Messing With the Potions Master

First, every time he walked across his classroom, every footfall caused a 'popping' noise. Where someone had gotten Muggle bubble wrap, he didn’t care to know. He'd docked so many points that day, Minerva's head had spun. Flitwick hadn't been too happy either, but a well-mentioned shrinking hex had cut his protestations short... so to speak.

The next day, all the drawers in his desk decided to open and shut on their own, charmed to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." After two hours of trying to shut the drawers up he blew it into pieces so small they'd fit through a seive.


Then, the cupboards took up the chorus. Severus cancelled class, his eyes dark and burning as he looked about, wondering which of the little brats had done it.

Three days later, an owl arrived carrying a small brown wrapped box. Waiting for a delivery from Flourish and Blotts, he opened it and hundreds of chocolate frogs leapt upon his body, attaching themselves to his robes and croaking, "We love our Potions master, oh, yes we do." Every time he brushed one off, another one magically seemed to appear and take its place. And when he'd gone to change his robes, they leapt from the discarded robe to the new one. A warming charm finally rid him of the clinging candies, but resulted in him being covered with warm melted chocolate.

Later, hurrying to use the loo, he found himself splashed with his urine when he saw that some sort of clear wrapping had been stretched across the basin, under the seat, unseen in his previous hurry.


That night, every ghost in Hogwarts had entered his chamber to ask if he needed a 'hand' with his ablutions. Getting Myrtle out had been hell. He'd finally had to threaten an exorcism.


The next morning, he found all his clothes but his pajamas all shrunken to doll size, being worn by some Muggle Barbie dolls, all lined up on the Staff Table just in time for breakfast.


His classroom was filled from rafter to floor with nifflers.


He found all his potions ingredients gone and replaced with glasses of Jell-o.


One morning he woke to find his hair stuck to his pillow, cold and sticky and quite gooey. A look in the mirror showed him an oozing helmet of shampoo. It took three rinsings to get it out. He snarled at the female students, who noticed how soft and wavy it now was. He had to threaten Minerva with a hex when she flirtingly mentioned how nice he looked. Albus, the old bastard, had laughed and popped lemon drops like crazy. Then he'd offered Severus a chocolate frog and received his own Snape glare, and a Muggle hand 'salute.'

Whoever was torturing him would learn why he had been so successful as a Death Eater. If he ever found out who it was.

And if he ever got his wand to stop vibrating at the sound of his voice.

A week went by, and nothing happened. Severus knew better than to let his guard down. He should have listened to his instincts. On rounds that night, he heard noises from the Transfigurations classroom. Raising his wand, he advanced on the closed door, pushing it open and entering in a swirl of robes. The room was empty in the full moon light. He scowled and lowered his wand. Before turning around to leave, he felt the hexes hitting him in quick succession before he could even think of a protection spell. His last thought before unconsciousness greeted him was that he must be getting too old and out of practice.

He didn't know what time it was when he woke, or even where he was. What he did know was that he was naked, his wrists tied up above his head, a blindfold blocking his view, his legs bound magically to the bed, he had to assume it was, considering his size and the softness of the mattress.

"Where am I? Who has done this?"

Tuning his head towards any sound, he turned his head at the rustle of clothing to his right. By lifting his head a little, he could see a small shape approaching him. It was a student or a petite woman.


"If you let me go now, I promise that your time in Azkaban will be minimal, only four or five decades," he said conversationally. He felt a cool breeze across his body, and then a dip of the bed as the person sat next to him.

A hand, soft, smooth, warm rested on his chest, rubbing in ever widening circles. Not a sound came from his abductor. Severus swallowed, focusing on the movements of the hand, the only part of her body to touch him. And by this time he was certain it was a woman, someone not wearing jewelry, with trimmed nails, nails which raked across his nipples, making him hiss in pleasure.

"Forty or fifty years aren’t long enough, a century," he croaked as he felt the hand start gliding down to his stomach, fingers dipping into his innie belly button. He bucked and moaned when he felt the moist lips wrap around his nipple and suckle as her fingers started burrowing through his curly lower hairs, moving ever so slowly toward his now quite erect manhood. He felt and heard a husky chuckle against his chest, and little teeth gently gripping his nipple now. Severus strained his hips upward, trying to get her to move her hand closer to where he needed her touch. Under his blindfold, he closed his eyes as he felt the first brush of her fingers near the base of his cock, sliding down, her hand cupping his balls firmly. He moaned and bit his bottom lip.

