dirty and fed up. He had had enough of Draco’s griping…

Harry grabbed the bowl of dough from Draco, a hurt look on his face. “Why do you have to be like this?” he yelled back. “Why?”

“Like what?”

“So bloody difficult.”

“I am not.

“Yes, you are.”

“Not.”

“Are.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. I am not. You bloody ponce. It wasn’t my idea to make these blasted cookies.” Draco began, completely at the end of his rope. His voice began getting louder and louder. “I AM NOT BEING DIFFICULT. YOU ARE BEING DIFFICULT HARRY. YOU!” he bellowed, sticking his finger in Harry’s face. “I’VE HAD IT. THIS WAS A STUPID IDEA. A BLOODY, FUCKING, STUPID IDEA. THIS HAS TO BE THE DUMBEST IDEA YOU’VE HAD YET. LOOK AT THE MESS YOU’VE MADE.” Draco stormed, moving closer to Harry’s face, so that their noses were almost touching. “WE’VE WASTED HOURS IN THIS FUCKING KITCHEN AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT FOR OUR TIME, A BLOODY, FUCKING BLOB OF GOO!” Draco stopped, breathing hard his anger and frustration boiling over.

Harry felt his face getting redder and redder as Draco shouted at him. ‘This was supposed to be fun.’ he kept telling himself. How was this, his fault? Well okay, it was his idea to make cookies from scratch. That had seemed a good idea at the time. It certainly was not his fault Draco got flour all over the place. Nor was it his fault they had been splatter with a stick mess. That was Draco’s doing as well. Well almost entirely. Why was he the one being yelled at? Why couldn’t Draco just cooperate?

“WELL, YOU GREAT PRAT, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR SELF? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIX THIS? HMMM? ANSWER ME YOU FUCKING, LITTLE, BUGGERING, BLOODY ARSEWHOLE!” Draco demanded.

Harry felt his anger reach out like it had a life of its own. He felt his arm raise the bowl of dough, though he could swear he did not ask it too.

“Now Harry…” Draco stammered…

He saw the bowl rise above his head as if it were someone else’s arm.

“Haaarry…”

He felt his wrist twist, completely of its own accord.

“HARRY!”

He saw the mass of sticky batter plop, in one giant mass, over his lovers head.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Draco squealed.

“HAPPY, FUCKING CHRISTMAS, DRACO!”