So, I've re-read this whole story twice within the past week because I needed to to understand. The past two chapters were such a twist and turn! Brutally gut-wrenching and leaving me desperatly hoping for a happy ending. I was so confused with the sudden appearance of her parents. And then his declaration of love under the sky of hopelessness! Sigh - him being her only home, it is now on her to save him ... I hope! If she can write the book by her subconscious, maybe the story isn't yet finished? Maybe she can write the story in his book - or hers to help all of us ol' romantics here who NEED a HEA...? (I'm willing to beg you, dear DS!)
Okay, I went back and read everything again, and I totally forgot that he just took her wand again, and I obviously missed that it wasn’t her book she found in his cupboard earlier. And that she gave it back to him. (I’m slow like that sometimes.)
Rereading everything quickly gave the story a very different feel. For instance that last scene where her parents are returned seemed far less abrupt. (But there was still something surreal about the whole chapter. The return happening at the library was particularly odd.) But Snape did tell her he would help her (when he was in his book club form), so it seemed fitting.
But more than anything else, I was struck by the little things tucked into each chapter that have so much more meaning once you’re deeper into the story. Snape being a motulomens (if he is indeed one—I noticed he never admitted to it) changes the way each scene plays out—all the little reactions, all the cryptic comments. And it changes the dynamics between them later on, because he’s really experiencing her reactions along with his own, so when she’s “in charge” he’s getting whatever relief he feels from the whipping, but he’s also getting what she’s feeling about being the dominant partner. (Unless he can just turn it off at will.) But that goes for all their other encounters too—he’s feeling her side of things as well as his own.
While it was fun finding the clue to what we’re introduced to later (that he’s watching her for the Ministry, that he’s a motulomens, that he’s not just fucking with her for fun), rereading has left me with a slightly different perspective and, in turn, more questions.
You made a previous reference to Dorthy in the Wizard of Oz, which seems to suggest a theme in her thinking. Is it that there’s no place like home? Or is it that all she seeks can be found within, including her home/happiness?
Are the clothes in Snape’s wardrobe that she’s never seen him wear a clue? (e.g. the ties she uses to gag him.) Is he posing as other people besides her book club boy friend? (BTW, their connection prior to the detentions is much more poignant in the reread too. That feels important.)
I’m curious if Samuel is just a red herring, or is he really another spy? (I had initially assumed he was a just a red herring, but now I’m not so sure. He’s awfully focused on her.)
Is Snape really a motulomens? Is he something more?Is Hermione something more? Is she somehow affected by what Snape is? She occasionally seems to have a connection with him that goes beyond what I would consider normal.
What has he really been telling the ministry and what kind of deal did he make with them? Did he just promise to keep her out of trouble? To talk some sense into her?
And then there were just the things I noticed more the second time around. (Even though I thought of them before, they stood out more when replayed.) Hermione’s anger is her driving force, and she’s incredibly unbalanced. (Two things I strongly identify with :))She (and we) have no clue what Snape’s true motives are. BUT it’s painfully apparent that he was honestly trusting her and opening up. (His gradual removal of his clothing as the story progressed is a perfect mirror of his inner state. He immediately covers himself back up as soon as she accuses him of treachery, and he has stayed safely ensconced in his layers ever since.)
So now I’m most interested in the remaining pieces of the puzzle, the ones you haven’t shown us, because it feels like there’s a major part of the picture we haven’t been shown yet. We came so close to finding out what Snape’s real motives were, and since we have almost no information on what the Ministry asked of him (or what he’s been telling them), that seems pretty important. His feelings for her are blatantly obvious, so his reasons for helping her aren’t terribly mysterious (and I’m guessing their getting to know one another under false pretenses at the book club is actually his impetus for action—she’s accepted and fallen in love with him in every form he’s taken). And what will the consequences of his actions be? (Assuming the last scene wasn’t some kind of dream/hypnothesia hallucination.) (And I’m curious what she was hoping to glean from that collection of books.)
More please :)
I can’t quite decide how I feel about this chapter. There was something sort of abrupt about the reintroduction of her parents. But beyond that, I can’t put my finger on what it is that made everything seem a bit surreal. I went on AO3 to see if someone else could put words to my confusion, but nobody really pinpointed what I was feeing. I guess the people questioning the reality of the situation were the closest.
I love the idea of Snape bringing back her parents (obviously :) or I wouldn’t have written GP), but this whole story has been about Hermione finding her own power as an adult. (Not that she can’t be a kick-ass powerhouse with her parents there.) Snape doing a complete 180 on the matter feels incongruent with everything he’s taught her thus far.
But at the same time, I can see him sacrificing himself for her and making this one huge heroic gesture. I’m torn.
I think Luna’s right: the world can be too much for some (and Hermione might not be up for it yet either).
Fav parts:
“but it was Luna’s incantation and Hermione had little doubt that the world according to Luna might look a lot like this.”—This just made me laugh, so I had to save it.
“Sometimes the world can be too much, for some, don’t you think?”—Amen.
“Ruby red. This was her essence of Dorothy—small fragments of hope that may one day carry her home.”—I love the sentiment behind this. And it’s great foreshadowing for the reunion with her parents. (Or great foreshadowing if the whole scene is all in Hermione’s head—like Dorothy’s.)
