There\'s No Place Like Hogwarts

AN- Okay, so I said I wasn’t going to do any more HP fanfics until after Lent, but the muse was begging me ,and because of my religon (Lutheran), I really don’t have to give anything up. So enjoy this littlefanfic, which is kinda like Wizard Of Oz meets Harry Potter. Nothing here is mine, it’s all JK Rowling’s and Frank Baum’s.


Severus Snape was making his usual night rounds on the grounds of Hogwarts,stalking around to find a few hormonal students groping around in the rosebushes. He was about ready to call it a night,when he heard a low moaning coming from behind the broom shed. He directed his wand at the source of the sound, expecting to find a few more students half clothed. Instead, he found a young woman on the ground moaning,her eyes half closed. Severus ran over to her, pulling his cloak from his shoulders and placing it on her shivering form. Whomever this was, she wasn’t dressed properly for the weather.

Judging by her clothes, Severus figured her to be a muggle. She wore a pair of jeans,sneakers and a t-shirt with writing on it that he could’nt make out. Her head had a large gash across the forehead, and her right cheek was bruised. A further look showed him that her arms were also cut. He carefully picked up her body (she felt so light in his arms) and walked back to the castle. Severus felt her head press against his chest,and looked down to see her eyes open. She stared up at him with chocolate brown eyes,looking confused.

“Snape?” she asked in a soft voice. An American, he thought. How the hell did she get here? Her eyes closed again,and her head fell back. Severus wondered how she could have possibly gotten to Hogwarts, let alone know who he was. Was she a spy for Voldemort,sent to check up on him? He could see her left arm, and there was no Dark Mark, at least none he could see. Maybe,if she was a spy, she was marked in another place. He’d have Poppy check her out.

“Severus, what’s wrong?” Poppy questioned as he carried the girl(she hardly looked a day over 17) to the nearest empty bed. He gently laid her down,as Poppy bustled by his side, pulling a cart of healing tools by the bedside.

“I found her outside by the broom shed. She’s American, I think. She could be a spy. You should check her for..”

“Severus Snape. You leave this poor girl alone. Does she look like a Death Eater to you? She’s nothing but a child. Now, shoo. I’ll let you know how she is. Right now it looks like she may have a concussion. She appears to have been in some sort of accident.” Poppy pulled Severus’ cloak from the girl and they both let out a gasp.

“I think you’d better go get the Headmaster” Poppy whispered as they stared at the girl’s t-shirt which read ‘I love Severus Snape’. The words were printed above a steaming cauldron with the words Harry Potter on it.

“There’s no need for that” came the cool voice of Albus Dumbledore. He went around the bed and knelt in front of the girl. He poined his wand and her and muttered “Accio”. A small black wallet came at Albus,which he caught. He opened the wallet and looked for any indentifaction. Albus found a driver’s permit, a business card and 2 pictures, one of the girl and what seemed to be her boyfriend,and the girl with a blond smiling 2 year old on her lap.

“Her name is Jessica Lynch. She’s 25, and lives in Catskill, New York. This must be her son,and her boyfreind” Albus said showing the pictures to Severus and Poppy, who let out a squeal of delight at the picture.

“Oh, what a little angel! But it’s odd, the pictures not moving and all. And just how do you know that the man in her wallet isn’t her husband?” Poppy questioned, moving her wand over the girl’s cuts which healed up instantly.

Albus pointed to Jessica’s left hand. “No ring on her finger” Both looked confused, so Albus explained that when a couple are married in the Muggle world, they wore rings as a sign of their marriage.

“How did she get here? Surely not by a mistake? Could she be a witch?” Severus asked.

“Where there any other things around her? A bag, perhaps?”

Severus went to check and returned with a bookbag and a black purse. He opened the bag, which was covered in buttons featuring a small cartoon child named Stewie. Dumping the contents on the floor, he found a few paperback books, a notebook,some clothes, a few magazines and some odd contraption that he didn’t recognize. But he found no wand.

Albus leaned over to Jessica. He gently nudged her with his hand until her eyes opened.

“I must have really hit my head harder than I thought” she said quietly. “Cause I swear I’m seeing things. First Snape and now Dumbledore. I must still be at the mall.” She tried to sit up, but Albus shook his head.

“My dear, Jessica, right?” she nodded. “What’s the last thing that you can recall?”

“I was walking through Waldenbooks, getting ready to pick up my copy of Half-Blood Prince.I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and I walked into, well rather through a plate glass window.I heard screams. That’s all I know” she closed her eyes again. Suddenly she bolted upright.

“Nathaniel. I’ve got to find him.Where is he?” Jessica asked, panicked. She looked around the room. “Am I at the hospital in Kingston?” She watched the two men exchange glances. The one dressed like Dumbledore cleared his throat.

“My dear, you are at Hogwarts.”

Jessica shook her head in disbelief.

“No. That’s not possible. There’s no such thing as Hogwarts. It’s all fake. It’s a book. See?” Despite their protests, she got up and went over to her bookbag. Holding up her copy of Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix, she showed it to them.
“This cannot be real. You guys are all fictional.” She pushed the copy into Albus’ hands and sat on a chair. Albus slowly turned the pages, a look of fear dawning on his face.

