Calling Dr. Granger

CallDr. Dr. Granger

It all belongs to Rowling, except what you don’t recognize.

Warning: This is not my usual sort of story. It is a darkfic. Please don’t complain to me if you don’t like nasty things.


“Well, welcome back to St. Mungo’s, Dr. Granger…”

“Actually, I don’t have my Medi-license yet.”

“Just a formality, dear child. Also, it helps maintain patient-doctor relations for you to have a title.”

Hermione looked around her at the Doctor’s office, which could only be described as bizarre.

“Ah, I see you are aing ing my niece’s handiwork.” He pointed to the mummified King Tut clock standing in the corner and the embalming equipment situated on the walls. “Yes, she will be an excellent interior designer one day. Mixing Egyptian motifs with Art Deco is simply brilliant. Quite an original mind she has.”

Yand and in shades of olive, blood red and mustard, thought Hermione, I wonder if color blindness runs in the family.

“So did you have a good time, um, where was it?”

“I was attending a family wedding with my parents.”

“Lovely, and now you are ready for your first day on the fourth floor. Of course in Psych you really have to be ready for all sorts of things, not just spell damage, however most of your patients will be on the closed ward. You have read all fifteen of my books? Good. And here is a recently published monograph which I had forgotten to add to the file I sent you.”

He handed the parchment over to her.

“Yes, Dr. Falco.”

The doctor’s bright golden eyes beamed with confidence and he str his his goatee. He began humming tunelessly. Hermione had heard that though the man was brilliant, he was also quite eccentric and she sat quietly, waiting for his thoughts to untangle themselves. After about ten minutes, during which Hermione finished the Daily Prophet’s crossword, he seemed to have sorted himself out.

“You see, dear child, the pem wem we have here is that our patients on this floor are not well. And because they are not well, they are not able to behave as well as they would were they well. Do you see the problem?”

Hermione was staring at her supervisor with her mouth hanging open. She shook her head slowly.

“Well, you are an attractive young lady. It would be a bad thing should patipatients… um… er… let me find the right word. Harass? No. Molest? No. Rape? Accurate, but probably much too strong… Hmmm. Bother! Ah, yes, bother. It would be a bad thing should our patients bother you.”

Hermione blushed.

“In fact, I’m rather concerned about the staff as well. You are having just an amazing effect on me, therefore we can project that onto the rest of our doctors and orderlies that you will be having your hands full. I shall write a memo to the staff immediately that you are not to be, hmmm, what would be a good word?”

“Harassed?”

“No, no. It’s a question of ethics. You are definitely not to be romanced. After you complete your traininou wou will, of course, be fair game, but not a moment before then.” He winked. “I shall be at the head of the line then, my dear. But not a moment sooner,” he chortled.

Hermione realized he had just made a joke. Yes, he was just as witty and delightful as everyone said. She was going to enjoy this rotation.

“But in the meantime, how shall we keep you from being bothered?”

“Are you saying that this problem hasn’t arisen before?”

“No, what I’m saying is that it has arisen every singlmnedmned time, and we lose a great many very promising young Medi-witches because of it. I simply wish to break the cycle. My goodness, we haven’t even located where the last one went to. We think she ran off with one of the patients, but it could have been a kidnapping.” Dr. Falco leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling, buzzing more than humming.

Hermione thought about it and realized that perhaps she wasn’t going to enjoy this rotation.

“Ah, I have it. We shall assign an orderly to follow you about and he will put a full body bind on any patient who attempts to bother you. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about patients who wish to expose themselves or masturbate in your presence, patient’s rights you know.”

No, she most probably would not enjoy this rotation at all.

“But, Dr. Falco. I’m very good at self-defen I w I was in the war. I fought Death Eaters…”

A look of disgust crossed his face. “And how will they ever learn to trust you, if you spend your time hexing them? No, no. It would never do. An orderly will be just fine, as long as he doesn’t get any ideas. Maybe? Ah yes, the very one. Yes, Withercrust, he’d be just perfect, and we won’t have to deal with him spilling bedpans all over the place anymore.” Dr. Falco smiled. “Now that we have that out of the way. On to the next pixie in the potion, which case assignment shall you receive?”

