rate_review Reviews

Hmmm... she is clearly a Mary Sue. She is a bit scary. Is she crazy or just immature? I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who would psycho out as quickly as she seems to. I understand wanting to punch Malfoy; really I do, but just wait for him to do more horrible things first for god sake do you walk around punching everyone who is insulting to you! She just met Harry and his friends and she is already punching Malfoy in their defense. It's just to soon. She doesn't know them well enough to make this decision to punch Malfoy in their defense unless she has a screw loose somewhere or she is desperate for their acceptence. Just develop her character better and tone down her bitchiness and potty mouth.

your plot is just so easy...

So, to sum up: even if you want to disregard everything I said about the content of the story, get a beta reader. Pay attention in English class. Having good writing skills makes it easier to read and improves the quality, even if the story itself is horrible.

Denial - an assertion that something said, believed, alleged, etc., is false

Rage - to act or speak with fury; show or feel violent anger; fulminate

Acceptance - The act or process of accepting; agreement

After you read this guide, which category will you fall into?

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Mary Sue (sometimes shortened simply to Sue) is a pejorative term for a fictional character who is portrayed in an idealized way and who is generally lacking in any truly noteworthy flaws (or having her flaws romanticized, as is sometimes the case with stories about characters with eating disorders,depression, or other psychological conditions). Characters labeled Mary Sues, as well as the stories they appear in, are generally seen as wish fulfillment fantasies on the part of the author.

Characters most commonly labeled Mary Sues are often characterized by their unusual and dramatic traits and experiences, their similarity to their author or their author's ideal person, and, most especially, the trait of extreme superiority in comparison to other characters.

Those labeled Mary Sues normally have exceptional physical and personal characteristics, including unusual and (typically) tragic backgrounds. They may have uncommon eye or hair colors or come from a race or species which is uncommon or unknown in the story

you have a good story going here. I hope you continue. We all like to imagine being in Hogworts, Jessie is playing out our fantasy.

I don't know where to start. First, I should say that "the lady doth protest too much" when it comes to your insistence that this is NOT a Mary Sue. It oozes MS. I'm not saying that all such stories are bad, but they can be tricky; just admit that it IS one. Furthermore, I have to agree with some of the other reviewers re: the connection between Dumbledore and Jessie. There's nothing wrong with leaving "clues" as to who a person might be, I've done it myself, and perhaps hid them too well, but at least the readers were surpised at the revelation. You leave little questions, cliffhanger style, at the end of chapters, in an attempt to build suspense, but we already know the answers. So why should we bother to continue to read?

Another problem is the continuing shifts of POV. Choose one and stick to it, it's actually quite annoying as are the announcements of ~~flashbacks~~. The character isn't very likeable either, and comes off more like 13 than 16 (age of a 6th year). So it makes me question whether you are even old enough to be on this site.

This is SUCH a Mary Sue. Dumbledore's grandaughter is the oldest one in the book.

XD you CLAIM it isnt mary sue and as soon as i come to the frist paragraph i automaticly KNOW it is..belive me..i tried to read your fic..but quite frankly its like all the other mary sues out there..borring,repetitive,predictable,and rather annoying >.<..do us a favor sweety and remove the "not mary sue" part..i think we would all apreciate it VERY much ^_~

ciao darling :P

Ok, just because you say that she isn\'t a Mary-Sue doesn\'t mean she isn\'t. That is just as bad as those trucks that say \"if you are within ten feet and I hit you I am NOT responsible for damage because you are NOT supposed to be so close.\" Give me a break. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT PEOPLE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

What is this crap?! You say it\'s NOT a Mary-Sue, and yet it has all the qualities of one.

- Mary-Sue is an orphan
- MS lived with a family who treated her badly
- MS is \"special\" (in this case, a \'muggle\' surrounded by wizards. Or so she thinks, yada yada...)
- MS instantly makes friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione, granting her more \"special\" status.
- MS is related to a prominent character
- MS takes a prominent position in the life of the school - punching Malfoy, fainting in front of everyone, talking back to Snape...

THIS IS A FUCKING MARY-SUE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. Please, try and explain how it isn\'t a Mary-Sue and I\'ll be glad to take back my comments if you put forth a good argument.

Also... \"Jessie James\"? LMFAO. You write like a ten-year old. Your attempts at being mysterious and trying to NOT make it obvious that this girl is Dumbledore\'s great-grandaughter are laughable at best. C\'mon, surprise your readers and suddenly reveal that she\'s actually a complete nobody, I DARE you.

Your character is also an unlikeable bitch - she makes a catty comment at Pansy Parkinson unprovoked, and she generally has very little character beyond swearing at everyone and everything. Does she have Tourette\'s?

Yes, this is a flame. But try and use it as constructive criticism, and you\'ll be a much better writer for it... and you MIGHT even gain my respect.

More please and get to the smut soon