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March 26, 2014 at 12:00 AM
i hope you plan on updating this some more!
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January 13, 2014 at 12:00 AM
now the only things i see wrong in chapter 2 are james says he was married for 11 years but harry is just getting ready to start 3rd year so has just turned 13 plus 9 full months before birth means they should have been married at least 14 years. also it was said james and lily had daughters but only one was mentioned by name as if there was only one daughter. other then these minor things this chapter was great.
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November 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Please continue it. It was awesome :)
Can you make harry's cock way bigger then his dad. Also i think she sud walk in on him coming out of the shower :)
Can you make harry's cock way bigger then his dad. Also i think she sud walk in on him coming out of the shower :)
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November 5, 2013 at 12:00 AM
i think this is great and you should keep the story going.
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November 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
hey check out Hinamari Kidou Master's stuff on fanfiction and chapter 4 of Dragen's Pottercest fic on hpfanficarchive for similar stuff.
Write more of your own too though!
Write more of your own too though!
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November 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
First of all, congratulations on choosing to write Harry/Lily: a really interesting rare pairing with not nearly enough stories. Reading your story might encourage others to try writing more of these two characters together.
I like how you've decided to make them a pretty happy couple, enjoying each other's bodies without a heap of angst and guilt. And they seem to be equals in bed too, with Harry being quite active and assertive, not just following Lily's instructions. (I know you say he's in third year, but to me he comes across as at least 20, an adult; there's nothing in his appearance, actions, or dialog that definitely says young teen.) If you decide to keep writing past the first chapter, I hope you bring in some more references to the wizarding world, a broader picture to connect them to the canon characters and context.
I'm sure you'll get some pointers to other Harry/Lily fics. I'd like to draw your attention to something a bit different: mother/son in the next generation. Currently at two chapters of Ginny with her 13-year-old son, James. The site is fanfiction dot net, author's name is Times of Bliss, title is "The Potter Family - Ginny and James Sirius", story ID 9652049.
I like how you've decided to make them a pretty happy couple, enjoying each other's bodies without a heap of angst and guilt. And they seem to be equals in bed too, with Harry being quite active and assertive, not just following Lily's instructions. (I know you say he's in third year, but to me he comes across as at least 20, an adult; there's nothing in his appearance, actions, or dialog that definitely says young teen.) If you decide to keep writing past the first chapter, I hope you bring in some more references to the wizarding world, a broader picture to connect them to the canon characters and context.
I'm sure you'll get some pointers to other Harry/Lily fics. I'd like to draw your attention to something a bit different: mother/son in the next generation. Currently at two chapters of Ginny with her 13-year-old son, James. The site is fanfiction dot net, author's name is Times of Bliss, title is "The Potter Family - Ginny and James Sirius", story ID 9652049.