AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Other Worlds

by OrdinaryMortal

person Nicole
schedule October 22, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Thank you for writing and sharing.
schedule December 15, 2014 at 12:00 AM
I really love this story! I can hardly wait for the next chapter
person staar
schedule December 12, 2014 at 12:00 AM
wow to me Lucius in this one is more of an ass than the dark lord !!!!!!!!! hope you have it that Dubbles can't do anything to them !!!!!!!! Thanks for the update
person ChaosLady
schedule December 12, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Poor Draco and Narcissa! Excellent update!
schedule December 8, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Dear BAFan -thank you for these comments, including the it's/its difference, which my iPad refuses to learn! I am unbetad so sometimes these get missed!
schedule December 8, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Thank you, everyone, your reviews - I get so excited when my email dings and there is a new review!
person BAFan
schedule December 7, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 4

I'm quite impressed with this story. It's well-written and believable.

"...the crimson eyes that blazed with a hellish satisfaction as the group of Muggleborns was dragged into the room. James waved to stop the memory."

In the previous chapter they were Muggles, not Muggleborns.

person BAFan
schedule December 7, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 5

"The most disturbing element of the evening, as far as Mycroft was concerned, was the targeting of the victims. Sensing no magic from any of them, Severus had naturally presumed all were Muggles. Dumped in Winchester town centre overnight, however, the bodies had been found in the early hours, and preliminary testing had shown that each body had a very faint magical signature. The victims all were muggle born or abandoned Squibs. . . ."

Ah. That makes sense. And how fitting that Mycroft should be in the DOM. A perfect fit, in fact.
person BAFan
schedule December 7, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 8

Wow. That was an incredible ceremony. I am more and more impressed with this fic, the more I read!
person BAFan
schedule December 7, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 15

You can take it as read that if I were to review each chapter - which, however, AFF doesn't allow - each review would be a variation on "wonderful," "great," and the like. This truly is an incredible story.

That said, I'm going to comment on a recurring grammatical error I've noticed. It is a common one, and that's using "it's" when it should be "its." Pronouns are exceptions to the rule of using an apostrophe to indicate a possessive; hence, "hers, his, mine, ours, yours, theirs, and its." "It's" is ONLY ever a contraction for "it is."

I hope you don't mind this mini lecture, which is intended to be informative, not critical.