Up the Duff
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
26,374
Reviews:
172
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
26,374
Reviews:
172
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Up the Duff
:::::::::::
It was just a normal Saturday night at Hogwarts. (As normal as they got anyway.)
Harry Potter-Malfoy and his new husband, Draco Malfoy-Potter were just taking a nice leisurely night time stroll around the lake when suddenly they heard a loud commotion coming from in the vicinity of some shrubbery that they felt compelled to investigate.
“Be careful Harry!” Draco nagged, as his much too eager to plunge head first into danger hubby stuck his unguarded noggin through some bushes. “You never know what might be back there!”
“Aieeeeeeeeeeee!!” Harry shrieked a half second later, backpedaling so fast that he tripped on his own feet and landed hard on his arse.
Draco gaped down at his shaking spouse. Harry’s face was white as chalk and his eyes were huge green pools of horror.
“GUHHHHH!!” Said Harry, pointing one trembling finger at the bush.
Draco had seen Harry face down a Dark Lord without so much as a tiny tremor. What in the fuck could have possibly shaken the Savior of the wizarding world so utterly?
Unfortunately for Draco, he had the answer to his question just a moment later as a completely naked and gooey Argus Filch came stumbling through the bushes that Harry had just exited so hastily.
“My eyes!!!” screeched Draco, covering them with his hands.
“The Duff!” Filch yelped, spittle and goo flying in all directions as he waved his scrawny arms.
“The what?” Draco asked, bravely daring to peek through his fingers just a teeny bit.
“Duff!” Filch shouted, as though it should be the most obvious thing in the world. “The Duff! I-it attacked me and Mrs. Norris!”
Harry was mumbling and rocking in a fetal position so Draco tried very hard to gather the courage to ask some questions.
“S-something attacked you?”
“Yes!” Hollered Filch.
“And ate your clothes….. and Mrs. Norris?”
“It sucked up Mrs. Norris but…“ Filch’s slimy face suddenly turned crimson. “I was ummm.. already naked”
Draco could feel a pounding headache coming on. “Already naked?”
“Ummm yeah.”
“By the lake… with your cat?”
“Don’t judge me you blood sucking boy lover!” Filch cried. “Just get my cat back!”
On the ground Harry rocked and mumbled, “B-but I-I-I like pudding.”
Reluctantly Draco bent and shook Harry’s shoulder. “Potter? Can you hear me?” Harry just looked up at the blond with a glazed expression.
Filch was not pleased with the response. He began flailing and jumping up and down. “Get him up! He’s supposed to be the fucking hero, aint he?!”
Draco had absolutely no idea what the bloody hell a “Duff” was or how one would go about retrieving a cat from one but he did know this… A naked Argus Filch doing hysterical jumping jacks with his *appendages* flying in all sorts of directions was a truly frightening sight.
Draco lightly slapped Harry on the cheek. “Potter!”
Harry drooled a little down his chin. “Potter!!” Draco said again and slapped harder.
A few moments later Harry could still hear bells ringing in his ears but he was coherent and back on his feet.
“Which way did the thing go?” He asked Filch while staring at his toenails.
“That way.” Said Filch pointing.
Harry turned left and took off after the beast, only to be halted and turned in the opposite direction seconds later by Draco, who had actually seen where Filch was pointing.
Together they crashed through the underbrush and came out into a clearing on the other side. A small fire sat unattended in the middle of the clearing, and beside the fire sat one wine glass and one small dish of cream. Filch and Norris had obviously been having a drink before their little tryst was interrupted.
“Look at that.” Harry said, pointing his wand to a neon green, glowing trail of slime that led up to the cats bowl and then back out of the clearing and through the trees.
“Yuck.” Draco curled his nose up. “It looks like a giant slugs trail.”
“Giant is right.” gulped Harry. The trail was at least two feet wide.
“Filch said it sucked Mrs. Norris up.” Draco muttered. “I wonder what type of creature it is.”
