AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Quicksand

by Constable-Kookie

person Mashkai
schedule July 9, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Lovely story! I like it thus far and am looking forward to more. Thanks for sharing!
schedule July 9, 2014 at 12:00 AM
This is an interesting story, and I look forward to reading more. There are two things of note though. This line in the first chapter: "He was severely emancipated, his clothes doing nothing to conceal his skeletal frame. The bruises under his eyes added to the sickly pallor." Emancipation is when a child is able to legally become and adult before the age of 18, typically in a bid to leave their parents. I believe you were looking for "emaciated" which is abnormally weak and/or thin due to illness or lack of food.

Also, in the second chapter, the first half is posted to the point of where Harry kills the goblin and then it cuts off, starts at the beginning and goes to the end where Voldemort is in a store and Harry ran into Dudley. Thought I would let you know. Other than that, great job!
person melann
schedule June 25, 2014 at 12:00 AM
wicked chapter, I liked it very much
schedule June 8, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Lovely story! I like it thus far and am looking forward to more. Thanks for sharing!