Interesting turnout. Knowing that McNair and Avery showed up would be fantastic if they were a bit more mercenary. Just stake them out - and Crabbe & Goyle - and take them out, before they became aware that they were targets. That's the only downside of being 'overly light', they don't see the value of pre-emptive strikes against known murderers that Will murder again.
Can you imagine if voldy had four followers, and the next time he tried summoning them he had zero?
I'm not sure if you'll get this - it's been a while since you've posted - but I created a profile just to review so I will just have to be hopeful.
MiL is living up to everything you billed it as - slow burn romance with more logical, intelligent character development and more reasonable, consistent responses from the secondary and tertiary characters.
Then there's the world building, which has really been exciting (and terrifying - hem hem) to watch develop. Speaking of minister toad, that blew my mind! It works in this world, however, with what power she had and the backing/bribery/coercion of lucy, it's a scary but believable move. The obvious paradigm shift from 4th year onwards is one of the reasons I wanted to express my appreciation for your story before I got sucked in and forgot :)
Harry and Hermione are adorable together, and their 'couple-speak' is something I wouldn't belive had I not witnessed it first hand. That said, I've seen it only once IRL, with the couple in question so casual about it that I had to inquire about it with their friends. They weren't as oblivious as H/Hr are, and yet it was pretty much described as a 'shared unconscious thought stream', in conversation form. Then again, they were in their twenties so...
The conversations are entertainingly bizarre, but with my experience it is really fun to read and remember.
Some of their best intuitive leaps have been based on this 'mechanic' and have led to the most obvious divergences from canon. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this as they grow even closer with the isolation from Ron becoming absolute. On that note I do hope that Hermione kicks the shite-head in the balls when he makes his pathetic non-apology after the first task. "Learn how to apologize like you actually know what you are sorry for and mean what you are saying or expect worse the next time you speak to us!" is a scene that is part of my 'dream-head-canon' and I am secretly just reading all the HP ff I can just to find it... hey, don't judge, we all have our goals! :D
I'm also really enjoying watching the young couple 'heat up' and am happily anticipating the upcoming lemons.
I like what you've done with the other major players - Ron & Draco are not so much 'different' as they are 'more intensely Ron & Draco-like'. Draco exhibiting his father's cold-blooded-killer mannerisms and asperations is a nice change from the monochrome, one-dimensional non-threating whiny child that never grew out of first-year material.
I'm looking forward to Moody giving the young couple a real 'education', and I'm also hoping to see Cedric's apology. The idea of you putting some effort into the personalities of the champions has me excitedly hopeful.
I'm also hoping to see a Lot more of Luna and Neville, and Parvati looked to be more active earlier, it'd be nice to see a well developed version of that all-too-often vapid bit of background-furniture.
All that to say that I'm loving the story and finally just got off my duff to tell you so :)
Lastly, I was wondering if you continue to write? I enjoy your style and would like to see what you are up to.
Blessings,
Jason
Wow that was fun, way to go Luna and Padma!
I do have some problems with how you handled Harry's situation and with your specific attention to logic this is a failing I was sad to see your story shared with so many others:
1 - They had an opportunity to PROVE Harry Innocent... and chose not to do so.
2 - Harry actively pursued the idea of Veritaserum in front of Cedric and Krum, and both continue to act as though they didn't have PROOF that Harry didn't enter himself.
3 - Albus had an opportunity to SPEAK UP and share his belief in Harry's Innocence... and stayed quiet, essentially encouraging his entire school to continue to attack Harry and Hermione. What's more, Minerva was standing right there as well... thus you continue the sterotype of her as a rigid, mindless lacky of dumbles.
Why?
Annnnd you at least show Krum has active brain cells, well done there, and thanks for not leaving him as a brainless brute... that said, what is it with Krum and girls two to three years younger than him!? :D
Oh I love it! Respecting the dragon and trying to communicate with it... not even using parseltongue, just basic pantomime... Fantastic!
And he gives Ron what Ron deserves... thank you so much!
I'm confused... what possible reason could have kept Sirius and Remus away from the first task, the one in which they knew that a dragon may severely injure if not kill Harry? I've always understood when Sirius was not exonerated yet, but Remus even showed up in canon, so what gives?
