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December 15, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 12
Let's see if AFF will let me post this, since it violates their "one post per story" rule. *snort* Poor Harry, attacked in his own shop. But why did the Imperius work on him? Is it because it was in potion form rather than a curse? Actually, I guess it only partially worked, right? Because he was able to fight it off in the end.
Anyway, can't wait for the next update.
Let's see if AFF will let me post this, since it violates their "one post per story" rule. *snort* Poor Harry, attacked in his own shop. But why did the Imperius work on him? Is it because it was in potion form rather than a curse? Actually, I guess it only partially worked, right? Because he was able to fight it off in the end.
Anyway, can't wait for the next update.
schedule
December 15, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Chpt 1-12: Excellent! Love it. Well written, in fact one of the best stories around. Can't wait for more chapters.
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December 14, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I really love the direction this story is going. So often this fandom is about dark AU's who want to take over the world, or how people sprout wings and become soul mates at fist sight. Not that that sort of thing can't be interesting, but it's really nice to see a story that's grounded to a repeatable character arc, and emotional conflict that doesn't break character. I really feel for Harry, with his inferiority complex and his pining. It's really well written, though I wish that they'd just sit down and talk about it at times! I love how you've handled Snape, softening him without pulling the backbone out of his character.
The attack on the crystal cave took me out a bit though. All the characters behaved how you'd expect, but why did it need to happen at all? I saw it coming a mile off, so it didn't add much suspense or tension, and ignore ing that it raises a few issues. I don't mean to be obtuse but having characters that "everyone has a bad feeling about" that of course turn out to be rapists or other nasty types really bothers me. I can make an allowance for these two, given that their experiences have probably lead to them having very good judgment of intent, but really. If sexual predators and other pieces of work ping on so many peoples radars so easily, there wouldn't be nearly as many around. And furthermore, if everyone felt uncomfortable around Mario and the American bloke, why are they allowed to keep coming back? This is only my personal opinion, but the attack scene doesn't seem to have much purpose in the narrative, the antagonists are throw away and forgettable, and the emotional affects on Harry seem negligible so far. I figure that you might be using it as a way to push Severus toward Harry, but that's probably the worst reason to use rape or any violent event in a narrative even if it's only the intent of the deed and not the deed itself. It trivialities the act, and there are so many better ways to push the two characters toward each other. I could be completely off base though, so don't take it to heart if I'm as wrong as I know I could be.
It's really well done apart from that one element though, and you've got me hooked and waiting for more.
Kind regards
LockedBox
The attack on the crystal cave took me out a bit though. All the characters behaved how you'd expect, but why did it need to happen at all? I saw it coming a mile off, so it didn't add much suspense or tension, and ignore ing that it raises a few issues. I don't mean to be obtuse but having characters that "everyone has a bad feeling about" that of course turn out to be rapists or other nasty types really bothers me. I can make an allowance for these two, given that their experiences have probably lead to them having very good judgment of intent, but really. If sexual predators and other pieces of work ping on so many peoples radars so easily, there wouldn't be nearly as many around. And furthermore, if everyone felt uncomfortable around Mario and the American bloke, why are they allowed to keep coming back? This is only my personal opinion, but the attack scene doesn't seem to have much purpose in the narrative, the antagonists are throw away and forgettable, and the emotional affects on Harry seem negligible so far. I figure that you might be using it as a way to push Severus toward Harry, but that's probably the worst reason to use rape or any violent event in a narrative even if it's only the intent of the deed and not the deed itself. It trivialities the act, and there are so many better ways to push the two characters toward each other. I could be completely off base though, so don't take it to heart if I'm as wrong as I know I could be.
It's really well done apart from that one element though, and you've got me hooked and waiting for more.
Kind regards
LockedBox