schedule
February 11, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Gah! I don't think my poor heart can handle so much! First Misty... then almost Lucius as well! :tries to calm down:
Wonderfully written, though I DO wish it hadn't felt like consecutive heart-attacks.
I did love the bonding between Lucius and Hermione. Was there a little bit more there than typical? Seems so.
Thanks so much for writing.
Wonderfully written, though I DO wish it hadn't felt like consecutive heart-attacks.
I did love the bonding between Lucius and Hermione. Was there a little bit more there than typical? Seems so.
Thanks so much for writing.
schedule
January 30, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Very good start. Will Lucius become more human as the story progresses, I hope? Guess I'll have to keep reading to find out! :-)
I noticed one typo: "She deflected his simple stinger from the elf with more strength that he'd expected."
It should be "than he'd expected."
I noticed one typo: "She deflected his simple stinger from the elf with more strength that he'd expected."
It should be "than he'd expected."
schedule
January 30, 2015 at 12:00 AM
amazing!
schedule
January 30, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 3
"The evidence of yet another of the Ministers investigations was spread around the stepped inside resignedly." I think something got left out of that sentence?
"'We can't be seen to be throwing gold at a problem which can wait a generation or two.'"
A generation or two??? I think the Minister is well-named!
"'What about the casualties in St Mungo's, hit by the Xeoforce curse?'"
I'm confused. Is this an ongoing curse or was it a one-shot deal, in which case there won't be any new cases. Maybe I should just keep reading and find out more. :-)
"The evidence of yet another of the Ministers investigations was spread around the stepped inside resignedly." I think something got left out of that sentence?
"'We can't be seen to be throwing gold at a problem which can wait a generation or two.'"
A generation or two??? I think the Minister is well-named!
"'What about the casualties in St Mungo's, hit by the Xeoforce curse?'"
I'm confused. Is this an ongoing curse or was it a one-shot deal, in which case there won't be any new cases. Maybe I should just keep reading and find out more. :-)
schedule
January 30, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 4
That was horrifying.
That was horrifying.
schedule
January 30, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 4 read and thoroughly enjoyed! I'm not usually a fan of Hermione but I can be persuaded by either a good summary or my own boredom ;) This is well-written and interesting, it's different and I like it so much that I'm even willing to ignore that Harry is with Ginny (-simply don't like her!).
I don't have time to write more - there are still chapters to read!
I don't have time to write more - there are still chapters to read!
schedule
January 30, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 5
"He's fast, she thought, breathlessly. Faster than Harry or Ron."
*gasp* Heresy! 😉
" '. . . What, may I ask, would happen to my chances of using other less...savoury...acquaintanceships in the future, if we're caught clearly helping the Ministry!'"
Um, they were photographed posing outside the building just before the Aurors raided it. Wouldn't that make those unsavory characters a bit suspicious, especially since he wasn't arrested? Or is the photo strictly for the Auror files?
That was quite a fight between Lucius and Hermione. The bastard almost strangled her and he did break her wrist, but she didn't back off. Go, Hermione!
"He's fast, she thought, breathlessly. Faster than Harry or Ron."
*gasp* Heresy! 😉
" '. . . What, may I ask, would happen to my chances of using other less...savoury...acquaintanceships in the future, if we're caught clearly helping the Ministry!'"
Um, they were photographed posing outside the building just before the Aurors raided it. Wouldn't that make those unsavory characters a bit suspicious, especially since he wasn't arrested? Or is the photo strictly for the Auror files?
That was quite a fight between Lucius and Hermione. The bastard almost strangled her and he did break her wrist, but she didn't back off. Go, Hermione!
schedule
January 30, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Aaah - that was really nice! So many wanna-be-writers are almost desperate to bring intimacy into their story way too soon. I prefer it to slow down and this first kiss was beyond perfect!