THAT was ENTIRELY unexpected. I think I blushed and giggled a lot, but you know what? I'm a firm believer in "To each their fucking own." Perfectly acceptable and they both fit the role they played well. AND, as ALWAYS, supurb writing. xxxLissaDream
I’ve never left a review before (shame on me) but I just had to tell you how much I enjoy this story. Thanks for your hard work and I hope there is more to come:)))
Chapter 43 –
Excellent. I love being inside Severus’ head the best. Followed by Lucius as a close second I think.
‘He'd used the pain to shape himself into a better man. But Lucius couldn’t see that new man’ – this is a lovely insight into Severus’ affection for Draco and his appreciation of how far his godson has come. I’m sort of unsure about it turning sexual (especially after his insight into Lucius' shortcomings) but you’ve done a good job of making in believable nonetheless.
‘Severus was starting to see that there was a certain freedom in the ability to just ask for the affection one required. After all, the squeaky wheel got the grease.’ – this represents a definite relaxing of his trust issues.
‘cock filling as he critiqued her positioning’ – the arousal induced by complex logistics :)
‘her taste of’ – missing ‘a’
‘with rakish half-smile’ – missing ‘a’
‘the peak of Mount Spankme’ – hahaha!
‘You go back to your nighttime feeding’ – buuurn!!
‘Lucius’s one-handed clapping became a steady applause’ – I always love your clever turns of phrase.
And now we have a delicious segue way into the next chapter . . . Mmmmm :)
Chapter 41 –
I’m baaaaack!! Whew, after all of that AtHD and RL nonsense I can get back to reading my favourite (and only) WIP xx
‘who lifted into his arms’ – missing ‘her’
‘flowed across the floor smooth as fresh milk’ – excellent visual, delicious!
Hahah, as soon as I read about all of the items adorning her bedroom walls I wondered how she would go inviting her friends around. I guess she doesn’t do much of that type of entertaining does she? ;)
‘phallic garden that appeared to have sprung from the fertile loam of the aged mahogany’ – this was just stunning . . . every word but particularly ‘loam’.
‘Muffy sped her across the floor to find out’ – hahah, I love Muffy-powered transport. I would be far more mobile if that were the case ;)
‘leering at her like a devilish satyr’ – I love Satyrs . . . I used to be a big fan of role playing games . . . not that sort!
‘he studied her the way a wolf studied a hare, his nostrils flaring and his tongue creeping along his lower lip’ – ooh, this promises to be a great weekend for both Hermione and myself! Yay!
Chapter 42 –
Another sweet little chapter to keep things ticking along.
‘his voice low and rumbly like velvet thunder’ – ooh, that gives me shivers J
‘blew the all’ – s.b. blew all the
‘I don’t think I’m ready for a provision of that magnitude’ – shit, I know I am . . .
‘Hell’s Hinkypunks!’ – that’s just what I was thinking!
‘like an orgasmic ping pong ball’ – brilliant auditory simile :)
And now Draco and Snape?? Hmmm . . . this will be interesting . . .
Chapter 40 –
This chapter had me smiling the entire time. Lots of witty and amusing conversation. The characterisations continue to be excellent. I’m still waiting for more clues to what is going to happen . . . or maybe they have been there all along . . . no doubt! :)
‘seemed find’ – missing ‘to’
‘To avoid upsetting her, he'd only been admonishing Draco in private’ – hahaha, I loved this insight into his deviousness.
‘Unfortunately, Draco seemed more twig than branch’ – excellent turn of phrase, so Lucius.
‘Dick Deedleton’ – something about this cracked me up!
‘Snape shook his head. “I’m happy to say I honestly have no idea.”’ – this entire exchange was delicious :)
‘Severus shrugged as if his sidelining as a seamstress should have been expected. “Naughty schoolgirls need short skirts.” – I love the idea of a Snape seamstress – a man confident in his sexuality – yum!
‘Draco probably wants to stock the shelves with bottles and breast pumps.”’ - *double snort*!
‘Severus glanced thoughtfully at the two youngsters and then gave Lucius an indecipherable eyebrow arch. “That might be what Hermione wants too.”’ – Ooh, now THAT’s interesting! :)
‘Severus smirked and began to walk away. “Very very doubtful.”’ – hahaha, his confidence is just so sexy . . . I need more Snape I think!
Okay, let’s see what the next chappie has in store!