Just then they heard some rustling coming from some nearby trees.
“I guess we’ll see soon enough.” Harry whispered. He motioned to Draco for quiet, and then stealthily crept towards the trees. Behind him, he could hear Draco bringing up the rear.
Harry crouched down as he got closer, waiting until the last second to whisper, “Lumos!”
The bats that had been nesting in the tree didn’t appreciate the sudden light. They squawked and took to the air, loudly voicing their displeasure at the rudeness of humans.
Harry gave a laugh of nervous relief as the bats circled their nest. “Nothing there..” he said, turning back to Draco with a grin. A moment later, Harry Potter-Malfoy froze in horror as he spotted something large, neon and slimy hanging from a branch just above his husbands blond head.
Draco was still watching the bats. “Draco…” Harry hissed. “Don’t look up and don’t move!”
Of course, it was the worst possible thing that Harry could have said. Draco immediately looked up into the gaping, sucking maw of the lime green monster hovering above his head.
From his vantage point Harry could see all the color drain out of Draco’s already pale face. He could also see Mrs. Norris frantically trying to claw her way free of the gelatinous mass that she was currently encased in.
“Don’t move Draco!” Harry hissed again as he managed to lift his wand hand and point the weapon at the beast. Draco’s eyes were wide as saucers as he stared up into the vortex of slime whirring right above his head, inhaling everything around it. Leaves and twigs danced around Filch’s cat as their foe consumed more.
He tried not to move… he really did, but panic won out and Draco jumped.
As the blond tried to leap to safety the oozing presence above lashed out instantly and whipped neon tentacles around his slender frame, jerking Draco up and into its viscous mass.
The Savior of the wizarding world very nearly fainted as he watched his darling husband be engulfed by the greedy beast.
“Draco!!!" Harry screamed desperately. "No!!!!", but it was too late.
Draco was already up the Duff.
A/N: Serious question; Do I need to post a warning for Filch/Mrs.Norris?
I mean, this is as explicit as they'll ever get and I don't think so but I'm open to suggestions if it offends anyone.
Thanks
DF
It was just a normal Saturday night at Hogwarts. (As normal as they got anyway.)
Harry Potter-Malfoy and his new husband, Draco Malfoy-Potter were just taking a nice leisurely night time stroll around the lake when suddenly they heard a loud commotion coming from in the vicinity of some shrubbery that they felt compelled to investigate.
“Be careful Harry!” Draco nagged, as his much too eager to plunge head first into danger hubby stuck his unguarded noggin through some bushes. “You never know what might be back there!”
“Aieeeeeeeeeeee!!” Harry shrieked a half second later, backpedaling so fast that he tripped on his own feet and landed hard on his arse.
Draco gaped down at his shaking spouse. Harry’s face was white as chalk and his eyes were huge green pools of horror.
“GUHHHHH!!” Said Harry, pointing one trembling finger at the bush.
Draco had seen Harry face down a Dark Lord without so much as a tiny tremor. What in the fuck could have possibly shaken the Savior of the wizarding world so utterly?
Unfortunately for Draco, he had the answer to his question just a moment later as a completely naked and gooey Argus Filch came stumbling through the bushes that Harry had just exited so hastily.
“My eyes!!!” screeched Draco, covering them with his hands.
“The Duff!” Filch yelped, spittle and goo flying in all directions as he waved his scrawny arms.
“The what?” Draco asked, bravely daring to peek through his fingers just a teeny bit.
“Duff!” Filch shouted, as though it should be the most obvious thing in the world. “The Duff! I-it attacked me and Mrs. Norris!”
Harry was mumbling and rocking in a fetal position so Draco tried very hard to gather the courage to ask some questions.
“S-something attacked you?”
“Yes!” Hollered Filch.
“And ate your clothes….. and Mrs. Norris?”
“It sucked up Mrs. Norris but…“ Filch’s slimy face suddenly turned crimson. “I was ummm.. already naked”
Draco could feel a pounding headache coming on. “Already naked?”
