AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Cracked

by Mermaid-in-a-Manhole

person VeltsuVI
schedule December 25, 2019 at 12:00 AM

Interested to see what Harry is going to do with Tonks.

Also is there going to be more of (sex) slaves? If it's then this maybe should be in threesome/moresome catalogue. If there's only Tonks as sexual slave. (As Dobby and Winky are slaves, but maybe they don't share bed with Harry.) There is Harry/Tonks sub in Het.

 

I don't know how far this story is in other sites, but if you're planning to put Hermione and/or Ginny to Harry's slaves, Harry could claim them by life dept, he has saved boths lives. (One story before used that before.)

 

(Don't wait many reviews from me, i don't write these lot, i just read stories)

schedule December 16, 2019 at 12:00 AM

Chapter 1:

Top notch. I really enjoyed the way you worked the sudden shift of Harry's personality with something believable. It didn't take me out of the Potter Universe, everything felt organic to it. I also enjoy the new calculating manner he has. I think the only slip up I saw was having Hedwig fly away twice without mentioning her return after the first departure to the bank, unless I missed something. You kept your descriptions and action on track with the story without slowing it down. Everything felt relevant to the story and information we needed to know. I feel that in this chapter you placed a lot of plants for later use. Nice planning. I think I caught them all. Lots of items that will come in useful later when everyone long forgets about them, then ohhh I remember! Nice proof-reading too.

Congrats.