rate_review Reviews

"Merlins syphilis scrotum" - best word gem ever! Love it. Love the inner monologue. Especially the big bad wolf. Can this whole dressing room scene be even more funny and sad at the same time? He's stuck watching her dress/undress and he's so aroused that he has to walk off. She cleans up after him thinking he just sneezed. Omg how hilarious is that! And now she wants to take him home to take care him. Ummm but seriously, how utterly clueless can Hermione be right now? They've been out like 3 times and it never occurred to her that somethings not right. Oh but I bet when she DOES find out, it's going to be EPIC. I can't wait for the next chapter. By the way, I love my where's wally/waldo. That made me laugh so hard.

Great chapter. Hilarious. Made my morning. “They’d have to go shopping in London, instead.”—Hahahaha! (BTW, you don’t need that comma there.) “Well, he’d made the mistake of thinking that he could get away with wearing nothing underneath them and currently felt himself uncomfortably cocooned, like a slug in a web.”—This is hilarious (and slightly disgusting). I love it. :) “It’s a guy from work,” she continued, “he’s asked me out dozens of times…”—Switch that comma after continued for a period (and then capitalize he’s). There’s a whole lotta commas going on in this sentence. “It’s a guy from work,” she continued, “he’s asked me out dozens of times and I’ve always said no but,” she sighed, “I figured I wasn’t getting any younger and, you know, he has a good job and, well, I thought ‘What have I got to lose?’”—NO, Hermione! Don’t go out with the guy from work. Grape Snape needs a date. “toppling”—word notebook. (And now I can’t stop saying topple.) “Hermione nodded, excitedly”—Unnecessary comma. “…she took in the tall, veiled woman that the pretty young girl was clutching like a security blanket.”— I love this description. “The other advantage of the dark veil was that Severus could roll his eyes at will”—Snort! I need a veil. “Merlin’s syphilitic scrotum!”—Double snort. ‘And Mrs Grape what the fuck is that in your pants?’—Bahahahahaha! Oh god. The dressing room. I’m already laughing before anything has even happened. “…clutch purse which he now positioned, strategically, over his lap.”—Accessories make the man. “jiggling like creamy bowls of panna cotta”—Excellent. (I’m so bad at food comparisons since I never eat anything interesting.) “jostled around like a netted animal, trying to escape. Perhaps in the future he might need to consider transfiguring some sort of cock corset?”—Snape Spanx. “She could wear anything or nothing. Preferably nothing. But that was only the opinion of a grizzled old pervy professor and not the young man that she was looking to date.”—I loved all of this. “It looked like a masked bandit, about to commit a break and enter. He knew exactly who he would prefer to be breaking and entering but would have to be satisfied with a quick ‘hijacking’.”—Oh shit! Hahahahaha! “as his head pitched forward”—Waldo. Bwhahahahaha! I was reading the snot-jaculate scene too fast to take notes. (Did you sneeze, or are you just happy to see me?) “Snot, come, whatever, he was going.”—Yay! Studio time with Snape. Tasty. As always, looking forward to the next chapter.

Excuse my English but I'm pissing myself laughing, that was hilarious.

Well, I hope you're happy. I'm breaking 7-8 years of silence on this site to write a review. O-M-G this is hands-down the most insane story ever. I literally cannot wait for the next chapter--your writing is so much fun. I can't wait to see how he gets himself out of this one.

You write it and I will always review. :) Omg. I don't even know...so basically, what you're telling me is he's "seeing" her in drag?! I love it! That's awesome. You know what I love about your stories...even if there is no actual sex in a chapter, there will always be cock. But seriously, he's so miserable, sad, and So lonely that it breaks my heart. That was so beautifully written. You could just picture his miserable and colorless life and then here comes Hermione along to color and brighten up his world. Oh I hope there's a painting or sketching scene later that leads to sex. That would be AWESOME! He just kissed her hand and left. That's gonna bring up questions for sure. Oh I can't wait for the big reveal. It's going to be epic!

This is hilarious, surely Hermione will twig soon?