Hermione leaned forward and her eyes lit up. Now, this is what she wanted-- to work with the ill, to help them regain their mental faculties, to heal their spirits and their minds.

“Now this problem is a bit of a stunner. We only have two cases left for assignment, one a new arrival, fresh in just last night and the other, an old timer. The thing is: they have both been your professors. Must be something in the water there at Hogwarts, eh, good one, must mention it to Albie next I see him.”

&&&

The pain had been relentless. Whether it was the cold and damp which sank into his naked body throughout the days, or the nasty hexes and painful cuts and burns which occurred throughout the night, Prof. Snape had had no surcease in weeks. Finally cam came and his mind left.

It was an odd thing, really. Like finding a trap door that you never knew was there. Snape had found it and managed to wiggle through…

&&&

“Well, Dr. Granger, I’m sure you are familiar with the first case. He’s our most famous inmate, Gilderoy Lockhart. We do love him. He’s everyone’s little darling on the ward. That bad old memory charm has done little to nothing to eradicate his wonderful persona. Sadly, we’ve been able to get little progress with him the past few years.

“However, a fresh eye and a mind to go with it, might just be the thing the poor man needs. Also, he tends not to rub up against people. He has manners.

“But, because you knew him when you were a student, I need to know if you had any issues with him?”

“Issues?” Hermione took a moment and then realized what he meant. “Oh, you mean like was he mean or gave me bad grades? Oh, no. He did try to erase the memories of my two best friends, but I think it was more because he was a coward and panicking than anything personal against us. He was always lovely to me.” Hermione sighed. It was such a shame that a man like Gilderoy Lockhart had been evil. Perhaps it was only a sign of mental illness? Perhaps it was a weak constitution in the morals department?

“Ah, well. Yes. I agree, he’s only been sweetness and light since he arrived here. It’s a bit hard to give credence to thery ory of how he lost his memory, really.”

&&&

Snape had gone through the door and at first he’d thought he’d found his salvation. He was free of his prison, and he was shed of his old life.

Suddenly, Snape was on his honeymoon with a former student. They’d fallen in love after her return to Hogwarts as the Arithmancy Professor. He was fucking her. It felt good, she was warm and soft under him. The bed was warm and soft too. It was a wonderful change from where he’d been.

Snic He He was out of her bed, but he still wasn’t back in the dungeon being tortured. He was in tinalinal battle, and she was at his side. They were fighting together, protecting each other’s back. They’d fallen in love during his supervising her final year class project. They hadn’t said anything, didn’t need to, the feelings wjustjust there.

Snick

He was being awarded the Order of Merlin, first class. He and his wife had invented the Cure for Lycanthropy…

Snick

&&&

Dr. Falco had an orderly bring them in some tea. “Now, for the second case—“

“Yes, I am concerned. Someone at Hogwarts has taken ill?”

“Well, it is questionable how ill he actually is. Prof. Snape was found after being gone missing for nearly two weeks. He’s been tortured and at first he seemed merely disorientated. Then he started raving about having created a Lycanthropic Cure.” Dr. Falco laughed and shook his head. “My goodness, the last werewolf died about six months ago. Now, there’s a cure for you!” he laughed bitterly. “We found out too late that we were hastening their demises, where we only sought to help them.” He took a bite out of a digestive biscuit and slurped a bit of tea.

Hermione sat and sadly remembered Remus’ funeral. She’d never returned to visit the gravesite. She felt a small pang of remorse. His death had hurt too much and so she was pushing it out from her life.

“Again, I must ask if you had any issues, especially in light of—“ he stopped, hummed a little, and then, “well, there is no gentle way to ask. Did Prof. Snape molest you as a student?”

“What!”

