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February 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I like the story so far, however I would wish for a bit more elaboration of certain things in the text. For example, when Lucius and Severus walks into the kitchen and stops dead, spotting Harry there wearing muggle clothes and his glamors off. I know that the basic idea here is that Harry is a neko, and so I am able to deduct that the glamours being off means that you can see that. However personally I think that it would be nice to explain it a little more to the reader. Nothing much is needed, just something little like "... his glamours were off, black cat ears clearly visible in his hair and a tail sticking out from behind him" would do it, I think.
And also, perhaps explaining some things to the reader as well. Did the know that Harry was a neko? I can imagine Severus did, having been the boy's teacher at Hogwarts, but did Lucius? Is it public knowledge that he is a neko, and if so why is he wearing glamours? Are there other nekos in the magical world, or is Harry a rare one?
Other than that I think that this is a great start for a story and I am looking forward to see what happens between the three, and what role David will play. Please don't take my thoughts for flaming, because I do like the story so far, they are just my advice on how to improve the story and you are of course free to do however you please with that.
And also, perhaps explaining some things to the reader as well. Did the know that Harry was a neko? I can imagine Severus did, having been the boy's teacher at Hogwarts, but did Lucius? Is it public knowledge that he is a neko, and if so why is he wearing glamours? Are there other nekos in the magical world, or is Harry a rare one?
Other than that I think that this is a great start for a story and I am looking forward to see what happens between the three, and what role David will play. Please don't take my thoughts for flaming, because I do like the story so far, they are just my advice on how to improve the story and you are of course free to do however you please with that.
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February 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Good story so far, even if the chapters are slightly on the short side. Keep goin'! You're doing great!
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February 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Aaah.. Did you really have to stop there? :(
The chapter was really good. Just a bit short I think. Well, I can't wait for the next one. The story seems to get a bit more interresting :D
The chapter was really good. Just a bit short I think. Well, I can't wait for the next one. The story seems to get a bit more interresting :D
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February 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
getting really interesting !!!!!!!!more soon :):):)
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February 15, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Outstanding story! I am so glad that Harry will have Severus and Lucius to help him against his old dominant. Hopefully soon they will realize they all belong together. Can't wait for more!
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February 14, 2015 at 12:00 AM
This has a lot of potential. Plz update soon.
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February 14, 2015 at 12:00 AM
It will be interesting to see where this story goes. Good chapter.
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February 14, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Right now it seems to be more of a summery. But it does sound interrestig. Your idea sounds really really good :D I hope you'll do a good job with it and can't wait for the next chapter :D
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February 14, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Really nice start !!!! hope to see more soon ?? where is Draco now and is Narissa in jail or dead :):):):)
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February 14, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Interesting more please when you can thank you