“She could be a spy” Snape said.

“Oh, like you are Severus? I can tell you anything. Like for instance, the night that you all found out about the impostor Moody, to prove that Voldemort’ she paused, watching both Snape and Poppy flinch “ Well, to prove that he was back you showed your Dark Mark to Fudge. And last year, when you where trying to teach Harry Occulmency, he looked into your Pensive and saw how his father and Sirius treated you. You threw him out of your office.Shall I go on?” Snape paled, but shook his head no.

Albus looked over the book. “Just how many books are there in this series?”

“ 7 in total. 6 are out so far, but I haven’t read the new one, Half Blood Prince.” She quickly recited a list of the books out. At this point, Jessica figured that it was far better to go along with what was happening. It surely ha to be a dream, so really, what was the harm.

“And, just who is this ‘Half-Blood Prince’ you speak of ?” Snape asked rudely.

“Well, I really don’t know. I haven’t read the book yet, but I know that JK, you know the author, said that it wasn’t Vol-, I mean You Know Who or Harry. Personally, I think it’s Snape.” She cast a quick look at Snape, whom was her favorite character,at least as far as the movies and the books went. She wasn’t so sure about him now, though. He did seem like a right bastard to her. He wasn’t that bad looking, no Alan Rickman, dressed in black robes and a wig, but pretty okay. His nose was a lot smaller than she thought it would be. Snape shot her a glare, which she returned.

“May I borrow these?” Dumbledore asked, gathering her books up in his arms. She nodded. He turned to Snape, who was staring at a folder with whom he guessed to be his movie self with an odd look on his face.

“Severus, can you escort Miss Lynch to your rooms? I’m sure she’d be quite safe there for the night”

Snape grimly nodded. He gave a little bow as Dumbledore swept from the room. Jessica gathered up her stuff, a portable dvd player, a few dvd’s and her “Snape Obsession” folder and shoved it into her bookbag. She stood up and looked at Snape. He started walking, a little too fast, and she had to run to keep up with him.

Severus found it a little discomforting that this young woman was following him around wearing a Snape t-shirt that proclaimed to anyone within a 50 foot radius that she loved him. He wanted to tell her to take the bloody thing off, but wondered just how she would take those words. She’d probably knock him on the floor and shag him senseless right then and there. So, for the time being, Severus kept his mouth shut and prayed that no student would see him.

Jessica wanted to ask Snape a million questions, like if he really was on the good side or not, but this Snape, unlike the one she penned in her fanfic stoires did not seem like the talking type. It was Snape, however that broke the silence, after he lifted the wards from his doors and they were safely inside, hideous t-shirt and all.

“Perhaps you should change into something else?” Snape asked curtly, pointing to his bathroom door. She slowly nodded, looking around his room, which was bare. A large fireplace was in one corner, with a hard looking wooden chair sitting in front of it. His bed was a huge 4 poster covered in what else, but black. 2 wardrobes flanked each side of the bed. Jessica walked into the bathroom and her hand went for the wall to turn on the light, but found nothing. She turned to him with a look of confusion on her face.

“Lumos” Snape muttered and the bathroom filled with light. She looked a little embarrased and closed the door. When her t-shirt was pulled halfway over her head, a loud cracking sound filled the room, and she gave half a scream and jumped. In front of her stood a house elf. She pulled it off and covered her bra with it.

“I’s sorry miss. Professor Dumbledore asks Dobby to help you, and to make sure Professor Snape is treating you kindly. I’s brought you something to eat and some clothes to wear.” Dobby gave a low bow and placed in her hands a black nightgown and a pair of black pumps with maribou feathers on the tips. It reminded Jessica of a pair of shoes that she had seen in Fredricks of Hollywood.

Dobby looked just like he had in the movies. His head was still covered in hats and Jessica felt that she owed the cute elf something. She looked at her feet, knowing Dobby’s love for socks. She was wearing a pair of SpongeBob socks with little Spongebob head pom poms on the back. Dobby was busy drawing her a bath in Snape’s large marble tub.

“Would you like these socks?” She held them out, hoping that they did not smell too much. Dobby nodded happily and took them with much enthusiasim. He told her that her food was ready and woud be waiting with Snape. He gave a little bow and disappered.Jessica pulled her clothes off and stepped into the tub, which was huge. It smelled heavenly and felt wonderful. She closed her eyes and leaned against the edge resting her head on the cool stone. This was one fantastic dream.

In his office, Albus Dumbledore was frantic. He was reading through the stack of books and was mortified to learn that almost every aspect of their world was printed for anyone to see. He knew that Jessica had to have come from some alternate universe where Harry and his world were just made up. But this world was real, and he knew that if Lord Voldemort ever got his hands on this information, it could mean the end for everyone.


AN- Okay, hoped you guys like this. Don’t worry, this will continue, and I’ll probably put some more chapters on Blood. I’m gonna try to keep everyone canon correct, but if I slip up, it’s cause I’m ignorant. Pretty please, review for me!