“The back of a girl’s head, brass snake rearing up from between the pages. It was her gift, returned.”—I don’t know if I would have interpreted this as a gift returned. If I saw an unexpected book on my desk with a bookmark in it, I’d start reading the pages it was stuck between for clues.
But maybe I’m paranoid like that.
“It was the copy she’d never found, the one he’d taken”—Wait. What? Didn’t she take her book back when she searched his empty room earlier? And since when doesn’t she have her wand? He gave it back a while ago, didn’t he? Have I forgotten something between chapter postings? I think I need to reread the previous chapters.
I can’t wait to see where you’re taking this (plus I need explanations). I hope you’re writing in your cave (work can wait).
Iknow I'm late beyond late with my comments. So this is just a quick note. I LOVE this chapter, and all the other I missed to comment on. I'll be in Vienna for - 2-3 more days, and hopefully, I'll have time to write you a proper review either while I'm here or when I return home.
I hope you are better. You know you have my support, if you ever need a shoulder I'm just a hat away.
Love&Hugs&Kisses from windy and rainy and old Austria :*
This was such a psychological chapter. Barely anything happened in terms of action. I feel like this is some turning point and the coming chapters are going to blow all her suppositions to smithereens.
She’s so . . . locked in a victimized mindset. She’s interpreting all of his actions as a personal attack. (Which is of course exactly how people really do respond when cornered and presented with decisions or information they don’t want to face.) I feel for her, but I think it bothers me that she sees no good in what he’s done for her. She learned so much from him, but now she’s throwing it away because she THINKS she knows what’s going on. She’s distorting everything she’s experienced to fit with her anger. I understand her sense of betrayal, I just don’t think I could, personally, discount all the good things she’d experienced with him.
She knows she means more to him, that she’s more than just an assignment from the ministry or a good fuck. SHE KNOWS! It seems like she’s dismissing that too easily. It’s like she’s trying to pick a fight. But to what end I can’t fathom. What would she ultimately win? Unless she just wants answers and explanations from him. She knows he had a job to do, and she knows he’s no saint (and she obviously knows that what he was trying to stop her from doing was a seriously dangerous proposition), so why is she so offended? It seems to me he did his best to lead her off a dangerous path by showing her that there was another road entirely. He didn’t have to do that (and I think Hermione’s smart enough to see that even if she’s pissed off). But I guess that line of thinking raises the question of where does one draw the line between guidance and manipulation? Is fucking a lesson into someone dishonest in some way? (I’m going to say no in this case; although it could be.) She’s acting like he had some ulterior motive, but the only thing he got from her (besides companionship) was sex; but she’s already made it clear to herself that he felt something deeper for her too, so it wasn’t just the sex.
If she feels betrayed by the knowledge that he won’t admit that, I could understand her deluded train of thought, but she seems to be clawing for scraps, looking for any reason to justify her anger.
But again, I do really think people do that. (I don’t want you think I find the chapter unbelievable; it’s more my personal discomfort with her mental gymnastics.) This is like the start of the story: her acting out so he’ll punish her, except now she’s pushing emotional buttons, and it makes me cringe because one of those buttons might destroy more than she realizes.
But I guess that’s the human condition. We do things for emotional reasons rather than logical ones.
Your writing, as always, was fabulous this chapter. My favorite parts were probably the last two paragraphs, but that was for strictly emotional reasons. I’m dying to know what’s going to happen next (everything’s so shaky and unsure). Hope you’re successfully hiding out in your cave today and eschewing work in favor of feeding my fanfiction addiction. :) Need more AtHD. (Nom nom nom.)
How did I not read this story earlier? I'm obsessed to know how things will continue...!
Please!!! I’m hanging on your every word and craving the next chapters something chronic!!! Come back to us!!!
Wow what a twist. It's been a long while since I look forward to a story like this. Thank you for all your hard work
More more more!!!
Well, happy birthday to me :) My favorite present is new DS chapters. <3 And this one was such a teaser. I knew as soon as she got there she’d been mistaken about which guy Snape was pretending to be (as he’d never confirmed her suspicions). And now I’m wondering what Snape’s going to do with her since she pretty much tore the statute of secrecy to shreds (although technically she was revealing the secret to a wizard, so it shouldn’t count) and revealed her intentions to go rogue and run away (and I assume continue her plans to unmodify her parents’ memories). Is he going to help her in her quest, or will he show her that she needs to move on with her life and rebuild herself without them? (Don’t answer that.)
I didn’t save as many quotes from the first bit, but I’m happy to see she reconciled with Ginny. One less stressor for her to worry about.
“But that’s what self-preservation is all about. Sometimes it’s about buying the delusion long enough for something . . . or someone . . . to finally dismantle it—safely. To open your eyes to the existence of both real and good, even in the places you’d searched before . . . but weren’t ready to find it.”—I think this is the story of my life.
“There were many reasons why she wouldn’t be seeing Madam Pomfrey. She preferred to keep those secrets to herself.”—Is she referring to her punishment wounds from Snape? (Or is there some beef with the mediwitch?)
“It was strange how something that had seemed so significant only days before had managed to be almost completely obliterated by another truckload of shit.”—Bahahaha! Amen, sister. :)
(concern in her friend’s green eyes—Ginny’s eyes are brown.)
(Her other pocket held her note books—notebooks is one word.)
I can’t wait to see where you take this next. I can see this going in several different directions. <3