Dr. Falco reddened. “Of course, if he did, some therapy might help you deal with his being here.”

“Where? Where is this coming from?”

“Why from him! He seems fixated on you. He’s been talking about his marriage to you and calling you his little minx.” Dr. Falco raised an eyebrow. “Of course, it may have merely been in his mind all along. I’ve spoken to Albie and he swears that Snape, in spite of his being a Death Eater, was entirely trustworthy around children.”

Hermione licked her lips, which sudden felt very dry. She wanted to take a shower. She felt soiled. “Nothing ever happened. Prof. Snape was a mean, nasty little man, but he never—“

“Accidentally, rubbed up against you, or perhaps forgot to fasten the front of his robes after returning from the gents? If you aren’t prepared to discuss it right now, I understand.”

“Nothing… Ever… Happened!” Hermione tried to keep voicvoice low and even, but failed by the final word.

“Well, excellent then. We’ll leave it up to you as to which ex-Hogwart’s professor you would like to take on.” He tented his fingers and sat back with a beatific smile.

&&&

It wast aft after Hermione gave birth to their child that…

Snick

Things had changed. Snape didn’t want to leave the warm, wonderful places. Places made warm and wonderful by her presence. But whatever was happening, it was out of his control. He tried to summon her back. He needed to return to the warmth and safety of her. But…

Snick

The werewolf was almost on him and then, with a wrench, he was on his back and the creature who called himself Lupin was tearing at his throat. He screamed from the searing agony as

Snick

He was being forced to perform for the Dark Lord. He didn’t know who his poor victim was—no idea who he was sodomizing. He sobbed as he came and withdrew. It was only then that he saw her bushy hair

Snick

Snape cried out “Help me” as he fell through the worlds faster and faster, but no sounds, no emotions escaped from his frozen body

Snick

He was under Imperio. The Death Eaters had discovered he was a spy. He was being forced to eat his own genitalia with a knife and fork. He prayed that he would pass out soon from the pain, unfortunately spells had already been performed to stop him from dying of exsanguination.

&&&

Hermione thought about the two professors. Gilderoy Lockhart had been at St. Mungo’s for nearly a decade. His chances of recovery were slim to nil at this point. And then there was Prof. Snape. A small shiver went through her. Her mind went back to that time in her second year where Snape had faced off again Lockhart at the Dueling Club. She remembered Snape’s curling upper lip and the way he bared his teeth.

“Well, Dr. Granger? Who do you choose?”

“Lockhart, I think. I’ve always preferred a challenge. Surely, Professor Snape will come out of his condition on his own.”

Dr. Falco nodded. “As wise as you are beautiful, if you don’t mind my being old-fashioned enough to admit to a woman that she is beautiful.”

Hermione smiled uncomfortably. Was it really that she preferred a challenge or that she simply preferred Lockhart?

“Yes, well his condition seems to have stabilized,” continued Falco. “Whereas early this morning he was fixated on you and babbling on about Werewolf Cures, he seems to have retreated into catatonia.”

&&&

Snape screamed. He continued to scream as he spun into world after world, each worse than the other. Unfortunately, his body was non-responsive and unconnected to his mind. He never even flinched as the first leeches were applied.


A/N: This one-shot, darkfic evolved from two of my reviewers wondering which direction I’d be heading in my writing of Mirror, Mirror. Being a person who enjoys a bribe, I didn’t tell them that most of the story had been plotted before even posting the first chapter. Negative Nine thought the story would be about alternate universes, that being what the original story had been about. LittleBird was wondering if Prof. Snape was actually insane. A bidding war occurred and NN won. Good thing, too. As a consolation prize I told LB that I’d do up a version with an insane Snape.

The character of Dr. Tyranius Falco is a direct steal from the playwright Christopher Durang. His play, “Beyond Therapy” introduced me to the character of the psychotherapist, Mrs. Charlotte Wallace. I changed her sex and made her into a Wizard and voila, Dr. Falco.