It\'s Not That Simple

Foolish

AN: Spoiler warnings for HBP for future chapters…not this one though! And to the shock of my rabid pink plot bunnies this isn’t in first person *gasps* nor is it SS/HG *bunnies curl up and die* - enjoy!

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Tonks swiped at her red eyes with the back of her hand. She stood on the grassy curb and watched on as the steps to Twelve Grimmauld Place appeared before her. Sucking in a deep breath, Tonks failed in swallowing her pain and fresh tears replaced those she had just brushed away. She didn’t want to go in there, to face them, to miss him. In a last ditch attempt to compose herself, Tonks reminded herself that she was no longer a child, but a grown woman – an Auror for Merlin’s sake! Aurors didn’t blubber in the street like children! With one last sniff, she wrinkled her nose and turned her faded hair into a brighter shade of pink, smoothed her tear-swollen eyes and removed all visible signs that inside she was crumbling apart.

It had been one hell of a day – possibly...no, definitely the worse of her young life. Today they had buried Sirius. Sirius – the only living magical relative she had been proud to call family besides her mother. Granted, their relationship had been a short one – less than a year, in fact, but Tonks had found in Sirius a friend and a place to belong. Granted, Tonks had her mother, but mothers being mothers and Tonks being Tonks they never had seen precisely eye-to-eye. Since her parents divorce ten years ago she never quite felt like she belonged – constantly being shipped between her parents, more often than not left to her own devices while they were both too busy getting on with their lives. And now, again, she had nowhere to belong. Tonks had spent the entire funeral angry; angry at the thought of what could have been and tormenting herself for being so damned selfish to not have been able to simply appreciate the time she had spent with Sirius; angry at the abysmal turn out – her cousin deserved better than that; angry at herself for not having saved him. Finally, having watched everyone fall apart around her for long enough, Tonks excused herself from mourning and returned to work. As expected, many of the funeral attendees had tried to persuade her to call in sick, but Tonks had convinced herself that getting straight back into life might make her forget. In hindsight, she should have known better.

The moment she turned up at the ministry her boss called her into a meeting. The tone of his voice was slightly menacing, but not for a moment had Tonks suspected how badly that meeting was going go. It had become strikingly clear the moment she entered the room that this was a disciplinary hearing, and obviously quite serious given the number of wizards and witches seated around the circular table, all looking extremely serious. It had taken all of Tonks’ strength and imagination to relay to them a plausible story as to how she had come to be in the Ministry of Magic that fateful night three days ago and how she had come across the information of the Death Eater attack, yet not notified her superiors. The result had been one room full of sceptical superiors and being placed on probation. Tonks was devastated – such a harsh mark to be placed on her permanent record so early in her career, though she knew she should thank her lucky stars that she still had her job at all.

At least, for a few moments, it had taken her mind off Sirius, but now standing here, in front of his house, it all came flooding back, mounting on top of her exhaustion from work. She had to go in and face them – Molly would fuss over her like a child; Arthur would attempt to give her fatherly advice; Snape, god forbid he was there, would make snide comments to infuriate her and Remus…Remus would need her support.

Remus was yet another knife through her already battered heart. As she had grown to know Sirius, Tonks had invariably grown to know Remus. Her first impression of him had been less than enthused. She couldn’t for a moment discern why her lively, raucous cousin was friends with this bore. Remus was forever chiding the both of them, never joining in on their pranks and forever playing the adult. He was scruffy – with shabby robes, bedraggled hair and a hollow looking face, but as the months passed so did his appearance. Under Molly’s care, he gained some weight, his hair became tidier (though it was far from tidy, it was a vast improvement) and, of course, his clothes were mended. She also found in him a confidant – with his own affliction, he was perfectly understanding about Tonks’ own oddity. Before she even really had time to ponder it, Tonks was head-over-heels for Remus. And now he would need her – and she wished to Merlin that she had the emotional strength to be there for him, but she didn’t. Remus was the one person in Grimmauld Place that Tonks yearned to see yet longed to avoid.

With courage Tonks believed she no longer possessed, she hauled herself up the stairs and inside. Standing still in the hall she heard no movement inside the house and, with a sigh of both relief and disappointment, she made her way into the living room. Her instincts had been wrong – there at the desk, surrounded by papers and a half-empty Firewhisky bottle, was Remus.

Remus looked up and it was several moments before he even appeared to comprehend who she was. “Tonks…how are you?” he enquired. There was no need to ask how he was holding up – his eyes were bloodshot with dark circles encompassing them. He hadn’t shaved and his recently kept hair was dishevelled as if he had spent hours running frustrated hands through it.

