Chapter 21.
I have to say, their brewing session was truly hot!
And fix:
"Steering phase is next" -stirring and then the same word few more times.
Fox xx
Chapter 22.
"It is my entire fault, isn’t it?" entirely my fault
Chapter 23.
I really loved blinking him to death hahahaha, so funny. And dumpling flavored Potions Master was hilarious.
Kvarta, I had a lot of fun reading your story it was very good. I liked chapter length and the plot. I was occasionally frustrated from lack of communication skills between HG & SS, I can't imagine anyone as bad as those two in real life, but I suppose was just lucky to meet people easier to live with...
And fixes:
"I want out of my sight THIS INSTANT!!!" -want you out
"bit terrified voice of her boos" -boss
"Minutes passed…ever second" -every
"In one point, preferably in this lifetime" -at
"If I’m not, I am on the wrong place" -in
Fox xx
P.S.
I will read your new story soon.
xx
Kvarta,
Chapter 1.
Great story. I have to say you've captured the spirit of the song perfectly :-)
If that's your first try at sexual content, I couldn't tell -it's perfect. Well worded, I enjoyed it very much.
I promise to read the rest soon.
Thanks
Fox xx
Chapter 2.
I was wondering why her office was so small... hahahahaha
Fox xx
Chapter 4.
Hahaha poor fucked up Severus. If he only knew the truth...
Fox xx
Chapter 5.
Is she really making a progress? At last?
Fox xx
Chapter 7.
Ohh hahahaha... the both of them have the same problem, how long can they go on like that, before they jump each others bones...?
Not long, I hope.
Fox xx
Kvarta,
Chapter 8.
Your story is really good. Very well written, well worded and interesting. Have you found a beta yet? I can't be your beta, I don't feel my English is good enough, but I thought, I could help you with some little mistakes I noticed. I hope you don't mind.
barging in to the Headmistresses office -Headmistress'
nothing one single thing was “fine” it was quite the opposite -nothing, not one
meddling in to peoples -into -one word, people's
Old meddler. – growled -he growled or maybe Severus growled -it's missing a word
I could care less -I couldn't
I need you to rip off my heart and my soul out of me! -delete off
Is something happened? -Has
All right, what did you had in mind? -have
listen me out first -hear
I was wrecking my brain who to send -whom
I’ve known you for the big part of yours and mine life -my
after all he’s been thru -through
Shure, she had scars -sure
That's it! There were some missing commas, but I'm not fantastic at putting them in all the right places myself, so I shouldn't advice.
BTW I loved his toilet comment! Hahahaha, so funny!
Fox xx
Chapter 9.
Seriously, I can't stop reading. The story is so absorbing and exciting. Here are few fixes:
that didn't gave her the right to manipulate him as she did -give
and nearly didn’t ate anything for lunch -eat - ...the sentence doesn't sound well even with the fix, I think it should be: and ate almost nothing for lunch. Funny how your sentence sounds exactly how I would say it in Polish ;-)
There is no need to concerned yourself -concern
Not that I succeeding in them -I'm
How unconsidered of me -inconsiderate
Why I didn’t bring the potion with me? -didn't I
Kvarta, honestly... you beast, how long are you going to torture them? Let them have a fuck, don't be like that!
Thanks
Fox xx
Chapter 10.
I really feel sory for your Hermione, Snape is impossible! This is frustrating to read, I can only imagine what kind of torment it is for them... I think I would just tie him to my bed if I was her. Poor thing crying herself to sleep...
And fixes:
what she had with her was to…prude -too...prudish
WE are going in shopping tomorrow -delete "in"
taking good care to show as much of her decollate as she could without being obvious -delete good, decollete
she was covering her completely and exposing all of her at the same time -it (the dress)
the correct way to lay out them eludes me. -them out
Fox xx