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July 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 12
Much better! Any large block of print is difficult to read, especially when it contains dialogue, so as a reader I thank you for making the changes. Dumbledore's Will made me chuckle; he certainly dropped all his pretenses, didn't he? Should make things interesting!
Much better! Any large block of print is difficult to read, especially when it contains dialogue, so as a reader I thank you for making the changes. Dumbledore's Will made me chuckle; he certainly dropped all his pretenses, didn't he? Should make things interesting!
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July 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I like where the story is going .
I've always been a fan of Harry and Draco being paired together .
Harry should have been a Slytherine in from the start .
keep those chapters coming !
I've always been a fan of Harry and Draco being paired together .
Harry should have been a Slytherine in from the start .
keep those chapters coming !
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July 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
This is so much better, easier to read. Thanks! And I liked that Hermione came to her senses.
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July 24, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Let me add my voice to the consensus that you need to add a lot more paraphrasing to the format. It's quite difficult to read as is.
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July 24, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Grrr! Make that paragraphing, not paraphrasing! Stupid auto-correct!
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July 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I like your story so far. Only it's a bit difficult to read when dialogue of it is all together. It would be easier to read if it was like this:
'Sirius walked into the library and saw Severus reading. When Severus heard the door open he looked up and smiled.
"Come on Sev, lets go out to eat."
"Okay love."
They flooed to the Three Broom Sticks and sat down. Tom came over and they gave their order.
"Be right back Sev."
"Okay love."
Sirius walked over to Tom and told him what was going on and Tom agreed to help. Severus was watching the entire time Sirius was gone.'What is he up to now?' Severus sat there thinking. He knew something was going on but couldn't figure out what it was. He saw Sirius give Tom some money and then he walked back over to the table. '
Otherwise, keep up the good work.
'Sirius walked into the library and saw Severus reading. When Severus heard the door open he looked up and smiled.
"Come on Sev, lets go out to eat."
"Okay love."
They flooed to the Three Broom Sticks and sat down. Tom came over and they gave their order.
"Be right back Sev."
"Okay love."
Sirius walked over to Tom and told him what was going on and Tom agreed to help. Severus was watching the entire time Sirius was gone.'What is he up to now?' Severus sat there thinking. He knew something was going on but couldn't figure out what it was. He saw Sirius give Tom some money and then he walked back over to the table. '
Otherwise, keep up the good work.
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July 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hi, I like this story so far, It's just a bit difficult to read with all the the dialogues put together. I would be more easy if you start a new line with each person who talk. as for my review, it is also not that easy to read, it would be better this way :
Hi,
I like this story so far,
It's just a bit difficult to read with all the the dialogues put together.
It would be more easy if you start a new line with each person who talk.
As for my review, it is also not that easy to read, it would be better this way
Please continue the wonderful work, I will read it none the less.
Phoenix 5
Hi,
I like this story so far,
It's just a bit difficult to read with all the the dialogues put together.
It would be more easy if you start a new line with each person who talk.
As for my review, it is also not that easy to read, it would be better this way
Please continue the wonderful work, I will read it none the less.
Phoenix 5
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July 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
This is a great story. I would break up the paragraphs a little. Its hard to read
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July 20, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Sounds like Harry's life is about to change.
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July 19, 2013 at 12:00 AM
very interesting more plz sorry for the typo in firt review