“Ummm yeah.”
“By the lake… with your cat?”
“Don’t judge me you blood sucking boy lover!” Filch cried. “Just get my cat back!”
On the ground Harry rocked and mumbled, “B-but I-I-I like pudding.”
Reluctantly Draco bent and shook Harry’s shoulder. “Potter? Can you hear me?” Harry just looked up at the blond with a glazed expression.
Filch was not pleased with the response. He began flailing and jumping up and down. “Get him up! He’s supposed to be the fucking hero, aint he?!”
Draco had absolutely no idea what the bloody hell a “Duff” was or how one would go about retrieving a cat from one but he did know this… A naked Argus Filch doing hysterical jumping jacks with his *appendages* flying in all sorts of directions was a truly frightening sight.
Draco lightly slapped Harry on the cheek. “Potter!”
Harry drooled a little down his chin. “Potter!!” Draco said again and slapped harder.
A few moments later Harry could still hear bells ringing in his ears but he was coherent and back on his feet.
“Which way did the thing go?” He asked Filch while staring at his toenails.
“That way.” Said Filch pointing.
Harry turned left and took off after the beast, only to be halted and turned in the opposite direction seconds later by Draco, who had actually seen where Filch was pointing.
Together they crashed through the underbrush and came out into a clearing on the other side. A small fire sat unattended in the middle of the clearing, and beside the fire sat one wine glass and one small dish of cream. Filch and Norris had obviously been having a drink before their little tryst was interrupted.
“Look at that.” Harry said, pointing his wand to a neon green, glowing trail of slime that led up to the cats bowl and then back out of the clearing and through the trees.
“Yuck.” Draco curled his nose up. “It looks like a giant slugs trail.”
“Giant is right.” gulped Harry. The trail was at least two feet wide.
“Filch said it sucked Mrs. Norris up.” Draco muttered. “I wonder what type of creature it is.”
Just then they heard some rustling coming from some nearby trees.
“I guess we’ll see soon enough.” Harry whispered. He motioned to Draco for quiet, and then stealthily crept towards the trees. Behind him, he could hear Draco bringing up the rear.
Harry crouched down as he got closer, waiting until the last second to whisper, “Lumos!”
The bats that had been nesting in the tree didn’t appreciate the sudden light. They squawked and took to the air, loudly voicing their displeasure at the rudeness of humans.
Harry gave a laugh of nervous relief as the bats circled their nest. “Nothing there..” he said, turning back to Draco with a grin. A moment later, Harry Potter-Malfoy froze in horror as he spotted something large, neon and slimy hanging from a branch just above his husbands blond head.
Draco was still watching the bats. “Draco…” Harry hissed. “Don’t look up and don’t move!”
Of course, it was the worst possible thing that Harry could have said. Draco immediately looked up into the gaping, sucking maw of the lime green monster hovering above his head.
From his vantage point Harry could see all the color drain out of Draco’s already pale face. He could also see Mrs. Norris frantically trying to claw her way free of the gelatinous mass that she was currently encased in.
“Don’t move Draco!” Harry hissed again as he managed to lift his wand hand and point the weapon at the beast. Draco’s eyes were wide as saucers as he stared up into the vortex of slime whirring right above his head, inhaling everything around it. Leaves and twigs danced around Filch’s cat as their foe consumed more.
He tried not to move… he really did, but panic won out and Draco jumped.
As the blond tried to leap to safety the oozing presence above lashed out instantly and whipped neon tentacles around his slender frame, jerking Draco up and into its viscous mass.
The Savior of the wizarding world very nearly fainted as he watched his darling husband be engulfed by the greedy beast.
“Draco!!!" Harry screamed desperately. "No!!!!", but it was too late.
Draco was already up the Duff.
A/N: Serious question; Do I need to post a warning for Filch/Mrs.Norris?
I mean, this is as explicit as they'll ever get and I don't think so but I'm open to suggestions if it offends anyone.
Thanks
DF