schedule
February 2, 2015 at 12:00 AM
You have a great story premise going here. It has a lot of potential. My one major critique would be grammar. You have a lot of spelling/word usage mistakes as well as past/present/future tense errors. These can easily be fixed, especially with the help of a beta. Do you have a beta? If not, I would be happy to help.
schedule
February 2, 2015 at 12:00 AM
oh no... please don't let the third mate be someone like lucius. That would be horrible.But I have no idea of who else it might be. Neville? Voldemort? (gads no)Is Sirius still alive? No they would have already reached their maturity. So that leaves Neville or someone else who hasn't reached the right age yet.
schedule
January 29, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I love the plot!
schedule
January 29, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Funny how you pegged the headmaster says some thing then runs !!!!!!!! yea ok Harry not happy here but he needs to get over it....Hermione and Ron are not going to be with him cause that's to much and don't like Ron in the mix there !!!! Thanks for the update !!!!
schedule
January 29, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Oh wow... now who could Ron and Hermione be grouped with... each other? I feel bad for Harry because he automatically thinks it's a horrible situation but I feel bad for Draco and Severus too because all they have right now is rejection and they don't know why. I also like the fact that even though Harry is the submissive he is still the strongest because he was able to see who they were even though they couldn't do the same. Interesting. I look forward to reading more.
schedule
January 28, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Please edit your story.
schedule
January 28, 2015 at 12:00 AM
very interesting, curious to see where this goes. Are Hermione and Ron going to be submissive mates to anybody?
schedule
January 17, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Please edit your story. At least read through it and clean it up a bit.
schedule
January 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Looks like a promising story! If you ever need help with editing let me know and I'd be happy to take a look at things for you. :-)
schedule
January 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I love creature inheritance stories and think this one will not disappoint me. I can't wait to read more and thanks for sharing your story!