A lovely, if a tad tame, first time scene.
Well, after reading this Story for the better Part of 2 Weeks, i love it. You have a really great Style, and the care you put into this is examplary. In particular, the development of the non-canon Relationships, and the new Structure for the Bad Guys. Great work, all of it
I'm a big Harry Potter fan and I loved the story line better than the books
Response to E.C. Hellid
Well, seeing as the story is complete, and there really is no other way to respond to reviews at this site other than in author's notes on the following chapter, this will have to make do, in the hopes that E.C. Hellid may eventually come across it.
First, I want to thank you for reading and reviewing up through chap. :-)
I freely concede that the romance is almost sugary enough to induce diabetes. It is true that there is very little conflict in the Harry/Hermione relationship, but given the premise of the story, there is very little which would present itself conflict worthy between Harry and Hermione. They are too simpatico after the Troll incident to give any reason for serious conflict. And there is no envy or jealousy to get in the way as there is with Harry and Ron.
The biggest issue they face is Harry's Peter Parker syndrome--his angst over potentially getting the people he cares about killed by his enemies. There is a lot of foreshadowing of the potential for this to cause some friction. And it's ironic that you would mention it in chapter 35, because I believe it is in chapter 36 where they have their first real fight, when Harry tries to push Hermione away a bit to "save" her.
Later in this story, there is another serious argument when Harry is a bit reckless. Yeah, I know, under most circumstances only two big arguments might seem unrealistic--but again, when two people get along so well, and there aren't any money issues or infidelity issues to get in the way, it's not entirely out of the question for a couple to have a long-term relationship with very few bumps along the way.
As to Hermione crying a lot, yeah, you're not the first to point it out! Lol! :D
In part it seems like a lot more crying at first glance because the material covering the first three years at Hogwarts is crammed into only about 13 or so chapters--with the most emotional scenes being the focal points of the chapters.
Hermione does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve as you yourself succinctly put it, and yeah she does tear up a lot--but I wouldn't say that it's a sign of weakness (quite the opposite, in fact), or that her emotions affect her judgment (Hermione almost never lets her emotions cloud her judgment in canon--except in book 6 in which she is written very out of character at times by Rowling).
As to your other issue, I totally get that some folk are not comfortable with tonal shifts. Fair enough! :-)
But this is NOT just a fluffy romance--it is a fully rounded story full of angst and drama, violence, political intrigue. and even a bit of horror, not to mantion some humour as well. In other words it runs the gamut of human emotions and experiences. This is a character driven story first and foremost, and the romance is set against a backdrop of an increasingly dark world.
I write about abuse, and sexual assault in part because I follow the maxim "write what you know," and also because this story is more realistic in some ways than the original series (and admittedly more fantastical in other ways).
In canon, Uncle Vernon is a violent man who even hits his beloved son Dudley when the occasion arises (and thus we can presume that he treats Harry even worse):
PS Chapter 3: He [Uncle Vernon] looked so dangerous with half his moustache missing that no-one dared to argue. Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the boarded up doors and were in the car, speeding to the highway. Dudley was sniffling in the backseat; his father had hit him round the head for holding them up when he tried to pack his television, VCR, and computer in his sports bag.
So it's very unrealistic to presume (as Rowling does) that without having Harry as his foil for abuse, that Uncle Vernon wouldn't lash out at Petunia if she put her foot down and says that Harry has to stay. I can't really see Vernon backing down from Petunia as he does in canon. I grew up in an abusive household, and I know firsthand that abusers almost never confine their violence to a single victim.
Mr Granger is a bit different. He's not a generally violent person--he's a stressed out father who feels that he's losing his daughter to a world he doesn't understand, and a boy he thinks is dangerous. He lashed out in an angry moment that cost him nearly everything--a moment he regrets. He's not quite in the same category as Vernon.
Likewise, as the original story is directed initially at children, the issue of sex and sexual violence never really comes up, except in extremely oblique fashion. If the story were written from a more adult perspective, as much of this version is, then it would be unrealistic not to expect that in a school the size of Hogwarts, that no sexual assaults would occur in Harry and Hermione's entire seven year run.