“I’m fine,” Tonks replied monotonously, turning away from him and heading for the kitchen. There was no way she could face him right now. The recollection of the bottle of Firewhisky on Remus’ desk gave her an inspiration for squashing her own woes. She conjured herself up a large glass, downed the lot in one go, the burning sensation as it slid down her throat and into her belly coupled with the sanctitiy of her solitude, shattered her outer bravado allowing one lonesome sniff to escape.

The hand that settled on her lower back came as a surprise and she jumped, knocking her knee against the cupboard door.

“It’s okay to be upset, Tonks.”

She broke down, spinning around and burying her face in his chest, weeping against Remus’ shirt as he held her until the material was soaked through. Finally she felt as if she had no more tears to cry – that there was no point – what was done was done and she would just have to deal with it. She was, after all, an Auror and Aurors didn’t behave like this! Pushing her sorrow out of her mind, however, turned out to be not such a smart idea. Suddenly she was acutely aware that she was in his arms…that it was his hands that stroked her hair, it was his body pressed against hers. With her inhibitions now lost to the Firewhisky pulsing through her veins, she found that she unable to restrain herself. Tonks placed a feather light kiss on his collarbone, lingering there for a moment. She felt Remus stiffen slightly, but when he didn’t pull away, she repeated the move, this time with more determination – her lips grazing the skin of his neck, her nose deeply inhaling his scent.

“Tonks…” Remus murmured, “I don’t think this is such a good idea…”

Yet his body had betrayed him – Tonks could already feel the prominent evidence that he desired this as much as she did. Merlin knew, she didn’t want to be alone tonight to dwell any further on her disastrous life. She wanted a distraction, something purely physical, totally unemotional and completely self-satisfying.

“I think it is a perfectly brilliant idea,” Tonks spoke sultrily into his ear.

Remus quivered against her. “Tonks, we are both upset…and drunk,” he said, catching a whiff of her breath, “we are not thinking rationally and we are only going to regret this tomorrow.”

Tonks couldn’t believe it – not his reasoning, no that was purely Remus, but the way he put this, like this was at least in part his own fault, yet he hadn’t done a damn thing. It sparked hope in her that only proved to push her desire up another notch.

“So we’ll regret it tomorrow – right now I want you to fuck me senseless.”

Tonks felt Remus’ chest rise under her fingers as he drew in a deep breath. “Believe me, I would love nothing more than to make love to you tonight. You are a beautiful young woman, with a stunning personality but…”

“But nothing. Do it!” Tonks nipped at his earlobe eliciting a small growl from him.

“You will regret this tomorrow, Tonks, and I don’t want to…”

Tonks tore herself away from him and, with a condescending look, she chided, “I believe it is up to me to decide what I will and won’t regret, Remus. Just for once stop dwelling on the consequences and live in the moment!”

He looked into her eyes as she glared at him, mulling over the proposition. Then, with a fleeting thought of what Sirius would have wanted him to do, Remus lowered his head and placed a soft, sweet kiss on Tonks’ lips.

Tonks, however, had much more on her mind. Sucking on his pouty bottom lip she succeeded in parting his lips. Feverishly, she plunged her tongue inside his mouth, crushing her own lips devilishly hard against his. Tonks let her hands roam his body, sliding over his arms, admiring his taught biceps, gliding down his chest, bucking her hips against his as he finally responding to her kiss and tangled his tongue with hers. Frustrated with his immobile hands planted in her hair, Tonks grasped Remus’ wrists with her hands, tugging them from her pink spikes and firmly planting the first on her backside and the second on one breast.

“I said I wanted you to shag me senseless, not return my virginity!” she demanded.

Remus demurely stroked at her clothed breast as she pushed it harder into his palm, all the while looking somewhat distracted.

“You want them bigger?” Tonks enquired, noticing Remus’ vacant expression.

“No…No! I was just thinking perhaps it…”

“I can if you want, I don’t mind,” Tonks insisted, starting to wrinkle her nose.

“Tonks, I am quite content with your breasts the way they are,” Remus replied, his cheeks flushing slightly. “However, I think it is time we took this elsewhere before Molly or Arthur or, Merlin forbid, one of the children walk in on us…”

Tonks, who had been eyeing the kitchen counter hopefully, replied, “Those kids aren’t that innocent.”

Remus looked a little shocked for a moment, then, knowing he was not going to talk his way out of it, he did the only thing he could think of to move Tonks to somewhere semi-respectable. Sliding his hand down her back to join his other one, he cupped her backside, hoisted her from the floor and moaned as she wrapped her slim legs tightly around his hips, crushing his arousal against her and devouring his decorum.

With much effort, Remus carried her into the hall and started the journey up the stairs.