Bahahahaha! I can’t “Where’s Waldo” while I’m reading about Snape’s balls. I’m too distracted. I really liked this chapter. Poor lonely Snape—drowning his sorrow in fire whisky and his right hand. He needs painter-Hermione to loosen his up (and give his wrist a break). Favorites this chapter: “…when he opened one bleary eye to see it staring up at him, he began wishing that he felt even a fraction as perky.”—I loved this. Funny and relatable (even if I don’t have a dick). “…now had a possessed bludger thumping around inside his skull, and a tongue that felt and tasted like a fungus had taken hold.”—Great descriptions. “flog the flobberworm”—Hahahahaha! “knob-rot potion”—Love it. -I think you mean sterling rather than stirling.- “bushy-haired babbler” Lovely alliteration and description. “Like her fingernails, caked with the memories of paintings past.”—This was a great visual. “He wondered, then, if he had ever genuinely smiled in his entire life. And if he would ever, truly, smile again.”—Mmmmm, tasty foreshadowing. “His pearls were rattling.”—Perfect and hilarious. “…skating around on the thin soles with rain sloshing in on every step.”—All men should have to run around in women’s shoes (and clothes) for a few years to discover for themselves all the little joys that go with the trappings. “…her riotous hair a perfect barometer for the wild weather”—This was great. The comparison and the visual. “…her skin painted with flickering hues that cast her in a thousand different frames, shadows, contours and angles. She was a moving work of art . . . And he was a cross-dressing old perv. His heart sank and his chest ached every time reality decided to take a dump in his skirted lap.”—There was a lot I liked about this part. I liked the imagery of the movie on her skin. I liked the stark hilarity of “cross-dressing old perv.” And I liked the heartbreakingly bleak (but funny) honesty of life taking a dump in his skirted lap. “Something about a cat, or a cup of tea, or sensible shoes . . . “—I hear vaginal dryness is a complaint of the older woman. “…or perhaps some sort of dainty swamp weed.”—Hahahaha! “freewheeling mop,”—Marvelous. “There was a pile of forks on a bench nearby.”—Snort. Death by fork is painfully slow. “So relaxed that he was looking to puncture himself into a pulp so that he didn’t need to open his mouth.”—I like this contrast. Funny and relatable.  “Was this another fork stabbing opportunity? Or did he just need to tear out the door, leaving one of his stupid flats behind like Cinderella’s ugly step sister.”—The first part made me laugh, and the second part was a wonderful parallel. “as her head pitched forward.”—Found it. :) “I think I’m obsessed with your hands,” she moaned.”—Me too, honey. Me too. “…as his burnt tongue turned unpleasantly fat and floury.”—I liked this whole part, but this line was a great connection for the reader. (Who hasn’t done the same thing?) We’re made to feel the events right along with him. “The Grape getaway.”—Love this ending. I can’t wait to see where this goes next. You’ve sucked me in again.

I actually had to read the first paragraph a few times. I just couldn't believe that the words I SAW where really there. Then I decided to just go on and see what this all was about. Boggart magic from Neville... interesting. You really have the some of the best story ideas I've come across. Thank you for Extra-Snarky Mrs "Grape". I enjoyed the monologue and reactions from him to his own reaction and Hermione's rambling. "He’d have to sew that up before next time." Hahaha yes, please.

Yay, already another story! This one is a bit interesting. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, it's definitely different. I was a little confused on the cross-dressing part, like maybe I was missing something. Has it happened before? He seemed a little too comfortable in those clothes for it to be a first time occurrence. And how did Hermione not recognize his nose/where was her usual perceptiveness?

Oh God, I don’t know where you’re going with this, but I’m cracking up…and already hooked. “…he would need something to warm his cockles.”—Hahahaha! octogenarian drag—excellently hilarious. “Despite the discomfort of the stockings that had ensnared his balls and were looking to sling-shot them out of his bloomers.”—This is too perfect. I’m dying. honing in—I always thought it was “honing in” on something too, but it’s homing. “…which was suffering from attention deficit after the disruption to the evening’s plans.”—Erection ADD is the saddest ADD of all. “He reached down to try to disentangle his tackle…” —Bwhahahahaha! “I saw you were the only other single woman here and thought I’d join you.”—Oh God. This is too hilarious. “Tediously verbose.”—Great description. malodorous—Mmmmmm tasty meat for my word notebook. “Oh no you don’t Bambi fucking Granger!”—Snort desperateto—you missed a space “He had to stop her before his cock lifted the table and started spinning it like a plate.” Oh my God. This might be the best description ever. gratuitous mane.—Perfect visual “The closest thing he played was the clitoris…”—Me too. Self taught. “Twat Trifecta.”—Hilarious alliteration “…like a rat nibbling away at a rope . . . holding up a swinging baby grand piano.”—Loved this. “. . . Grape.” Merlin’s arsehole! Are you serious? A rhyming fruit? You Twat! —Hahahaha! What’s Eating Severus Grape? “His cock felt like it had just garrotted itself.” Bwhahahahaha! (You’re making it hard for me to eat lunch.) “Miss Verbal Diarrhoea.”—Cold but hilarious. (Which is so Snape.) “Fuck! He grimaced. He’d have to sew that up before next time.”—I’m cracking up. Great ending line. Can’t wait to see where this goes. :)