Draco and McLaggen were the two characters from the series who are plausibly the most likely to offend in that regard. Hence, in this story, the role falls to them.
Then we get to the Death Eaters--a realistic take on them would include sexual assaults. With the sort of power available to them, there is no doubt that such villains would abuse that power against girls and women--muggles and "mudbloods" especially.
In any case, I hope that gives you an overview of why the story is playing out as it is. Again, thanks for reading, and I'm glad that overall you have enjoyed the story thus far. :-) .
Response to Gandalfs-Beard
Thank you for taking the time to respond! Having read stories with a similar 'ring' to them by authors who have undergone certain experiences, I thought you might be writing about rape or abuse from personal knowledge, but I didn't want to offend you by presuming anything. I am deeply sorry that you went through something like that. If writing about it here helped you in some way, or you sincerely feel that it contributes something essential to the story, then I support you. I'm still not a fan of the tonal shifts in your words, but it's your show and I respect your motives.
My impression of Vernon is different from yours in that he's still an awful person, but the biggest thing wrong with him is a deathly fear of the unknown and anything "abnormal." His wife and son, who are almost as bad, represent his idea of normal (as disturbing as that is to contemplate), while Harry represents the opposite and so Vernon mistreats him because he's afraid of him and hates what he stands for--not necessarily because he's an ogre who needs somebody to pound on.
I can accept your rationale about McLagen and the Death Eaters attempting rape, but Draco to me is just a schoolyard bully motivated by bigotry and later by fear of Voldemort, and in his case I don't quite see it. This is apart from the fact that for all the stories in this fandom that deal with rape, there's one simple idea that no one seems to take into account: in a magical world where an experienced witch could clean and dress herself, eat breakfast, and go to work without even having to get out of bed, it is reasonable to assume that many of these witches would have a plethora of wards and charms at their disposal, cast on their person or location, to prevent nonconsensual sex. In fact, it is inconceivable to me that such protection would not exist. So in just about every fic that features rape, that issue hangs like a giant invisible question mark over the proceedings and I just think, 'why?'
But I can agree to disagree on all of this. I am grateful to you for explaining, and I will definitely read on! (I'm currently on Chapter 38.)
I've been reading this quite faithfully over the past week or so and after finishing Chapter 35 I felt a review was in order. I got way more than I bargained for when I clicked on this and I mean that in a good way. It's a very well crafted and detailed AU; it warms my heart to see Harry and Hermione getting along as well as they do. It's not at all realistic that they'd basically be together from the very beginning and never have any real conflicts or other romantic interests, so I have to conclude that realism isn't necessarily what you're shooting for. You're shooting for heartwarming, fluffy romance against an AU backdrop with Voldemort vs. Umbridge vs. the Good Guys, where Harry doesn't have such a tough time because his enemies are divided and his true love is always there for him.
I've enjoyed this quite a bit so far; there are just a few issues distracting me from that enjoyment. I'm sure other readers before me have remarked on them so I'll keep it short. One is that Hermione is crying way too much. She cries when she's happy, she cries when she's sad, she cries when she's angry, she cries when someone drops toast at the breakfast table ... it's too much. I know Hermione feels things deeply and her tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve interferes with her judgment at times, plus she's a teenager. But even taking those things into account, it seems excessive. Same with the constant hugging and cuddling; sometimes less is more.
The other issue is serious enough that it threatens to pull me out of the story entirely and that's the abuse. See, you've spent all this time establishing an AU on a relationship that is unabashedly gooey and unrealistic, which is fine ... but at the same time you're throwing all these really harsh issues in there that are not supported by canon and do not need to be in the story. Mr. Granger hits Mrs. Granger, Vernon beats Petunia and Dudley, Draco attempts rape not once but twice, McLaggen and Towler are caught possibly planning rape ... I'm sensing a pattern here. Where is all this stuff coming from? If you're going to write a fluffy AU then that's great; write a fluffy AU. Harry and Hermione have a great relationship already; you don't have to throw attempted rape and abuse in there to make them look better by contrast or to make the antagonists less sympathetic. That's not necessary and it's pulling me out of the mood you put so much time and effort into establishing.
Other than that, great job, and I look forward to reading more.