Mending The Wounds

Mending the Wounds

Summary: Companion fic to Save Me From My Pain. Hermione is piecing her life back together after some traumatic events. Will a new love be just what she needs? RL/HG The NC-17 rating will be for later chapters.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Harry Potter world, that right belongs to Ms. JK Rowling... yes I wish I did... yes, I'm just borrowing them... I promise I'll give them back when I'm done...

A/N: This fic is going under a major rewrite/edit, as it went on such a horrible tangent that my muse eventually became fed up with. Please bare with me.

This is the compa fic fic to "Save Me From My Pain" therefore this will not make much sense if you haven't read it. You can try to read it without reading SMFMP, but I wouldn't recommend it. This is not the first chapter, it is just the Prologue. I decided to use the end of SMFMP to start this out.

I must also remind everyone that I am going with my origionally written ending, not the posted ending of SMFMP... meaning Severus is dead in this fic!

Enjoy the chapter and please remember to review!


Prologue

"NOOO!" Remus stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a familiar female voice scream.

Hermione!

Remus had been on his way to see Severus about an important potion. As he reached Severus' office, he heard the scream and without hesitation, bolted into the office. He hurried into Severus' quarters, knowing the way because of a summer working with him. He noticed the door to his bed chambers opened and went through them. He immediately heard muffled crying and made his way to the bathroom to find Hermione cradling Severu's limp form. Quickly looking around the bathroom he noticed "I loved you too" was written on the mirror in blood and on the counter was a vile. He picked it up and looked at its contents. Shakily, he put it back down.

He killed himself!

Remus knelt beside Hermione and put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him and shook he head sadly, looking as though her heart had been torn from her chest.

"He's not gone. He can't be. He just can't!" Hermione said in a raspy, desperate whisper. Her eyes were read and puffy and her face tearstained.

“I know Hermione. I’ll get Albus, okay?”

Hermione’s body was shaking so much and she was so cold from holding Severus, but she managed to nod her approval to get the Headmaster. Remus reluctantly left her and went to Severus’ fireplace. He grabbed a pinch of floo powder and stuck his head in the flames.

“Albus Dumbledore’s office, Hogwarts,” he said clearly.

Remus’ head appeared in Albus’ fire and he quickly explained the situation to the Headmaster. Once Remus’ head disappeared from the flames, Albus flooed to Severus’ chambers. Albus walked past Remus into the bathroom. He did not allow himself to be openly affected by seeing Severus dead.
.

“Hermione,” he spoke gently.

Hermione looked up at him with red, swollen eyes. The tears had stopped flowing, she’d apparently cried herself out.

“Come here dear.”

Hermione looked back at Severus and reluctantly let go of him and went to Albus.

“He can’t be gone, he just can’t,” she said in a soft whisper.

Albus pulled Hermione into a hug and felt a tear stream down his face.

“He will never fully leave us Herm. Yo. You have to remember that.”

“Albus,” Remus called from Severus’ chambers, “you might want to come look at this.”

Albus and Hermione went into Severus’ chambers and Remus handed Albus two unopened letters. One went to Hermione whereas the other stayed with Albus. She saw her name written in Severus’ neat handwriting with fresh ink and felt another tear stream down her face. With shaky hands, she opened the letter. She started reading it and didn’t even notice when her legs gave out beneath her and she dropped to her knees.


Dearest Hermione,

If you are reading this, then I have in fact taken my life. I need you to understand some things about me before you will ever even begin to accept this.

When I found you that night, I felt like my heart had been ripped from my body. I was determined to help you and give you a chance to live a happye. Ie. I achieved this because I helped to remove Draco from your life. The day that we sent Draco to the Ministry, when you flung your arms around me and I held you, I wanted to tell you how much I cared, I wanted to kiss you so much in that moment. At that moment, I knew I loved you. I forced myself to make it through the next week, for your sake, knowing I would never be able to have you that way. You know, they say that it’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does and I’d never thought it true until I realized that I loved you.

I knew that I would never be able to give you everything you deserve, but I knew you’d try. I knew that you loved me, even though you hadn’t told me until tonight. You have no idea how much I’d wanted to open that door and make you come back. It was driving me crazy inside, not being allowed to have you, yet being so close to you. I knew that something had to be done about it. Because I would not have been able to give myself fully to you, I did the thing that would solve the problem. I took my life so that you could live. I hope you can understand that.

I was never meant to fall in love, I was not allowed. All my life I’d been denied love, that’s what ignited my desire to join Voldemort, I was never loved, so I wanted power. If you’ve learned anything about me at all in the 10 years that we’ve known each other, it should be that I don’t do well with emotions. I’ve never been an easy person to be around, many people could verify that. I’ve done thi things to prove that I don’t love, things like what I did to that woman, and worse, yet I managed to fall in love with you. A part of me does regret what I’d done, but then again, if I hadn’t chosen that path I wouldn’t have been the man that fell in love with you, the man that helped you get away from Drathe the man you fell in love with. So even though I hate myself for what I did, I’m grateful that my past helped you.

Hermione, I only have one thing to ask of you. Don’t let your love for me hold you back from loving another. Again, I died so that you could live. I don’t want you to forget me, but I don’t want you to stop living because I’m not physically with you anymore. Albus has said before that death is just the next great adventure, and I am ready to embrace it.

I do not doubt that you are wondering why I can not give myself to you fully, but that is not something I can tell you. Perhaps if circumstances were different. Remember to live Hermione.

Severus


Tears still streaming down her cheeks, Hermione stood up, and walked to the bathroom, the letter clutched in her hand. She knelt down beside Severus.

“I love you Severus. I will never forget you and I will try to live, but it will not be an easy task without you.”

Hermione kissed Severus softly on his lips, then stood back up. She walked into his chambers to see Albus and Remus staring intently at her. Hermione felt herself shaking and sniffled. Remus stepped forward and embraced her in a friendly hug.

“It will be all right Hermione,” hispeispered to her.

“I know Remus, it’s just going to be hard,” Hermione said into his chest.


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Edited on 20 October 2004