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October 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Ohh I feel like such a loser right now. I read that last line and yelled out "Duh duh daaaa!" lol. The story just keep getting more and more interesting. Cant wait for the next chapter.
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October 2, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Great story, I'll help you beta it if you like. Take care, Pete
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October 1, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Oh No!!! Poor Harry!!
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October 1, 2013 at 12:00 AM
You've got a good start to what looks like a promising story. I do have one suggestion to make things easier on your readers though. You may want to consider breaking up some of those page-long paragraphs. There should be only one subject in each. Readers tend to 'get lost' or 'skim through' unusually large paragraphs.
Compare it to listening to someone who rambles on without pausing to take a breath. After a while, listening to them becomes tiring, and your attention starts to wander.
Compare it to listening to someone who rambles on without pausing to take a breath. After a while, listening to them becomes tiring, and your attention starts to wander.
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September 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Cliffhanger! God, I hope Draco does the right thing. I hope he lets Blaise push him to do the right thing. Dumbledore may manipulate, but at least he doesn't physically torture (just, you know, emotionally!). Really looking forward to the next update!
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September 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Loving it, this is truly a great story, hope to see chapter 10 soon ^_^
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September 19, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Ch. 1
Oh dear. I can just see Harry sinking into a major depression and self-loathing. Hope his bondmates can help him with that.
"'Look, Harry. We just don't think you and Ron should be fighting right now. Ron is really stubborn and knowing him he'll say things that will just make you upset with him,' Fred tried to explain, but the slightly blank look Harry gave him and George and the small nod before Harry pulled his arm free from Blaise and ran back up towards the castle."
Uh, that last really isn't a complete sentence, as is. I think maybe this is what you meant: "...Fred tried to explain, but the slightly blank look Harry gave him and George and the small nod before Harry pulled his arm free from Blaise and ran back up towards the castle stopped him in mid-attempt."
That's a bit cumbersome but something along those lines. Onto the next chapter!
Oh dear. I can just see Harry sinking into a major depression and self-loathing. Hope his bondmates can help him with that.
"'Look, Harry. We just don't think you and Ron should be fighting right now. Ron is really stubborn and knowing him he'll say things that will just make you upset with him,' Fred tried to explain, but the slightly blank look Harry gave him and George and the small nod before Harry pulled his arm free from Blaise and ran back up towards the castle."
Uh, that last really isn't a complete sentence, as is. I think maybe this is what you meant: "...Fred tried to explain, but the slightly blank look Harry gave him and George and the small nod before Harry pulled his arm free from Blaise and ran back up towards the castle stopped him in mid-attempt."
That's a bit cumbersome but something along those lines. Onto the next chapter!
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September 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Love the story!! Can't wait to read more!!
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September 1, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I like this! And I hope Draco feels horrible when he finds out how sending his emotions to Harry has effected him.
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September 1, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Another wonderfully written chapter ^.^ I loved that ending bit, where Draco grew a bit of a protective bone :) And I'm looking forward to more <3