“Tell me what you are going to do to me, Remus,” Tonks moaned against his ear as she returned to nipping at his neck.

“Err…” Remus replied, finding it hard to keep up with this overtly aroused Tonks.

“Tell me. You know what you want to do, tell me,” Tonks insisted.

“I want…I want to satisfy you. I want to give you what you want, Tonks,”

“My room,” Tonks instructed, as Remus was about to start up to the third floor. Remus had his doubts – granted, he had his doubts about what he was doing altogether, but it was clear what Tonks wanted, clearly the same as he did, though with a lot less meaning. Remus had been watching Tonks for months now, almost but never quite summoning the courage to do anything about the rising feelings he had for her. Many things held him back – initially the fact that she was Sirius’ cousin, and despite the fact that they were men, there were certain lines that were not to be crossed. Of course, when Sirius had caught him gazing at Tonks one quiet afternoon while she read by the fireplace, Sirius had quickly figured it out. And, partly to Lupin’s relief and partly to his disappointment, Sirius had instructed Lupin to “Go for it”. Relief that Sirius was happy for him to pursue Tonks, disappointment for he knew he would never archive his goal and that now he had Sirius egging him on. He had been waiting for just the right time, the right moment…and this was certainly nothing like what he had their first night together planned out to be. No, not an emotionally charged, semi-drunk Tonks demanding for him to fuck her senseless. It was supposed to be sweet and intense. On the other hand, Tonks had thrown herself quite willingly at him, and Lupin’s body was reacting as any man’s would when confronted by a lusty woman he had fallen in love with. She had made it quite clear what she wanted, how she wanted this to be – and though he despised the fact that he was agreeing to this, he knew on one level he was saving her, for he suspected if it wasn’t him tonight it would be some other man, one with far less concern for her. Besides, by this point, she was going to be mortally embarrassed if he suddenly cut her off, and was it not far better to just go along with what she wanted? – He was sure it would be far more embarrassing for her if he, Remus Lupin, were to turn her down now than to realise in some drunken insanity she had slept with him. And, with the same reasoning, he wanted to make this error in his own rooms – she would wake tomorrow, shocked at the fact that she had slept with boring, old, werewolf Lupin and despise herself. He didn’t want her to remember that disgust every time she prepared herself for bed, every time she woke up…

“My room is further from Molly and Arthur,” Remus explained and continued up the stairs.

“Oh, all right,” Tonks replied. She added cheekily in his ear, “You’re right – I want you to make me scream.”

Remus quivered. Despite all his doubts, he was, deep down, a warm-blooded male and Tonks was making that blood sizzle. Finally reaching his room, he slipped her to the floor and closed the door gently behind them. The moment the door clicked shut, Tonks kicked her shoes off into the corner and began tearing at his shirt, tugging in frustration at the buttons, standing on quavering tip-toes as she devoured his lips. Overwhelmed, it took Remus a few moments to catch himself. Pulling gently back from Tonks, he placed his own hands over hers, tenderly removing them from his shirt.

“But…” Tonks started to protest, but Remus cut her off by softly touching her lips with his index finger. Lifting her from her feet once more, he carried her to his bed and carefully placed her on top of the covers. Easily, he unbuttoned his own shirt, slipped it from his shoulders and tossed it onto the chair in the corner. Trying not to show it, but feeling quite tentative inside, Remus looked back at Tonks as he removed his shoes to see what her reaction was to this old man’s body – it was certainly nothing compared to his physique of his younger days. Now liberally splattered with scars, generally softer and his small smattering of chest hair greying in places, he did still have to admit, even to his self-deprecating mind, that for a man quickly approaching forty he wasn’t totally repulsive. However, he doubted that the men Tonks was accustomed to having entertain her were anything but in their prime. The delicious smirk that roused on her face though did wonders for his self-confidence.

“Please,” she murmured, extending her hand to him. Needing no further prompting, Remus slid on to the bed next to her, his hand tangling in her short hair as he lowered his lips to hers in a slow, explorative kiss. Tonks’ urgency appeared to have diminished and she allowed him the time to indulge as she traced her fingers over his chest. His tongue sketched her lips, finally sliding inside to greet hers in languid passion. Tonks let out a soft moan that ran through his veins as his mind registered that it was he – Remus Lupin – who was bringing this about. Feeling his need grow further he rolled over onto her, not for a moment breaking contact.

“Remus.” Tonks sighed in desire as she felt his arousal pressing through their clothes against her belly.

Moving his attentions to her neck, a small growl emanated from Remus’ throat at the sound of his name on her lips, his hips involuntarily bucking against hers. Tonks’ fingers dug into the small of his back, urging him to repeat the move and rewarding him with a moan when he complied.