Chapter 39 –
I’m baaaackkk . . . sorry but life . . . anyway. I liked being inside Severus’ head again. He’s always going to be my favourite :)
‘It looked like the burst of gold in the striated layers of tiger’s eye, flashing when her face was at certain angles.’ – Tiger’s eye is my favourite stone. I have 2 necklaces and a bracelet and another piece of it, so I loved this.
‘spiking through her gaze like lightning’ – ‘spiking’ here was lovely. I need to use more words like that.
‘pointy little tits struggling to saw their way out of that too tight prison’ – ‘saw’ here was also inspired.
‘as if an archeologist and librarian had exploded all over the walls.’ – hahahah, can totally see it!
‘meandered toward the clearest expanse of floor space’ – this was great. It captured the awkwardness of three men who are concerned but also slightly uncomfortable with being useless.
‘his tone more prideful than contrite’ – LOL, so Lucius :)
‘deranged washer woman’ – the visual is excellent again.
Fixes -
Lucius and Draco we’re both smirking – were instead of we’re
seemly unrelated – sb seemingly?
gasped her hand gratefully – sb grasped
So Severus is still wishing for a future as a foursome? When will he feel the need to take her as his own? Or won’t he?
I’m wondering how her newfound aura reading will assist into the future. Will she use it to work out who is best for her? Can she read other aspects of their personality? Betrayal? Do the colours change with their moods? So many questions . . . I will move on to see if there are answers waiting! xx
I hope you're feeling better and that your test results were helpful in determining the problem and a positive solution. I am very much enjoying this story. Not just the sexual components, though they are quite entertaining, but the emotions and subplots as well. How many chapters do you envision this story being? I vaguely recall you mentioning a number in one of your earlier chapter notes but I don't remember what it was. I'm getting slightly nervous waiting for the other shoe to drop on our lovely friends...things have been going surprisingly smoothly and I'm gleaning from the chapter notes that that shan't continue for much longer. Anyway, the purpose of this note was to thank you for writing such an interesting story and to say that I am very much looking forward to reading more in the future. Do take care of yourself first however.
Best wishes,
Castle
Chapter 38 –
I loved the symbolism of the initial dream/syncope fire sequence. When she put her hand out to Snape I might have melted just a bit for her, and for him.
‘Severus glared at the flames as if he’d been burned by them before and was plotting suitable retribution’ – so beautifully poignant and exactly how our damaged Professor would behave.
‘she couldn’t say she was overly fond of sexual syncope’ – not high on my list either, incidentally J
‘Maybe three in a row was a bit optimistic for your first time’ – ya think? :D
‘“I won’t,” she promised. “Not ever. I’m never letting you go.”’ – and that sinking feeling again . . . I just know she will!
‘He was eating his feelings again. She wished he'd just let them out before he choked.’ – again, the signature of this man represented so well.
‘Snape’s eyes blustered with consternation’ – ‘blustered’ here was brilliant.
‘lips and tongue joining together to lay waste to her brain’ – I loved ‘lay waste’.
‘Snakes were a good omen in any garden’ – heheh, in so many ways! Have you seen that pic doing the rounds on FB of the snake at the front door talking about the Lord Voldemort? Anyway, made me giggle, as did this.
And now I think I have my Severus next!! Excited!
Chapter 36
So I’ve already enjoyed this chapter once and now I get to enjoy it again ;) I think this is the hottest chapter for me so far.
‘pelvis towered over him like a gothic cathedral—the curves and arches of which were designed to draw the parishioner’s eye to heaven’ – lovely comparison and well followed up.
‘down their their dueling shafts like a carousel of cock’ – extra ‘their’ and I love the alliteration and the visual.
‘Chopin’s Prelude in E minor. She’d like that’ – bahaha, so pretentiously Lucius.
‘tone a cascade of soothing hums’ – I can so imagine this of his voice.
‘Snape was like a giant charmed metronome, and his measured pulse lulled Lucius into a hypnotic state of relaxation’ – mmmm, now I want a Snape metronome to put me to sleep!
‘Lucius drew against him’ – missing ‘her’?
‘Lucius’s stomach couldn’t decide whether to ooze out of his navel or soar up into his heart’ – lovely and visceral but also sweet and emotive.
‘skosh’ – imaginary word notebook!
‘like being crushed to death by velvet’ – this was perfect, my second favourite line.
‘to buttress her bravery with his adoration’ – my favourite line . . . sums up their relationship (from his perspective at least).
And now Draco gets a turn? After this, I’m wondering just how much hotter things can get. I’m off to see!! :D