"Oh, Merlin," he breathed as the woman's lips kissed their way down, following the roving fingers. He heard another husky laugh. "Please, just tell me you're not Minerva. Or Sprout." A full blown laugh resonated against his taut stomach muscles. He gasped as her teeth bit into his flesh and she suckled his skin in, creating a love bite, a mark of possession.

Keeping his eyes closed he reveled in the feelings she was creating. His body writhed against hers: he could feel her breasts pressed against his leg as she stroked his balls with one hand, another holding his cock, and her mouth engulfing him slowly, teasingly. He hoped he didn't lose control too soon; he wanted to see if she'd actually finish with him. 'Or finish me off. Damn, woman, get moving!' He thought as his body moved in tandem with hers, begging for more of her touch. She licked and laved his cock over and over, taking it in deeper into her throat while her fingers squeezed and released his balls, pressing into the sensitive flesh behind them, making him start thrashing his head in pleasure.

"Stop! Please!" he begged. Twenty years as a Death Eater and he never begged, but was brought down by a woman with hands of silk and no gag reflex. He was definitely losing his touch.

His mystery woman pulled away, leaving his body bereft of her warmth. Nothing touched his skin and he wondered if she was going to leave him like this, to be found by Albus, or God forbid, some student later. He frowned in displeasure at the thought. "Just going to leave me like this, tease?"

Another chuckle greeted his accusation, and then he felt her slide up his body from his feet until felt her legs straddling his hips. He could feel the inferno of her pussy bathing his aching cock. She slid herself up against him, his cock sliding easily through her soaking folds. He could feel her clit every time she moved, pressing against his cock head over and over in imitation of what he wished she'd just start with. Suddenly she twisted her hips and took his cock deep inside herself, her fingers gripping into his chest as she moaned with him at the sensation. She sat still, his cock throbbing inside her, and he could feel her clenching him tight.

He thrust up against her, urging her on, sweat breaking out all over his body as he restrained himself from trying to move more, move beyond his bonds. Severus sighed, his neck arching as she rose and lowered herself slowly, rhythmically, setting an easy pace as she rode him. His head thrashed back and forth as he moved in counterpoint to her, his body begging her to move faster towards release. He could feel her thighs tighten against his as she started moving faster, harder against him. He could smell the scent of their combined fluids, the scent of sex....and lilac. He could hear her moans and indrawn breaths as she worked closer towards her own release.

"Gods!" he gasped, his orgasm rushing through him quickly, far quicker than he had wished. He thrust up into her, his balls tightening up against his body as he came into her, his seed spurting into her in spasms until he let out a shuddering breath and dropped back against the mattress. He barely felt her riding him harder, clenching around him as she released around his softening cock, their releases mixing and spilling out, coating his balls. She slid her hands through his sparse chest hair, then leaned down to rest against his sweaty body, still joined with him. She reached up and cupped his cheek, then kissed him softly, her tongue teasing its way into her mouth. She tasted sweet. He smiled and yawned, causing her to laugh lightly again. He wished he could recognize her, but most women didn't laugh or giggle in his presence so he didn't have a base of comparison. She rested her check against his and sighed into his ear.

Within moments, he was asleep, the woman's weight pleasantly pressed against his.

When next the Potions Master woke, he was sitting in his lounge chair in his quarters, fully dressed and wondering if it all had been a dream. Jerking himself out of the chair, he hurried to his bathroom and stripped, searching his body. He found the love bite on his stomach, smaller ones around his nipples. When he licked his lips he could still taste her sweetness. Frowning he took a quick shower, washing the scent of sex off his body, then headed into his bed, sliding under the sheet naked as usual.

In the morning he entered the Great Hall, on hyper-alert for the woman who'd so thoroughly mastered and seduced him the night before. No one stood out and with a sigh he sat at the Staff Table. He ignored Albus' questioning stare as he ate quickly. The morning owls arrived and dropped a folded letter on his plate. Curious and apprehensive, he opened it.

~~~Thank you, Master of Potions, for the wonderful evening. I hope you enjoyed it also.~~~
An Admirer

With a smile, he reread the missive, so lost in thought that he didn't realize that the letter had started to exude blue smoke. He dropped it and pushed his chair back. Too late, it blew up, splattering his face and hands with permanent blue powder. A quickly snarled Scourgify did nothing and he resigned himself to looking like a fucking smurf for the day.


a/n~~It's a one shot.........I might (might!!!!) do a sequel, but I like the way it stands now.

thanks to 'yourdarkestdesires' for the shampoo idea in her '20 ways to drive severus snape insane', which was brilliant, y'all should read it!

please review....they give me happies! please please please....

marti