Grasping hold of her hips, Remus flipped them over, so that she was straddling him, allowing her to set the pace. Tonks’ pressed down harder and he drew in a deep breath as she rocked against him, the thick material of her jeans and the warmth radiating from her teasing at his control. Her blue eyes were ablaze as she grinned smugly down at him. Remus slid his hands from her hips, up her sides, brushing excruciatingly lightly over her breasts before slipping down her belly to grasp the hem of her top. She raised her arms, allowing him to slip the garment over her head and toss it to the floor. And there she was – hovering over him like an angel of sorts, clad from the waist up only in a skimpy black lace bra. Remus traced along the very edge of the lace, teasing briefly as the skin exposed just above it as he moved his hands around to unclasp it. It fluttered down her arms, leaving her completely exposed to him with a look of apprehension. With a chuckle, Remus flipped her over once more, pinning her to the bed and placing a brief yet passionate kiss on her mouth. Pulling away with a grin, he slid down her body and flicked his tongue over one nipple. Her doubts quashed, Tonks threw her head back against the pillow and moaned delightedly. Sucking the sensitive bud into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue, Remus brought one free hand to her other breast, pinching gently at first, working her rising nipple into a taut peak until, prompted on by her moan for more, he squeezed harder. Tonks’ groaned throatily, her body rising under his and grinding against his arousal.

Kissing his way across her chest to soothe the tormented nipple, Remus rose up on his knees above her. His hands fluttered down her belly to the closures on her jeans – the audible sounds of him undoing her pants elevating Tonks’ desire another notch. His fingers brushed the outside of her thighs as he removed her jeans making Tonks shiver.

Moving to her side, Remus ran fiery eyes over her body, soaking up every inch like a starving man who didn’t know when his next meal would be. Her skin with silky and smooth under his touch, a small wound on her ribs was all but healed and it was then that he realised precisely how small Tonks was – lying their next to his long, lanky frame, she suddenly seemed so tiny and helpless…

Light fluttering over his stomach, then the quite pronounced sound of his pants being unzipped roused Remus’ from his thoughts. He glanced down to find Tonks’ hands tugging at his belt, then back up to be greeted by a mischievous grin spreading over her face. Shrugging off his pants, Remus smiled back at her. His hand started off at her breast, making its way agonisingly slowly down her belly, brushing over her belly button and slipping lower as she moaned in frustration. Leaning over to capture her lips again, Remus slipped his hand beneath her thin underwear, over her smooth skin. Just as he reached his goal, sliding his fingers through her damp folds and flicking her clitoris, he deepened his kiss, swallowing her moan. Grazing her clitoris with his thumb, Remus’ fingers delved inside her, starting up a languid rhythm that quickly had her quivering beneath his touches, her hips bucking in time to his movements. Tonks’ hand landed upon his belly and, with as much concentration as she could muster, she managed to slip her hand through the opening of his shorts, her fingers snaking around his arousal and firmly stroking him from base to tip.

“Oh, my….Tonks!” he moaned, grabbing hold of her wrist. Her fingers felt so good there – too good. It had been way too long since he’d last been with a woman and he could feel his control slipping far too fast.

She grinned evilly at him and drew one more stroke along his length.

“Tonks…please,” he begged. “I…”

“Then,” Tonks whispered in his ear, “fuck me, Remus!”

Remus growled in return, tugged off his shorts and slid on top of her, his thumbs hooked over the waistband of her underwear.

“Last chance, Tonks…”

“For what?”

“To back out.”

“Never.”

Remus whisked her underwear off and plunged into her, filling her in one swift movement. Each let out their own groan and Tonks’ quaked slightly around him at the sudden intrusion. After composing himself, Remus started a leisurely pace, sliding slowly from Tonks’ silky depths, before pressing his wand gently back in, relishing in the feel of her surrounding him and in the whimpers escaping from her.

“Please…Please,” Tonks’ puffed, “I’m so close…”

No longer feeling as if he needed to restrain himself, Remus hoisted her legs onto his shoulders providing himself with a better angle. His pace quickly became erratic, pounding into her as she moaned and whimpered his name until he felt her convulsing around him. Letting go, his vision blurred, her name slipped from his lips and he faded into oblivion.


Remus awoke early the next morning to find himself pressed tightly against Tonks’ naked back. Quickly, he found himself aroused again, both at her presence and the memories of the previous night. Then, remembering how she had come to be in his bed – for comfort and only that – he slid himself out of bed, careful not to stir her as he did. Dressing quickly, he headed for the door not wishing to be there when she awoke and have her face the awkward situation of having to excuse herself.

“I do love you, Tonks,” he whispered into the room, then, with a sigh, he closed the door gently behind him.