schedule
July 19, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Okay, I haven\'t reviewed anything before, so Im not sure how its done, but I think this story has alot of potential, so I am going to offer up some thoughts on it. I really like this story so far, and I really want to know what happens next. I think Snape is a really interesting character, and I think the possibility of him having a relationship with Lily is intriguing. This story captures Snapes feelings well.
There were just one or two things that sort of pulled me out of the story. A few times I caught pulled out of the story by the use of indefinate pronouns; I didn\'t know if the \'he\' being referred to was James or Snape and I would have to read back to see what was meant.
Also. the point of view switches during the train scene, so I found it hard to know whose thoughts I was getting. I think in this story I began to identify more with Snape, so it might be better to keep it all in his POV and just have hints of Lily liking him. That would build up the mystery too.
All in all I really enjoyed this story, I really love reading about \'old school\' Hogwarts!!!
There were just one or two things that sort of pulled me out of the story. A few times I caught pulled out of the story by the use of indefinate pronouns; I didn\'t know if the \'he\' being referred to was James or Snape and I would have to read back to see what was meant.
Also. the point of view switches during the train scene, so I found it hard to know whose thoughts I was getting. I think in this story I began to identify more with Snape, so it might be better to keep it all in his POV and just have hints of Lily liking him. That would build up the mystery too.
All in all I really enjoyed this story, I really love reading about \'old school\' Hogwarts!!!
schedule
July 18, 2003 at 12:00 AM
This is good. You need to watch your changing tenses back and forth, but other than that it seems to be a good thing. I can\'t wait for your next chapter which should be out in about 30 minutes, whereas this is the next day at 8:30! Oh well, this is good anyway and I can\'t wait to see where you are going and am waiting to see longer chapters. (The only reason I say that is because longer chapters make your writing even better and your ideas more developed...) Waiting.... :)