I am thoroughly enjoying this story! As you say, it is an antidote for many tropes here at AFF. Your writing is exemplary. Your narrative flows easily and your dialogue is natural.
Other things I like:
1.) Your characters are spot-on, but what impresses me even more is that you accurately extrapolate how these well-known characters respond under different AU stimulus. Harry, who has always been alone, gains self-confidence and trust from his rock-solid relationship with Hermione, and this gives him the back-bone to stand-up to both Ron's lack of manners and Dumbledore's secretive nature. This has ripple-effects with Ron starting his "learning process" earlier than he does in the books, and Dumbledore becoming a bit more of a "team-player". In your writing, all of this happens organically - one thing flows from the next with little contrivance.
B.) Similarly, your relationships grow and evolve organically. Hey, I like PWP as much as the next fanfic-lover, but I find it refreshing and heart-warming to see acquaintances grow into friendships and bloom into something more. Harry & Hermione's romance is growing nicely, but in a manner consistent with their age (starting at 11 - as of part 14 they are fourteen years-old and are starting to really notice their own and each others bodies. Unspoken, but hanging in the air is whether or not Harry actually knows anything about sex). Ron's reaction to their unusually close relationship is also natural - he's inclined to spend more time with others more at his level of development, i.e. Seamus & Dean. Sirius & Remus have re-kindled their friendship and have turned it into quite a bromance (if not more - I love that you feel no need to clarify this one way or the other; it is beautiful as-is).
III.) I like how you interact with the canonical plot points. I just finished re-reading the HP series, and I found it fairly annoying how much of the plot revolves around bad choices and people being preposterously dense or obstinate. This is one of the strengths of fanfic, in general, that we can take an enlightened approach to a known story and ask, "Suppose they figured things out quicker? Suppose they made the (obviously) right choice instead of what they did?"
,,,and many other things too numerous to mention.
One small quibble: In the latest chapter (#14), Hermoine explained to Sirius about mobile phones. What she said was roughly 10 years early. Sirius was incarcerated in 1981, when the only "mobile" phones available were expensive car-phones. The start of HP&tGoF (including the Quidditch World Cup and your chapter 14) takes place in the summer of 1994. In that year, mobile phones were still fairly heavy, expensive and rare. They really didn't take-off in the mass-market until the mid-late '90s. I didn't get my first until 2006. :)
Which chapter is the chapter Harry and Hermione have sex ;)
Haha kinda already did started to find it a ltitle boring and thought the story was already finished. Guess I have to read all the chapters now haha :P
I have spet the better part of the day reading this story and I have to say I love it. It is nice to read a Fanfic that isnt all about sex and actually has some substanence to it. I look forward to future updates. :D
Another brilliant chapter. I look forward to re adding the rest.
I'm quite enjoying this. It's almost diabetes inducing at times, but, dammit, sometimes that's exactly what I'm looking for with this pairing.
Is this a repost? I could've sworn I've read all this before, which is driving me nuts! Either way, this has been a very enjoyable find again. Plus it's nice to see some movement in the Harry/Hermione section of this site, since it seems almost dead at times.
First off, great Fic! I love the story, it's written very well. I do miss Harry being adventurous and rule breaking, but also love this more intelligent Harry that actually thinks before acting.
I also can't say enough about you frequently updating. There has been way too many stories that hook you and quit you on this site alone. I'm actually checking everyday for updates on your story, and guess what? A new chapter! Sometimes twice a day! I love that.
My only complaint?(It's a minor one, but it sometimes has me re-reading the last sentence in a different tone) Is the over use of exclamation points.
I just don't see someone whispering "I love you!" It's more like they are shouting, expressing excitement, shock/outrage or having an epiphany of some sort, in my mind at least.
I don't mean to criticize your work ( I honestly love your story ) it's just my thoughts. Which is the point of a review.
Please keep up the good work! It's nice to finally have someone who is truly a good writer and wants to finish their story!
Once again another great chapter
Glad to see this update so quickly. The quality is really good.
It is nice to see a story that emphasises romance and relationships. Too many stories jump straight to the "action" without any build up. That can be fun too, like your Furry Little Problem. Some do quick build up, like Society of Two, but slow and steady is a nice approach as well. The Desk is another story that builds, though it does so from a more physical starting point. To be fair though, some stories, like those by Robst on FF, build a relationship, but the attempt to keep it PG13 until the Wizarding age of majority makes it feel stilted and too defined. Spontaneity but with natural progression is best.
Just because some kids are precocious in First year doesn't mean they all are.
Hope this gets finished. So far I'm wondering how the Marauder map winds up in Harry's possession as its key for a bunch of future scenes. Overall , I really like it so far. Good job.