schedule
August 31, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Hey I really like this story. i cant wait to see what happens at there wedding!
Tanya
Tanya
schedule
August 22, 2003 at 12:00 AM
poor hermione
schedule
August 14, 2003 at 12:00 AM
May I ask how old you are? You\'ve got potential to turn this into a good story if you plan it out better and add some more emotion and character developement. Everyone just seems to be acting like they are a part of a 5 year old\'s imagination. Perhaps you should pay more attentio oto other writers and see how their stories develope over time.
schedule
August 10, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Ok I hate to say this but I really think that you need to take a second look at the story and start over. There are so maontrontradiction in it that it isn\'t making any sense.
For instance if Voldemort is going to question Severus\' loyality then why would he instantly turn around and reward him by giving him Hermione to have his way with?
Also not even Malfoy would turn on other Slytherins by taking them to be used as entertainment at a Deatheater\'s meeting. Muggle born students I could see that happening to but they wouldn\'t even be allowed into Slytherin to begin with.
You do have a good idea here and I give you credit for it but you may wish to look at the story again from a reader\'s view and not as a writer. Don\'t try to rush through everything so quickly, if the quality is good then people will definatly be willing to wait to see what happens and when.
Sincerely
Demonic Angel
For instance if Voldemort is going to question Severus\' loyality then why would he instantly turn around and reward him by giving him Hermione to have his way with?
Also not even Malfoy would turn on other Slytherins by taking them to be used as entertainment at a Deatheater\'s meeting. Muggle born students I could see that happening to but they wouldn\'t even be allowed into Slytherin to begin with.
You do have a good idea here and I give you credit for it but you may wish to look at the story again from a reader\'s view and not as a writer. Don\'t try to rush through everything so quickly, if the quality is good then people will definatly be willing to wait to see what happens and when.
Sincerely
Demonic Angel
schedule
August 10, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Neat story so far write more soon..
schedule
August 8, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Hope you get well soon.
schedule
August 7, 2003 at 12:00 AM
this is a definate improvement from your other stories, however I still think it needs a little work. as I\'ve said before, you have a wonderful imagination but you needworkwork a bit on character development. try focusing a little more on their inner dialogue. what they\'re feeling about what is happening and what is currently motivating them to behave that way. not only will it make your story longer, but it will greatly improve the quality. over all I thought it was a really good effort. you\'re getting much better and I\'m glad that you\'re still trying to write. you can only improve from here. I\'m confident that one day soon, you\'ll be writing a story that everyone will love, you just need a little technical work.
schedule
August 7, 2003 at 12:00 AM
This is in SERIOUS need of some spell-checking, and you could do with some advice plot-wise. Really you should take the previous reviewer\'s offer.
schedule
July 30, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Have you got a chapter ready to post yet? If you would like me to beta some, you can e-mail me at rickmaniac_roo@hotmail.com
Or, if you\'d like to take a look at some of my work first (and decide whether or not you approve of it) he he, I\'ve posted a few Snape fics you\'ll probably like!
Just click on my User Name :)
Or, if you\'d like to take a look at some of my work first (and decide whether or not you approve of it) he he, I\'ve posted a few Snape fics you\'ll probably like!
Just click on my User Name :)